Referrals are arriving
I’m swamped with work today, but wanted to post a quick blurb that referrals are starting to be posted.
Note from RQ: The section below is for comments from ChinaAdoptTalk.com's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that I agree with any particular comment just because I let it stand. Posts are generally only removed if they don't follow the rules of the site. Anyone who fails to comply with the rules of the site may lose his or her posting privilege. 142 Responses to “Referrals are arriving”Leave a ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment. |
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June 26th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS to all of the families receiving referrals today!
June 26th, 2006 at 2:12 pm
IT’S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Very long time reader but first time posting . . .where oh where can I see these beautiful referrals???? I have checked all the blogs I follow but none are posted yet. i need a baby fix!!! Congrats to all the new families.
June 26th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
mommyinwaiting, i’m with you. where can we see these beautiful referrals. any websites??? congratulations families, how exciting.
lid-8-8
June 26th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
jfkof3….you must be on pins and needles…..I see you are LID 8/8…WOW! I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you to be in the next batch!!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
jfkof3…..Oh…..Sorry…I just realized this is still June, not July….Oh well…I will still keep my fingers and toes crossed for a speedy referral!!!!! Congrats to all you who just received your referrals!
June 26th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Congratulations, dunedin! You must be ecstatic.
June 26th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
beatr1ce, ha…but yes, i am on pins and needles anyway. thanks for your kind words.
rq, any hints on their ages yet?
June 26th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
I am FREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our baby is 8 months :)
June 26th, 2006 at 2:58 pm
Can anyone direct me to where I can find Chinese infant weight/height charts????
June 26th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
dunedin and all the others very very many congratulations!!!
I hope you can change dipers with your fingers crossed for the rest of us ;o)
June 26th, 2006 at 3:06 pm
Dunedin, CONGRATULATIONS on your new daughter! You’ll find a link to the Chinese growth charts at http://www.fwcc.org.
June 26th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
I see our agency had some boy referrals, and I always wanting to know if those people requested boy only, or either. My DH and I requested either - so I always have that “5% chance” thought in my head that we may get referred a boy…….
June 26th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
dunedin, congrats!!! 8 month old girl. What a dream. I’m waiting for my call right now. My phone rang and I about jumped out of my skin.
June 26th, 2006 at 3:12 pm
Trace7 - same situation here, and I’m totally holding my breath, because I really want a girl!!! We had listed “either” as we had started out in another program, but then changed to china and did NOT change to “girl”. I have every part of me crossed.
June 26th, 2006 at 3:15 pm
emanual, chances are in your favor by far. plz let us know.
trace7, any ages yet?
dunedin, congrats again, we are all happy for you.
June 26th, 2006 at 3:16 pm
Emanuel - I am eager to hear what you find out!! I actually have no preference - but I hope you get that girl that you want :)
June 26th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
jfkof3 - we have a 11/22 LID - so I probably should not be posting in these comments of this thread ;) But I do always start thinking of what the gender will be when the referrals come!
Congrats to all of you this month!!
June 26th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Here’s my blog. http://gabriellajoyce.blogspot.com/
I’ll post there as soon as I know. (I will be estatic with either, but if it’s a boy, I’ll have a fair bit of pink things to mail to my niece.)
June 26th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
We are still waiting for the call!! Our agency was closed on Friday and TODAY for the yearly picnic. I was told that if referrals came today there would be someone there to call us but NO calls yet. I have tried to call agency and get message saying they are closed! Dont they know they are KILLING me. Congrats to all getting the call today!
June 26th, 2006 at 3:25 pm
emanual, we were in china on holiday last christmas and we saw many many little boys there and they were SOOOOOOOOOO cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don´t worry, either way is perfect. but I hope you get what you wished for.
June 26th, 2006 at 3:28 pm
megcabkyl, oh my. i think i would be on their door step. what timing for you. i am eagerly waiting with you all.
lid-8-8
June 26th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Congrats to you all! I can’t wait to hear more (see pics too!)
lid 08-08 also (can’t wait for my turn!)
June 26th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
jfkof3, Thank you for your concern! If we were any closer I would be at the doorstep! Our agency is about 3-4 hours away. Soon and very soon!, I HOPE! God bless
June 26th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
dunedin and emanual,
PLEASE,PLEASE let us know when you get a chance! I am so excited for you guys!
