For the record
If you’re looking for the rumor attributed to me on APC, you can find it here.
The rumor did NOT say they would stop at another 5,000. And I tried to make that as clear as I possibly could. No idea at all was given as to what might make this happen and there is no way of knowing. It’s a rumor, from one agency.
I think I’ll make a new rule. If you completely distort something I’ve said then you’ll discover you will no longer have access to the site. If you obviously are not capable of reading a rumor and understanding it maybe you shouldn’t be here.
We are not here to create rumors. We are here to report the rumors that are out there and try to figure out which are true and which are not. Distorting or creating rumors is counterproductive to our purpose.
September 28th, 2006 at 7:40 am
It seems the poster on APC got straightened out quickly by one of RQ’s loyal subjects thankfully!
September 28th, 2006 at 8:02 am
RQ
You couldn’t me more crystal clear if you tried when reporting rumors! I think some people do need to stay off your site if they seriuosly cannot comprehend that your site is, as you have stated UMPTEEN times “a rumor clearinghouse, not a rumor mill.”
Thanks again for all you do~you are my sanity these days!
September 28th, 2006 at 8:10 am
seems like every so often as more and more people find out about here and join; there’s always someone who just doesn’t get it. unfortunately it’ll continue to happen and RQ will have to post messages like this occasionally.
kind of like those ‘website/blog mice’…you know they’re there and hang around, but you never really see them. then one day they do a post (first time post) and blast everybody then scurry off back to their hole. LOL
September 28th, 2006 at 8:27 am
I’m sorry that this ugly misfortune happen but it was cleared up quickly. As my mother would say, there is always ONE is every group. Thank you, RQ. You Rock!!!
September 28th, 2006 at 8:40 am
I find it interesting that a “certain person” made a commit on the yahoo group about RQ site and this “certain person” is doing the same thing on their site. They are taking rumors and speculation and predicting what will happen. Anyway I found it ironic.
RQ, for me, it helps to come here and share what little information we have.
Thank you
Hope
September 28th, 2006 at 8:50 am
Your 9/22 post on the issue was perfectly clear and should have been understable to a reasonable person. However, in my work I often encounter folks with their own agendas and they often take words entirely out of context, and other folks with “the sky is falling” type of panic who make statements to (seemingly) draw attention to themselves. Then there are the “website mice” that take potshots as TG pointed out. It’s good that someone pointed out the error. So often, a big deal is made from a misquote, but then a retraction/correction/rebuttal does not receive the same level of attention.
Your post was clear - and your rule is also very clear. If folks quote you, it might be responsible if they also include a link to your original post so that other reads can read it in your words.
Keep it up, RQ; you’re looking out for us and we’ll help cover your back!
September 28th, 2006 at 8:56 am
Ok tg- I really did not think of my self as a mouse but I do read this site every day, and to my defense I have posted on the old site a time or two. However you are right I just go along my merry way reading and feeling like I am part of the group but never participating. So here is my humble apology, I am sorry. It is just that you almost always say exactly what I think or am feeling so I did not want to be redundant…. Yeah I know lame excuse again I am sorry.
RQ- I do so much enjoy this site even if it is sometimes really hard to read. I think you are doing a wonderful job of making sure you always cover your bases. You never pull any punches and state exactly where you stand, and it is always clear that to me that you are ONLY reporting the rumors that have come your way and NEVER starting them of your own accord, so thank you again.
With a LID of 9-12-05 I am so caught in limbo right now that I am not really sure which way is up, so even a little bit of info is so presious to me. I am hoping for a Dec. referral but not really sure if this is realistic or not I guess like every one else I will just ride the coaster and pray is stops soon!
September 28th, 2006 at 9:01 am
I’ve had an experience this last week where it became abundantly clear to me that certain people do not WANT to “get it” because it doesn’t serve their purpose. Whether their goal is attention, respect (because they are, supposedly, “in the know”), or whatever……you can explain yourself in a way a kindergartner would understand and they will fail to see how it applies to them. You cannot win an argument with people like that, BUT your posts reminding the rest of the visitors that this is a “rumor clearinghouse” are important. Maybe you’ll nip the next one in the bud (the next person that wants to use your site as a way to draw attention to themselves).
September 28th, 2006 at 9:04 am
I don’t really go to APC much anymore, because you don’t know what is rumour being manufactured and what is from here or whatever. It also seems there is always inner fighting or cattiness there. This is so much more of a pleasant place to be.
