A look around the site
While we’re in the slow period of absolutely no rumors about the next cut-off date, and since we have many people who probably weren’t here the last time I did this, I’ll give a bit of a guided tour of the site.
In the left hand column if you scroll down just a bit you’ll find links to the last five comments made.
In the top right hand column under Site Navigation you see a link that will take you to a page of the rules for people who wish to comment. Nothing draconian, just basic manners.
Next you’ll see a link to the Forum. What is a forum? Well, the part you’re looking at now is called the Blog, and I intend to keep the blog a “quick check†spot for rumors. However, as our little community has grown we really need a better place to talk, and the forum provides that for us. Many rooms of the forum are viewable by anyone, but we have a few rooms that are only visible to those who are registered – nothing top secret, but sometimes it’s nice to talk about things in a spot that the search engines aren’t going to index. While you’re in the forum you’ll note that while the colors are the same, the header is different. This is because I hope that this can become a spot for us to talk after we are home with our babies – we’ve somehow managed to bring a lot of levelheaded people together who can have some pretty intelligent conversations – I’d like for us to continue to have a place to talk.
Continuing down the top right of this page you’ll see an About Us page, followed by the CCAA Updates and Referrals page. This page lists when referrals have arrived and through what dates for as long as I’ve been keeping track. There is also a spreadsheet listing when the CCAA page has been updated.
Next comes Contact Info, followed by a link to our Half the Sky fund raising page. If you feel that you get value from this site, please consider donating to Half the Sky.
The next link is the very important FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions). If you have not read the FAQ, please do. And following this is the Links to Adoption Blogs. If you want your blog added to our Links page then leave a comment at the bottom of the Links page.
The next link will show the results of all of the Polls that I’ve put up that have been closed. There are also results from some outside polls and other data sources. Each is marked at the bottom to tell where it came from.
Next we have the the requisite Privacy Policy, and last in this section we have a guide to the Rumor Ratings I sometimes use to rate the rumors.
The next section includes links to some of the blog posts I’ve made on my other blog. Once I return from China I intend to be a lot more active on that blog, and to talk a lot more about what happens after you’re home.
The next section is for Links outside of this site. First we have a 2005 and a 2006 calendar. I use both quite a bit when I’m doing my analysis. Then my other blog (not a particular article, just the normal blog address), and then the link for Bright Outlooks, followed by a couple of CCAA pages of interest. If you haven’t read through their Requirements and Rules pages then the next time you have some spare time you might want to do so.
Next is a link to a map of the provinces in China, followed by a link that will show you the remaining consulate appointments available.
The next site is an attachment site that I highly recommend. I think that all parents who are adopting an institutionalized child should spend some time there before traveling. Attachment is best formed during periods of stress, and the first couple of weeks are incredibly stressful for all involved. Don’t blow this wonderful chance you have of forming bonds because you figured you’d read the site if you thought there were problems. I’ve never talked to anyone who read up on attachment ahead of time who said it was a waste of time. But I know a lot of people who wish they had read up on it ahead of time because they missed some important red flags that they would have known about if they had only educated themselves about it first.
And last in this section is MandarinTools.com. When you get your referral packet I recommend that you go here to listen to the proper way to say your child’s name. Type in the pinyin word and tell it that it’s pinyin, you’ll see a list of meanings and the Mandarin characters will be shown. Find the one that looks like the character on your paperwork and click it – you’ll hear the word being said. Tone is important. If they sound ticked off when they say it then you must sound ticked off. If they say it in a singsong voice then you must try to match that sing song tone.
Next is a list of categories. If you just want to see the posts about referral announcements then click on that category. If you want to see a list of posts about The Wait, then click on that category. If you are looking for an analysis I’ve recently done then click on Analysis.
And last are the archives. Well, part of the archives. I blogged on Blogspot before I got my own domain, so the original archives are still over there.
November 13th, 2006 at 5:59 pm
Thank you! Thank you! RQ! I’ve been checking out your site for a few months now but only just discovered the Forum. I must admit I’m not too computer savvy when it comes to these new-fangled BLOG things. :) I wonder if there is a way to cycle this post on a regular basis (monthly perhaps?) since there are so many newcomers will all the usual questions.
LID: Aug. 30, 2005 (waiting for the good news).
November 13th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
testing
November 13th, 2006 at 6:02 pm
Thank you, Rumor Queen!!! Even though I’ve been reading your site for a while now, I’ve only looked at the forums a few times and, of course, read all your posts here. Thank you very much for explaining so clearly all this site offers!!
His,
Mrs. U
LID 9-12-05
http://www.makingahouseahome.blogspot.com
November 13th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Please let me know the RM new website address. I have lost my one to the new site. Thank you
November 13th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
RQ, long time “lurker” here just wanting to say thanks for all you do. I know you’re riding this roller-coaster right along with us and I don’t know how you keep everything on such an even keel here. I sure appreciate it.