June 26th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
Congratulations Dunedin and anyone else about to get their “call” … please share the details!!! Where, when, pictures — I just love referral days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
megcabkyl, hang in there. We’re SO excited for you.
June 26th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
WE GOT OUR REFERRAL, TOO! Our daughter is turning 8 months old tomorrow in Guangdong province!
June 26th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Oh and the day our daughter was measured was my 1st daughter’s birthday!
June 26th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Bringingmaurahome—hey!!! our baby was 8 mon. on the 22nd and from yang chun orphanage in guangdong!!!!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 4:10 pm
bringingmaurahome, YEA!!! this is great, go celebrate, congratulations.
lid-8-8
June 26th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
we’re waiting, too! congratulations to everyone. Let’s hope this trend is a good, solid one that gets the list down a bit.
Lee and Donna
LID 11/18/05
June 26th, 2006 at 4:32 pm
I’m so bummed I can’t see the referral announcements at our agency. I can’t get onto Yahoo at all, the boards or the website in general. Anyone else having problems getting on Yahoo?
June 26th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Hey Shellie, tired of stalking Bug’s site? Can’t believe she hasn’t got her Call yet. I’m really sorry about your Yahoo-troubles. I (with my uk&ireland account in The Netherlands) have no problems whatsoever.
June 26th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Rub it in- thanks ;-) Maybe I’ll try getting on Yahoo UK.
June 26th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
So sorry Shellie, I’m not the one to preach violence, but in your situation it’s completely understandable :)
Instead of using .com, try .co.uk
June 26th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
Congrats to all getting referrals! Woo hoo!
June 26th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
Referrals are starting to be posted with my adoption agency. Both from the Gunadong Province and young-6 months and 7 months old! Congrats to all!
June 26th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
Thanks for sharing the joy!!! Congratulation to all families receiving their babies!
June 26th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Wow, such young referrals. How exciting and scary at the same time. Bug finally got hers!
Lee
June 26th, 2006 at 5:06 pm
OK so it’s Guangdong-that’s what I get for posting and not double checking the spelling!
June 26th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Our girl is 7 months old today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emanual indeed! They told me she is in Siushan SWI - does anyone know what province that is in? They didn’t have it on their paperwork they had for the call. No picture yet either.
June 26th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Our daughter is 8 months too! Hunan Province, Yeuyang SWI. I haven’t received her pics yet. I’m on pins and needles to see her face!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
OMG–our pix just got here and I can’t look until hubby gets home from swim lessons w/ our 4 yr old————ugh!!!!!!!!!! *exerting self-control* ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 6:16 pm
dunedin,
go. to. the. pool!!! ahhhhhh! this is so very exciting….congratulations to you and all the “new referral mommys and daddys!!!!
yippeeeeeeeee!!!!!
lid 7/25
June 26th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
Just signed up. Deepest joy and happiness for all those getting referrals today. How do we find out where your blogs are so we can share in your excitement?
Caroline
LID 1/24/06
June 26th, 2006 at 6:25 pm
CONGRATS to all the new mommys and daddys on their referrals!!!!
Kath
LID May 15, 2006 for Emily
June 26th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
WooHooo! Congrats to all who have just received great news! Looking forward to even more excitement tomorrow!
June 26th, 2006 at 6:57 pm
oh my gosh! I just read all the referral posts and I have the chills big time!! I am soooo excited for every one of you getting a referral!!! Please hurry and post those pics!!! YEAHHHHHH! Here’s hoping the agency that is closed due to their picnic gets invaded by ants so they will get the heck back in there and get those referrals going!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 7:20 pm
if anyone wants to see our referral pix the link is:
photos.yahoo.com/bryancory
June 26th, 2006 at 7:32 pm
dunedin - she is absolutely adorable!!! Congratulations!
June 26th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 7:42 pm
Congratulations dunedin! She is so cute!
June 26th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
dunedin,
congratulations! she is soooooo darling! and those cheeks!?!? they are to die for!!!!! enjoy!
June 26th, 2006 at 8:01 pm
dunedin, emmanuel, i am jealous!!1
just beautiful!
where can we see more pictures of other referrals please?
i am jonesing!
