And now it’s July
When we started the process last March we thought, five months to get the paperwork ready to be sent to China, a six month wait, a month or so until we travel… we’ll be in China or ready to leave for China this time next year.
And now it’s almost 16 months later and we could still be a long ways from travelling.
I think we are all still very excited about this last batch of referrals, and many of us have what we feel are semi-realistic hopes for something approaching a three week batch this time.
This time of the month is hard. There is always a chance that this next batch will be for 5 five days and completely blow all of our speculation out of the water. It’s hard to hope for three weeks. But, I am hoping.
There are no real rumors floating around right now. Nothing new, anyway. So what do ya’ll want to talk about?
July 1st, 2006 at 11:02 pm
Well, we are right there with you with the hoping! And honestly, since I’ve found this site, it really has made the wait much easier. This is a wonderful community, and I really appreciate everything you have done and continue to do, RQ!
July 1st, 2006 at 11:12 pm
I second mommy2meiling’s thoughts..it has been easier to take each day’s wait when I feel like there are so many friends going thru the same issues with us. We too thought we would be in China right now based on the timeline when we began our adoption journey. Thanks to RQ and everyone for walking each mile together. We would be so happy to see that timeline go back to faster referrals :) in the future!
July 1st, 2006 at 11:15 pm
I completely agree that the discussions on this site have given me a peace that I haven’t felt for months. Ironically, I’ve avoided the site because other groups I belong to have said it can be hard to read at times. I imagine that is mostly because news hasn’t been so great the last several months. Its seems some people may have been looking to “shoot the messanger”, but I welcome information. Good or bad - knowledge is power. So, any topic works for me, as long as we all learn something from it.
Caroline
LID 1/24/2006
July 1st, 2006 at 11:16 pm
I hear ya RQ. We are LID Aug and “technically” we thought we would be home by now with our darling daughter. In reality we could still have another 3-6 months wait. It’s funny, when we stared the process 6 months to referral seemed like forever!
It is sooooooo hard because EVERYONE keeps asking, “so, when will you have the baby” or, “don’t you have the baby yet?” I cringe because I really don’t have an answer for them. We get together for a cookout with the same group of friends every Fourth of July and New Years Eve. I remember talking to people at the July 4th cookout last year saying, “next year at this time we will be home with our little one!” We are going to the same cookout on Tues and boy will I have some explaining to do! It is so hard!! Come on referrals!!!
July 1st, 2006 at 11:57 pm
RQ and those who have posted — you HAVE been a lifeline, a venue for learning and laughter, and a terrific support at this challenging time! I want to take this lull in the rumors to post a heartfelt thank you to all, and especially RQ for making it possible!
LID 7/19/05
July 2nd, 2006 at 12:09 am
My sister is adopting her second child from China. Does anyone know any schedule that is followed for special needs children. Her LOI is 1/10/06 and her LID is 4/4/06. We have been anxiously waiting to travel and weeks go by with no news. I too love this site and it does help!
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:10 am
how about we talk about a way to stay in touch after we get back so that we can talk about issues we are facing and share our experiences. I am in Australia and have found a lot of the people posting on this site to be very level headed and respectful….so why not find a way of keeping this group in touch later. I know there a other sites that do this, but between discussions on relgion, politics and the like - they have lost me. What do you all think (I can’t bring myself to say ya’all with an Australian accent)?
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:10 am
sujay: What a wonderful idea! I feel I have a special bond with all of you who have also suffered through the wait with me! Who better to discuss problems or celebrations after our little ones come home!
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:59 am
I’m one step ahead of ya’ll - that’s part of why I created the forum.
I’m thinking that I’ll create rooms for people who are home with their baby and want to talk abut basic childrearing stuff as well as adoption related stuff.
You know, stuff like “she won’t go to sleep!!!!!”, or “we’ve been invited to go camping with friends, anyone have experience camping with a one year old?”
http://chinaadopttalk.com/forum/index.php
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:18 am
I don’t post much, because we’re new at this - just DTC on June 30th 2006.
