- First, don’t get hung up on calendar months. The CCAA puts referrals out about every 28 to 38 days and they don’t really pay attention to whether every calendar month happens to have a referral batch. They just don’t, and neither should we. Unless they have about 45 or 50 days between batches I don’t think it makes sense to say they have skipped anything.
- The poll covers the next 60 days of LID’s. At 15 days per batch, this covers four months worth of referrals.
- You cannot compare numbers from two different polls. Polls are taken at different times when we have a different sized readership. You can only use one poll at a time when making comparisons. Just as you can’t look at a city wide map and say it took x amount of minutes to get an inch and expect that to work on a state wide map, you just can’t use two different polls to make comparisons.
- Someone is trying to correlate a possible surge in Spanish numbers this month with the smaller batch. I’ve seen the chart that is being referred to, and they had a whole lot more people from Spain get referred last month than they did this month. Last month it shows 236 people from Spain had a referral, this month it shows that only 137 people from Spain received their referral. I do not think there was a surge in Spanish referrals this month.
- CCAA typically sends a batch out just before they leave for CNY. This would mean mailing them by February 15th - that’s just 6 weeks from now. This means they either need to do 1) two three week batches, 2) one four week and one two week batch, 3) one batch after six weeks, or 4) one batch in about four or five weeks and the next one about two or three weeks after they return from CNY. I have absolutely no idea which of these they may be planning to do.
- I am aware of several families who have been told that their LID is during the first week of October 2005. I have to assume that an error has been made somewhere, as the CCAA was closed that week.
- At least two agencies received referrals for boys this time. One family reports they specifically requested a girl and did not mention a boy anywhere in their paperwork. No word on the other family’s request.
- I am aware of several families who were asked questions in the review room, and who had a LID that should have received a referral this time, and who have been told that their file was put with the next group. Most have been told they will get a referral next month instead.
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January 4th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
RQ,
Thank you for all of your clarifications. You are such a good leader and information disseminitor. I value you and your site!
Kim
10-08-05
January 4th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Oops meant disseminator
K
January 4th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Thanks for summing up everything!!
January 4th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
thanks RQ. You’ve answered all my questions and put to rest my thought that September might have been bigger than your polls indicate.
Take care. I appreciate that you took the time to do all of this.
January 4th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
Can anyone tell me where to look for the new poll results for the LID’s for the rest of 2006? Thanks. Also when is says 146 visitors online what exactly does that mean?
January 4th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Thanks, RQ. I’m glad someone has hard numbers and is willing to share them with us!
January 4th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
RQ - i meant to post this earlier in the week, but i really have to give you big kudos for your restraint in reporting on that APC rumor on tuesday night — the one that said the 29th was included. I remember when someone posted the info — and we all so wanted it to be true - but you refused to give it a high rumor rating. I remember thinking ‘geez, why won’t RQ confirm that the 29th is in, it seems so clear that it is’
Well, we all know how that one turned out. Thanks for all you do.
January 4th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Congratulations to all. Thanks RQ.
January 4th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
The post about the referrals of boys kind of worries me. When we had our home study update 3 months ago, our social worker mentioned this possibility even though a dossier may specifically request a girl, (which I am sure most of us on here have done). I didn’t think it was a big deal, but now that it has actually happened, it worries me. Looking back, the fact that she mentioned it worries me.
I don’t want to sound selfish or harsh, but I have waited for our daughter for all this time and if we got referred a boy, I dont even know what we would do.
One of the reasons we chose China was because we wanted a daughter.
Has anyone else thought about this? Is this going to be more common now?
Great- something else to worry about!!!!
LID 12/20/05
January 4th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
RQ- You’re the Best!!!
Now that we only got to the 27th this time what are the predicted cut-offs for the next few months.
Anyone??
Nov 30 LID
January 4th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
Thanks RQ for the updates. September was pretty big - I have a feeling October is bigger? No one kill me for saying that…
Congrats new Mommy’s and Daddy’s!!!
LID 10/28/05
January 4th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
When we completed our initial app, we entered that we were open to either a boy or a girl. I figured I wouldn’t get to decide if I were pregnant, so I would leave it up to fate, assuming that since the bulk of China adoptions were girls, it would most likely be a girl. Our SW informed us that apps completed as “either” usually get a boy, since most people specifically request a girl. Has anyone else heard of this from your agency?
January 4th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
RQ if you know would you mind sharing the types of questions some people are being asked in the review room. THanks to those who are sharing their referral pictures…they bring joy to my heart.
January 4th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
We never considered a referral of a boy. We are the parents of boys and have so looked forward to parenting a daughter. That being said, if we were referred a boy we would put away all the pink, repaint the room and head to China for our much loved and wanted SON - Just as we would if we were told in an ultrasound during pregnancy that we could prepare for a girl only to be surprised in the delivery room. In my book a healthy child is a gift. ANY child.