(LID MARCH ‘06)
June 26th, 2006 at 8:04 pm
My heart is about to burst! I am so thrilled for everyone receiving referrals today. Oh happy day!
Shannon
June 26th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Dunedin, thanks for sharing the photos, she’s so cute!!! Definitely a spirit lifter for all us waiters. Congratulations to you and to all the new parents! Happy day!
June 26th, 2006 at 8:18 pm
AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH………….
Grace is just 6 months old Born December 20, 2005
June 26th, 2006 at 8:20 pm
I’m so so SO happy for all of you!!!
June 26th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
does grace have a pic???????? 6 mo.—a wee baby!!! :)
June 26th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Gracies picture should be on thestoryofyou.com pretty soon!!! when I click on waitingforgrace622 it takes me right there!
June 26th, 2006 at 8:49 pm
dunedin…
yes we have grace’s pictures. they will be posted to our journey website at “www.thestoryofyou.net”
it is under grace elizabeth in the “waiting to travel” area sometome within the next few days….we just sent the pictures to our tina….
she is so stinking cute…
June 26th, 2006 at 8:56 pm
dunedin…
we looked at your baby’s picture….OMG…how cute….
June 26th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
ha! we think so!!!! can’t wait to see yours!
June 26th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
I sm so happy for you all. God Bless your babies and all the waiting parents. Continue posting how to view your pics. It helps us in the waiting to see those beautiful faces.
June 26th, 2006 at 9:39 pm
I LOVE these happy posts! Congrats to all of you with referrals of your children. I’m living vicariously through your joy!
June 26th, 2006 at 9:42 pm
beatr1ce, Thank you! We were REALLY hoping for referral today as it is my wife and my 13 year anniversary today! It would have been perfect! I am certain that our referral was at the office today but noone called so we will wait until tomorrow. I guess I was being selfish to ask for my referral today! One more sleepless night to see my baby daughter! I cant wait! God Bless
June 26th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
I wish you all the best. This has been fun to read tonight.
June 26th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
dunedin, thank you for sharing the picture of your beautiful daughter. i love those precious cheeks. congratulations to all the referral families.
June 26th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
hubby and I are so happy for all of you finally knowing who your babies are!!! It really gives us hope! Congratulations!!
June 26th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
Congratulations to everyone who received referrals. It is very exciting even for those of us still waiting. So thanks for sharing. Hope you have speedy TA’s. Congrats again.
June 27th, 2006 at 7:19 am
Congratulations on referrals!! Looking forward to all the pics!
June 27th, 2006 at 7:43 am
WOO-HOO!!!!!!!! Congratulations to everyone getting their referrals!!!!!!!!! Happy parenthood. Oh, and so many of the babies are young. I am seeing a number of referral posts on the different sites for babies that are 6 to 8 months old.
Anybody know if this is going to be a new trend?
Best wishes to everyone for a very speedy TA and a wonderful trip to China to get your little bundles of love.
All these happy posts are very uplifting and provide hope to those of us who still have a little ways to wait.
LID 12/20/05 6 months down and counting!
:-D
June 27th, 2006 at 9:06 am
WaitingforGrace622,
Congrats! She is BEAUTIFUL! A head full of hair too! Better start collecting those pretty little bows! :)
June 27th, 2006 at 9:11 am
WaitingforGrace622! Your daughter is gorgeous! OMG! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 27th, 2006 at 9:13 am
oh!!!!!! grace does look so sweet! :)
June 27th, 2006 at 9:15 am
emanual, i’m thrilled that your referral was a girl, i think you were wondering for a bit. is she on your site yet? did you get any sleep last night…ha. congrats
June 27th, 2006 at 9:27 am
WaitingforGrace622, oh my…..what a pretty little girl. Thank you for sharing your site.
lid-8-8
June 27th, 2006 at 9:27 am
She’s out there! No sleep, glued to the internet, looking at everyone’s beautiful new sons and daughters. After the long and disappointing wait, I never wanted yesterday to end. It is absolutely amazing. Referral day rocks.
http://www.gabriellajoyce.blogspot.com
June 27th, 2006 at 9:53 am
Emanual, she is adorable and she looks tiny. Enjoy your moment.
