And now it is September
How did that happen? Last year just crawled by, but this year is flying. I can’t believe it is September and summer will be over soon.
When we hit September 1st last year they had referred through July 22nd. And as of right now they’ve referred through November 21st with us thinking this next batch may go through November 24th. That’s four months in one year. There is no way to put a positive spin on that. Sure, you could say at least they haven’t brought the program to a complete standstill, but that’s about all I can come up with.
We knew October and November were big, and that November was going to be hard to get through. But, this is really hard.
September 1st, 2007 at 2:14 pm
You are not kidding when you say “this is really hard”.
September 1st, 2007 at 2:22 pm
RQ, the time is flying because of your 2 daughters :-)
For all of us ‘waiters’ time slowly go by……
I love this site. I am happy to be here. I find support in the tough days. I am happy for those who are getting a refferal after waiting so long and o, how I love those picktures every month!
Tanks RQ, thanks MODS and thanks RQfriends!
September 1st, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Yes. Today is the one year anniversary of my LID. The wait has been hard and I don’t expect the next 2 plus years of my wait to get any easier!
September 1st, 2007 at 3:24 pm
4 mos. in 1 year………. turns the stomach. This is agonizing to say the least.
September 1st, 2007 at 3:39 pm
yes, 4 mos. in 1 year is horrible, there’s no way around that. We can’t assume that the pace will be the same going forward however. It could be slower, it could be faster…….I have to remain optimistic that it will speed up (for sanity’s sake).
September 1st, 2007 at 3:48 pm
I am not waiting and I can barely take it. Logging in again doesn’t even seem like an option.
September 1st, 2007 at 3:59 pm
I try not to think about it too much. Really the only hope is that this is posturing for the Olympics and it will change sooner or later.
B
4/19/06
September 1st, 2007 at 4:05 pm
I REALLY, REALLY want that to be true.
September 1st, 2007 at 4:10 pm
1 year to refer 4 months
At that rate it would mean:
3 years to refer 12 months
I don’t want to extrapolate that out any further.
I don’t like the way that looks.
September 1st, 2007 at 4:11 pm
The CCAA has told many agencies and governments that things aren’t going to speed up until next year, and even then they only expect them to speed up to about 15 days per month. They have also said that they expect the wait to reach three years.
I think that is probably as optimistic as we can realistically hope for.
As I’ve said before, doing 15 days per month next year would mean a sizable increase in number of babies referred per month. Maybe they they know that they are going to have a bigger ceiling next year?
For younger families who are in it for however long it takes then the optimistic approach is probably a good one. But for families who need to make decisions about what they need to do in order to bring a child into their life, I think they need the realistic approach.
September 1st, 2007 at 5:11 pm
So I still sit here 17 months later saying about a year when people ask when is the baby coming! Unbelievable!!! I just wish we had started a concurrent adoption in January then maybe this wait would not be as annoying to me at this point. Anyway everyone have a great weekend and thanks RQ for all that you do.
September 1st, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I posted the following in a forum thread a couple of weeks ago. What I should have added is that is has been “politely” suggested to our agency that they not financially or emotionally “nickel and dime” their China clients any more than is absolutely necessary. Thus they are engaged in full-blown damage control by moving as many clients as they can into either SN or another country programs. It’s just amazing what you can learn when you bring the Council on Accreditation to their doorstep. So take a lesson all you naughty agencies still playing fast and loose with unsuspecting families — better straighten up and fly right.
China made a decision, almost 2 years ago now, to wind down its NSN IA program. You can pick your reason: The Olympics, not wanting to be seen as the baby supermarket to the world, internal political shifts, etc., etc., etc. But closing the program outright, with an official announcement, at a time when referrals were humming along at a brisk clip, would have begged a lot of serious questions about what it intended to do with children that would otherwise have found homes through IA. Bottom line – the sudden shuttering of the world’s most popular IA program would have attracted world-wide attention and raised some serious human rights questions — something that China wanted to avoid. You’ve got to give them credit on this one — China managed to close its NSN program without having to officially say as much. If I’ve seemed angry at times, it’s because DH and I realized right after we were LID that our agency understood this to be the case. They kept China’s confidence for the good of their still booming SN program, and more importantly, to protect their humanitarian projects on behalf of China’s orphans. They kept China’s and the CCAA’s confidence — but at our expense.
Forum post from a couple of weeks ago: “We’re LID Sept. 06. Our agency told us not to bother updating our home study or renewing any USCIS paperwork because, while we could get a free renewal if we file before our current 171 expires, there’s little doubt everything would have to be updated yet again. Renewing everything in the interim would be “an exercise in futility” in their opinion. Their advice: “Why don’t we wait and see how the China program is looking in a couple of years and you can update everything and file for a new 171 then — if you’re still interested.” I think that statement says it all….”
By the way — September referrals are indeed on their way. Our agency said so — and gee — they would know.
Good luck to you all…..
September 1st, 2007 at 6:06 pm
The wait is trying. We are not a young family, but are in it for the long haul. I keep trying to tell myself that this delay has happened for a reason, but I can not think of one. I am so blessed to have my boys. My heart really goes out to couples wihtout children. It is such a hard decision to figure out to create your family. Sorry, no optimism here.