January 4th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
RQ,
Do you know whether the referrals for the two boys were SN or NSN? A family that lives in my community received a referral two days ago for a SN three year old boy. They also received their referral after waiting only two months! Do SN requests move that quickly?
Thank you for putting your heart & soul (and more) into this site.
January 4th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
I have to agree with Wait4Hannah. We too have our hearts set on adopting a girl. The abandonment of baby girls is one of the main reasons we chose to adopt from China. We have one 4 year old daughter, and we dream of having another daughter to complete our family. I too am not sure what we would do if we were referred a boy. On a practical level, I’m not sure where he would sleep, as our girls are going to share a room. Anyone here know what people do if their girl referal turns into a boy referal?
January 4th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
wait4hannah-
I totally agree with you about not knowing what you’ll do if the referral is a boy. Many months ago there was a big discussion on the forum about this and I called my (smallish) agency who reassured me that they have rarely gotten boys and they have never gone to a family who didn’t either request a boy or no preference. I have two boys (at least one of whom would be very unhappy if this is not a baby sister) My head says that if we got the referral and it was a boy I would say it is fate and that we would go get our son, but sometimes I don’t know if I really believe that. I hope and pray I don’t have to find out what I would do- but I would be lying if I didn’t say I have worried about it more than once. I agree with sarahb who said any child is a gift, but unlike in pregnancy, most of us started on this journey knowing a daughter was the likely result. For us, it was one of the bigger reasons we chose China (although by no means the only reason). It will be interesting to know why more NSN boys this time and if this is a new trend.
January 4th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
As for when the next set of referrals will come, I spoke to my large China-only agency and they were positive that referrals would be here before CNY. They said that referrals typically come every 3-5 weeks so they should be here the first few days of Feb. if they haven’t already gotten here.
That excites me!
granolagirl
9-29 and NEXT!
January 4th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Sometimes I feel bad for wanting a little girl, there are lots of little boys in China who need families too. And truthfully I have no idea what I would do if referred a little boy. I’ve planned for so long for a baby girl, it would totally throw me.
It used to be 95% girl referrals and 5% boy referrals. I wonder how much that number has shifted in the past year?
January 4th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Since I’ve seen a couple of unexpected boy referrals, I thought it would be wise to warn my children that it could occur. My DD wants a sister desperately, but when I told her there was no way I would turn down a little boy, she matter of factly said, “Then we will adopt again!” It made me laugh, and I think for all of us it put the matter to rest. I do think the odds are small.
Off to check out all the new baby blogs!!
Gen LID 3/7/06
January 4th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I agree that ANY child is a gift as well BUT I don’t think there is anything wrong with REALLY wanting a girl and being honest to say that you may be worried to be referred a boy, especially when you didn’t even know that was a possibility. One of the great things about international adoption is that most countries allow you to choose the gender. My husband and I really want a girl this time. Our son was adopted from Russia and we specifically asked for a boy and what a joy he is! With all of the delays, we thought for a nanosecond about domestic. But, we were told we most likely would not know the gender beforehand so we ruled it out. I would bet that many, many families who have adopted from China in the past, were parents to boys who really wanted a girl so they chose China. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Whatever your motivation is to adopt, the end result is the same: beautiful babies joined with loving families!
January 4th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
We asked for a boy or girl the first time around, in 2003. We got a girl, as did the rest of our travel group. I did meet another couple in Guangzhou that was referred a surprise boy, and he was the only boy I saw with obviously adoptive parents.
This time we just said girl, but honestly we’d be open to either. We’re also hoping for a somewhat older (up to age 2) child this time. We were trying to keep our daughters close in age so they could be playmates (our first daughter is almost 4 now).
January 4th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Hey RQ,
I noticed the review room date never changed… what gives with that?
January 4th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
As for the boy thing… wow, we have 10 in our family (my nephews) and only one niece… I think my whole family would sigh, but we’d still be happy regardless. Guess I’d never have to worry about where his clothes were coming from, but I’d have A LOT of redecorating to do!!
krj
January 4th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Kudos, Sarahb, you said it beautifully. I can certainly feel for those families, who chose China for a girl as they may have 2-3 boys already at home, are fertile and wanted to adopt because they knew the sex would be what they wanted, with China.
I know we are set on a girl too, have one bio daugther who will be 11 in Feb. But I believe the “right” child for our family will be picked for us and we will accept that no matter what. But, I can see where a family would be disappointed and wonder “what would/should we do”.