June 27th, 2006 at 10:14 am
awwwwww such cuties!
congrats everyone who got their referrals this last group…thanks to those who’ve shared their photos…and for those still yet to share.
makes me want the referral for my babygirl even more and even sooner! hehe :)
June 27th, 2006 at 10:19 am
Congrats! to everyone who got their referrals. These
children are adorable. Our wish for you all is Love, Peace,
& Happiness.
June 27th, 2006 at 10:31 am
Congratulations to all you new parents and thanks for providing links to your pictures. All of them are so precious and adorable!!! Keep us all posted with any updates and pictures you get. Referral days are so wonderful!
June 27th, 2006 at 10:50 am
Congratulations to all who received their referrals. I’ve seen a few pictures and they are beautiful. The babies are so young, I am wonder how old you all are? Would anyone mind posting their age? I am curious. Thanks.
June 27th, 2006 at 11:08 am
I just posted our referral pictures. I’m new at this so I hope this is the correct link http://www.my.opera.com/bobdenisetochina/xml/rss/blog/
She was born 10/15/05 so she is 8 months old. I believe these pictures were taken in March as that is when the weight and height information was taken down.
June 27th, 2006 at 11:13 am
The morning after referral and I am a wreck! Just couldn’t sleep with all the butterflies in my stomach. We have a beautiful 20 month old girl waiting for us in Guangdong province. Have to say, husband & I are thrilled and still in shock over the fact that we will be jumping right in with a toddler! (Our application was 0 - 12 mos) She was born before we even began thinking about adoption - This morning I realized that while I thought we were working to bring her to us, all the time she must have been calling us to her. She was born on the night I looked up at the Harvest moon and asked for a healthy baby! Congrats to all receiving referrals - and for those waiting your turn: be prepared! The rollercoast ride really gets wild! Thank goodness I’ve put off buying much stuff.
June 27th, 2006 at 11:18 am
Ernabel–I am 32–DH is 38–Bio daughter is 4 1/2. Our baby is 8 mo. at referral.
June 27th, 2006 at 11:26 am
Let’s try this again:
http://www.my.opera.com/bobdenisetochina
June 27th, 2006 at 11:30 am
Hi Ernabel - I am 43 and husband 42
June 27th, 2006 at 11:37 am
Ernabel - I am 44 and husband 39
June 27th, 2006 at 11:42 am
I’m Green with Envy!!! God Bless all your beautiful children. Maybe it’s true that I will see my baby’s face one day, as you have. Happy packing!
Kisses, Rosie
June 27th, 2006 at 11:43 am
buford123, OMG….Olivia is a doll. How exciting for you and your family. Congratulations, thank you for sharing your site.
lid-8-8
June 27th, 2006 at 11:45 am
Thanks for posting your ages! I am 42 and DH will be 45 in Aug. Do they go by our ages at all? I am wondering now.
Congratulations to all of you!
Buford123 - Olivia is simply gorgeous!
June 27th, 2006 at 11:48 am
nemomma, i was in awe reading your post. no wonder you couldn’t sleep. i am a firm believer that your daughter of 20 months is the daughter that you were supposed to be matched with. i haven’t bought any clothes items either. blessings!!
lid-8-8
June 27th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Buford123, what an angel!!! Wouldn’t it be great if you all traveled together? Congats and congrats and congrats!!!
June 27th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Buford123 - she is beautiful! We are with the same agency, so maybe we’ll see each other in Guangzhou? Just look for 2 harried adults, grinning like maniacs, running after a toddler! Jfkof3 - thanks for the comment. Yes, the universe does work in amazing ways. I looked at our daughter and saw my husbands forehead, and my father’s eyes. Ernabel - I have seen older parents referred very young babies and younger parents older ones - as in this whole process, everything is a wonderful mystery.
June 27th, 2006 at 12:16 pm
Last night was so wonderful being able to close my eyes and see what Grace looks like. I have been waiting for her and wanting her for so long and now I just look at her picture. I really would love it if some of us are in the same hotel and can all see our babies….
For those still waiting, Once you get your referral and then the picture the wait seems worth it..
June 27th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
NEmomma - I agree - hopefully we will see each other during travel- at least in Guangdong.