September 28th, 2006 at 9:10 am
HopeforRiley, DITTO. And I have to add that I find this site much more credible than that of the “certain person” who posted the critical comments on APC exactly because the RQ makes it very clear that she is sharing a rumor or personal speculation when that is the case.
With a group this large there is always going to be somebody who doesn’t/won’t get it, but the occasional annoyance from the few doesn’t diminish the value of this site.
September 28th, 2006 at 9:13 am
I saw that post on APC and was upset by the distortion of what had been said here. In fact, sometimes I have a hard time with folks taking any information from here and run to APC like they have the latest scoop. It’s not that I don’t think info. should be shared if it is FACT, but its the stuff that isn’t fact that I don’t think should leave here. Some days I sit back and watch this process and think it would be a great non-fiction book about our culture and human nature.
September 28th, 2006 at 9:18 am
As long as they don’t distort it, I have absolutely no problem with someone taking a rumor from here to talk about elsewhere.
But when people distort the rumor and report that I said something that I did not say, that bothers me.
September 28th, 2006 at 9:42 am
hisgirlre-
let me clarify please. I didn’t mean to sound as if I think everyone who chooses not to “participate” or leave posts are ‘mice’. I apologise. Don’t feel you do because you don’t post, k?! :)
what I was referring to are those who choose to not participate or say anything and then when something doesn’t sound right to them or they disagree with things, they come on, say they’ve been reading but it’s their first post, and then procede to berate people that come here including RQ. then they proclaim that they’ll never visit the site again. I think those of us whose been here long enough remember a few of them
there’s been a few over the time I’ve been visiting here. and I guess the best analogy I could come up with was with mice. they’re here reading and gathering info and things (cheese) and while they are registered with RQ to post, they do not until that one or two times. then they run off.
maybe that wasn’t the best analogy. lol
September 28th, 2006 at 9:43 am
I don’t read any other sites except this one. If it is anything worthwhile or important it will turn up here, with a clear, well researched explination.
I wish the Drama Queens would take a step back, take a deep, count to ten or something before they go rushing off the deep end. Doesn’t this process have enough “drama” with out creating a mountain out of a mole hill.
RQ, You do a great job!
LID 5/10/06
September 28th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I think somebody used a troll analogy a while back that seemed to fit these negetive people.
I forgot my chant…
OSSU!!! OSSU!!! OSSU!!! OSSU!!! OSSU!!! OSSU!!!
September 28th, 2006 at 9:56 am
What makes me mad about this is that B.S. had to chime in with his .02 about how “pointless and baseless” RQ’s polls are in response to the APC post. IMO B.S is exactly that…BS
September 28th, 2006 at 10:05 am
Geez, RQ, how could you have possibly made it any clearer it was RUMOR???
Now I’m wondering who the little troll is…. >:o(
I stopped visiting APC long ago…way to intense for me.
September 28th, 2006 at 10:10 am
waiting4Ash…
can i just go OSU! OSU! ?
i mean the Ohio State Buckeyes are my team…hehe (native Ohioan here)
September 28th, 2006 at 10:20 am
Yeah OSU- I have pictures on my blog of my girl in OSU outfit. Its pretty far down the page. http://whiddenphillipsadoption.blogspot.com/
I also love this site- and even though we haven’t started paperchasing for our next- I find it wonderful, straightforward and I appricieate sll the work that goes into it.
September 28th, 2006 at 10:20 am
I also wish I could spell
September 28th, 2006 at 10:24 am
I don’t go on APC too often, but was on last night and saw the original posting. I knew that it had been badly twisted from your original comment. After seeing your posting today, RQ, I went back on APC to see the new comments and am glad to see that most people correctly pointed out the error. With the exception of one person – his comments, as usual, make me shake my head. Glassmaker, your comment about the same person are dead on!! I’m ashamed to say that I responded to his “research†once about my daughter’s orphanage and it upsets me to think how that information was distorted! Hopefully, the original posting on APC was just a careless error from someone who maybe didn’t read the entire message RQ posted. I’d hate to think that people are purposely trying to create panic rather than recognizing that it is a rumor reported by one agency. Although some people just like to create drama and controversy!
September 28th, 2006 at 10:25 am
RQ-Really, you have the patience of a saint. I don’t know how you do it. You must be a wonderful mom. I know this last group of referrals was dissappointing. If you ever need to take a break from this site for a couple of days, we will understand. Sure, we’ll all go through DT’s, but we’ll make it. I think sometimes people forget, that you are waiting for a baby too.
