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Something, not muchA European (and not Spanish) agency has said the CCAA has matched five or six days of LID’s. I think we’re still at an R2 at this point. UPDATE: An agency says the 9th is not in, and the cut off is the 8th. We are getting closer to an R3, not quite there yet. 
Note from RQ: The section below is for comments from ChinaAdoptTalk.com's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that I agree with any particular comment just because I let it stand. Posts are generally only removed if they don't follow the rules of the site. Anyone who fails to comply with the rules of the site may lose his or her posting privilege. 104 Responses to “Something, not much” |
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October 30th, 2007 at 9:00 am
Hopefully they are not counting the weekend among those six LIDs. Just getting to the 6th would be horrible, but the 8th is reasonable – although not an improvement.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:11 am
If it is only to the 6th,, I may have to have a crying spell and then do some SERIOUS shopping therapy!!!! That would shoot my hopes of a December referral for us….
Please something GOOD!!! I am not sure I could take much more of this without hitting the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 30th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Anddddd…..reality sets in again. Knew it was going to come, didn’t we? Aggggggh. I’m still holding out hope of the 8th or 9th that would put us on the bubble for December. I’ve adjusted my expectations back so many times in the last 2 years, but I can’t seem to come to terms with 01/08 referral. That 8, although supposedly lucky, seems like the kiss of death to me.
LID 12/14/05
October 30th, 2007 at 9:22 am
I just have to wonder about the promise of the 15 day batches. Doesn’t look promising if even the smaller months continue to have even smaller batches.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:24 am
5 or 6 days? UGH!!!
October 30th, 2007 at 9:33 am
Sigh …
October 30th, 2007 at 9:38 am
I echo crazy4emily. UGH!!!
Lisa
LID: 12.20.06
October 30th, 2007 at 9:42 am
The CCAA never “promised” 15-day batches for NSN referrals. They said that they “hoped” to be able to do two weeks at a time. The CCAA’s so-called “15 days worth of referrals statement” was simply a bone — thrown out to agencies to pacify increasingly frustrated and angry clients. Unfortunately, the tactic is going to backfire when waiting families realize, once again, the CCAA purposely said one thing when it intended to do something quite different. And for what it’s worth — our agency knows this to be the case.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:46 am
My case worker just called and told me they only made it to the 8th, of course I am the 9th… I have at least hope in now being able to really plan on next month!!!!
October 30th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Is there ANY HOPE for those of us logged in this year? Will we EVER get to hold our children? (Let me answer my own question: At this rate, we’ll be fortunate to get to hold them by the year 2011…)
October 30th, 2007 at 9:52 am
premohler,
How do they know? Have they received their referrals or did they hear this via some other source? Just trying to determine how reliable the inof is.
Thanks
PS – I keep getting “baba” as my anti-spam word which is really cool
October 30th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I meant “promise” in the sense of “hope”. I’ve learned that you can’t take any of the “promises” to the bank. :) I think the backfiring is just on us waiters. No one else will care.
The 8th is RQs “bad case.” That’s fine because I think that the “bad case” is the new “treading water and only leaking a little” case. At least we may not be in the horrid area.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:55 am
This is our 1st venture into the world of adoption. If I knew in Jan of 2006 (when we went to contract) what I know now I would never had chosen China nor would I advise people to pick China. This is sinful how CCAA can do this, our LID is Oct 2006 and at this pace we are looking at hopefully Christmas of 2009, maybe even 2010. This is a total Joke…
One of my friends completed an adoption from Russia this year, they went to contract and were back from Russia in 10 months.
Thank you for allowing me to vent.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:01 am
lilysmom2b,
You guys are starting this process at a really tough time. The wait is bad enough and I assume you knew what it was before starting down this path. What’s worse though, is the prevalent attitude amongst adoptive parents towards that wait. Many are angry and frustrated due to the constant slow-downs and lack of real explanations. This has got to be pounding on you and (not to pull any punches) you unfortunately appear to have years of it to endure before you are through.
I can only say that I believe the reward is worth the effort and that we will be here with you to offer support and encouragement for as long as it takes.
Good luck and keep the faith!