All of these babies are the most precious of gifts - and to all of you waiting my wishes go out to you that things will speed up soon - it looks like it might be going that way.
June 27th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
NEmomma- I’ve never posted here, but I read the comments often. We were also just referred a 20 month old from Guondong province (also requested 0-12 months). It was so good to see that someone else is in the same situation. Look for the other couple running after their toddler while in China. I’d love to run into you there.
June 27th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
I just spent morning looking at all of the referrals. They are all beautiful. CONGRATULATIONS and safe and happy travels!
June 27th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
All,
Just wanted to let you know that we were referred an 8-month old girl from Guangdong province. She’s got big chubby cheeks and is very cute! I don’t have all of the details yet.
June 27th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
mitchitakem—so were we—from Yangchun orphanage….find out what orphanage! :)
June 27th, 2006 at 1:57 pm
FYI—our agency had 2 surprise boy referrals….both people had NOT mentioned a boy anywhere in their paperwork.
June 27th, 2006 at 2:35 pm
Wow! Sounds like those that got the surprises boys may be doing some sudden nursery redecorating! And those of you with the 20 month olds, time for instant baby-proofing the house! Congratulations to all of you!! LID 8-9-05
June 27th, 2006 at 3:42 pm
So, if you are referred a boy and didn’t request one, what does one do? I didn’t even think that was in the equation.
June 27th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
She is from Lechang Social Welfare Institute
June 27th, 2006 at 4:03 pm
ginergus,
Your position on this is usually included in both your adoption petition and your homestudy language. Ours specifically asks for a girl. If it just said child, this could be construed as a boy or a girl. Those that specifically request girls get girls. Those that say either or just use the word “child” can go either way. You can also just request a boy! When there were some surprise boy referrals when we were doing our first adoption I raced through my paperwork to see what was written and we had specified girl that time too.
June 27th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Congratulations to all of you, how wonderful this rumorpage has turned out. And many thanks to all of you that have posted pictures for all of us to marvel at.
I am really happy to hear about the little toddlers, so much fun…
Gingergus, every year 4-5 % of the referrals are boys. As for wishes of age, gender and so on, the CCAA recently stated in my country something that could be interpreted as a tougher attitude towards those that will decline referrals and hope for a new one. I know of people who have requested a girl, and been referred a boy. They ended up very happy, by the way.
June 27th, 2006 at 4:05 pm
Mitchitakem—I am just glad to only be going to 2 locations rather than 3—-was not looking forward to travelling all over China really….I am not the best flyer!
June 27th, 2006 at 4:07 pm
You would think the social workers would advise people who wanted a girl to state that clearly. One lady had photos of her nursery with big pink letters with a girl’s name on the wall……….guess she’ll be taking those down! The 2 people from my agency seemed really shocked, but happy….seems to be their first baby(ies), so I guess they are cool with whatever.
June 27th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
Congrats to all the new parents! The referral pictures are all so cute. I cannot wait to be a mother and share in the excitement. Maybe our wait won’t be too much longer.
LID 8.30.05
June 27th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
My agency just reported that the June referrals would travel mid-July. Seems like a short time from referral to travel, but a good thing too.
June 27th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
our agency told us august
June 27th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
what? travel mid-July… really? Congratulations to all you folks who got your referrals. You’ve put me in a very positive frame of mind and I thank you for sharing your joy. With a LID of 7/26, we’re hoping to be just around the corner. Also, our agency advised us to just put “child” and not “girl” since we’d be certain to get a “girl” anyway… now I’m wondering about how smart that suggestion was considering the evolving nature of things. Whatever little one we’re referred to will be wonderful but considering the shower has come and gone and the room is decorated etc etc might “throw us” for a day or two before we adjust… if that happens. the idea of it makes me smile and laugh.
June 27th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
Dunedin, I really hate flying - I like the getting there part - so being in Guangdong, even if it means a long bus/train ride to Lecheng in the NW of Guangdong, is fine with me!