We’ve been trying for a family ever since we married - so now we are looking forward to this “wait time” because it will give us some special time together without the infertility stuff and all that stress.
I have made a list of things to do for the next 16 months - let’s hope it’s not that long of a wait but it might be!
I’d love to hear from those of you with kids already about what else I should put on the “list”?? I have planting low maintenance perennials, getting the nursery ready, and a weekend trip or two….
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:28 am
Hi All! :) I too enjoy this site — even though its been difficult to stomach at times — because of the bad news or rumors. It’s still great to have a place to check and see whats being said out there. I too am hopeful that we will see a large batch this month. Our LID is July 25th and we’re so close but yet so far! We will be the next group for our agency so that in itself is exciting — the big question is when will that be?? :) I’m very much praying for a referral by the end of August or we will have to begin the process of re-filing for the I-171H. It will take about 6 weeks to get everything together to send in with the I-600A and then we would have to wait for the approval which took a few months the first time around! I haven’t done anything to get ready for travel yet — I don’t even have her crib ready either. I want to wait so that I will have plenty to do to keep me busy while we wait to travel! Here’s hoping for lots of referrals this month! :)
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:31 am
Suejay and RQ, I love the idea about discussing those topics in the forums. I know when I had bio #1 six years ago, I spent a lot of time at the Babycenter forums asking questions about sleep, etc. I didn’t do that so much with #2 and #3 b/c I had been through it before, but I know this adoption will bring up different issues. I’d love to have a place to do that here because (so far) topics have been discussed very respectfully. We’ve got a great crowd here.
I visited the forum for the first time two weeks ago, and came across that discussion about adopt vs. bio on “Blowing Off Steam.” I can’t tell you how much it helped me to read about a couple adult adoptees’ experiences. But as I said, I just happened upon it by chance. I wonder how many people know the forum is there. RQ, maybe you could devote a post in the main thread letting people know the forum is there, what the different areas are, etc? Or maybe you already did that and I missed it!
That may also help streamline the main rumor threads too. If I don’t have time and want to do a quick check-in (esp. the week before referrals when I’m checking every 30 minutes!), I find myself scrolling and scrolling through conversations trying to see if there are any actual new rumors, and there often aren’t. I myself was a contributor to this phenomenon the other night when I participated in the long discussion about raising kids, so am a perpetrator of this myself. But if it happened in the forum, it would also be easier to find for people later. It was such a great discussion that I think it would be nice for it to be accessible for awhile instead of getting bumped to a back page. Am I making any sense? The short version is that I think it would be nice if the main page was for information-sharing and the forum was the home for speculation, discussion, angst and chit-chat. Of course that’s just my .02. I love everything the way it is, but think it could be even better if more people found the forums and they really caught on.
Sorry for rambling here.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:35 am
Hello, I have a question related to trying, trying, trying to get the U.S. government to extend the validity of the I-171H. I have written to my U.S. rep. and both senators–a very concise letter that spelled out exactly what the problem is and that I am requesting they work to extend the validity of the I-171H by 6 months. I got no response whatsoever from one senator, and form letters from the representative and the other senator related to immigration and border control–they had apparently not even read the letter, someone on their staff had just lumped it into an “immigration issues” category and so I got a form letter that had nothing to do with my request. Incredibly frustrating. Clearly I need to call these folks directly as they don’t actually read letters, but I’m wondering what others’ experiences have been–have you been able to get an actual response from your senators and representatives that indicated they do intend to take positive action to extend the validity of the I-171H?
And while I’m here, I also have to say I very much appreciate both the content and the tone of this site.