October 30th, 2007 at 10:08 am
I don’t know who told my case worker. The agency does have an employee in China that travels with us. I just assume if it comes from my agency it’s gospel.
Devastated as I am, at least I can be excited about next month, finally.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Well, so much for my positive-thoughts-willing-it-to-be-so-rah-rah-cheerleader crap. Going dooowwwnnnn……
When will I learn not to get on this ride at the beginning of each month???
—-
LID 2/24/2006
October 30th, 2007 at 10:19 am
This just STINKS for all my December 05 buddies. We were hoping for a lot of referrals so we can really celebrate.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:19 am
chinasyndrome- how is it going to backfire when they don’t start doing 2 weeks at a time. Backfire indicates there is some sort of repercussion for being incorrect or deceiving, however there is no repercussion for the CCAA, they can say whatever they want and whenever they want and they are not held accountable.
I was really hoping for a bigger batch this time, maybe we will still see it.
Michael
LID 2/28/06
October 30th, 2007 at 10:28 am
OK, OK, OK…so I’m the queen of pessimism, but to you want me to throw a bone out there?
Could this *technically* be interpreted as 5-6 days of actual LIDs covered…not days. Otherwise, they might have said 5-6 days…
i.e. 3&4th were a weekend…so
1, 2, 5, 6, 7 and maybe 8.
That lines up with premohler too…
Not great, but better than the 5 or 6th.
Then, you can throw in there perhaps the agency was talking about their LID dates, and that could go even farther then, but that would go against what premohler’s agency said.
Premohler, can you pump them for some more specifics?
October 30th, 2007 at 10:29 am
chinasyndrome says:
“The CCAA’s so-called “15 days worth of referrals statement†was simply a bone — thrown out to agencies”
Woof Woof!!!
:-\
October 30th, 2007 at 10:36 am
I was thinking the same thing SS but could not formulate the thought without more coffee!
October 30th, 2007 at 10:37 am
cab21404 – I started the process for #2 from China in June of 2006. One year later, I had been home with my beautiful daughter for 4 months, and she had already had surgery to correct her “special needâ€. If you want a child from China, you don’t have to wait years – you just have to be willing to think outside the box.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:01 am
I can’t take much more of this wait.
I need a break from RQ for a while, otherwise I might drag everyone else down into this pit of dispare that I am quickly sinking into. :(
I really needed a large batch to renew my spirits. It doesn’t look all that likely now.
My mom and dad are coming over Thanksgiving and we were planning to paint the nursery. I don’t think we will. I think we’ll do something totally non-baby related.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Here is one sad 12/9 er…..
October 30th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Hugs to you givemegrace.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:20 am
It’s just not ever going to speed up…Why do I continue to believe month after month AFTER month that it will?! With a LID of 3/8/06… I’m always a year away. Sigh.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:23 am
With a 26-Dec-05 referral I am going nuts! With the early rumors leading to the 12th, I figured we would miss the December batch but would for sure be in the January. Sigh…….. On the bright side, Spring will be better weather in China.
This weekend, my husband and I watched a movie with Adam Sandler in it called “Click”. It had its moments, but overall a so-so movie. However, as I was watching the movie I kept thinking to myself how I wished I had a remote to fast forward through this ridiculous wait : )
October 30th, 2007 at 11:23 am
No Luna–it just keeps slowing down and down and down. I have 6/06 LID. I’m always 18 months away, I think more like 22 now with this new slow down trend.
October 30th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Just want to cry…… :-(
I am so sorry for all Dec. 05 LID’s! Nothing else left to say….
October 30th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Sadly, I was expecting the 8th, so this is not a shock to me. I agree with the poster above, RQ’s bad case has become the status quo (for now). Its not for sure, of course, we’ll have to wait a few more days to see if they only get to the 8th. I expected Dec to take 4 mos, based on the overall numbers, this is, once again, disappointing but expected.
There is not going to be a speed up. Yes, it COULD happen, the way anything CAN happen, but all logic in the world points away from that. The sooner I came to terms with that, the easier the wait became –not that its easy, its been really tough actually.