June 27th, 2006 at 5:41 pm
interesting about the “suprise” boys. Not that the parents- to- be are too disappointed I’m sure. ;) I’m sure they’re the perfect babies for their families.
when we began it was suggested to us by the person working with us at our agency..and also our SW as well, to make sure to be specific in what we were looking for. i.e. healthy with no known medical conditions, etc. and more importantly girl, boy, or either one. I guess all agencies work alittle differently… For those of us coming up soon I hope for all of our referrals sooner than later (in the next couple of months).
and congrats and well wishes again for all of you in this last referral group! Darling babies all!!!
8.10 LID
June 27th, 2006 at 6:13 pm
michitakem–does your agency have you go to beijing first? we go there for a day or 2 then to our province–we stay at the white swan the whole time we are there (other than beijing)
June 27th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
I’d just be happy adopting E.T. I heard he is looking for a home.
June 27th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Grace and I share a birthday…. look out mommy for an opinionated one!
All the babies are so lovely. I love them all plumped-up in their snowsuits. Please, please more links to pictures.
Congratulations!
(lid 03/06…. *sigh*)
June 27th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
At least one of the families was VERY clear in requesting a girl. They were referred a boy. This does happen. It is rare, but does…. we know since it happened to us two years ago. Everything we had said daughter, girl, etc…. no child or either or boy to be found. Riley has been home for over 2 years now.
These families who have received these referrals are most certainly still in shock. They have realized that they are adopting a child who they will… and most likely already do love completely.
I think the biggest challenge they will face, and this is from my personal experience, is when people question/comment to them on some things that others will not have to face….
ie: is he special needs?
why didn’t you turn the referral down?
does this mean you will adopt again since you didn’t get what you
wanted?
my agency said this could not happen
they must not be telling us the entire story
and the real kicker….
I would NEVER have accepted a referral for a boy.
Heck, I have had people tell me I am lying. THey have said that it can not happen since it isn’t what the SW approved you for. It can and does happen.
–Can you tell this is a hot point with me?? ;-)
June 27th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
An interesting thought to me was that I had in mind how I will explain to my new daughter someday about the ‘one child policy’, the society preference for boys in China, and that the boys stay and take care of the family, etc, as part of helping her to understand why she was adopted…but hadn’t even thought about what I would say if referred a boy instead. I think the explaination to a son from China would need to be more generalized in regards to adoption. More like what I would give in a domestic adoption or from some other country. I recently read an article in Adoptive Family Magazine concerning the preference for girls in adoption in the US, both domestically and internationally. The article said that parents request girls 80% of the time in adoption. I was very surprised by that statistic, and wondered why it seems that so many in the US seem to want a son when having a baby biologically, but the vast majority want to adopt a girl. I posted to another site about it after reading the article, and got some unusual answers I thought. Interesting though….
June 27th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
we have a bio daughter and one of the reasons we decided to adopt was to have another girl……..i would have definitely been ill-prepared for a boy!
June 27th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
What happens if you get a referral for a boy and reject it? Are you then referred a girl or are you just out of luck? One of the reasons we chose China was we adamantly ONLY wanted a girl. I’ll ask my agency about this once things have settled down (don’t want to disrupt them during this wonderful referral time) but wondered if anyone knew…
June 27th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Actually, it has been my experience that American seem to want a daughter about 80% of the time. I know I do, I know my sister did (2 boys), my cousin did as well (2 boys). I think that in many cases it seems like the Daughters are the ones who take on the “long term care” of elderly parents. While sons do take care of family members as well, it’s just been my experience that the daughters do so more. Also, daughters turn to their own mothers for many things, NOT the MIL. I have a great relationship with my eccentric MIL, but I did NOT want her in our home with us the first week home with my newborn. As a future Grandmother, I WANT to be there with my newborn grandchild. As the MIL, I doubt I’ll have as much opportunity to be there. Just a fact of life that I have seen with all my friends IRL. I’ve also dreamed of tea parties, ballet, and softball. I’ve dreamed of weddings and proms. All that GIRLIE stuff.
If we are referred a boy (and all our paperwork has girl), I’ll be shocked. I honestly do not know what I will do. I told my Dh, I am not going to stop adding to our family until I have a daughter, the desire is THAT strong in me. This is one of the main reasons we went with China, one of the few places we felt comfortable and could request a girl. I love my boys to pieces, would not trade them for a girl now…but I do want a daughter in this house.