T (my anti-spam word was baby)
September 1st, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Talk about perspective…we started our paperchase in April of 2005. Since then my sister has given birth and my niece will be 2 years old in September. It is a painful reminder that as we wait, life goes on around us. The wait seems unbearably long…yet I cannot believe my sweet niece is two already. How strange to have time drag slowly and fly by at the same time.
September 1st, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Wow that is very sobering! The thought of how long it will take to reach our LID makes my head and heart hurt - I’m deliberately NOT going to work it out!!!
It can’t carry on like this, can it???
Love
Gertiesquidge
UK DTC ~10th August 2007~
http://offtochinaoneday.blogspot.com/
September 1st, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Wow, with our LID of 7-28-06, we really feel torn as to what to do. Should we hang in there? We are at a loss. We are not a young family and this slow down is making us feel as if we have no voice or control over how our family will be completed. To make matters worse we know two different families that completed dossiers for Ethiopia early this year that just came home with their babies. What to do, what to do…, my heart tells me to just stay positive and keep waiting, but my head and my birthday tell me otherwise,
Take Care All, T
PS Still sending out positive vibes, AND… thanks so much RQ for all that you do for us. I sometimes feel like your site is all I have for support. You are appreciated!
September 1st, 2007 at 7:46 pm
chinasyndrome -
Do you know what log in dates your agency has?
I’m sure that many people feel your frustration. If we weren’t as close as we are, I don’t know that we could hang in there for an unrealistic amount of time.
September 1st, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Am I confused??? Some days I feel positive, others not so much …..We are in for the long haul as in the UK you are assessed for either domestic or country specified international adoption. If you want to switch countries or to domestic adoption, you have to go back to the beginning and redo the homestudy etc…..With a LID of 3/24/06, am I deluding myself that we are close enough to still dream of referral?????
September 1st, 2007 at 8:27 pm
I hate to be a doom and gloomer but today I am thinking that China’s IA program is on a slooowww demise.
Why, because one they have made the wait so long I do not see how anyone would get in line considering there are other places to adopt from that are much quicker. We are in for the long haul. Currently we are 20 months from beginning the adoption 14 months from our LID. Also with this talk of “Corrected” SN children being given to parents that requested NSN is another big uncertainty. While currently it is a small percentage it most certainly could increase in number.
My second reason to think the program is going to end is the imbalance of boys to girls. In some places in China it has already hit critical mass and the rest of the country is head that way fast. I had a friend just return from China and she said she saw a sign that said something to the effect: We value our girls. It was a public service type of sign. It seems only logical that you would want to keep all of your girls in country under these circumstances. I think 90+ percent of the IA children are girls.
I really do think that everyone who gets a LID will eventually get a child if you wait long enough.
Of course I could be dead wrong so we will have to see if they really get back to 15 day referrals “next year” as they have indicated. My guess will be that if this does happen it will be after the Olympics. “Thanks Bryant Gumble!”
Oh, I would expect that there will always be a SN program for China or at least until their cultural views shift about handicaps.
September 1st, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I think something positive can be said for the process after referral. It has remained consistent throughout. It’s the only comfort we have that there is something consistent about the program.
September 1st, 2007 at 8:38 pm
I wish agencies would just post on RQ and tell us what they know. Even if they did it anonamously. Seems like it would save a lot of heart ache. I know they don’t want to shoot themselves in the pocket book but gezzzzz…this is nuts.
We’re LID 4.23.07. I feel like we’re fools for waiting at times but we want our daughter from China so bad.
Its just agonizing.
September 1st, 2007 at 9:35 pm
I cannot imagine what it feels like for you families that do not yet have a child. We have been in this process for 28 months and we do have other children. Had we known up front that it was to take this long I’m pretty sure we would have went else where. There are many children in many countries, sadly, enough, that need homes. It is sad for the children in China but I would strongly recommend that those of you considering going else where to do so. Most agencies only charge $1,000 to change countries. I must say if I was not close, our loggin date is 11/22/05, this is what I would do. This has been the most stressful time in my life, and believe me, I’ve been through alot. The wait has caused many loses for my husband and I. We have had to pass up alot of opportunties because we haven’t been able to make any life changes in this 28 month process. All of you are in my prayers and I wish all of you the best.
September 1st, 2007 at 9:45 pm
well if you were to ask my family and friends…they would tell you I am the pessimist…and I almost always will fit this bill.
Dh and I are one of the ones requesting a NSN and that initial information about “repaired” children through us for a loop but within a week…we realized…we are totally ok with this. The reason….you never know what lies in store for your children so we are just going to handle it as any parent would do….we will deal with it head on and be every so happy about it.
We were also one of the families that got into this process when it was 6 months from LID…and well it was a year long process of acceptance but here we are 15 months into a never ending wait and we are dealing with it just fine.
Yes the comments grow old from curious family and friends about when…but once you have done it several times…you just use the standard…”we don’t know…” and we move on.