Cheers,
Mayken
LID 4-25-06 with a long way to go to our Lorelei
November 13th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
krystani – I’m not familiar with the RM site – what is it?
November 13th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
I’m anxiously waiting for a few some new rumors and hope the referrals will come early this month. LID: 10-14-05
http://journey-to-lindsey.blogspot.com/
November 13th, 2006 at 7:16 pm
As you can see, your words get quite jumbled – “a few some” when you have a little one tugging at your side. I wouldn’t change a thing…
November 13th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
I just posted a comment and I think I lost it–so here goes again. RQ, thank you so very much for all you do for everyone. Everytime I come on this site I admire and appreciate all your hard work and time-consuming efforts. I just created a blog so I will have a place to put referral pics (hopefully next batch as I’m LID 8-30-05). My blog address is: brame-blogspot.blogspot.com So I guess now I can become “purple” with the rest of the bloggers. I’m soooo not computer saavy, so I hope that is the address. Thanks again for all you do.
Loraine
LID: 8-30-05
November 13th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Rumor Queen it is your site that I had your new website to but I lost it. This week has been the week it has been one of those I think I just lost my head on. It it could go wrong it has done just that. You are the greatest
November 14th, 2006 at 7:20 am
krystani – the web address didn’t change, you’re on the new server. It took a while for everyone to get pointed to the new server, but I’m pretty sure everyone is here now.
November 14th, 2006 at 8:11 am
I also wanted to say thank you for the picture of Taye Diggs in the ad on the opening page – I think I actually forgot about the wait for a few minutes :)
Jo-Anne
November 14th, 2006 at 8:17 am
Thank you RQ that was very informative and helpful.
Linda
LID Feb 9/06
November 14th, 2006 at 8:39 am
I have been reading your site for about 2 months now and I want you to know how great it is to come here and know that I’m not alone in this crazy journey.
I have waited with baited breath for people I don’t even know to get their referrals and I have gone to their blogs to see pictures of their beautiful new daughters.
I have cheered and been brought to tears reading the words that are coming out of the hearts of the people here.
This is a wonderful site that makes me think that maybe this journey has something a little wonderful in it too.
This is a large group of people coming together and hoping the best for one another and sharing information to make things easier. I am waiting for one passport and then our dossier can be sent to China. I have a very long time until my daughter comes. But I will be here every month to cheer on the family’s whose dates are coming up.
November 14th, 2006 at 10:12 am
I am so ready for some rumors! Going through withdrawl. AAHH!
LID 9.13
November 14th, 2006 at 10:19 am
robin1,i was just about to come on and post exactly what you have just posted…..i guess great minds think alike.LOL
dianne
lid dec.19th
November 14th, 2006 at 10:51 am
I was also thinking the SAME thing. I even went back in the archives to see when the first rumor appeared last month! MUST. HAVE. RUMORS.
November 14th, 2006 at 11:27 am
Good grief, that was what I was going to say! I will anyway. I want rumors! :)
November 14th, 2006 at 11:29 am
Luna, I did the same thing. I think I saw the first rumor come in on the 17th. Also, there are some far fetched rumors going around on the Dtc November boards: an agency is saying December people with recieve their referrals in February. I would love to believe it but I doubt its true. it would be nice to hear some concrete rumors. I am losing my my mind waiting!!
LID 11/30/05
November 14th, 2006 at 2:51 pm
The wonderful EMK press (www.emkpress.com) sent this out to its newsletter subscribers last week, and has encouraged its circulation. If it’s too long to keep here, then at least keep the link, http://www.emkpress.com/perspective
This is the best piece I’ve ever read in trying to understand our children’s feelings. Well worth the read:
A Different Perspective
Imagine for a moment…
You have met the person you’ve dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by “soul mate,†for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.
The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day’s events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner’s arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But it’s not him! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man?
Where is your beloved?
You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn’t understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back. . .even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn’t speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn’t seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened…that your sweetheart is gone.
You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He’s finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don’t understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?
You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to “get along.†You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.
Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you’ve ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you’ve never heard before.
He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you’re used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.
People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy’s hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you’ve fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you’re hanging on for dear life, you’ve learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.
Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.
November 14th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
I’m unable to post the whole message, but there is an excellent essay at http://www.emkpress.com/perspective about what our children might feel like. It compares their adoption to what a bride would feel like if she were switched from one husband to another. Well worth the read.
November 14th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Yikes, I don’t know how my post ended up here. I was in the Not-So-Rosy thread. Anyway, the link is wrong. It should be http://www.emkpress.com/perspective.html
Sorry.