Orphanages
After having some conversations with a few people, I need to talk a bit about the condition of orphanages in China.
I have personally now seen two orphanages, and those two were the difference in night and day.
One of them full of sunshine, tile floors, music playing, colorful posters and pictures on the wall, and toddlers all over the place toddling around and hugging on each other. The other with teeny windows and not much lighting, concrete block walls, very little stimulation, and babies that mostly showed little emotion as they laid in cribs or were propped up in walkers.
Not surprisingly, the child that came from the dungeon-like atmosphere has lots of sensory issues, as do many (but not all) of the babies from our travel group.
That’s not to say that the caretakers were better at one than the other, because I know that my daughter with sensory issues was loved by her ayi. I saw the affection between the two of them, and the tears that her ayi was trying to hold back as she said goodbye to her.
Both of our girls came to us severely underweight, with marks that told us they had been tied to something, and developmentally about half or less of their age. Our daughter from the sunshiny orphanage came to us very soiled, while our other daughter came to us relatively clean.
What I’m trying to say here is that not all orphanages look like these orphanages. But even the ones that look like terrible places can have wonderful people working at them.
If you discover your child is from an orphanage that doesn’t look like these orphanages, don’t assume the child is getting substandard care. And the opposite can also be said, if you discover your child is from one of the “model” orphanages, don’t assume they are getting much better care. They could be, but I don’t think it’s a given.
Once you get your referral and join your child’s orphanage group you’ll be able to get a good idea of the condition of the children from other parents who have recently adopted. This will give you a good idea of what to expect, but you’re not going to know how your particular child fared in the orphanage until you actually meet your child.
June 16th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Thank you for this post. While looking at the incredible pictures I found myself praying that Lily will come from one of the “nice” ones. You’ve opened my mind to the possiblity that one is not necessarily better than the other. Thank you. Also, I LOVE following Glitter Girl and Twinkle Toes, so much fun.
Sarah
June 16th, 2007 at 9:31 am
RQ, thanks for bringing this up. We have friends that just adopted nsn. The pictures looked very, very sad, not going into details here. We were worried for this baby. When they got to gotcha day the baby screamed, pulled away, tried to crawl out of her arms. He wanted the nannies.
June 16th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Thanks RQ. I agree with you 100%. My DD came from a SWI that was very poor, and you describe it perfectly: looking like concrete. I was not allowed to visit, but I have seen pictures from others that have. My daughter came to me clean, albeit very, very thin with signs of mild malnutrition. Her development was completely age-appropriate in all areas. I was expecting her to be delayed and for the first few days looked as if she was, but witin 3 days showed she showed me all her skills..and these were all age appropriate. She continues to grow and develop in leaps and bounds. So I agree with you…making assumptions about development of your individual child based on the SWI they come from is not a good idea.
June 16th, 2007 at 11:09 am
Our ds came from one of the best orphanages in China.
He was well taken care of emotionally and medically.
He lived in a 4 storey building, the floor he lived on was run by a British organization. The Director emails me frequently, and one of the volunteers emails me with what is going on, and she now also belongs to the yahoo group of ds’s orphanage and tries very hard to inform waiting parents about their children, she also sends photographs and DVD’s. She does try to find out about children on the Government run floors, but she is not allowed to go down there. Our agency had never had a WC from this region before, or on a floor that is run by the British. The children there often spend time with the Aunties at their homes,
and go out frequently. Our ds came with a huge scrapbook, a DVD full of photographs of his time at the CWI
and lots of loose photographs. Alot of the volunteers are
missionairies. I know the lady that emails us, is very religious, so I am guessing they are a Christian organization.
DH said all the children there were SN’s, and they were well taken care of and all were happy.
A friend of mine who adopted from Kaz and China said it was like night and day. When she picked up her dd in China and visited the orphanage that she was chased away by the people working there. Her dd had been tied down by her legs and arms and was severley delayed. However, she is now 9, bright, happy, smart and just an angel. I have heard other stories about children, however, this was over 5 years ago, I hadn’t even started our first
adoption then and was totally clueless about anything.
Orphanages in China were pretty bad back then, there was
a documentary about this. I am sure many have improved
since then, or maybe not.
June 16th, 2007 at 11:33 am
My two daughters also came from different orphanges. One was clean and considered “very well off” as it’s in a rich area. This daughter came with evidence of restraints and was very quiet for many weeks once home. She was a healthy weight and was on track developmentally. The other orphange was so remote that we decided not to take the 6+ hour trip to visit though others in our group did. Very, very poor and small. You could tell they were doing the best they could with the little they had. A couple ended up buying several packs of diapers, tissue, formula, etc to have sent to them. This daughter, though very small and several months behind developmentally and, having the worst case of diaper rash ever, opened up very quickly.