8/10/05
September 28th, 2006 at 10:28 am
Oops! Just noticed that I missed a couple of words in my posting. I should have said “it upsets me to think how that information MIGHT HAVE been distorted” since I don’t know how the information I provided was actually used (if it was used at all).
September 28th, 2006 at 10:30 am
sweetie34-
wow…wonderful pics! she’s a cutie! way to go with the outfit! i’m going to have to get one now…lol
although there are some here at work that have told me…’please don’t dress her in any Ohio State stuff please?!’ to which I say…heck yeah I am! and Colorado Avalanche gear…lol we already have a 2T outfit in pink with the AVS logo on it. lol
thanks for sharing those pics sweetie! :)
September 28th, 2006 at 11:06 am
RQ,
You rock. You write so well; clear and concise. Your site is so refreshing because you do carefully word your remarks and as long as one READS what you write, there shouldn’t be any misinterpretation. Thanks for helping all of us through this long process. I would really be pulling my hair out without your insight.
September 28th, 2006 at 11:14 am
RQ,
How frustrating for you. If it helps (which it won’t), the person who wrote “the” comment is probably the same person I see in the Express checkout “12 items or less” lane with two carts of groceries, while parking in a handicap parking space with no sticker or special license plate. You know, the kind of people who have no regard for posted rules and think that rules never apply to them.
How frustrating for the rest of us. You keep up the good work. There are legions on your site that will defend you to the bittern end!
BTW, anyone heard from Archer? Just curious……
September 28th, 2006 at 11:16 am
RQ,
How frustrating for you. If it helps (which it won’t), the person who wrote “the” comment is probably the same person I see in the Express checkout “12 items or less” lane with two carts of groceries, while parking in a handicap parking space with no sticker or special license plate. You know, the kind of people who have no regard for posted rules and think that rules never apply to them.
How frustrating for the rest of us. You keep up the good work. There are legions on your site that will defend you to the bitter end!
BTW, anyone heard from Archer? Just curious……
September 28th, 2006 at 11:22 am
RQ,
How frustrating for you. If it helps (which it won’t), the person who wrote “the” comment is probably the same person I see in the Express checkout “12 items or less” lane with two carts of groceries, while parking in a handicap parking space with no sticker or special license plate. You know, the kind of people who have no regard for posted rules and think that rules never apply to them.
How frustrating. You keep up the good work. There are legions on your site that will defend you to the bitter end!
I haven’t been to APC in a few months, but I bet loyal RQ supporters quickly worked to defend you and set the record straight.
September 28th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Sounds good to me. I don’t understand how anyone could be confused about the rumors. RQ you do a great job spelling everything out to us. You come across very clearly to me as to what is what. I can understand your frustration. Thanks for your hard work.
September 28th, 2006 at 12:47 pm
Hi trulyblessed,
I have met that person. They sped past me driving on the shoulder while everyone else is sitting in traffic.
They must be sooooo special.
RQ — you are the best!
:) wfp 8/24/05 NEXT!!!!!! :D
September 28th, 2006 at 1:55 pm
You would think that people could come up with more productive things to do with their time than to cause problems. Reminds me of a little kid who gets into trouble because he wants attention.
On a side note, Hey all you Buckeye fanatics! OH - IO!
(will be cheering loudly from Columbus on Saturday night.)
September 28th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Okay so I have to say I got really annoyed, not by the first posting, but the second response about the polls (criticizing how they are done and the predictions RQ makes). It is amazing that someone can blast her polls, and yet he clearly has no knowledge of how polls in general are done and how scientifically valid her approach actually is (right down to her clear statement of how far out the predictions are accurate for and what assumptions she is making with the data). I know that it just shows how ignorant he is but I really wanted to blast a response right back–and yes I rarely respond, mostly lurk (tg I understood you weren’t directing your comment to those of us who rarely chime in, just mostly watch). I typed out the e-mail response and then remembered some very good advice my boss always tells me–write the e-mail and save it, if you come back to it tomorrow and still feel as strongly then send it. This advice has saved me on many occasions and I think in this instance it will save me from wasting my time on someone who is clearly unable to “get it”. So in this instance I came back here where most everyone “gets it”! Thanks to all for a group of people who really understand RQ and what her “rumors” are and how her polls work.