January 4th, 2007 at 9:43 pm
WE’ve talked about gender too. Our paperwork specified a girl because we were able to specify one over the other. We have two sons and a daughter and really want our daughter to have a sister… We’ve named her and dreamt of her, what it’ll be like having two of each, where they’ll sleep, given a way the boys’ clothes and packed away the girl’s… That said, if we receive a referral for a boy, we’d accept him and love him in a second… I think I’d grieve for the girl I expected, but I’d love the boy who was meant to be with us…
Easy to say without experiencing it though. I do worry about it. N
January 4th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
When we paperchased back in Jan of ‘06, our large, China-only agency told us that for parents who say “Either is Great!” the chances of getting a boy are 40 percent.
I don’t know if that’s still the case, as I rarely have a reason to call. Since we were DTC we adopted domestically and ended up with our beautiful daughter. So I would LOVE a boy and since I requested “either” feel like I have a chance. I’m sympathetic to the family that requested a girl and got a boy. I think this is very rare.
Patti
3/21/06
http://redvelvetcake.typepad.com
January 4th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
we signed on for a girl…but I would love a boy too…I just thought…when we began this process boys were too difficult to adopt from China…makes no difference to me…when I get that referral…boy…girl…which ever..they are ours!!!!!!
I JUST WANT TO BE A MAMA!!!!!!!!
~Linda
PS…that post is not to make it sound like if you want only a girl that is a bad thing…just that I would be happy with either!!!
January 4th, 2007 at 10:22 pm
We asked for either gender, but have chosen a girl name, decorated a girl nursery and have an armoire full of girl clothes. We have asked ourselves and been asked “what if we get a boy”….to which our response is - a quick room decor change and off to the mall for some boy clothes. We feel like if we were referred a boy that that was what was meant to be. With so few boys available, we would consider ourselves extremely honored to be given a boy. We feel honored simply being able to adopt.
As for the review room, I don’t believe it changes when referrals come out. It is a separate department, independent of the matching room so it is not expected to change at the same time.
January 4th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Natalie,
Thank you for saying that so well. My family also includes two boys and a daughter who longs for a sister. You said exactly what I was thinking/feeling.
Thanks to everyone who is sharing their feelings about this subject…
January 4th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
The boy/girl discussion is an interesting one and made me think of what we went through. When after 20 months of thinking about adopting a girl from china, we were given the opportunity of adopting privately locally it took some serious adjustment time. Part of the adjustment was the realization that our chances of getting a boy has just gone up from 5-10% to 50%. It all took a but of getting used to…we grieved for the little girl we would not be adopting from China and once she was with us we were to busy to worry about it much, yet even now i still have a tough time letting go. We did end up with a girl, but we also didnt use the same name as we would have for a girl from China, it just didnt feel right.
So I guess my advice to someone who unexpectedly gets referreda boy is to give yourself permission to feel bad…grieve…and then do what feels right for you…which hopefully means being the parent to a beautiful little boy from China.
January 4th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
just want to say that for those of you who mentioned about the referral of a boy instead of a girl (especially if you didn’t actually ‘request’ a boy)…
our travel group had 10 families for ChongQing. of the 10 babies, 3 were boys (kinda rare to have 3 at one time according to our CQ rep) and of the 3 boys, One family did not expect nor request anywhere the referral of a boy.
All I can say is that I don’t think that if they could go back they’d change anything. They are in total joy and bliss with their son. :)
January 4th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
oh, hey windthrow! How is everything? I hope well. Good to see your post. :)
January 4th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
We thought this one through as well. In all honesty we were trying for another child and it didn’t happen biologically. After several years of looking at our options, we made the decision to adopt from China. We do feel that a girl will be the probable child we receive, and we did request a girl. What we have done over the past few months, after hearing of these unexpected referrals is re-adjust our thinking and feelings about our baby not necessarily daughter. We have even put it into our minds that we could have twins, even though we did not request twins. We came up with a boy name and twin names too, and put the nursery decorating on hold. I believe that we will receive the baby meant for our family, and that when the day comes we will be excited to have them in our arms.
ff
10/31/05
January 4th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
hey TG….all is well…sleep deprived..but happy. Congrats to you on becoming a dad! Isn’t it great!
January 4th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
yes being a dad is so great it’s beyond words! thanks. :)
glad to hear things are good and you’re happy. the sleep deprived thing was in the fine print I suspect. lol I’ve been told the amount of sleep gets better down the road…hmmm we’ll see. ;) lol
January 4th, 2007 at 11:32 pm
My husband and I put down male OR female on the application. I have decorated in a pretty generic way–though baby blue seems to be creeping in a bit more than I had originally planned (–and I hate to “stereotype” a color, but baby blue does have a certain connectivity to baby boy decor). The really odd thing is, when we discuss names we have never been able to agree on a girl’s name, but from the VERY beginning we knew if it was a boy we wanted to name him after our paternal grandfathers. The gender actually is something that both my husband and I have no real preference about…but I’m wondering if the universe is conspiring to bring a baby boy into our lives.