We’ve been lid 20-1/2 mos, expecting at least 7-10 more before referral. I can’t wait to get off this ride!
susan
October 30th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Obaby Ebaby,
I don’t think that’s necessarily good advice to be giving someone. If they choose to go the SN’s route then great, but I wouldn’t say that “If you want a child from China, you don’t have to wait years – you just have to be willing to think outside the box.”
Matt
October 30th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
We are 8th December 2005 LID and I am going nuts, So near and yet so far.
Maybe my gut feeling about knowing for sure if we are in is wrong.
When do you think we will know the exact cut off date RQ.
This site is my only source of info, I owe a lot to it. Its the best.
Please can you unban me from the forum. Sorry for the swear word I was having a bad day, back then.
Thank you, your majesti, your royal lovelyness, queen of all rumours.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Just to add to what MattandHeather said.
It is also important to remember that SN may not even be an option for some people from countries other than the USA
October 30th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
mammam, I do not show you registered in the forum at all, so I’m not sure how you can be banned. If you are signed up under a different name in there you’ll need to let me know what user ID and email address you are signed up under. You’ll probably want to send that via email – rumor queen at g mail dot com.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
OK I have sent you an email,
Many Thanks
October 30th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Dear Obaby Ebaby,
I’m glad your process worked for you. However, not everyone can make the SN choice, and to recommend it as the quick way to get a baby, to me, is disgraceful. No matter how distressful this long wait gets, speed should not be the primary factor in choosing a SN child. Oh, and by the way, for some of us, choosing China IS thinking out of the box, not to mention, the last resort.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
I am starting to think that we can only expect 3-6 day referals per month.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Blondiesmom you are right. That is not a decision that should ever be made based on wait times!
Adomom
October 30th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
New here but wanted to ask a question…. Is there any hope that once the Olympics are over that the process will speed up? That maybe China is trying to save “face” about the adoption process while they are in the eyes of the world right now. I don’t think they would want the backlash like Korea got in 88… just a thought and a hope for one that is LID 4-22-07.
On a side note to the Russian adoption completed in 10 months… that is NOT the norm. It took us 2 years to complete our first adoption from Russia so please, please, please be careful when quoting wait time for other programs.
October 30th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Oh…here we go again…the rollercoaster. I almost forgot about it……
Excitement and tension until the last second….
A big hug to all my fellow DEC 05 LID’ers!!!!
Beate
LID 12/08 2005
October 30th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
We are beginning to hear a little more rumors, let’s see how far the CCAA will take us into Dec. Much aloha to my Dec buddies, hang in there. Thanks for the reminder Beate
October 30th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
phhlsm:
Welcome…as for the olympic question..that is something that has been discussed here quite a bit. Some think that it is a big factor, some a small factor, some no factor at all. Opinions are all over the map on this one.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I really wanted to see the 10th as the cutoff but I have moved away from the ledge! Looking at RQ’s prediction chart I still think I could see a referral in April. I guess I’ll have to just wait until next month to see if it gets any worse!
October 30th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Dear Obaby Ebaby,
We are LID 3/22/06. I contacted our agency and they get the list of special needs kids 4 times a year. They say at this time the list of families ahead of us who want minor SN is long. Perhaps if we got on board earlier like you. Switching to special needs, switching counties or staying the course all amounts to the same wait pretty much. Also, SN brings with it medical bills. My husband is self employed so we are insured through my work. Our insurance has a lifetime cap which can be used up quickly with repeated surgeries. Even something like a cleft can add up. We are not wealthy therefore we need to consider the cost of taking on a child with guaranteed medical expenses attached. And Yes, we know if could happen with NSN and we will cross that road when and if we come to it.
October 30th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
blondiesmom, I’m right there with you, definitely last hope for baby for us. I was really hoping the CCAA would get into double digits for December. Rats!
October 30th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
As a mother to 3 SN children, let me just say that a shorter timeline is the absolute WORST reason to adopt a SN child. There are about a million factors that play into adopting a SN child, but a quicker timeline should not be one of them. I can’t imagine a more horrible situation for a child than to be adopted by someone ill-prepared to parent their special needs, but who wanted to jump to the front of the line.
I am all for adopting SN kids, but for the right reasons.
October 30th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
pathetic.
October 30th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Any word on if they’ve been mailed??