July 2nd, 2006 at 12:03 pm
SueJay- awesome idea! As a single with all but one member of my family scattered around the country, this group has been my support community. I would be saddened to think of it all coming to an end when we receive our babies. (BTW, as a former Yankee… I, too, have trouble with ya’ll. It just doesn’t work with a Boston accent! :-D)
LilysMom-Welcome to the group. It’s a great place filled with wise, respectul and intelligent people. I am sure you will enjoy it.
MarytheFifth- So glad you mentioned RQ explaining the Forum. I have NO idea what it is and have only vague images of some ancient Roman scene in my head. [The gladiators are cute, though!]
July 2nd, 2006 at 12:13 pm
RQ,
I am still new with this forum. I see where you started this process in March of 05. Us too. At the end of May when we just finished our last home study visit, we discovered we were moving due to husband’s job. Since our home study had not gone to immigration, we chose to put everything on hold and see how long it would take for us to sell our house, get moved and have an updated home study visit to conclude out initial home study. Well out last home study visit on the end of September and our home study was on its way to BCIS on Nov. 7th. Whoo!!!! Finger printed in December and I171 received in January. DTC 2-13-06 what a wonderful Valentine to send to China. LID 3-7-06 and now the LONG paperchasing phase is done and now we get to WAIT a LONG time to get our referral. Oh well!!! I chose not to get wrapped up in all the negative aspects of having to WAIT!!! Our turn will come and I look at all of the postive things such as longer time to save the needed money, longer time for me to make all the bedding. Longer time to ensure I get all the items I want, car seat, stroller, high chair, etc. There is ABSOULETLY NOTHING I CAN DO to change the wait, so I’m just riding the wave and when it comes in for a lading I’ll be ready!!!! Here’s to WAITING together!!
Debbie
July 2nd, 2006 at 1:02 pm
Happy Sunday to YA’ALL. Yes, we all can say it no matter what country or what part of the US that you are from. It’s fun and easy..all together now…..ya’all.
I will be thrilled to do the Snoopy Dance when our referral arrives. UNTIL then, thank you ALL for your words of encouragement, your humor, your rumors, good/bad and your intelligent discussions.
RQ, you’re a star in my book, thank you.
lid-8-8
July 2nd, 2006 at 1:10 pm
I have also enjoyed lurking about this site for a while now (had to check it out after being warned on a yahoo board that it would “depress” me). I appreciate the tone as well.
RQ, I really found your dog prep post helpful. We are working on some of your suggestions with our 80 lb lab/great dane. He LOVES little children, but we do not have any living in our home yet. He likes to take items of interest under our bed and we want to make sure the baby won’t be one of them.
I think that staying busy while we wait is helpful. My last significant wait was for my DH. I was single until 40+3 days. My wait for this guy was well worth it! So now I wait again. Life is too precious to wish away. Our babies will come.
Does anyone know where I can get something besides “luggage rumors?” I have read so many different things about luggage sizes and restrictions, both from the US to China and then different restrictions once you are travelling within China. Maybe it changes all the time. When I see some of the packing lists people create (please tell me some of them are just insane), I don’t understand how you are supposed to get it all over there.
July 2nd, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Hi all-
I thought I would share something from the last set of referrals that is a little worrisome. A family from my agency had requested a heathy 4-6 year old. They recieved a referral for a 4 year old and were thrilled. Once they recieved the records it was noted that the child had been born with some type of spinal anomaly and had back surgery at a year of age. They had the records evaluated by a IA doc and were told that there was no question this child was SN. What suprised me the most about this situation is that in the past the CCAA has been very strict about they SN catagory– even infants with birthmarks are classified SN. How could this happen? I have seen case where after medical evalutions there is concerns for a probelm (like a small head circumferance) but never such a blatent medical issue. Before anyone asks no– this family was not approved for SN. Also, while I do know the outcome, I think the issue we need to be concerned with is why was a known SN child referred to a family who requested NSN. Is this something we might see more of? just one more thing to worry about!
