I have to say I have been impressed with our agency’s willingness to be honest with me. They, like many others, say “This is how it is now” and “it’s hard to speculate.” But their newsletter includes an estimated guess that goes 6 months out. And every time I have called them, they have patiently and courteously answered all my questions and listened to my fears and frustration.

Even more impressive, when I started asking about trying to adopt my second child first, from Vietnam, rather than waiting for my first child and then getting the second from China, they were understanding and even helpful in showing me how that could be possible. And this means they will lose me as a “repeat customer”! I do believe they are non-profit so maybe that’s why. Still it’s impressive.

I still care a lot about the China wait, even though it now looks like we will get our son from Vietnam before the end of the year. We are putting our China adoption on hold for six months so our two kids don’t come too close together. Since I will have the one, I won’t be so stressed about when the second comes (in fact, not too close together is good). But I did want to try to have both my kids before I’m 45 (I’m 42).

Sometimes it even seems like my agency has tried to tailor their answers to my situation. When I asked if it’s possible that it could be as long as 24 months, they said the usual “It’s never been that long before,” “I would be surprised if that happened.” But when pressed, she said “possible” and when pressed further even said “likely.” That may or may not be true, but I think she was trying to say, for someone like me, who’s considering moving to Vietnam to try have 2 kids in the next three years, that it wouldn’t be bad to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

The good news: When I go on hold, some of you will move up!

As for thinking of the children first, I am all for that. I want them to think about my daughter first. I certainly am. I don’t want her lying in a crib in an orphanage for one day longer than necessary, but almost feel like she is being held hostage to play some politcal power game. We are all pawns in this big adoption game. Our agencies hold the cards first when we give them half the cash down when we sign up. The SW hold the cards as we put on our best faces and hope we present ourselves as good parents to be. The US Govt then takes their turns with the documents, departmental regulations, and expiration dates that make no sense. Back to the agency that collects their final payment as they send off the documents to China. The documents we collected without their help I might add. They have all their money now, so why should they be concerned about service? Then CCAA straps us down and takes their turn while they scrutinize our documents and our lives while our daughters lie helpless in their cribs. I think parents are thought of on a fairly common basis but only by those on power trips. As adoptive parents we are supposed to embrace the cultures where our children come from, but after I return from China, I am not sure how I will feel about the country in light of the way CCAA treats adoptive parents, which is sad because I have been learning a lot since we started this journey and unlike the US that has very little history, China is filled with a vibrant and rich history. I have never adopted before and will never do it again. My heart has been broken in a million pieces over the last 2 years over this adoption and I just want by daughter and have a good life with her. I would never recommend adopting from China to anyone, nor would I recommend the agency we are with. I have little respect for those that care so little about others.

It has been another long weekend added to so many before on this waiting train. I have gone from excited to sad and now I am just plain angry! Thanks for letting me vent. I hope and pray that what I have read from others will happen in that I will forget all of this heartache and anger when I hold my daughter the first time.

asian babies adoption
no waiting time for babies
6 months and up

they only forgot to add one thing:

“lol”

:)
“the sarcastic one” aka wBw

I’m an office administrator, I could volunteer sometime to push some paperwork through!