October 30th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
I have been feeling it was going to be the 8th but I have nothing to back this feeling up. It just felt it was way too optimistic to think they could get all the way to the 12th.
I would love to be dead wrong here.
We’re LID 2/28/06 and I swear it never feels like we get any closer.
:(
October 30th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
*sniff, sniff*
‘Nuff said!
October 30th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Reviews, any word on reviews….my wife and I are LID 10/13/06. I want to know that we made it out of review and that way I can close the CCAA website and revisit it in say 2010 to see where we are.
Yes folks my wife and I are having a hard time with this, but I am sure we are not alone….
October 30th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
September is not out of review yet so even though your personal file may be through review depending upon whether or not your agencies reviewer is ahead or behind the curve, we will not have official notice from CCAA on October for a while yet. I suspect you have at least 4 or more weeks to wait yet.
October 30th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Out of curiosity I found that Spanish site. I am amused by the drama. Today, If the translation is correct, they will stop until futher notice because of the “hatred” they are receiving for reporting the cut off being the 12th.
October 30th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Pahlsm
I am not even believeing in that any more. People’s eyes are on China now before the Olympics. Now, after the Olympics, even more people will have opened their eyes towards China, which will make them work even harder to save “face”. I at least think it will be a long time after the Olympics when people start not looking so closely at them again.
ANd just for curiosity; What backlash did Korea get in ’88?
I am very happy for y’all with an early December 05 LID, keeping my fingers crossed for the 8th, at least, and hopefully the 12th.
October 30th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
WOW!
I am happy for all that make it in this cut off and hugs go out to thoes that just miss it.
I am with mom222b I do not feel like I am getting any closer to our first and at this rate only child. Sniff
RumorQueen
Taking a total guess as we all know is all we can do….. what would be the soonest I would expect referral at this rate?
I am new to the site and have a LID of 2-13-06
Sorry if you have gooten this Q before!
October 30th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
I have been soooooooo optimistic about December being matched quickly… I don’t want to be wrong… feeling sucker punched in the gut again… Shoot, at this point I’ll be happy about the eighth… anything over a week is better than 3-6 days. I’m going to try and muster up some more optimism… trying… trying… whew, this is hard… trying…
October 30th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Paddington- I think the reference was to a comment made by a US newscaster in Korea during the Olympics- he said something along the lines of ‘babies are Korea’s top export’. Korea did not appreciate that, needless to say.
October 30th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
By the way, if they get to the 8th, that is really only about 4 LIDs since there are so few people logged in on Dec 1-2 and Dec 3-4 are weekend days. Believe me when I say I’m not trying to be a downer. This coming from someone with a Dec 9 LID…. :-(
October 30th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
On the korea subject.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C0CE6D9153DF931A25751C0A966958260
the more things change….
October 30th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Dirgy; Did you ever check out your LID at the chinaadoptionforecast? I think their predictions of referrals are eh “interesting”, but worth checking out.
Thanks alot for info about the Korea backlash, givemegrace and windthrow!
October 30th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
This is the loooongest week of my life! I cannot believe it’s only Tuesday! UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!
LID 12/5/05
My anti-spam word is baby and I can’t wait to see a picture of mine soon!!!!!
October 30th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
babyshae,
You aren’t kidding! Longest week EVER!
Good luck to you.
October 30th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Hi Everyone. I have been a lurker of sorts on this site for months now – LID Dec. 28, 2005. We started the process of adoption in Aug of 2004. We have no children…I will be 47 in Feb and my huband will be 45 in Jan. If China continues at 3 or so days a pop we will have some serious soul searching to do.
Cab21404 – We began in persuit of a Russian adoption. After 14 mos of delays and rumors and agency pacifying – the worst….a dismantled nursery. Russia had stopped all “independent” adoptions – adoptions though agencies not accredited with their gov’t. We were never informed about the difference between accredited & non-accredited (we trusted the experts) and our choice of agency was very unfortunate. Had we chosen an accredited agency, we would most likely be home with our child 2 or more years now.