Jamie
LID 6-30-06
September 28th, 2006 at 3:09 pm
Had to jump in here. I got on APC for the first time in a while. I always start posting something and then delete and just leave. Too many Pompous people on that site. KNOW IT ALL’s. I love it when they tell me how I am supposed to raise my child, bla bla bla… many of them remind me of the people who are so concerned w/ appearances they lose themselves.
I did have a dissortation written about how RQ’s site was fun and enjoyable, but I didn’t want to attract any of the “wrong element” so I deleted :-)
September 28th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
I am sure we weren’t the only two :-)
September 28th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
Jamie - I posted before I read your post LOL!! You are right, I’m sure, we’re not the only ones who though, why bother?
Now, I do have to admit, I’ve learned a few things from APC, but the arguing and the one - upmanship (is that a word?) is annoying. I like it here best :-)
Keep up the Good work, RQ. You do have a loyal following…
(ps. I do remember the first day I signed in and posted - had to come up with a name and the discussion had turned to cocktails.. Happy hour just rolled off my fingers!)
September 28th, 2006 at 3:56 pm
happy hour (still grin at that name…)
i think upsmanship is it..and it is a word…at least it’s commonly used.
i have to say i had to re-read that a couple times…i was like “up what???” hehehe
and thanks Jamie ;) glad you knew what I was getting at…
September 28th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
Nice choice, I went with boring.
I must admit that even though I didn’t post my reply there is usually something cathartic about typing it (and the several others I have typed but not sent). I completely agree with your assessment and I find that I read and learn from some things, skim or don’t read others, and completely avoid comments from “certain people” on APC–I seem to remember a post from RQ that pretty much agreed with my approach as well.
Hopefully we are all here because great minds think alike ;-)
September 28th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
I’m going to plead the blonde ammendment…what’s the APC site? I’m out of the loop! For what it’s worth, I enjoy reading RQ’s analysis and I the interaction within the RQ cyber family is endearing. Too bad there are a few loose screws out there. Don’t let them get you down RQ! Your royal subjects adore you!
September 28th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
APC is the biggest Yahoo group for adoption from China, it currently has over 18,000 members. It stands for “a-parents China”. You can join it at this link:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/a-parents-china/
Years ago APC was pretty much the only place that conversation took place. Then there was PAC (post adopt China) for families once they returned home, and then DTC groups started forming, and then other more specific lists started forming. APC is no longer what it used to be, but it’s still a pretty important list. IMO if there were two or three less people on the list it would be a much more pleasant place to be, but none of those people have really done anything to get kicked off (except be annoying in general, and that’s not a specific thing). I think that in general the list owner does a good job of trying to manage a very high volume list. Some people have had their feelings hurt and they don’t feel welcome posting, and that’s a shame, but in general running a list of that size is like herding cats and I’m not sure there is anyway to make everyone happy. If you join make sure you thoroughly read the rules before posting, and I recommend that you hang out for at least two weeks and just read to get an idea of what gets people roasted over an open fire before you post anything to the list.
Anyway, APC is the “big list” and then there are specific lists where people can talk about more detailed things. APC is no longer a personable list, it’s just too big and has too much volume. But that’s not really what it’s for anymore. I still see subjects that make me ask questions of myself about how I feel about things, and I still learn things from some of the older parents and from some of the Asian adults on the list. If you can just ignore the crap, you can get a lot of value from the rest of it.
September 28th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
RQ - There’s a wine called “Herding Cats”
(sorry!)
September 28th, 2006 at 4:45 pm
I think there is enough room in the IA community for all voices, including Mr. BS and our favorite (not!) APCers. It gives us a chance to weigh what is being said and measure how much we want to take (or discard) of what is being presented. What I find unacceptable is BS’s attack on RQ; this smacks of bad sportsmanship and ego. I am sure BS was the “big boy” on the China adopt block for a long time. RQ, I am so glad you do what you do.
On a lighter note, Electronic Data Systems (EDS), yes of H. Ross Perot fame, did a commercial several years ago called ‘Cat Herder’. I think it is appropriate for this situation, plus I really love this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8STdOEBORp0
Fun viewing!
K.
September 28th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
OK. Just a few more thoughts before I go back to work.
I can just see RQ strutting onto BS’s block and saying “Rumors at 20 feet?” and “That Ms. RQ to you bud.”
K.
September 28th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
GrasshopperDreams ROFL!!!!!!!!
That “Herding Cats” video eased the pain of today’s conversation.