So here we are with 2-3 day batches…the olympics around the corner…and yes we think about other changes that will prob. occur while we wait and the bottom line is this….it is always this….we could be living our lives without the HOPE of a child. We could be living our lives knowing we will never be parents….and that is worse than any wait.
Could the program close…yep….but not likely. Can the program change so that it is strickly SN and fewer girls and more boys or whatever…yes. And we will adjust.
We can’t change it…we can’t make it go away. I am not saying we don’t have our days where we are upset or frustrated….but they are fewer and not for long. I married the love of life…we are healthy….we have a beautiful home and wonderful friends and family…we enjoy our jobs and our lives….we have more than most.
So I guess I am just saying…(being a couple without kids) that having kids is such a priority for us and we want to experience parenthood and give a child all that we have….but until that…you have to look around you and know there are just some things in life you can’t change…and the things you can…you do.
4 months is disappointing…but that doesn’t mean it will be 4 months next year. You have to take each batch for what it is….you can’t forcast too much ahead because things do change…
Hang in there….our day will come. In the mean time…we all have lives to live….enjoy it!!! That we CAN CONTROL!!!!
~Linda
September 1st, 2007 at 10:03 pm
I truly understand everyones angst with the “what if’s” of this process. The ambiguity of it all has been the hardest part. My secret fear all along, has not been the “how long” but the fear that China would close it all down before I got my referral. I am due any day now, and that fear has not completely subsided. I do know that I would not start the IA process with China today-I would definitley go with another country. I also feel strongly, that had I known in March of 2005 when we first applied to our agency that I would be sitting here in Sept 2007 waiting for a referral- we would not have moved forward. Perhaps to follow the path intended for me, I was not to know the road ahead-for I would not have chosen it. I am still on pins and needles to an extent and after over 2 long years, desperately waiting to exhale.
Cyndi LID 11/22/05
September 1st, 2007 at 10:08 pm
All I can say is that my LID is exactly 4 months from 11/22/05… in the 17 months I have been logged in, each month I have expected the wait to be ‘another year’.
I am hoping NOW that they actually get through those 4 months in the next year…
September 1st, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Referrals are in. Only up to the 21st. Worse than I even expected.
September 1st, 2007 at 11:11 pm
tellmemore-what are you saying????
September 1st, 2007 at 11:14 pm
I think you may have misread RQ’s blog. 11/21 was for LAST month-August. Whew, I had a scare for a moment!!
Cyndi LID 11/22/05
September 1st, 2007 at 11:19 pm
I had to do a double take on that one. LOL
September 1st, 2007 at 11:32 pm
sick, queezy, awful, sinking, spiraling, sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. As with many of you, I have had my share of trying to complete my family, and I just can’t believe that the Universe, or G - D would do this…….. so, I have to believe that there is a reason, and I need to adjust my attitude, …. that our little girl will come home, sooner than later.
I NEVER, EVER, in my life thought that I would be starting a family for the very first time at 50, and it sure looks as though I will reach that mark before I ever even see my daughters face………. we’ll graduate from me pushing her in a stroller, to her pushing me in a wheel chair…………..
I won’t pull out now, as my dream is too big, and with my previous health issues, not many choices…. most importantly, I am NOT ready to start all over.
Is there a group for old bags adopting? I’d be willing to start one………
Shelley
lid 3/28/06
September 1st, 2007 at 11:42 pm
Oh sorry, I messed up, sorry!!! (thank goodness I messed up)
September 1st, 2007 at 11:49 pm
It’s all good tellmemore-we can all take a deep breath after that one!!! Whew!
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:05 am
“And now it is September. How did that happen? Last year just crawled by, but this year is flying. I can’t believe it is September and summer will be over soon.”
That’s ’cause last year you were waiting. ;)
This year we are.
But, with summer over I feel like we’re closer, despite the history of the last year, and my optimism has resumed.
C’mon 2008. Fly year, fly!
:)
wBw
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:14 am
I am trying to stay optimistic, especially with our LID so close. I want to believe that we are close but it feels like every month is just a tease especially when we seem to always hear good rumours only for them to turn out completely false. I am confused about this months rumours though. I thought that RQ gave it a 3.5 for referrals to reach into December. How come now we are only expecting them to go to the 24th? Can RQ or someone clarify? Thanks guys. Love this site and am glad for the support and info we recieve. Happy labour day to all!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:44 am
Okay…I have to say this and please know that I am asking this in my ‘nicest voice’…how is it that people that are logged in mid 2006 were told they only had a 6 month wait? We were logged in December of 05 and we were told that we had a 9 month wait. By the time we got to mid 06, we knew the wait was creeping up to a year +. Were agencies really telling their new families in mid 2006 that the wait was only 6 months???
I am so sick of the NOT KNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wendy
LID 12/27/05
September 2nd, 2007 at 7:47 am
I agree sadiesmom I am a little confused about the current rumors for Sept 07 referrals? I had thought we were still at a 3.5 for into December. Thanks!