So in Oct of 2005 we began again with China, with the promise of a smooth process and a 6-8 month wait. As the slow-downs became evident in China, we decided to persue a domestic adoption here in the US, concurently with China. We were honest with our agency, who, insisted we stop the domestic route immediately in order to continue with China. (By the way….is that an agency or China rule?) So here we are……
I try to believe that there is a reson for everthing. That for all of what seems to be nothing more than wasted time and life on hold…there is a purpose. That the day I look into my babies eyes it will become clear that the wait was because it had to be THIS baby. The days I believe this are good days – the days I don’t, are the pits.
The moral of my story, Cab, is that maybe Russia was meant for your friend…but not for you or I. Now try to believe this, don’t 2nd guess your choices and have a good….or better day.. : )
October 30th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Obviously, we are not on the same page here. To me, what is “disgraceful†is that so many people are willing to wait 3, 4 5 years for the perfect, healthy child rather than consider a less than perfect child who could be in your arms in a matter of months. For me, it’s not a matter of thinking gee, I could cut my wait by accepting a “scratch and dent†baby rather than waiting on a perfect model (yes, I’m being flippant). Instead, it’s changing your mind set to why would I wait 5 years for a “healthy†baby(who may or may not have medical issues) when I could have one now who has a known condition and who needs me NOW??? I know SN isn’t an option for everyone, but it is an option for a whole lot of people who don’t even realize what SNs really are. It’s not all cleft lips and heart defects. If one person reads something I’ve written and says, “you know, we could handle a SN like Ying’s†then I’ve done some good in the world! I’m not saying “Rush right out and adopt a SN baby!†I’m saying look at your options and know that you don’t HAVE to wait for a NSN referral to have a healthy, happy, beautiful Chinese daughter.
October 30th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
OBaby, I totally agree with you!
October 30th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Obaby Ebaby, I appreciate your message, but, I can’t help but feel that you have slammed a whole bunch of people who have considered their options and decided that NSN is best for their family. Also, it’s getting so hard to switch to SN and some people don’t have the option, so it kind of rubs salt in the wounds of people who would switch in a heartbeat but can’t with the changes CCAA has implemented. And, some agencies have long, long, did I say long? waiting lists for SN adoptions…some families have been waiting months for a SN referral. I, for one, would love to switch to SN, but since it is not an option with my agency, I have started the process for a waiting child from another country. I think your message is great, but the way you delivered it might be lost on some. Congrats on your daughter! I’m glad the process worked out well for you.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
>>To me, what is “disgraceful†is that so many people are willing to wait 3, 4 5 years for the perfect, healthy child rather than consider a less than perfect child
October 30th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Obaby
I would be very willing to adopt a SN baby and have applied for 6, but my agency does a lottery to review their files and I have not been chosen yet and may never be chosen. I can’t switch agencies to find a SN child that is available-not allowed anymore. I wish it was as easy as opening your heart to SN, but depending on what agency you chose when you were just starting this process it is not as easy as you make it sound (I wish it was). On top of this wait, every 3 months when the WC list comes out, I get my hopes up, find a wonderful child or children, apply for their file and then not be chosen again. Then I feel guilty being so sad for not getting chosen when I know I should just be glad they have a family now. So sometimes, yes, you do have to wait because the SN option is not as easy as you make it sound.
Let’s not attack each others paths to a family because there are many factors that lead a person down a particular path.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
TRYING AGAIN….
>>To me, what is “disgraceful†is that so many people are willing to wait 3, 4 5 years for the perfect, healthy child rather than consider a less than perfect child
October 30th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
I’m not sure that it’s about waiting for a perfect child. To think that would be assuming we know everything about each individual family’s situation. It is such a personal decision. We chose to adopt rather than persue fertility when we found, by total suprise to both of us and our families, that we were both carriers for cystic fibrosis. It was an easy choice as neither of us felt genetics was very important – so why take a chance? That choice is also very personal – we never thought when we began adoption that this would be our course.