July 2nd, 2006 at 2:03 pm
2littleroses—-that family was from my agency……….I am passing no judgement on the family for their decision…but as a special ed. teacher I have a good bit of medical background. The problem that their little girl had is one that is very common even here in the US…..where, if the baby has it, they go to physical therapy 2 or 3 times a week for a year to get the neck stretched….end of problem! However, no one is going to provide that sort of intervention for an orphan in China…..so they did a surgery to clip the tendon. In my mind, the “special need” was cured. Granted, it seems scary or that it was some sort of coverup, but…..like a cleft lip that was repaired, it is repaired, so should they still be considered SN? I would say they should not be, but everyone has their own opinion and limits as to what they are willing to accept and work with in their own particular family. That said, I do also believe that the info should have been translated so the family could make a more informed decision.
July 2nd, 2006 at 2:48 pm
dunedin– I agee with what you are saying but– that is not the way the CCAA has functioned in the past. Children with any ‘repaired’ SN are still classifed as SN. That is why I am wondering if things are changing. Also, as neonatal medical profesisonal myself, I don’t think the family had been given enought information to feel assured the problem was ‘fixed’–but again– that is a private decision.
July 2nd, 2006 at 3:03 pm
And I think your last sentence sums it all up…….not given enough info………had it all been laid out very clearly, maybe they would have been like, hey, this is no problem……..but, as with all of these adoptions, you just wind up hoping the sketchy info that you get is truly your baby’s and that it is accurate.
A second point that no one has brought up is the age of the child….she was 4—we have heard time and again on here that there are no longer many NSN older kids available………so, I think if that is true, it would seem that people requesting older children would wind up getting kids with some SN (repaired) and (apparently) considered NSN (any longer)….maybe there really aren’t that many older NSN available. Seems like the agency needs to get some clarification from China as to whether repaired SN are still going to be referred only as SN or whether they are being considered NSN if the intervention was considered successful. The whole situation of IA is really risky no matter what. It is scary to me.
July 2nd, 2006 at 3:56 pm
SomedayMama-I laughed out loud envisioning your dog hiding the baby under the bed. Tooo funny!
Thanks also for your comment about the luggage lists. I have often wondered how anyone fits everything. It seems like just the suggested medications and items for the baby would take up at least two suitcases!
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:34 pm
I could see my dog dragging a kid under the bed, just for the chance to lick her death. Strange things happen.
Are you going to continue the rumor threads when you return? I really find this to be the one source I check daily. I dont get excited by all of it, but it helps to know the range of possibilities. I appreciate your work!
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:47 pm
I have a couple thoughts/questions about this as well . . .
(1) As for the forum and the chat on the forum, it seems like we get far more chat over here on the blog then over on the forum, yet in a lot of cases, as was pointed out, the forum would be a better place for the chat topics. ? I don’t know why that is or what could change some of that? Maybe lifting some the the topics from here and turning them into topics on the forum on a routine basis?
(2) Packing! I am in the middle of the whole list of lists and packing, and I am focused on packing for Carry On Only (COO). Whether or not we check, I still intend to pack for COO. We are each taking a 21 inch roller suitcase, and a back pack. Period. It can be done. Then, if we want to, we can still check the 21 inch bag. We have flexibility! And I’m not hauling everything I own all over China. I’m not that strong. :) This Yahoo group is dedicated to this, and has many thoughts and streamlined packing lists. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CarryOnOnly/join?
I am really drawing on this heavily. It’s a good place to start and absolutely throws out all the everything you might ever need lists! I guess I should post this over at the forum, right? OK>
July 2nd, 2006 at 4:55 pm
emanual, dunedin….i am so excited for you both. the best of luck.
off the subject, i had a question, i went to info pass to schedule an appt for re-fingerprinting but i was unable to find any such place to schedule an appt on their site. have any of you scheduled your appt and could you please enlighten me on which direction did you seek your appt. thank you much.
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:10 pm
OH, we have had a !@#$ !#@$ !$@# !@$ getting our fingerprints renewed.