Danielle
September 2nd, 2007 at 7:53 am
Did ya’ll miss this comment:
chinaadopttalk.com/2007/08/31/a-second-european-agency/#comment-41426
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:25 am
We were told at our LID of 7-28-06 that it would be a 12-14 month wait. In our agency’e defense, they will only ever say what the wait is currently. But I do truly feel that they knew more and could have shared more about the increasing wait. I know that our family’s worst case scenario is the end of 2009, after already waiting a year. But I am guessing that there will be a speed up by spring of 2008. (Positive vibes going out on my end!) Take Care All, T
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:40 am
I will clarify…we started the process in May of 2005…we didn’t finish the paperchase and get logged in until June of 06….I did not find this site until October of 2006…and yes my agency said it would be 6 months….it was not until I found this site and found out otherwise that I called my agency and asked questions….they said at that time our worse case scenario was a 13 month wait…and well now they are finally saying they have no clue….however their site up until just a month ago stated …and I quote “6-9 months from LID”….it now states “20-22″…for families logging in NOW….and I think we all know it is going to be more like 36 +….
So I hope that clears it up….
~Linda
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:29 pm
I’m glad that my agency has always stated that “the wait time is currently X, and we expect it to lengthen”. I feel that they have never given me false hope or false information about the wait. Because of RQ, I knew it would be 2007 before we would get our baby (I knew this way back in 2006, thanks to this site). Did I ever think it would be almost Thanksgiving 2007 by the time we got our baby? I think deep down I knew it would take this long, but I always hoped it would have been sooner.
Tracy
Next, and very thankful. I hope things speed up for all those behind us in line!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I guess what I’ve gleamed from all of this waiting and rumors reading is that none of us can really trust what China says. Of course they would say that there won’t be a speed up next year..they don’t want people to believe that all of this slowdown is because of the olympics.
Call me a cynic but….
My DH and I are being realistic now (for a change) and are assuming that this will not work out. That way, if it does, we will be pleasantly surprised. It’s the only way we can get through this.
Yes, I agree with RQ. If we were younger, we wouldn’t be so distraught about the wait. But we really have to think about having a two year old when my husband is 55 or 56 and I am 46 or 47. Some people have done it and it works out great. Older parents can make wonderful parents. But can we? That’s the question we will be asking ourselves over the next couple of mos.
In the meantime. I’m hoping and praying that things speed up..despite what China says.
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Linda, your scenario sounds very similar to ours. DW and I began the paperchase on June 4, 2005; dossier mailed to China on December 9, 2005; LID is January 6, 2006. Our agency also said the wait time to referral would be 6-9 months. Emails we receive from the agency’s LID group now posts the actual wait time based on this year’s activity.
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Yes, Wendy, our agency for one was giving clearly erroneous information as recently as 4 months ago, and even today, they only say 2 years and possibly longer.
Tokyodaddyo and Linda, ditto here.
We started paperchase 6/19/05, were told it would take us approx. 6 months to get that accomplished, and that the wait would be 5 to 7 months once we got logged in. We were DTC 12/9/05 and LID 1/6/06. I believe our agency HAS to have known that this information was grossly inaccurate, and even once it became apparent, they continued as recently as 4 months ago to give new applicants to their China program an “approx. 12 months to referral” estimate. NOW they tell people “2 years and possibly longer” for the China program. Additionally, they are now more open and clear that their focus is on their being one of the “top agencies” for placement of SN children from China. For both NSN and SN applicants, however, they are now directing most current applicants to their Ethiopa and Vietnam programs.
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Wow, I hear so much anguish and pain in so many of your posts…. I am deeply touched and sorry for each of you.
If I was starting over knowing what I know now, I would not have pursued a second adoption. Period. It’s the truth. I am 47 yrs old now and have some health issues and I am single. I am not rich and I need to spend our money wisely. My dd will be close to 8 yrs old when we travel for her sister (my LID is 11/22/05). This isn’t what I wanted but after waiting for a single’s spot and the big slow down, well, it’s what I got. Sometimes I feel I should pull out, other times I believe it is our destiny. I would be carzy not to admit how scared I am. I lay awake night after night rgiht now, praying it will all be okay.
I am glad I have dd#1 (also from China) to focus my days on…. I feel very sorry for those of you waiting for #1.
Pav.
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:20 pm
As a PS - I do not mean to start the whole who is suffering more debate with my comments. I am just really feeling for all of us right now.
September 2nd, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Started to paperchase in Jan 06 - told the wait was 6 months. The actual wait was 10 months.
Finishing last papers in March 06 - told the wait was 6-8 months. Yes I ignored the 8 months part. I didn’t understand the process. I didn’t know that everyone stands in the same line and no one gets a baby quicker than anyone else. 6-8 months was misleading and I allowed myself to be misled. The actual wait was 10 months.
LID May 06 - told the wait was 6-9 months. Again very misleading. The 4/25/06 batch was for referrals up through 6/6/05, so the families had waited over 10 1/2 months.
Was I told the truth. No. Were the facts sugarcoated. Yes. Can I ascribe motives. No.
September 2nd, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I know exactly how you feel and what you mean Pavella.
