Book Review: Basic Childrearing Books
Someone mentioned in the comments to the Sensory Book that you need to be reading regular parenting books as well as adoption specific books. We need to have an understanding of what is normal for each age, the basic developmental stuff. I guess I’d figured that was a given, but maybe not.
I own these three books. I love the “What to expect” books. They are very clearly written and they give so much good advice.
Someone gave me the third book at a shower. It is written by the American Academy Of Pediatrics and is well written but I didn’t use it much at first. As GlitterGirl got older I found myself going to it more often than the other two and I liked having another “opinion” to go to as well. But the two “What to Expect” books got me through the majority of the first two years.
One thing to keep in mind, most of our children are going to be very far behind developmentally. Those who have been in a good foster care or in a HTS orphanage may be close to being on track, but other children are likely to be very far behind. If you are handed (for instance) an 11 month old and according to the book they are doing the things you’d expect a four month old to be able to do, it’s probably okay. This gives you an idea of where they are, and what you should be working on (other things four and five month olds should be doing). It also gives you little things to celebrate as your child comes up through the months. GlitterGirl seemed to progress about a month every week to 10 days. TwinkleToes has not progressed so fast, but that’s okay, too. She’s all over the place, with some things being over a year behind and other things only being a few months behind at this point.
With this in mind, I think that even if your child is going to be 18 months old when you receive them that you may want to get both of the “What to Expect” books. Some experts say that children only develop one month for every three that they are institutionalized, so a 14 month old may be back in the four or five month old range of developmental skills and an 18 month old may only be doing what you’d expect a six month old to be able to do.
I packed the “What to Expect the First year” book and took it to China the first time. And I’m glad I did. It’s a heavy book and took up lots of room and weight allowance, but as a new parent I felt it was worth it. It’s not necessary to do that, but for me it was worth it. For our trip to get TwinkleToes I made copies of the first page or two of each chapter and took those - just the part where it says what milestones you may expect them to reach each month.
August 27th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Those are awesome books RQ! I love the What to Expect books too. I would like to recommend two others that have been helpful to me.
1) Your Child’s Health: The Parent’s One Stop Reference Guide to Symptoms, Emergencies, Common Illnesses, Behavior Problems and Healthy Development. By Barton D. Schmitt MD
(it helps me know if I should go to doc or not! It was recommended to me by my DD’s pediatrician)
2) Touchpoints:Birth to 3: Your Child’s Emotional Behavioral Development. T. Berry Brazelton MD and Josh D Sparrow MD.
Was recommended to me by a ChildFind teacher and I have found parts to be very helpful.
Both books have parts that have helped tremendously. Can’t say I agree with everything but have found them to be very useful.
August 27th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I thoroughly agree with you on the What to Expect books. We read the first one to find out what we missed the first year and because it gave us info that we needed (how to diaper, how to give a bath, etc.) for our 14 month old.
The developmental outline at the beginning of each chapter is excellent! We also made copies to take with us to China so we could figure out where DD was at.
August 27th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Hello, all. FYI- There are a TON of the What to Expect books at your local Goodwill. I love to book shop at Goodwills and every GW I’ve ever been in has a at least 10 in stock. Also, if you live near a Publix grocery store and sign up for their Baby Club they’ll send you the 3rd book (AAP) for free!
August 27th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
I also really like William Sears and Martha Sears’ “The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two.” The Sears are advocates of attachment parenting, so their advice on things like sleep and baby-wearing fits right in with a lot of adoptive parents’ concerns.
I have mixed feelings about the “What to Expect” books. I found parts very useful, and I like that they divide developments into what your baby is “probably” doing, “should” be doing, “might be doing,” etc, but I don’t like that they’ll say things like “by 13 1/3 months your baby might be…” — that seems a little too specific to me. I also find them a little too neurotic about food (fruit juice-sweetened ice cream?? I want my daughter to appreciate real, high-quality ice cream!)
August 27th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Thank you RQ. As a waiting first time Mom I’ve seen these books but wasn’t really sure if it would be worth picking up the first year book. I understood much of what you mentioned but hadn’t put 2 and 2 together to realize that both of those books would be good purchases. Off to add them to my ‘wish list.’
August 27th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
About developmental stages, one kind of reassuring thing is that if you look in different books they all say slightly different things about what you can expect when. I found the “What to expect” book had rather low expectations for the most part–which was just fine because they helped me not to worry! The Early Intervention people who worked with us had much higher expectations and were somewhat alarming in what they expected our daughter to be able to do when (not a problem really, but it was kind of funny that they judged our daughter behind in ways that made me think most of my friends’ “normal” kids who were born to them would probably have been called “delayed” as well! Penelope Leach’s book (can’t remember the title) also is very reassuring, with lovely pictures. It is important to keep in mind that even regardless of a history of institutionalization, all kids develop in different ways. The guidelines are useful, but you have to keep in mind that they are only very general guidelines and most kids, even with their families from birth and given every advantage, will have their own combination of strengths and weaknesses.