At the end of the day, we called the agency that completed our home study (different from our main agency) and they emailed me a very simple form very quickly and called CIS directly and bing bang boom, we had an appt.
But, theoetically, you should be able to just select the “we have a question” option on info pass. Good luck. This has been pretty FUBAR for us.
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:22 pm
Our agency just sent out an email letting us know that they think our group might be next to receive referrals (LID July 8, 2005). The email also included a statement that informed us of babies from the last batch who had very minor special needs such as a repaired cleft lip and deformed fingers or toes. The said that this was not the norm, but wanted us to b prepaired just in case. While this doesn’t change anything for our family, I was concerned because those conditions were considered “SN” as far as I understood it during our homestudy. So now it seems fsome amilies requesting girls have been referred boys, and some families requesting “healthy” are receiving “SN” (as some might decribe repaired cleft lip, deformed fingers and toes). Anybody have any thoughts on this? Come on referrals!!!
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:19 pm
emanuel, thank you. i’ll give it a try. thanks again. keep us updated on your journey.
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:42 pm
waiting for you—i think i’d research and discuss with the fam about some of the minor SN and decide which (if any) you’d feel comfortable accepting………same goes for a boy………that way it is pretty clear cut when the referral gets there which way you will go…..although, now that i hold her sweet picture in my hand, i know it would have been very hard to say no to the little girl we were matched with………despite what i thought before…..no SN would be acceptable, i think once i saw her, my heart was softened a bit and i would definitely have considered taking her with a minor special need…………….my biggest fear was hepatitis and yet, i know families that chose that in the SN program.
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:33 pm
Thank you for the pointer, Emanual.
July 3rd, 2006 at 7:27 am
Regarding your message waitingforyou - do you know the next LID date your agency has after the 8th of July. I was interested to read about some of the children who have been referred in the last batch to those who have requested a NSN referral having had corrected ’special needs’ This would tend to support the conjecture that there are fewer NSN children or babies available for international adoption. What do others think???
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:01 am
Chinadad, interesting point. My concern is that families have been expecting one situation for a VERY long time, and are now faced with a different situation. (NSN/SN or girl/boy or whatever) I guess it really is like being pregnant, huh? The next LID for our agency is 7/15 then 7/20 and 7/28.
Dunedin -thanks for the great advice, but I can’t imagine ever rejecting a referral for any reason. God called our family to this exciting journey and I know He has the perfect baby picked out for our family. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be dissappointed (maybe sad is a better word) if we were referred a SN baby (we requested healthy). I would have been sad if my biological children were born with a SN, but such is life. I just want to love this sweet baby! I should say also that I am a bit concerned about what this trend will do in the months to come. A minor finger deformity is one thing, but there are so many SN that many families (like mine) haven’t prepared for. Have any other agencies informed their clients of the last batch of referrals including surprise SN?
RQ - I know you’ve heard this before, but this site is an absolute lifeline to me. I can’t thank you enough for giving anxious moms-to-be (and dads!) a place to speak openly about what’s on their minds, vent, learn, research, etc. It’s really a wonderful community you’ve created here. Thank you for your hard work.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:27 am
It’s not like our agency told us (or the parents for that matter) about the girl’s SN…..that was part of the problem….the agency presented her as ok and when the family had a friend reading over the paperwork (which was all in Chinese) they found out she had a problem. The parent then posted all this on our yahoo group, but even still the agency has not mentioned this issue.
July 3rd, 2006 at 9:27 am
as RQ titled this thread…..and now it’s July.
I know it’s early, but is anyone thinking that the 21st or 24th will be the date we know the next group? this week should go by quick I think.
8.10 LID and starting to get get alittle anxious and excited again. :)
July 3rd, 2006 at 1:23 pm
for lilysmom–
I never post but love to read everyone elses. It has kept me sane waiting. LID 9/29
Check out kids books! Reading to your new little one will be a wonderful bonding activity. Find some books now that you love. There are wonderful ones out there and some real crap. Trust me… I have discovered the crap mid-story with my oldest daughter… not fun.