September 2nd, 2007 at 5:16 pm
I am soon to be 46 & my husband is 51. To those of you concerned about being older parents, I just want to say hang in there. Kids really do keep you young. I don’t think there is ever a perfect time to start or add to your family. You will always be too something (old, young, irresponsible, stuck in your ways, in debt, whatever) I think if you know in your heart that a family is what you want, it will all work itself out. I know that some people have legitamite health concerns and I don’t mean to make light of those. I am just trying to say don’t get so caught up in the age issue. Yes you will be asked if they are your grandchildren. I had that happen this summer. But kids are so worth it. We started the adoption paperwork in Jan 2005. And if I had known the wait would be this long, I am not sure we would have done it. Or maybe we would have picked a differrent country. But we are almost to China now (LID 11/24/05). I am so very glad we have waited in this endless line. I planned to be younger and I planned for our children to be closer in age, but just because I planned for it that way doesn’t mean it won’t work out perfectly this way.
September 2nd, 2007 at 5:27 pm
I feel so sad reading through all of your messages. Of course, I feel the same way as many of you. We began the process in 2004 and drug our feet because the referral time had been holding steady at 6 months. Eventually we turned in our dossier to our agency at the end of December ‘05 and we were LID 02/09/2006. At that time we still thought we had to wait between 6 mos and there were rumors of a year. This will be our first child.
I wish there was some way that we could channel our collective pain and energy into something that could really use some umph behind it. It is so sad that so many of us are in such terrible pain. If you feel crazy sometimes–I know I sure do– just know that anyone would in the position we are in. What we are going through is the exact, textbook formula for crazy: no solid data about what we are going through, means basically no way to formulate solid expectations to then form solid decisions. I have never felt so powerless in my whole. Strange days, indeed.
JB
September 2nd, 2007 at 5:35 pm
My husband and I are just getting started with this process. I mean just getting started. We had heard the waits were long and did look into other countries and after one big circle here we are and we decided on China. I just signed on with an agency and have not even began the dossier paperwork. We did choose a homestudy and are no completing all of this paper work. After reading everyones stories I can’t help but wonder if we should really rethink China. We both decided to prepare ourselves for a probable 2-3 year wait but hoping closer to 20. It sounds like most predictions are more of a 3-4 year wait for those of us just getting started. I am 36 yrs. old and have two boys 8 and 6 in 4 years the dynamics of our family will definitely be different. I feel at this point I would now want 2 more kids just so they grow up together since my other 2 will be so much older. I have always wanted to adopt and for some reason we always thought it would be China. We have tried for a third over the past 3years on and off but never pursued fertility. We had no problems with the first two so didn’t expect there would be any. With me recently turning 36yo I feel like the clock is ticking…. but a 4 year wait. Even with the predicted pick up after the new year, and with maybe less families choosing China, due to long waits, do most of you who are experienced feel that it can truly take 4 years from today???? I have lots of friend who are having children in their early 40’s and who have adopted in their 40’s and that was just the perfect time for them. The other question for you veterans is, if the wait is 4years and I happened to get pregnant within that time period, then I should be able to get pregnant, have a baby, and the baby would be one before anything is finalized. Do any of you know how that works? Do they hold your paperwork and stop the process if you get pregnant or does it not matter until you are closer? When I asked agencies about this some said it didn’t matter, some say it’s on a case by case basis and others say paper is put on hold. Of course I really don’t want to go through any fertility for some reason. I guess I have heard too many nightmare stories. The agency I have chosen did tell me they expect at least a 2 year wait after China reviews the dossier, which it sounds like it’s taking them a year to do this. I know ultimately it is our descision, but since we are at the beginning we can consider other options more seriously even though I feel like we have thought about this. My boys are already asking when they get their little sister and I just think about them too with a 4 year wait they’ll almost be teenager.
Sorry, this is so long, just lots of thoughts and questions??? Thanks.
September 2nd, 2007 at 6:15 pm
My husband and I picked China for a number of reasons, the most important being that there were many girls that needed a home. I have 3 wonderful boys from a previous marriage and I couldn’t imagine anything more thrilling than to have a daughter. I also wanted to desperately experience sharing a child with my new husband. Although I am 48 ( my husband is younger) I know I can still provide a baby with a wonderful home. Being a parent has been the greatest experience of my life. I have to believe in order to keep going that there are still many girls in China that need a home. My LID is 4/13/07 and right now I am willing to stick it out. I’m not saying I won’t change my mind but I believe strongly that there is a girl in China who will one day be my daughter. I wish the same for all of you.
September 2nd, 2007 at 7:02 pm
JulieC, have you looked into the forum? (See links in the upper right hand corner).
These decisions are very difficult and it may help to see some of the dialog that has been taking place this year. Particularly on pregnancy while waiting for China adoption.
You can search the topic in the forum.
Good luck with your journey.
FTJ
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I check here frequently because I now realize this site seems to give the most honest and real answers. Unfortunately for me, I did not discover this site until after we were DTC. My husband and I started out adoption journey last Labor Day weekend. We had just received acceptance of our formal application and were so excited. We were told last September the wait was around 8-10 month after LID. WE thought.. Great, perfect timing as I graduate from college in Dec 07. When we finished our homestudy in November 06, our SW told us the wait had moved to around 10-12 months… okay with us, not that much longer. By the time we finished our dossier and were waiting for our I171H, our SW informed us the wait was now 12-15 months. Still okay with us, it would just give me some time on my new job. We were officially LID 4/27/07. We were beside ourself with excitement, thinking summer 08 we would have our daughter.