About 6 months ago we submitted an application for a waiting child with a heart condition – a little boy of 4 living with a foster family in China. We have the means to give him the best medical care in the US – and a very happy marriage. We were turned down because we were married 4 years and I had been married once before. The China rule is with one divorce you need to be married 5 years. Also, we would have had to forfeit the adoption we are currently waiting for. The agency told us to check back in a year. I think that’s disgraceful.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
“To me, what is “disgraceful†is that so many people are willing to wait 3, 4 5 years for the perfect, healthy child rather than consider a less than perfect child”
Obaby, this is rather shaming don’t you think? And it is an over simplification. Adoptive parents hear comments like this all the time, some think it is disgraceful that we adopt abroad, disgraceful that we don’t consider older children, disgraceful that we choose Asian over some other nationality etc. I am amazed at all the people who think I care how they think my family should be built. The bottom line is My husband and I decide who our child will be and who are you to call us disgraceful!
October 30th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I am really hoping that this will not turn into conversation where families turn on each other and/or criticize one’s decision to stay in the NSN program.
There are many reasons why people build their families in the way they do. The criticism over a family staying in the NSN program rather than pursuing a SN adoption is not all that dissimilar to the type of criticism many families have experienced from those who would condemn our decisions to adoption internationally versus domestically.
One’s family’s choice to remain in the NSN program is no more or less valid than a family’s decision to consider SN. For some, chosing SN is an wonderful option; for others, it is not a good fit.
Let’s try to remain supportive.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
I agree with Pengyou. Lets try to remain supportive. I know we are all upset by the small number of days that may be referred again this month, but I think we should all try to be supportive of our individual choices about the why and how we build our families. I am so sorry that things are the way that they are…but the one thing I value in this site above all things is the support and tolerance that we try to show each other. Please lets try to retain this…
Respectfully, CTG
October 30th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
We are all tired. We are all anxious. We are all a little crazy and nervous and desperate and sick of waiting and waiting and waiting. Let’s try to be kind to each other. We are all in this together.
October 30th, 2007 at 6:53 pm
RQ,
There is talk on the forum that TA’s are arriving tomorrow. How long do referrals usually arrive after TA’s? Typically?
Adomom
October 30th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
I knew the 12th was too good to be true. By the way, Obaby, I got on my agency’s waiting child list back in May and was told that at it was highly doubtful that I would receive a referral any sooner as so many other families were on the list before me.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
I’m another one who would happily switch to the SN list, but our agency discourages switching once you are logged in for NSN. We’d have to start our whole process over, and with the wait time our wait would be about the same as what we are facing for NSN. With the costs involved in switching, it would guarantee that we wouldn’t be able to adopt a second child (who would probably be SN). If we’d known it would be so difficult to switch, we might have researched SN more closely in the first place. We’re enduring this heartbreakingly long wait because we don’t feel we have other options.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge others without knowing their situations.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
I sit here having a chuckle at my husband who is rolling his eyes and smurking….why? Well I think he’s hit it on the head, RQ at this time of the month is like placing a whole bunch of women in the same room together, at the same time of the month, supplying no chocolate or wine and then throwing away the key. He then kindly said to me, what can we all expect when we’ve been so pregnant for so long…yes he does consider me pregnant bless his heart.
The SN vs NSN, and the IA vs Domestic . Concurrent vs non concurrent, children already vs no children therefore your wait must be easier because you have children already. etc etc etc. will always continue to raise emotions and will always have two sides to the debate.
Today’s post by RQ is about how far we get this month.
Let’s be kind to each other, and supportive, while so many of us Do continue to wait for sometimes the only option available to us.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Obaby Ebaby:
I think the other thing you need to realise, is that many countries don’t have the option of adopting a special needs child form China.
Here in the UK we don’t have that opportunity.
So yes, you ARE rubbing salt in the wounds of many people who don’t have that option open to them.
Marion.
LID for DD no. 2: March 7th 2006.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
I second the question about TAs. Are those really coming?
And does every other thread have to delve yet again into the SN/NSN debate? Lets just be supportive please. We all make our choices for a reason.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
I meant the RQ site not Her Majesty:) Can you imagine us all trying to fit into RQ’s lounge and then RK locking us in!!
October 30th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
Time once again for the play nice warning.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
Thank you meighansmomma! It’s not that I think we shouldn’t discuss important issues but I really think everyone is misunderstanding each other a little bit here. This discussion has escalated to anger when really everyone is on the same page, I don’t get it. So who’s going to yell at me now? Whenever I put my opinion out there in these situations someone promptly bites my head off. Don’t we have anything better to do than attack each other like pick lint off of our sweaters or something?