Funny that I went into the China program with the idea that I kinda wanted a daughter because I was so angry at the number of abandoned girls in China. But now I am reading that even though baby boys are “highly desirable” in China, baby boys are being abandoned more and more by single girls who have been coming into the cities from the rural areas to work (construction and economic development booms in the major cities), and have had a romance resulting in a child; they cannot return home with the child–the stigma particularly in rural China about an “out of wedlock” child is about a thousand times more than it is here. So…even though baby boys are “highly desirable,” the stigma against “out of wedlock” births is so intense, that even baby boys are being abandoned.
It must be so difficult and sad for women in China dealing with the one child policy, and the cruel stigma attached to single motherhood there. I know that they say the one child policy is being “relaxed,” but my stepfather’s son who is Chinese says he has not seen any real evidence of that as of yet (–he lives in Beijing).
Boy or girl, I will be on cloud nine when my baby’s referral comes through. But I really am wondering…with all the boys being referred and the fact that we said male OR female on the application, will a son be in our future?
Thanks for letting me babble here. I’ll send everyone in the room a check for being my captive, online therapists. ;)
LID 10/20/2005
January 4th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
We was referred a boy!! In my intro letter to the CCAA we requested a healthy baby, boy or girl. I DARED not think that we would be referred a boy…
We have 8 wonderful gals in the family …NO BOYS…
We are elated and honoured to be referred a baby (regardless of sex). Had we been referred a girl - we would over the moon too!!
January 4th, 2007 at 11:45 pm
Congrats buddababy! :)
LID 10/20/06
January 4th, 2007 at 11:50 pm
oops, I mean LID 10/20/2005
January 5th, 2007 at 12:02 am
I understood and “saw” 2005
Forgive my typos…our travel group got our referrals last night (late)…we hardly got a wink of sleep…and stumbled through the day…happy, happy..:D
January 5th, 2007 at 12:09 am
does anyone else have a hard time with their posts showing up? Mine seem to only make it about half the time, and even then they can take half an hour to make it in, and by then the conversation has moved on. What am I doing wrong?
I am typing the anti-spam word
January 5th, 2007 at 12:22 am
Like many others, we would be honored by a child of either gender.
Our wording to the CCAA went something like this: “Our first preference would be for a girl since we have a son and feel a daughter would complete our family, but we would not refuse a boy.”
If we DO get a boy, we’re going to name him after his grandpas (both passed on, but both knew of our plans to adopt)…if a girl, she’ll be named after hubby’s grandma.
http://dayadopt.blogsome.com
LID 1/12/06
January 5th, 2007 at 12:53 am
RQ-
First…thank you for all you do to keep the info coming! I can’t imagine how busy you must be at times!
Please remove my blog for those waiting for referrals this batch. We were skipped due to the fact, we were asked to send in new passport pic’s while still in review back in Apr 06.
Hoping to be in the next batch with my Oct LID friends!
Judy
http://ourjourneytomarlee.blogspot.com
January 5th, 2007 at 1:12 am
OK, I’m going to go ahead and say it, we would not accept the referral for a boy. Here’s why: we already have two teenage sons (who are wonderful and we love greatly) and we want to parent a girl.
If this was our first child I don’t think we’d care either way but its not. Adoption is not the same as biological birth and one of the reasons we chose China was because you could request, and for the most part, expect a female child. I am one who does not believe that what happens in the matching room is somehow divine. I think that we will come to believe that whatever child we are referred was meant for us because we will love and care for her and she will become an integral and irreplaceable member of the family. That is the miracle of adoption, to be able to love so completely a person who could have otherwise been a stranger to you.
I agree that any child is a gift and they all deserve homes and families but we want a girl, period.
January 5th, 2007 at 1:29 am
The CCAA has this afternoon provided the following written advice to Central Authority responsible for Australia’s China program:
“The policy of “Priority Processing” will be implemented with
effect from 1.5.2007 and will not be applicable to adoption
applications received by the China Centre of Adoption Affairs prior to the date.”
So we can all breath a sigh of relief they intend to grandfather files logged in before 1 May 2007.
Such a relief
Magnolia’s Friend
http://journey-with-magnolia.blogspot.com/
January 5th, 2007 at 1:36 am
rumorslave:
I do not disagree with most of what you say, but I think the difficulty with the position you are taking is that the CCAA does not promise a child of a particular sex, and your agency hopefully has not made this promise to you. So basically what your letter to the CCAA should have said (did say?) is, we will accept the referral of a girl but will be turning down a referral of a boy.
I say this because otherwise, you may end up being referred a boy. When you decline the referral, at best this will mean the boy will need to wait another few months until he can be matched again, or at worst he will never be matched.
