Comments on: Adoption gone bad

By: RumorQueen

RumorQueen — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 11:54:35 +0000

I’m not comfortable talking about agencies here. I’ve asked several times that we stay on topic, which is about the law in China pertaining to when the adoption is final.

I have company coming in this weekend and I’m not going to be around much if any. I’m going to close the comments on this thread since I’m not going to be able to keep an eye on what is being said and keep herding the conversation back in the right direction.

By: kayleesmom2b

kayleesmom2b — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 08:34:23 +0000

Our adoption was finalized 2/27/07. Our gotcha day was 24 hours prior, we had to sign a “harmonious period” document which allowed us to be her legal guardian until the next day when our adoption was official. Our adoption was in Guangxi.

That being said, some parents in our group (adopted an older child from a different province) had a *very* rough beginning with their son, I heard they questioned adopting him, and were told it was too late – he was basically theirs. Things seemed to get better for them, but I’m pretty sure their adoption trip was mostly horrendous. And this family was not blind or uneducated to IA, they had adopted another child from China previously.

By: CI66774

CI66774 — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 05:20:03 +0000

WaitbabyWait – just as a comparison – another very large China-only agency made the same “profit” as the agency in the blog and the other large China-only agency president made 50% more in salary than the agency in the blog. It’s always good to get the facts and put everything in context so that a clear and accurate picture can be seen.

By: CI66774

CI66774 — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:54:58 +0000

waitbabywait – I also accessed Guidestar and read this agency’s info – I read that the agency had Total Revenue of a little over 10 million in 2005- NOT a profit of 10 million. Revenue and Profit are two totally different concepts and mean two totally different things. They had Total Expenses (comprised of overhead, grants, variable costs, etc) of 8 mil – that leaves a much lower profit – not unreasonable or unheard of for a company that size (I’ve worked for several non-profits that really make huge profits of 100s of millions of dollars a year). Also it lists that the President of the Agency makes about $100,00 a year – not much – I make more than that and probably work alot less. FYI – a “not-profit coporation” can make a profit – it just can’t distibute dividends, gains, etc to shareholders or members as a “for profit” does. Just wanted to straighten this out so that others reading your post are not misled. Of course, if you feel my analysis is wrong, please let me know.

By: mkmel

mkmel — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:45:45 +0000

Maedaddy,
If you read Vintage’s story she states that her adoption agency did not tell the CCAA to pull her dossier and she STILL got a referral. As an infertile mother she decided to go ahead and except this referral as well as going to Guatemala… I would have done the same! : ) Hope this helps!

By: mkmel

mkmel — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:24:48 +0000

Hello,
It is interesting that this post is on here today. We were contacted by our adoption agency on Monday to view a baby with the special need Hepatitis B. When I looked at this little girl’s face for the first time I thought she was beautiful but my gut told me something wasn’t right. I have another adoptive friend who has had experience with a child with Hep B and when I called her to tell her the news she told me is was not a serious problem and to jump all over it. Before throughly reasearching the disease for myself I sent this baby’s info to my husband at work who in turn told me to except her and I called my agency. To be safe I e-mailed this baby’s info to an adoption medical specialist in the area to get a medical opinion. Wednesday morning I recieved a call from this specialist who hit me hard with this news…. “Your child could get liver cancer at any time although it usually happens later in life. She may have to have a liver biopsy done every year. She may be on meds the rest of her life. Are you financially able to provide this for her?” Truthfully on a $50,000 a year income with 2 boys already, my answer was no. It killed me. I already had printed out this princess’ picture for my 9 year old son to take to school and tell them after a 15+ month wait FINALLY he had a sister. My 5 year old took this picture to show and tell. We had to go through with it now, didn’t we???
After talking with my husband for hours we realized our sons may end up resenting this baby if she was taking so much time away from them because mommy and daddy had to go to the hospital, or you can’t play baseball because your sister’s medical bills are too high. Etc., Etc… We had no choice but to pass her up. I threw up.. I couldn’t quit shaking… I was SICK beyond words, I saw my husband cry for the first time since his dad died 10 years ago…
Before this experince I was very shallow. On a Blog recently there was a story about a little girl in China and the family went to get her. After being there for 5 days they decided they couldn’t take this baby. (The reason wasn’t explained) After seeing this I called my adoption agency because these folks were from the same agency I am with (the story has since been removed) and told them how horrible I thought these people were and why could they not just have these people bring her home so I could take her. My agency was very understanding toward these people currently in China and told me to remember there could always be circumstances that can happen that always aren’t apparent to us and these people we DEVISTATED…
I admire VentageUterus now. I cannot imagine how you must have felt making that decision. It is hard to pass on something you want so bad but at the same time know you have to put your current family first. I have so much more wisdom and understanding through this and know that God had this happen for a reason to show me that it’s not always black and white. I have asked to be removed from the WC list since then. I can’t let a sad little face influence a decision that potentially hurt them and our family. I hope that doesn’t sound harsh but unfortunatley I can’t save the whole world and every orphan in it although I would like to. My husband wants to keep waiting for a NSN Child. Part of me wants to, but the other part is full of “what ifs??” I don’t think I could take a chance of getting another precious face that I fall in love with and get to China only to find out she’s very sick or that something could happen that would cause the adoption to fall through. I couldn’t bare to once again come home and explain to my sons why thier sister isn’t here… again…. It’s scary and I hold on to RQ’s statement that most adoptions in China turn out perfectly fine. Should I just be happy with what I have? I hope I can get over this grief soon and make a decision based on my heart and head rather than just my heart and stupidity this time. I know this post today was meant somewhat for me. For those of us that have never went through turning down a child it has to suck more than anything. I will not judge from now on but pray. It is NOT an easy decision. I feel SO BAD for Ventage. I only know a little of what she’s been through. I will keep you in my prayers and that you continue to recover from this… God bless
Mkmel
LID 2-14-06

By: leigh

leigh — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:24:30 +0000

This is a very disturbing thread for the waiting families.

RQ, I appreciate the heads-up about understanding our legal standing if things go wrong while we’re in China.

VintageUterus, I’ve been watching this blog forever and I don’t recognize your sign-on. Congratulations on your Guatemalan adoption. I understand that you had a heart-wrenching experience in China. I have to say though that your blog leaves many unanswered questions. We’re still waiting for the whole story.

By: maedaddy

maedaddy — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 04:08:34 +0000

I read the blog and it left me quite confused.

It seemed like the blogger was saying that she accepted the referral of a child from the WC list and the child turned out to be SN. I thought all the children on the WC list were SN?

The other thing that I do not understand is, if the blogger had disinvested herself from China and had moved on to Guatemala, why did she accepted the China referral?

By: overjoyed

overjoyed — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 03:31:30 +0000

I had a friend who in 2005 received her referral in the same month as me. However, I received my referral a few days before her because she was using the complained about mentioned agency. That agency she said checked out all the referrals by contacting the SWIs and asking for updated info on all the children. They didn’t want the parents receiving a sick child. Obviously something has happened since then as this story mentions. But, our agency that we’re thrilled with did not do this and our daughter’s information was five months old. Our agency said that China doesn’t give updated information unless the information is older than six months.

By: waitbabywait

waitbabywait — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 03:26:51 +0000

This blog listed that agency as earning over 10 mil. in one year. Some non-profit.
So, I went to the non-profit link provided and checked mine. It makes under 25 grand each year.
That makes me feel much better about my little group: Honest and really non-profit.
wBw