It’s time well spent preparing… and free if you go to the library.
You can also pay attention at restaurants to see how they treat kids. Wait-staff who are kid friendly are a godsend when you’re out to eat.
Look for a mommy purse… and get used to carrying it. My grandmother called it her “handbag” You can carry a diaperbag everywhere but you won’t want to… a nice large somewhat stylish purse can be a great thing to have… (I’m still using one and my oldest is 6. Now it’s full of first aide stuff instead of diapers.)
Have fun! Do things that will be harder to do with kids. Stay in a B&B (nearly impossible with kids). Go to antique stores to browse (ditto). Sleep in. Cook adventurous meals. Watch R rated movies before 8 pm. The list goes on and on… Can you tell I’ve not done those things for a while???
Having children has been better than all of those but… I do miss some things.
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:19 pm
oh I have something…
we have our thoughts on this, but wondered…for those who’ve already adopted before…did you have family wait for a bit after you got back from China before all coming over to see the little one? We’ve heard different things on this…from “you shouldn’t have everyone pouring in right away” to “it’s quite alright as long as it’s not for long periods of time and as long as either or both of the parents are the ones holding her most of the time”…
I’m just curious to hear some of your experiences with this. :)
July 3rd, 2006 at 4:23 pm
p.s. since this will be our first child ever, Everyone is very excited and can’t wait until it all happens and we return home with her.
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:00 pm
We did just one or two people a day for the first few weeks. Also, we let our little one decide if someone else could do some holding. We really let our child guide what happened.
LID 8/24 and really hating this wait right now.
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:05 pm
reymim-
thank you for sharing that. we were kind of thinking of giving her a few days with just us (and the one grandparent that’s house/dog sitting for us while we’re in China of course) before the waves of family shows up. I suppose you’re right that it’s really up to the child to know for sure. She might not mind everyone at all…or she might let us know she needs some more time with just us. And especially the holding. I know how much everyone will want to hold her too. good point. thanks again :)
July 3rd, 2006 at 11:46 pm
I think it depends entirely on the child. Our daughter had just turned a year when we adopted her and she is our 3 child so while the adoption processs was all new to us we’ve been at the parenting thing awhile. My daughter had a pretty smooth transition in China and we knew the grandparents and a few neighbors would be at the house when we got home but she actually did so well that she went to 3 of her new brothers socccer games the first weekend home. We had not originally planned to take her out that quickly but she was just content to be wherever I was. We limited who could hold her for the first few weeks though to just her brothers, grandparents, my next door neighbors, and she loved all the kids in the neighborhood. She attatched to me very quickly (velcro baby!) had she not I would have probably been even more restricitive on the visits or if it seemed to upset her.
One thing that did seem to upset her was in the White Swan they have a toy room - she did not like being in there - even with me. Same thing when we came home, after a few months when we started taking her to the nusery at church or a baby and me class - she would get out of control even with me there -the only thing we could figure out was that maybe those places reminded her of the orphanage?
The other thinf we figured out we her was that she had a strong coping mechanism that if she got scared by something she would fall asleep almost instantly. We took her to Disney about 8 months after Gotch Day and we realized that if something scared her she would go to sleep. We not rides but like they had a show with talking birds or people in costumes, etc. I had seen here do it before but it hadn’t been so blatently obviously as on that trip. She was talking yet but she would let out a small cry, close her eyes and be asleep within 30 seconds.
July 4th, 2006 at 8:24 pm
egirlsmom -
thanks for the great ideas! I would give up anything and everything on my list to have a child right now, but I guess that’s not going to happen on our own. So, we might as well enjoy our wait!
Great ideas and we’ll definitely be doing all of those - I went out to look at children’s books today, and, of course, came home with some….