January 5th, 2007 at 2:01 am
In my country, requesting gender is not allowed and part of the training we get before being accepted as adoptive parents includes discussing how you would react to the gender, age, ethnicity, colour of the skin etc of the child. But I do not think that there are more boys being referred to us than anywhere else. My guess is that the personal letters that are being sent include a lot of wishes for girls anyway.
My guess is that the CCAA does not place boys with families that already have several boys and who request girls. Otherwise, they have made it clear that they make the placement regardless of requests.
I would prefer a girl as nr 2 but did not specify anything but the age of the child in my letter. I feel it must be up to the higher matching powers to decide this - fate, just like when you are pregnant. Also, my daughter really wants a brother! That might pass, but who am I really to know what is best for our family? I think the preference for girls is a bit of a Western cultural fantasy, unless you have boys already of course, then it makes sense.
January 5th, 2007 at 2:05 am
I think you have to do what is right for your family. If it is in your heart to have a daughter and you would have problem with a boy then you shouldn’t accept him. I have one daughter from China and I requested a baby sister. I have to be honest, I do not know what I do if I was referred a boy. My SW put the words sister, girl and nothing about a boy. Of course anything can happen but I know alot of people who have a house full of boys and can not have anymore children. They adopt a girl to complete their family. There is no wrong or right here. No one should ever feel pressure to accept a child that is not in their hearts. Great topic, I am going to bring it up at my next support meeting!Hoping for a bigger batch in 4 weeks! DTCL 10/13/05
January 5th, 2007 at 2:38 am
Hoping for a bigger batch? No way. I don’t hope for anything anymore. Just been through it too many times. The more I hope the smaller those batches get. So…I just wait and see. Man, I sound jaded.
Blossombaby 10.25.05
January 5th, 2007 at 3:02 am
slinky, whereas I totally agree that there is nothing wrong or right about how you feel about a girl or a boy I also think that you will not be referred another child by CCAA if you turn a referral down, whether it is because of age or gender. Only medical reasons are cause for a new referral. Someone correct me if I am wrong.
January 5th, 2007 at 3:29 am
It is not possible to request a boy or a girl in my country of origin or in the country of my residency (both in Europe).
I’ve heard 80/20 for China, and the number of boys is increasing when more SN children (often boys) are coming along.
I’ve got no medical experience, but I assume that you cannot choose the sex for a biological child, and excuse me, have not heard of anybody who pushed back her newborn baby because it was the wrong sex.
January 5th, 2007 at 4:04 am
I understand that being referred a boy would leave many families (including us) in kind of a shock, needing to re-think everything. But to refuse a baby because it has the wrong gender is, to me, unacceptable. A child is a gift, not an item you buy!
January 5th, 2007 at 4:10 am
Overhere the previous group of referrals (december) had 2 boys. One family asked for a girl and were referred a boy, there was another family in the same group who didn’t care about gender: they received a girl!
We were LID 31/8 and didn’t get a referral yet (reviewed). Our agency is trying to find out the new date now. They had thought we would be in this group. We had a bad day yesterday but we realize the only thing we can do is wait. At this point we would be happy with an 18 year old also ;-).
January 5th, 2007 at 4:17 am
Referrals of boys to families who have requested girls is not unheard of - the letter of request is simply that - there are no guarantees in intercountry adoption.
Flowerpower - Yes, I believe you are correct - my understanding is if you reject a referral for other than valid medical reasons you do not receive another referral.
I agree with Windthrow’s point that if a referral is rejected the child just does not get reallocated the next month, it may be several months before they re-enter the system. I have known of children in my daughter’s orphanage to languish there for months extra (some up to an extra year) because a referral was rejected or the family accepted and then decided not to proceed.
The following is a comment allegedly attributed to one of the CCAA officials at the 8 December meeting - and I think true it pretty much sums up the CCAA’s view on the matter:
“But some adoptive families seem to shop in a store and want to change adoptee just for: too small, has a varicella on face. We consider these reasons are not ample. The adoption is not just a family choosing a baby, but for a baby to choose a family.”
Magnolia’s Friend
January 5th, 2007 at 5:40 am
O Heidi,
How terrible for you. The wait is long enough when you CAN (sort of) predict when it’s going to end……I wish Good News for you very soon!
Tina…logged in 10 Jan 2006
January 5th, 2007 at 5:46 am
We have 3 agencies here in Holland. With 2 of them you can’t request boy or girl. With the one we are, you can ask for a girl or a boy.
We would have asked for a girl, but we couldn’t because our SW refused to put the request in the homestudy! She mentioned that everything can change and that we than would have a problem if we asked for a girl. Leave the options open was her answer. Ok, we understood so we accepted that there was no gender mentioned in our homestudy.