June 27th, 2006 at 10:42 pm
Wow! Boys, boys, boys. I would love a son every drop as much as the daughter I am expecting. Hmmm….If that happens, I may have to dress him in drag. Think I’m prepared for a girl?
Seriously, I expressed a wish for a daughter as a single momma-to-be. Still, I don’t really care because my love for my child easily crosses gender lines.
All the best to those receiving their referrals…for daughters AND sons!
June 27th, 2006 at 10:51 pm
Thanks for sharing that ReyMim32…it definitely helps hearing that side of things from someone who’s been through it.
I’m sure it was quite the adjustment. After reading on in your post I have to say it’s not shocking to know people ask and say the dumbest things.
This will be our first child…we very much want a girl and have thus prepared for one. I can’t say what would happen if for some reason it was decided we receive a boy. I know we’d be happy and love him just as much. We would adjust. And we’ve already decided that we’re going to adopt a 2nd from China so either way things would work out as they should.
June 27th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Congrats everyone on the referrals! I have looked up each and every photo I could get my hands on and they are all gorgeous. Perfect!
As for the surprise referrals of boys — that must be a real change of plans for those parents. I can say, I am someone who has always wanted girls, and after two boys (bio) I am so so thankful for them. I would have missed out on so much never having boys. So, enjoy these boys, you will be surprised at how much cuddling, loving, and bonding moments moms and boys can have.
That all said, as you can tell from my name, I am expecting my third to be a girl!
: )
June 28th, 2006 at 1:52 am
Wow! Miss a few days and you miss a lot! Congrats to all the new parents-the pics are great and they are all LOVELY!! I can’t wait to hear all about your adventures!!
Thanks so much for sharing with us!
June 28th, 2006 at 8:47 am
This is going to sound horrible, but I’ll be devastated if I’m referred a boy. I’ll be used to that, however, since I’ve been devastated everytime my ultrasound has revealed I’m having a boy (3 times). The last time my husband and I both cried. And we adore our boys to pieces. We really, really want a little girl. We are going to feel compelled to take the little boy, of course. We would never return a referral. Can that even be done? But we’ll cry.
June 28th, 2006 at 8:51 am
rosie…we’ll be pulling for you both. I bet you’ll get your referral and find the cutest little girl is waiting for you. :)
June 28th, 2006 at 9:01 am
Rosie,
Yes, you can turn down a referral. In my group alone back in 2004, two of the families turned down their referrals because they found stuff in the medical records they were not comfortable with. We were all shocked at the time and wondered how long they would have to wait for a second referral. They ended ip waiting maybe another 6 weeks or so. Not sure how common it is, but referrals do get turned down.
June 28th, 2006 at 9:12 am
You can always try to petition for a new referral, but if the child does not have a medical condition that is the concern, CCAA does not have to issue a new referral.
That being said, this is a very rare thing. It really isn’t something to panic over. Agencies that have not had this happen are probably not as aware that it can happen.
As cliche as it sounds… you will have your perfect child. No need to think in worst case…
June 28th, 2006 at 10:09 am
I don’t really post with any regularity, but I feel I must say that I am SHOCKED to read some of these posts about parents wanting to turn down a boy referral. I though the goal here was to build a family or make a family larger not pick and choose what suits us best. What’s it going to take to re-paint a room use your gift receipts and return a few items. Life will always take unexpected turns so just be happy that you are giving a healthy child a shot at coming to a great country, where ever you are from, and being part of a loving family with loving parents. My wife and I have been on a ten year odyssey to build a family and when our dossier went to China thought we would have a six month wait which now borders on a 12-13 month wait. We would gladly take whatever China has to offer us. Maybe if some of you turn dow referrals like some have said hey might, our referral time might speed up.
June 28th, 2006 at 10:30 am
So, wunone16, if a family has three boys and desperately wants a daughter, and they chose to adopt from China so they could fulfill this wish - you think they shouldn’t be upset by being referred a boy?
Every family has different wants and needs and plans. It’s not your job to put them down for viewing the world a little differently than you view the world.
If we are referred a boy then I, too, will be turned upside down for a bit. We will not turn the referral down, but it will mean that we have to completely regroup on our plans. Having one boy and one girl will mean we will have to re-arrange the house differently than if we have two girls. Not just paint will be involved. Also, I’ve carefully boxed up and stored clothing, labelling it with the sizes and seasons, for daughter number two. Several hundred items of clothing. We planned for two girls, not a girl and a boy.