Please join the orphange yahoo groups!! You’ll learn if measurements are correct, immunizations on schedule, whether high lead levels are common, giardia seen, etc. etc.
June 16th, 2007 at 11:40 am
Also, fosterfamilies are different. Whereas some of them are loving, caring and providing enough food, that is not always the case. In my travel group, the only child that was malnourished was the one that had been in foster care the longest. The other children had spent more time at the orphanage but were actually doing better. Having said that, I do not think any child can come out of any orphanage without being scarred.
June 16th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
It’s so true that you can’t necessarily tell the level of care by the physical surroundings of the orphanage. We visited our DD’s orphanage in a remote area. It is a very small, very poor orphanage. Had I seen it before we received our daughter I would have expected her to be malnourished and developmentally delayed. Just the opposite was true, both for her and for the three other babies in our group. They were developmentally right on target (pulling up, crawling, and standing alone at nine months), well-nourished, and there was not even a diaper rash among them. Our daughter was clearly used to having her needs met and attachment is going beautifully. I’m so glad I didn’t see pictures of her orphanage before we went to get her - I would have worried needlessly for six weeks before we got TA.
June 16th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Thanks for posting on this topic. While I haven’t experienced adopting from China yet, I think that’s probably a very well taken point not to judge the orphanage solely by the environment. I’m sure it’s the quality of the workers that is most important…
RQ — I’ve also been thinking about something else you ‘ve posted on.. When TwinkleToes came to you she had completely shut down. I know you said you had faith that she would feel more comfortable and begin to open up. Had you seen this before and knew what was happening? It completely makes sense that a baby would shut down. It means they are aware of the major transition that is taking place. When did you recognize that TwinkleToes was more herself?
June 16th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
2qts4me-
I tried to pm you through the forum but can’t find you when I search. pm me through the forum (search for hikinglorax) It sounds like you child may be from the same SWI as my dd (or at least from one supported by the same group in my dd’s SWI)
June 16th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Our daughter came to us smelling a little too much like baby powder and with some marks on her that looked as if she’d had bad diaper rash at some point and been tied to something. She had rough little knees and she was dry right behind her neck. All the girls had similar issues. The girls in her baby unit were healthy. Two from another were sickly…one had pneumonia.
We all agree…they were loved and cared for as best as could be. I’d take another from the same SWI in a heartbeat.
We did not get to visit the orphanage but from the pictures they gave us it seemed clean. But it was still an institution. And in an institution the care will not be the same as one on one parenting. A family I know that got a baby from a foster family found their baby dirty and malnurished. She is thriving now, but she was pretty scrawny when they got her. My SWI girl is on the top of the growth charts for AMERICAN girls.
With Love, all things are possible.
June 16th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Great topic that has opened my eyes to the fact that you should never judge an “orphanage” by its cover. It sounds like amazing Ayi’s reside on the inside doing the best they can with carer ratio’s and resources.
It’s interesting on Inhim’s post that even though it is thought foster care might be a better option for our children while they wait for us, it does necessarily mean they are getting better care and love.
Thankyou RQ for another wonderful subject. Where or how do you join the oprhanage groups?
June 16th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
We had been praying our entire wait that Elizabeth would be in foster care and that she would be loved. Well, she wasn’t in foster care, but she was definitely loved by the ayi’s at her orphanage!! If she had to be in an orphanage, this was “the one” to be in!! It was VERY clean, the director and all the ayi’s were MORE than happy to have our travel group come and visit. They even let us take pictures and video EVERY SINGLE CHILD in the orphanage so that we could share them with our Yahoo group for the orphanage (and because of that I have pictures of Elizabeth as young as 2 MONTHS OLD!!!). We were sooo blessed!! Not all orphanages are horribly bad, but not every orphanage is as wonderful as the one our sweetie was in, either.
His,
Mrs. U
LID 9-12-05
referral 1-4-07
“Gotcha” Day 2-25-07 for Elizabeth
http://www.makingahouseahome.blogspot.com
June 17th, 2007 at 12:20 am
I hadn’t heard about the “tying to something”. Why would a baby be tethered to something? I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around why for a few hours now. Is it because they don’t have cribs and they will roll off the beds?
I know if you would have judged me when I was a child of ten kids… you would have thought poor scraggly kid and it was only because I was a tom boy, wouldn’t wear shirts (had me in overalls) and NEVER allowed brushing of the hair. We had love and lots of it but the duck tape shoes would have made you gasp. Appearances are definitely deceiving.
June 17th, 2007 at 1:25 am
sofalv,
As for the marks from being tied down…it seems like I remember reading about some orphanages who line up all the babies for potty time on their little toy-like rocking potty chairs and they tie their hands &/or feet onto the potties to keep them in place while they all wait for everyone to do their business. I’d like to think it isn’t anything punative or mean. Perhaps the ties leave marks if they’re tied too tight &/or the babies rock too hard??