THEN…. reality hit! I did some more searching outside our agency’s forum… you see we were advised against going outside, as we were told everything else was “just unfounded rumors, that would just upset us”. Over the last 2 months, I have realized that we were told so little of the truth regarding waiting times, it makes me ill. When I recently questioned the agency, asking how they could lead us down this road, when they knew we wanted a child sooner, rather than later….. (who doesn’t??) They told us, the wait time they gave us were strictly estimates, they have no control, and the estimates are based on prior years. They advised us they still consider China to be the most stable program out there. We have friends who adopted from Guatemala, starting only a few months before us, and they should be traveling anytime now…..
I feel so totally betrayed by our agency. Coming up with that kind of money, is difficult for most, but I feel as though they knew it was going to really slow down, and that was most certainly NOT the impression they gave us. Even now, when I inquired about switching countries, I was told it will cost more money, the dossier would change and the wait is 15 months… but my fear is, can they really be trusted and what if we move countries and then China speeds up???
4 months in one year… does anyone really think the agencies didn’t see this coming? Mine certainly did not deter us with any of this kind of news… we really felt we were suppose to adopt from China, but I really question it all now and needless to say, I am very bitter about our agency’s lack of honesty about the wait times.
Sorry… I just needed to vent… and my wait had just begun…??!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:08 pm
juststartedthewait
Can you start a concurrent adoption? We looked into this a year ago and I was ready to do it-but my adoption agency does not allow this. If I had known this wait as going to ballon such as it has I too would have looked more seriously at Guatemala before committing to China. OR -I would have found an adoption agency that allows 2 adoptions to be in process at the same time. DH and I felt strongly pulled to China-still do-but quite frankly if we would have been allowed a 2nd adoption in ther interim we would have absolutely gone for it! We still feel she will need a little sib and we are trying to figure out how we will do it. It might be Guatemala. Khazakstan, WC China or even domestic.
Hang in there-I’m sorry you have to go through this.
11/30/05
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:17 pm
JustStartedtheWait, I’m sorry that you are in this situation. It’s so bad that agencies can have this type of effect on people’s lives. I wish you all the best.
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:35 pm
SuzyQ - my agency does not allow concurrent adoptions and has even stated if they find out you go to another agency to do one, your application will be pulled and China will be notified.
I will be 40 in just a few months and was ok about being a mom to a young child at 40, but the potential of being 44 on top of the wait, well, it makes me incredibly nervous.
I just wish that agency’s would be honest about this wait. Even when questioned about the possibility of the wait hitting 3 years, mine basically blew me off as if I was the insane one with this information. The agency website still says 20-22 months wait from LID, which has doubled in one year…….
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Well…. it is Monday morning in China…. PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! There has got to be some news,, after this weekend I could use some good news…. this wait is excrucating! I was really hoping for something when we got home!! AARRGGG!!!!
LID 12/19/05
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:51 pm
I’m a long time reader, first time poster. I read the comments and the rumors, and I really feel for everyone. Our log in was September 2006. My DH and I have a beautiful little boy, and after that I couldn’t have any more children. I do realize how lucky we are to have a child, I do. I had to work on my DH for a long time to get him happy about adopting, and then all this stuff happened. Unfortunately, he’s not as committed to the adoption as I am, and I’m running out of steam. MY DH is 46 years old and diabetic. I’m 44 years old and had cancer last year. I’m worried that with our health history, we might have problems adopting somewhere else, and I don’t even know if DH would be willing to go through everything again. As much as I want another child, I don’t want my marriage torn apart.
I’m so angry at my agency I could scream. In March of 2006 we were told 10-12 months, and it could even go down. If we had been given the right information, we would have adopted domestically, or from another country. We would Never have picked China and put ourselves through this wait if we had been given the right information.
I hate just waiting and feeling so helpless. I feel so jerked around by the CCAA, my agency, even God. Did my agency willfully mislead us? They must have. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am!
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:08 pm
waitinginaz - you and me both - this weekend is soooo long!
Where on earth are the rumors!?
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Nothing about this year has gone fast for me, except maybe the rate of gray hair growing. Here’s to next year flying by.
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:22 pm
runningonempty–I feel for you, I really do. Hang in there, you’ve waited so long already-don’t give up. Who knows what changes may be in store for this program. For everyone waiting, I hope you find peace to sustain you during the wait.
Cyndi LID 11/22/05
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:54 pm
I feel the same as most posting on this topic. The wait is excruciating. When we started the process two years ago this month, our agency said 13 months start to finish (application with them to coming home w/ a baby). Even when I spoke with them last week, they said they felt sure things would speed up, but when pressed could not give me any reason for this thinking. If we were starting out now, there is no way we ever chose China because of the extremely long wait. It’s so hard to be childless waiting to become parents and be at the mercy of everyone. I feel as if our lives are on hold just waiting to be parents, and unfortunately, we are getting older and older. I’m sick of family and friends asking about the adoption and ultimately tell us that we didn’t research enough because “everyone†else is getting children, why aren’t we. As if I don’t feel bad enough! I wish I had heard of this site a long time ago. This is the only place where I feel that I get any information. My agency sure isn’t supplying any.