Therefore we’d mentioned in our personal letter to the CCAA “slight preference for a girl”. That was the only possibility for us to let them know that we would like to have a girl. The agency says that it rarely happens that whith a slight preference for a girl, parents got referred a boy.
But finally we will be thrilled if in the end we will be referred a boy! Same with age. We requested AYAP, but who cares if the child turns out to be 18 months? We’ve waited so long (finally) that nothing could bring down our happiness.
January 5th, 2007 at 6:20 am
Hi, here in west australiua we have had 5 beautiful boys referred to couples in 2006, some who specifically requested a girl, others who didnt specify gender. “A family for a child, not a child for a family” we are so excited because we are Oct 26 LID so we will see in the next 2 /3 months which child are destined to parent.
January 5th, 2007 at 7:08 am
Rumorslave,
I have to agree with you, we have 2 teenage boys who are wonderful! but ever since the second one was born I have said I have 2 boys because I don’t want 3 boys! My husband is one of 3 boys and between them they have 5 sons no girls! We have both always wanted a daughter but knew that there is no way we would have one on our own!I really don’t know what we would do if referred a boy, but I guess I really need to start thinking about that possability.
January 5th, 2007 at 7:48 am
RQ said “At least two agencies received referrals for boys this time. One family reports they specifically requested a girl and did not mention a boy anywhere in their paperwork. No word on the other family’s request”
Yes! That exact thing happened to sombody I know. They had actually Very specifically requested a girl or twin girls and had been lead to believe that their agency had some sort of inside info and that they would be getting twins. She sews and had 2 of everything in pink. They have been home for a while they traveled this past April.
LID 5/10/06
January 5th, 2007 at 8:05 am
I guess I should have said in my previous post that our agency discussed the possibility of a surprice boy referral with us at our very first meeting. We specifically requested a girl, but have also chosen a boy’s name.
Now that hasn’t stoped me from planning a fairy mural or buying the hand made, victorian, 4 post toddler bed with lace canopy. At least my husband understands shopping therapy.
LID 5/10/06
January 5th, 2007 at 8:14 am
If I was referred a boy, I would welcome him to our little family. I already have a girl, and wouldn’t mind having a boy, although I think it would be harder in some ways. I did state in my application that I would prefer a girl since I am a single mom and believe it would be important for a boy to have a father as a role model.
Has anyone heard of any single woman who has been referred a boy from China?
Whatever one might feel about wishing for a boy or a girl - I do find it weird that China refers a boy to a family that has explicitly wished for a girl - when so many other people have no preference. If I were CCAA, I would have wanted the boys to come to a family that really wanted a boy.
January 5th, 2007 at 8:19 am
I think it is a very personal thing whether anyone wants a boy or a girl. And, that is ok. With that being said, we requested a girl, we have a name for her and are saving our 2 girls clothes. However, if we had a boy, we’d be overjoyed just as much! We have realized as well, though doubtful, we might even be referred TWINS! Though we kind of joke about this, who ever our daughter(s) or son(s) is(are), we can’t wait and will welcome them whole heartedly! (Hoping for a big batch of referrals next time.)
LID 11-9-05
January 5th, 2007 at 8:19 am
As my name implies, we requested a healthy boy or girl, no older than 12 months AYAP…We would be thrilled if we were referred a boy! This is our first child and possibly our only child thanks to the new “rules”. When we started the process in April 2005 we decided that if we were to get pregnant we would have no choice of gender, so we requested either sex. We have decorated the baby’s room in a Rainbow Fish theme as it is neither masculine or feminine. We just hope we get to see Bella Marie or Noah Quinn very soon!
Kindly,
Brittany
10/27/2005
January 5th, 2007 at 8:38 am
We have one son, but I would gladly take another. I don’t care about gender; just let me be a mom again. Soon.
clem
January 5th, 2007 at 8:42 am
I know China is now a member of The Hague treaty.
And as you can read in their treaty, are hoping to find parents for children and NOT children for parent..
I think this is where it is all about…
Finding parents for children regardles of gender or colour.
Grace
January 5th, 2007 at 9:16 am
Wow, it has been really interesting to read everyone’s comments on how different agencies advise on gender requests. We have never been told about a possible surprise referral for the opposite gender. When the SW worker told us that if we said “either” it would most likely be a boy (that’s what she said she has always seen at our small agency), we felt that no matter what we put on the application, we would know what we were getting, so we decided to request a girl. If, however, there was a surprise (and it would be a HUGE surprise) and we were referred a boy, I think we would look at that as fate intervening and be thrilled with it. The nursery is painted in a way that would work for either, and on the upside, I could get all the girl clothes from my daughter purged from the storage space!
January 5th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Magnolia’s Friend:
1/5/2007 means January 5, 2007. It doesnt mean May 1st. As in the 9/11 terrorist hijackings, which were in September, not November.