Karyn
Mom to Olivia, 4, home 3 months :)
http://www.EmilyAndOliviaUpdates.blogspot.com
June 17th, 2007 at 7:44 am
I definitely recommend joining the yahoo group for your orphanage. Our daughter’s SWI was clean, well lit and the kids were running in and out of the children’s director’s office. They appeared happy and curious. Our daughter came to us clean with clean clothes on (an outfit I sent as well as a pair of pj’s underneath). The children’s director gave us her card and asked us to keep her updated. I’ve sent one email so far and have received a reply which I printed for her memory box. Joining the yahoo group gave me a chance to connect with others who could tell me what to expect not only at the SWI but also in the city and province.
June 17th, 2007 at 11:52 am
In regard to babies being tied down - my oldest daughter’s orphanage did this. When we visited they quickly tried to hide the ropes in her crib under the covers but I saw them. Why would they tie them down in the crib? Because it was winter time and that is the only way to keep the babies under the thick blankets (and not have them kick them off). There was no heat in her orphanage and tying them down was a way to keep them alive in a very chlly environment. So in her case, at least, I know the ropes were needed. Is it the ideal? No. But her ayis loved her, I’m sure of it.
June 17th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
I agree that the tying down isn’t ideal but I was just wondering because I didn’t feel that it was deliberate abuse or anything. I know they love the children; some might distance themselves so they can cope but I know that the babies are loved. How could you possibly not. I just wanted to figure out why. My grandmother would tuck the sheets in so tight around us that it was pretty close to being tied down… couldn’t move an inch. I think that’s why I get a little panicky if the sheets are tucked in at hotels. My feet need FREEDOM!!
June 17th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Thanks for posting this.
I think it is really important to look beyond superficial indicators when it comes to our babies’ orphanages. My beautiful daughter came from a poor orphanage. We were told she had been in foster care for the first five months and then was brought back to the orphanage to prepare for her adoption. She was 8.5 months old when we adopted her last Summer and was very, very thin. She had a heat rash and a wound around one ankle that we assume was from being tied. Though she didn’t have a diaper rash, she did have scarring (still has) from some previous extreme diaper rash. We were allowed to visit the SWI and I have to say that the conditions were not good. She was perfect. When I gave her a first bottle, she cuddled up and stared up at me. Her ability to bond with us seems a clear indicator that she was loved. I don’t know if she was loved at the SWI or in her foster family. All I know is that someone had to have loved her and she them. The strange thing is that we were given a little book of pictures of her life and she was quite plump in some of the earlier ones. Based on her condition at the time of adoption, her lack of interest in any of the staff at the SWI during our visit and the pictures of a younger healthier looking baby, I think (but don’t know for sure) that it was her foster family who loved her. I know it is unlikely that we’ll ever know but I like to imagine her being loved.
June 17th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
HikingLorax:
I couldn’t pm you. I am sure that your dd is probably from the same place. I believe it is also known as the pink palace. What floor was your dd on? On the yahoo forum, there are tons of photographs of the place. My dh spent alot of time at the CWI while he was there, taking photographs etc. He really enjoyed visiting with them.
June 17th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Ties are also used around the children’s ankles to keep shoes that are not the right size on their little feet. A strap around the ankle is much easier than fitting 100+ toddlers with the right size shoe! My little one’s marks went away after a month or so.
June 17th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
Our daughter was from a loving yet very poor (money-wise) orphanage. She was in foster care for some of her early months, but we don’t know how many. She came to us rather underweight (smallest baby in our group, but NOT youngest), but developmentally on-target for everything. Our pediatrician said that her bloodwork looked better than many of her American-born babies. We were surprised that she did so well, and she continues to amaze us! She gained a lot of weight right away when we got back, and then it plateaued. She is still small, with pretty decent-sized feet (her feet are too big for those cute outfits that come with matching shoes), and is doing SO well after 2 years!
June 19th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
My daughter has permanent scarring (she is now 7) across her thighs. It is presumably from restraints - her orphanage had big wooden potty chairs that they would tie the babies into, as well as small cradle like cribs that the babies were tied into. One of my daughter’s scars is like a surgeon took a knife to her - it’s that deep. I often ask myself how tight and for how long she must have been tied to get a scar like this…. it’s hard to believe.
Her orphanage was brand new and clean but pretty stark - no bright colours, toys or anything. She was very malnourished and delayed. She is however, smart as a whip, well attached (loving and affectionate) and even athletic! A child that has truly overcome her start in life.
Pav.
LID 22/11/05 for dd#2