I recently questioned them about “repaired†special needs being referred as NSN and was told that they haven’t seen this happening except in a few cases. My agency is one of the larger China ones. They did confirm that they wanted acceptance of referrals within a 24 hour period and you accepted a refer w/o having the medical information translated. So if this did happen we wouldn’t even know about it until after we had already accepted the referral. Sometimes I really feel the agency works for China and not us at all.
When all is said and done, we are still waiting but I’m trying very hard to not expect anything. All baby stuff is now in the closet because I just can’t stand looking at it. It’s just too hard. At least through this site, I don’t feel as isolated and alone in my wait.
(my anti-spam word is “mama”…if only I were one)
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Runningonempty…I just wanted to say congrats on overcoming cancer…you have the strengh to get through this…sometimes you forget it….but you are much stronger than you give yourself credit. Hugs!
~Linda
And yes it is monday morning in china…lets stop the rumors and get straight to the facts!!!! Come on storks….fly….fly!!!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:11 pm
Any reputable agency or social worker will tell you when you begin the process of IA, that there is no guarantee you will get a child, much less a guarantee of when you might get that child. These disclaimers are in the contract you sign with an agency. Because most of the time, IA does work out for people, many choose to gloss over these warnings and assume that a disaster will not happen to them. Perhaps agencies would do their clients a huge favor by spending more time discussing the very real pitfalls of IA instead of always presenting best case scenarios. Some of you mentioned that if you had known it was going to take so long, you might have embarked upon a Guatemalan adoption or other country. When we found out the wait times were lengthening (LID of 12/19/06) that is exactly what we did. We accepted referrals for two children from Guatemala this summer while we wait and now that program is in turmoil and may shut down (which it has been to some degree since we adopted our first daughter from there in 03). We wanted to go to Ethiopia but could not find an agency that would allow us to initiate an adoption if we did not abandon our China adoption. So, we have completed one hugely successful adoption and now we wait on three children that we have no idea if or when we might actually get them. I totally agree that it is very frustrating when you are trying to have some control over the spacing between your children and the age you will be yourself when your children come home. Unfortunately, with IA, you often have no control over much of anything. These governments can do whatever they want, whenever they want. IA can be a wonderful way to begin a family or add to a family but I think people should go into it with their eyes wide open. Because it can take so long to make the decision to adopt in the first place and then research all the countries, choose an agency, apply to that agency, get a home study, put together your dossier, get your I71 approval, and then wade through the country process, what was stable when you began can change over the course of time. I just hang on to what our social worker tells us all the time - the vast majority of time the babies come home. Maybe they don’t come home when you expected them to and maybe they come home older than you expected but they almost always come home and then you forget all about the stress and pain of the wait.
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 pm
CCAA just posted November 25 as the cut off date
Whoa a whole four days
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:33 pm
It is so obvious to me what is going on - the Chinese govn started this slow-down 2 years ago, setting themselves up for the 2008 Olympics to look as though their IA program is almost nonexistent. My theory (and I am starting to have my doubts that my theory will hold) is that starting in 2008 the Chinese govn will speed the IA program back up - they will have 2-3 years of “records” to show the world but in 2008, they will want to not have children in the orphanages and will start pushing the dossiers through. I just don’t understand how things could have changed overnight - saying there are no children paper ready and there are just too many people now adopting….I just don’t believe it. We went to our agency’s orientation in February of 2006 so we have been “on the road” for a looong time also - our LID is 8/10/2006. 2009? Looks like that will be our year unless my theory is correct - then it might be very, very late 2008 for us. Chrissti P.S. My husband and I are more “mature” and this will be our first child. Life is for the living - for those worried about their age or health matters - no one knows the future - live each day to the fullest. My favorite line right now regarding our adoption (when people say they couldn’t imagine having a baby/toddler at our age - of course they have been there-done that and it is easy for them to say) is “We are going to get older and tireder anyway, why not have something to show for it!” :)
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:34 pm
IT’S NOV 25TH…. I JUST SAW IT ON THE CCAA WEBSITE..
I guess the December rumors were wrong! Congrats on all the Nov. families!!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:45 pm
Ugh. I just saw it too. Not good. Congratulations to the families with LIDs though 11/25. Let’s hope for a better month of September!
LID 4/27/07
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Well at least we know now…. I will go and have a good cry now… I have had a REALLY crappy weekend.. My birthday is Wednesday… Crap… As Unrealistic as it was I was really hoping for the 29th!!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:49 pm
Abracadebra~ I have to agree with you on this one.
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Interesting! Lately they haven’t been changing the website until the referrals have been received at the agencies.
Making it only to the 25th STINKS!!
Sheila
LID 9/1/06
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:57 pm
well…there you have it.