So this information you provide seems to say the new rules are effective as of today.
January 5th, 2007 at 10:26 am
Guangdong -
My agency has never had a boy or twins referred to a single mother. That said, there is always a first time! My agency was careful to explain what their experience has been and what was likely to happen for me, but also advised that I should have in the back of my mind the slight possibility that things might be different than anticipated.
I think of this experience along the same lines as when I was undergoing infertility treatment. My doc had a higher than average number of sucessful pregnancies that resulted in the birth of twin boys. And while I have always imagined having a daughter, I got really comfortable with the thought of twin sons.
I am expecting to be referred a daughter who is already named and has a very pink room and lots of clothes, but also have names picked out for a son, twin sons, or twin daughters. I realized that my choice to paint the playroom blue may very well be my answer to “what if I am referred a boy(s)?” I can just switch the bedroom and playroom assignment since they are next door to each other!
I can’t wait for the amazing experience of motherhood after being a doting auntie for what seems like forever! I am looking forward to meeting my child - boy or girl. : )
January 5th, 2007 at 10:30 am
I am not sure if this would really matter or if it is possible but her goes…..Could it be possible for the agencies to add an update to the homestudies for those who requested a girl but are now open to a boy or girl?
January 5th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Number Cruncher,
Different countries have different ways of expressing dates. In Magnolia’s Friend’s case, I believe he/she is referencing the day/month/year format. Those of us in the US are more accustomed to month/day/year, but I have seen dates expressed in both of these formats across the Internet. Hope this helps!
January 5th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Number Cruncher - most of the world writes dates with the day first and month second. BTW, Europeans, do you switch LID date when posting here? Or does China issue them with America (possibly UK and Australia) in mind?
Nazar 9/29/05
January 5th, 2007 at 11:04 am
I usually try to remember to write it as (for example) Jan 1 or January 1, but by habit I often fall back into the 1/1 vernacular.
China writes dates as year, month, day. They start big and get smaller.
Many countries start small and get bigger, so it is day, month, year.
The U.S. writes dates as month, day, year.
January 5th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Hi,
One agency in Quebec received 6 baby boy around Dec. 11 (for a batch of 15+-). My agency reveived 1 boy on 23 babys in Nov. Look’s that many baby boy is coming.
January 5th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
My Chinese exchange student writes dates as day/Month/ year so it would be 1/5/07 for May 1st.
Debbie
January 5th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Hi all
We honestly don’t care about gender and have said so. When we had our birth daughter we didn’t find out in advance and decorated the nursery in yellow & blue. Its now my sewing room and is still blue & yellow…and will shortly I hope become a nursery again (we are a Nov 7 05 LID).
What I am planning is a massive charity sale for the RQ Half the Sky acct if we do have get a boy as I have 5 years of fabulous girl’s clothes that have gotta go somewhere! So anyone in the UK..if I get a boy watch the boards!
I just have this feeling it will be a boy as last time we had one girl’s name and 4 boy’s names ready. This time we have one boy’s name and 4 girl’s names - we just can’t decide.
Whatever it will be will be SO welcome
January 5th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
I’m single and have requested a girl.
My Mum died 3 years ago (that was the final decider to start this journey) and she said that ‘every mother deserves a daughter’ - she only had me so she was biaised. But that makes me want a daughter even more.
I want several children and really want to mother a daughter at least once. I have chosen a boy’s name (easily) and have a shortlist of girl’s names. I have bought lots of clothes - all for a girl. My closest friends and family all have girls (with only 1 boy and he has a sister). I can’t bring myself to decorate a nursery pink, just in case. But I have made 2 baby blankets in pink - if it’s a boy he’s going to know he was very wanted but a bit of a surprise too!
I think (and hope) that China will refer me a daughter.
But if they refer me a son I will be disappointed for a moment and then exceedingly happy and privileged. The Chinese put a very high value on their sons - I would be extremely priviledged to be referred one. Strangley my favourites in class (I’m a teacher) are always boys!
Many people say you don’t get to choose when you conceive so why should you when you adopt - my response is that that is one of the priviledges of adopting.
It’s a very personal choice but if I was referred a boy I would feel wrong to reject referral on the basis of gender. I would not judge anyone for a different decision - our experiences are all different, this is just my opinion and my situation.
Kate
Waiting and wanting a baby.
http://kes44p.blogspot.com/
January 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Hi!
I have to think very carefully of how I’m expressing myself now. Usually - not always, but usually - people are being nice here, also when they have different oppinions. I want to try that too, but I know that although my English is fairly good I’m not always able to find the right words, but sometimes sound rude or hard. It is even harder when I am upset, and I must admit I am right now. Still, being rude is not my intention, please forgive me if I am. I do respect the different views here and hope it’s OK to express mine too.