I think if you have a lot of experience with kids, books like these wouldn’t be needed so much. But dh and I were clueless and although dh insists he can figure anything out on his own, I think they were very helpful for all three of us!
August 27th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I also love the What to Expect books and have them bookmarked 4 months behind our son-to-be’s current age. At 14 months in the orphanage, he wasn’t walking, but was reported to be a month ago at 16…developmentally right at a year with my “4 month rule”, right where the book benchmarks…They are indispensable!
I also really loved “What’s Going On In There” by Lise Elliot. It speaks to what happens in the brain from birth to three in a not so science-y way. It told me tons about what to expect to be “missing” from my child’s development from not having one on one parental bonding. It doesn’t refer to institutionalization at all, but our IA Ped recommended it and I love it.
August 27th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
I actually got the last book “Caring for your baby and young child” free from Publix (grocery store chain in Florida). So if there are in Florida parents out there, you may want to sign up for their baby club and then you can save some money by getting this book free!
August 27th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
waitingforcelia:
You are too funny!
“I also find them a little too neurotic about food (fruit juice-sweetened ice cream?? I want my daughter to appreciate real, high-quality ice cream!) ”
That cracked me up! Yah none of this fruit juice sweetened Ice cream! We want the real thing!
August 27th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
My favorite: Before we went to China, I read Penelope Leach’s book, Your Child From Birth to Age Five and it was (still is) a wonderful book that nails child development to a T. I started right at the beginning because I wanted to know everything she should have done at certain stages, and it was really helpful because although she was 13 months old, our daughter had the sleep habits of a 6-month-old and had literally never seen solid food before, so in terms of behavior I was dealing with a much younger baby. Leach has a reassuring but no-nonsense way of explaining why kids do what they do, and what your best response is. (She’s the British Spock.) I also refer to the AAP book RQ recommends above for illness-related stuff, and it’s great for that (watch their ideas on childhood nutrition, though–they’re a little outdated). I also used the What to Expect toddler book, but (apologies to all who love it) I was a little turned off by the undertone of negativity–every chapter seemed to focus on the problems that could crop up and spent little time on the joy your child was experiencing as she grew in her world. Just my 2¢. Overall, what worked for me was to have these 3 books and go to each for different things (Leach, What to Expect, the AAP guide).
August 27th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
The milestones helped me understand what expectations were the norm at each stage too. My daughter was verbal, but had emotional delays that were difficult for me to explain to her day care providers; loving nurturing people who were definitely looking to me for guidance on this. Being able to comprehend that the separation anxiety most kids conquer by 18 mos or so was just kicking in around age 2 was tremendously valuable; other social things as well, so instead of regarding some misbehaviors as disobedient they was understood and dealt with as a naturally occuring development.
And I loved the specifics on food - the amounts I mean - took some of the edge off with my non-eater to realize that her paltry intake was actually ok, if not optimal.
August 27th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
The “What to Expect” books are WONDERFUL!!! Since Elizabeth was coming from an orphanage, I was worried about her being behind developmentally. According to these books, she is right on target in every area.
Another book I have really loved is “Super Baby Food” by Ruth Yaron. WONDERFUL book about food for babies. I wanted to make sure that Elizabeth got the best food and Ms. Yaron’s recipes are simple to make. She does a great job of telling you how to prepare and freeze the homemade baby food, too.
His,
Mrs. U
LID 9-12-05
referral 1-4-07
“Gotcha” Day 2-25-07 for Elizabeth
http://www.makingahouseahome.blogspot.com
August 28th, 2007 at 8:07 am
I also prefer Dr. Sears parenting books to the What to Expect series. They are more geared towards attachment parenting. I do like the milestone section in what to expect, however.
August 28th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Not to everyone’s taste, but I found Vicki Iovine’s Girlfriend’s Guide to Toddlers at least as helpful as the other books mentioned here. It’s funny and irreverent, but also full of a lot of practical advice for dealing with both toddlers and other toddlers’ parents (!). She writes as if toddlers are all loveable lunatics capable of driving the sanest person batty. I can see how some wouldn’t like her approach, but for me it was incredibly reassuring and very funny. Also maybe not so helpful if you are trying to deal with serious delays or other problems. But worth a look.
August 28th, 2007 at 10:38 am
I used the “What to expect” books as developmental guidelines books, not books about how to parent. There is a decent amount of parenting advice given, some of which I agreed with and some of which I did not. As with everything, when it came to actual parenting advice given I used what resonated with my parenting style and didn’t use the rest.
But, the developmental information in them was very very helpful with both girls.