At least one thing is consistant month after month for 15 months…we are consistantly let down. We can always count on that.
On a better note…congratulations to the nov. people who are included!!!!
And those that were not…I will see you in the cussing thread!
~Linda
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:02 am
well, i don’t think october looks good for us,, i think now it will be november, if we’re lucky
lid 12/06/05
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:06 am
Any news about the Review Room?
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:08 am
I have not heard a word about the Review Room
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:24 am
CCAA have just updated …..25th Nov. Well better than just the 22nd, better than the 24th and not so good not getting to the end of the rotten long month of Novemeber.
Wake up America, where are you all???
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:27 am
Crying in Denver.
September 3rd, 2007 at 1:00 am
Not good. I cannot believe this.
(Congrats to those who are included though.)
This cannot be happening!!!!!
September 3rd, 2007 at 1:22 am
I just read the CCAA site and the cut off for the next referrals is listed as November 25!
September 3rd, 2007 at 1:25 am
SO SO strange…we knew before RQ~ isn;t it usually a few days AFTER that they update the site?!? Man will RQ be surprised when she wakes up tommorow!
September 3rd, 2007 at 5:29 am
Congrats to all the new parents. I’m sorry for all the rest of november and early december, but you are next, stay positive.
LID 14 Feb. ‘06
September 3rd, 2007 at 6:07 am
Nov 25!?!?! I guess the European agency that said “Dec is in with almost certainty” knows as much as the rest of us…nothing. Congrats to all those who made the cutoff. To everyone still waiting, keep hope alive…we will get our turn!
Maisey13
LID December 26, 2005
September 3rd, 2007 at 6:48 am
I’m very sorry, but there will be no speedup after the Olympics or otherwise. China has no intention of referring more than 300-400 NSN children (some months probably a lot less than that) a month, and any speedup would be a step backward to where they want to take their IA program in their mind. So many of you should never have been put in this line. Please see my post post at the beginning of this discussion. And please, please, please — do not hang on every word your agencies or the the CCAA says. The CCAA’s recent trip to the U.S. was nothing but a diplomatic dog-and-pony show. We’ve had some very spot-on info. and advice (from outside the CCAA-agency realm) That advice: Never listen to what China/CCAA says. It means nothng. Watch what they do. And then act accordingly. We gave our agency 1 year on the slim chance that things might turn around (though our agency knew things would only get worse). Now we’re telling what we’ve known for months — sorry agency — but you knew the deal. I hope all of you find your child — somewhere. But China has no intention of giving everyone in the current NSN line (25-30-40 thousand families) a child. I’m so very sorry about this.
September 3rd, 2007 at 7:30 am
What a way to start the day. But congratulations to those of you that got your referrals!!!!!
September 3rd, 2007 at 7:31 am
chinasynrome, you seem to speak with authority, not posing your post as possibilities but as fact. Do you have some information we don’t have or are you just saying what you think/feel?
September 3rd, 2007 at 8:38 am
unfortunately I must agree with chinasyndrome.
all Dutch people agree I guess, because in our country it has been in the newspapers and in the news that adoption from China will be a thing if the past soon. somewhere between now and 5 years nsn adoption from China will be over. and 5 years further down the line also sn adoption will be over.
you never know what will happen in the future of course, but if things stay the way they are then the signing of The Hague convention apparently meant: more domestic adoption within China and less to none international adoption in the future.
September 3rd, 2007 at 8:45 am
All I can say is that the 25th is better than the 22nd– which is what I was expecting for this month.
The 25th is at least one day better than the 24th. Does this put us at the mid-case scenario?
Hopefully, referrals will get through the end of November next month.
Regarding what Chinasyndrome says– I don’t know about China not having any intentions of the all the folks already in line not gettting a child from China– it does appear that with the increasing waits, China/CCAA would expect for many parents to switch from the China program.
Regarding not believing what the CCAA says about their IA program and wait times. I have to say– I believe what Chinasyndrome says. I have a few friends who were born/raised in China who now live in the USA. All of them have said that you can’t believe what the government says. I don’t know that this is all that much different from us being able to believe all that the US government says.
Regarding the adoption agencies knowing what is going on and not telling current and prospective families– I really hope that is not true. Unforseen changes in IA is one thing. An agency has not control over that. Knowing about future changes and not telling current/prospective parents is flat out fraud. I can’t imagine that a wholde host of IA agencies in the US and abroad would collectively take such a risk. The liability of a class action suit against all the other agenices if just one agency came forward is huge. And, I think it would be more likely that at least one agency would state the truth than ALL the agencies remain quiet.
LID 12/20/05 . . . Christmas???
September 3rd, 2007 at 5:39 pm
What I don’t understand is why on earth would the CCAA continue to accept dossiers? Why would they want to have such a huge backlog of waiting parents? It seems like it would be more ethical to close the line when it reaches a certain point - like maybe 20,000 (a 2 year wait). That way people could pursue other options.
We’ve been waiting for almost 21 months and it’s really wearing on us. Even thought we’re relatively close to referral so much changes in 2 years time. We’re really growing tired of all this.