Maybe I will follow Happy Hour’s advice and find/open a bottle of “herding cats” wine and then watch the video again. :-)
mz
September 28th, 2006 at 5:13 pm
Has there been discussion on BS’s agenda? I’m not clear what it is. I have read some of his site (couldn’t stomach most of it), was offended by some of it (implying that singles would be eliminated because too many were lesbians - as a single mom who is not a lesbian, I was highly offended) and found his “facts” and methods highly questionable.
September 28th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
Loved the Cat Herding link - I remember seeing that commercial years ago and thinking it was pretty funny! thanks for sharing, grasshopperdreams!
September 28th, 2006 at 5:30 pm
i think that was a SuperBowl commercial…and one of my faves of that collection. i’ve not ever herd (oops heard) of ‘herding cats’ wine, but I’ll have to look for some now. maybe have my border collie rounds some up for me. lol
oh, and i’ve heard cats whine but that’s not a pleasant thing.
September 28th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
In the IA community only a handful seem to think they are the only ones that are allowed to have “important information”- as someone has posted already the one-up manship terminology is a perfect discription.
Yes there is always one in every group.
This also tends to happen where there are also increased numbers all with varying personalities, almost a pecking order for hierachy.ie/ APC. I am pretty sure this would not happen in the Ethiopia forums, or Vietnam IA community where numbers are a lot less and information is not so public.
RQ do they also realise though, that as an adoptive parent in waiting yourself, you have the right to terminate this wonderful site anytime you see fit….and even more so once you have your new child in arms. Then where would they be.
Actually where would we all be, without you and your incredible work that you do for all of us. LsOL ( Lots of Love)
September 28th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
dh and I used to work for EDS. Too funny!
September 28th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
I did too… first job. Dating me, at that time he was called H. Ross.
September 28th, 2006 at 8:01 pm
Hey RQ….if over 18,000 belong to APC how come the same people post over and over and over and over…????
September 28th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
GrasshopperDreams - EDS was my first job too under H.Ross in 1986. I was in KY then on to Atlanta. They worked you to death. So glad to be a SAHM now!
September 28th, 2006 at 9:22 pm
Carolina,
I think the APC police chief (BC) and others scare people off from posting because they tend to pick each post apart. I stopped posting long ago because I was a big chicken.
September 28th, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Carolina it’s not only APC group that have a lot of members, with only a few posting for fear of being pulled apart for their posts.
I myself belong to other groups and do not post to these for the very same reason.
September 28th, 2006 at 10:17 pm
I agree that ignorant and underhanded people should not be allowed to enjoy this site!
AND too bad we can’t add another appropriate punishment…they shouldn’t be allowed to adopt so then there wouldn’t be such a long wait….
oooohhhh, maybe I’m too harsh.
September 29th, 2006 at 1:49 am
glassmaker –
Where you an SED? I was in San Diego for 10 months (phase 1) and SF for three years (phase 2 and 3.) Once my contract was up (read indentured servitude), I left EDS, but not SF. It took our first DD to do that.
Oh, those were the days (just kidding.) Although the the skills let me create a career.
K.
September 29th, 2006 at 7:06 am
Cranky, I would never dream of thinking I can decide who can adopt and who can’t. If a social worker says then can then they can.
bornfromtheheart, as I keep saying, it is my intention to keep the site going after I return. The blog will remain for rumors, I will probably get more active on my “At last… a Family” blog, and I will increase the focus of the forum so that those of us who are home and dealing with a baby/toddler have a place to go and compare notes, get and give advice, and just stay in touch.
Of course, there will be some downtime while we are in China and while we are recovering once we return home. The Blog will probably not be active, but the forum will be.
September 29th, 2006 at 7:15 am
Dear glassmaker and born from the heart,
I would rather stick a fork in my toaster than post on other sites. We are all lucky that RQ has such a great group of members on this site. What cracks me up is that people read something here and report it somewhere else like it’s CNN. Unfortunely they don’t understand what the heck they are reading. What a scary thought.
September 29th, 2006 at 12:45 pm
GrasshopperDreams - dh was SED. He was in Plano, VA then NC. I was a manager in KY and GA.
I saw the APC poster’s post on APC early yesterday and emailed him/her privately instead of bawling him out on the list. He told me to “relax” and said that he quoted exactly what RQ had on her site. I “politely” replied and told him he can’t read. Maybe I should have called him out on the list… :)
September 29th, 2006 at 5:54 pm
Carolina,
All I can see is a head full of frizzed hair and a very sore hand. Hehe