Someone above wrote:
“One of the great things about international adoption is that most countries allow you to choose the gender.”
And I think just the opposite… Simply, I don’t think you should be able to. Why should you? I just can’t get it. I’m trying to imagine what I would say to a daughter, who is reading my application for adoption in 18 years or so, and asks:
“So, you wanted a girl? What if I had been a boy?”
“Oh, you wouldn’t have been my child then, I would have said no thanks!”
? Or to a son?
“No, I didn’t really want a son, but I had you and if I had said no I wouldn’t have had a child at all, so I said OK, I’ll take him”
?
I guess I was rude already, but still it’s not my intention! I just can’t understand, that’s all. I guess, maybe it is because I don’t see that much difference in boys and girls. We’re all human, aren’t we? Where do the differences come from? Yes, I do believe in gender differences, biological ones too, but I think most of it comes from the socialization we are responsible for ourselves, and the culture we live in. And even if not, how could one child be more valuable, more desireable than another? Based on sex?
I guess most of us think it’s a tragic and sad phenomenon that Chinese girls are being abandoned just because they are girls. Some of us think we could never ever do the same thing, but still most of us think that the economical and cultural pressure is so high, you don’t blame the birth families. We in a way understand that they have no choice. Or am I wrong here?
I’ve been following Waiting Children’s lists for several years, both here in Sweden and in the US. I have seen how much easier it is for the agencies to find families for the little girls. The prettiest first. The youngest first. But no matter how cute and young the boys are, they usually have to wait longer to be chosen, and sometimes their files are sent back because noone wanted them. I have also seen, both here in Sweden and in the US, that people wish for girls and sometimes are unhappy or even say “No thanks” when referred a boy.
Every time that happens a child has to spend a lot more time without a family than they would have had to. Sometimes the result is that the child has to spend the rest of it’s childhood in an orphanage. It is so common that people prefer the girls that I would call that too a phenomenon. A phenomenon that results in some boys being abandoned twice. What cultural and economical pressure it there that makes this happen? What choices do WE have?
January 5th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
We asked for a boy or a girl under 12 month old. The room is already made in green and yellow, just in case. I’m please that there’s many boys now. For us it’s more like real life!!! We don’t know! We’re not sure! We always taught that the chances for getting a boy was around 10% (since we said we didn’t care for the gender of the baby), now I think it’s around maybe 30-40%… Love It!
I’m feeling like I know we’re gonna win a jackput this year… but don’t know how much! ha ah!!
January 5th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Although my husband and I were drawn to the China program because our hearts went out to the baby girls abandoned based oftentimes on gender alone, I would hug a baby boy to pieces if I got one! I would have to try VERY hard not to make him into a “Momma’s boy.” ;)
I’m wondering if it is a REALpossibility now, based on the comments I have read…we said male or female. Do you think we will get a little boy???? Do I need to go out an buy a few blue onesies???? Please, if anyone has any insights on the amount of REAL possibility there is that we could be matched to a boy, by all means please share.
Wow…a son…what a concept! :)
January 5th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Out of the hundreds of referrals this month that we know about, we’ve heard of less than a handful of boys.
I still think your chance of a boy is way less than 5%.
It is a chance, and it’s something we should all be prepared for, but it is not a very big chance.
January 5th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Guangdong, I know of a few singles that have been referred boys, amidst a big bunch of couples that have been referred girls. They did not specifically request it. A couple of months ago, an agency had a batch of referrals, half of which were for boys! I believe it can happen to anyone, the CCAA is following their own gut in the matching process.
I assume American families are encouraged to specify requested age, gender etc in their letter. We are not, in fact we are rather discouraged… (in Sweden)
January 5th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
NumberCruncher
In the majority of Commonwealth countires (eg UK, Australia, New Zealand etc) dates are expressed in DD/MM/YYYY format.
The date I was referring to 1/5/2007 in a Commonwealth country does mean 1 May 2007. And it was in a quote taken from advice received.
At the end of my post I specifically referenced 1 May 2007. It is effective 1 May 2007.
Magnolia’s Friend
January 7th, 2007 at 12:41 am
We are the very proud adoptive parents of a four-year old boy from China. He is all boy and absolutely the most wonderful human being on the planet Earth (but we are not biased, of course…). Maybe we are lucky that we are open-minded people by necessity (the three of us of are of three different ethnicities and Mom and Dad come from very different religious, cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds). If you believe that adoption allows you to choose specific characteristics of your child, you will be dissapointed. Being an (adoptive) parent is about feeling priveleged to be in the company of an amazing individual about and with whom you will learn more and more with each passing day. It is also about being open, flexible and accepting, and about challenging your notions (and seeing this as a positive way to live life). We wish you the best of luck and compassion… for the sake of your children.
LID for #2: March 1, 2006