We won’t turn a referral down, but I will grieve in my heart for the daughter that I “lost” before I can celebrate the son that I gained.
And you have no right to judge me, or anyone else, for that.
June 28th, 2006 at 11:06 am
RQ,
Well said as always. My DH and I talked about this last night, and you have to give yourself permission to be sad about things. I resent the “you should be happy regardless…” implication that seems to be tied to adoption. We will be sad initially if our referral is much over 14 months. We will be sad initially if our referral is for a boy. We will be particularly sad if we are referred a boy who is much over 14 months.
This doesn’t make us bad people or bad parents. We will eventually get past that sadness and celebrate the arrival of our new child. And that child will be loved so very deeply by us both.
Of course, as CJRCNM commented, he may spend his first few months in drag!
Peace to all,
Lee
June 28th, 2006 at 11:10 am
ReyMim & RQ: Thank you for your comments. My reasons for hoping for a little girl run very deep and can only be understood by a parent who has lost a child. I feel no explaination is needed by any of us. Yes sir, it’s a little girl for me. A girl, a girl, a girl!! So there I said it, bring on the guilt it will bounce right off me.
June 28th, 2006 at 12:53 pm
We chose China because we wanted a little girl and I completely understand the initial disappoint with getting referred a boy. I wonder if these families have boys already, girls already or are first time parents? If we do get referred a boy then of course we will go ahead with the match and sell off all of our girl stuff and then be happy about our little boy.
Just to play devil’s advocate….isn’t part of the problem with girls being abandoned in China is because their parents are disappointed that they didn’t get a boy? I know that a “feeling” of disappointment is no way similiar to what is happening in China (abondonments, deaths, abortions, etc.) but it is interesting that the Chinese “feel” the disappointment in not getting a boy and some of us adopters (me included) would feel disappointed initially in getting a boy referral instea of a girl.
June 28th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Spneedsmom, I’ve often thought how odd it is that in our culture (I’m hispanic) we women are often very unapologetically girl-oriented. We feel, rightly, that girls are most likely to stay close to the family, care for parents in their old age, be wellcoming to the grandparents when she has children. And then in China, they desire a boy! I know there are thousands of years of cultural reasons here, but still, it’s a fascinating difference.
June 28th, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Hi,
Our OAA has always prepared us for a girl or a boy. It’s very clear in our mind. We choose neutral colours for everything : wall painting, and the few clothes we bought (we asked for a child up to 3 year old which meand not 4 years). We have a name for a girl and for a boy.
My niece has 4 girls, my sister-in-law 2 boys. Both expect a girl :-). We are always telling them (and the future grand-parents) when they talk about “the girl” that it may be “a boy”. It’s clear for us but not for them ;-)
Girl or boy, we will not be disappointed after a 10 years wait…
June 28th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
Interesting thread here. I have 3 bio boys(8 year old twins and a 3 yera old) and we specified for a girl. My husband very much wants a daughter-he never had a sister and has expressed that a daughter would be “kinda neat.” Well, all through this process, we started paperchasing a year ago and LID 11′05, I have found myself defending my boys! People will say things like, “Oh you’re finally going to get that girl! and be able to do girls things.” Or, “You must be dying to have a girl after 3 boys.” Or, “Girls are so much more fun to dress up.” While I do understand where people are coming from, my 2 older boys look at me kind of funny when they hear these comments.
Recently, one of
June 28th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
So I will finish my thought…
Recently one of my older boys said that what we really need for the younger guy(who is not a twin) is a brother to play with not a sister! I chuckled and said you know-you’ve got a point there.
Anyway-I was telling my husband about the boy referrals that can sometimes happen and his reaction was-well, we certainly know how to raise boys, and he’d fit right in.
Not sure what my point is other than we certainly are in no postion to jugdge one another’s thoughts and feelings regarding getting a “surprise” referral. We all have different journeys that led us all to be on this same path to adoption.
June 29th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
My sister is adopting a special needs child and has been waiting forever for her invitation. Does anyone know how this works and do they follow a schedule?