It’s been a long day. Maybe there will be some good news in the morning and all of our nerves will calm down a bit. This has been one rough ride for ALL of us.
So let’s all take a moment and sing IMAGINE by John Lennon….just kidding.
October 30th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Here, here bornfromtheheart! Blechhhhh already! Anti spam word Hunan – would like to go there, we’ll see very soon.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
My first time posting. This is really depressing. We started the process one year ago. We were told the wait would be about 17months from LID. At the time I thought that was a long time, but it would give us the time to save up for the journey. Our LID is 4-17-07. It could be years. We should have researched the whole thing, but we were so excited about adopting from China. I really feel that our adoption will never happen.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I agree with everyone else that we should all play nice. It is totally a personal decision to choose SN or not. I too have tried many times and guess what? The wait is just as long-its not like you get to move to the front of the line. We are talking about our families here, not animals!
Anyway, this will just add fuel to the fire but did anyone see the artice today about how many SN kids are born in China each day? It said one every 30 seconds and that 20 million children are born in China per year. WHERE ARE THE BABIES?
October 30th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
Never posted but read this sight daily. We have a log-in date of Feb. 16, 06, I was really really hoping for something between the 10th-12th, well its not looking good and I’ve excepted it……….now! Would love to join the Feb. chat room,just not sure how too, although my husband got me to where I could type this he might just have a clue about that one to.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Borninmyheart … Well said!!! I am tired of these comments turning into a flame fest every time. This is why I normally stick to the forum and don’t even read these.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Cab21404, I just wish my husband was as involved as you.
I see at least another year for us…….. . can’t take this any longer, It’s gotta be at least a year before we see our babies face….. what was I thinking…. I just want to be a Mom, entered our 20th month… I know, shut up. Sorry, I’m just freakin’ out a little. Okay, deep breath……… nice and easy, there, I’m better now…….
Shelley lid 3/28/06………
My thoughts and prayers are with those up next, as always, hoping for chunks of December to be chipped away………… :)
October 30th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
bornfromtheheart,
Your husband must not think very highly about women. The comment about “putting them all in a room at that time of the month with wine and chocolate!” Talk about belittling!
Lets get back to the topic people and stop snipping at eachother people!
October 30th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
According to our agency they only went through the 8th. On a bad note wanted more days, but on a good note better than 3-5. Let’s pray for more next month.
Hugs for all the 9th LIDs.
LID 2-13-06 Hoping to hold my baby before 2009!
October 30th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
I don’t know why I bother getting my hopes up at all anymore. It feels like things are never going to improve.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I am sorry if people are offended or wounded by what I’ve written, but truly, it is about touching one person’s heart and letting them see the reality of living with a SN kid. And if the private emails I’ve received today are any indication, it may be more like two or three people who never realized that not all SN kids require multiple surgeries or years of therapies. I know it’s not for everyone, and I understand that it’s not even an option for many, but for those two or three families, it may not just be an option, it might be their future! So, I will continue to exalt the virtues of the SN program because to me, every child matters. Every imperfect little soul that finds a loving family is another victory.
BTW, my first adoption was a NSN referral because at the time, I didn’t know there were any other options.
October 30th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
hi everyone, i read this blog all the time. I also know how stressful and long this wait has been, I have a lid of 12/06/05, and i have great faith that i am in this month. I read this blog obsessively. I have a feeling we will get our referral on Nov 5th, that would have been my grandmothers birthday, she passed away 4 years ago and i miss her everyday. I don’t know if it’s a full moon or what, traffic was terrible today, people at work were at each others throats.
todays blog seems to be along the same lines.. On a lighter note, i am watching “the biggest loser” and what a soap opera this show has become.. I guess all that dieting has made the biggest losers a little on edge, they must be hungry.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
adomom12,
I can see what bornfromthehearts DH is saying.
He is talking about snippiness in hormonally affected women. Well I have to say that I know what it feels like now having sat through this wait. I have never had so many highs and lows.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
adomom12,
Breathe, breathe, breathe. Don’t worry we’re next. I know how hard this week has been, it’s really getting to us all. I think that borninmyhearts DH just meant that with all the highs and lows of the rumor time of the months has us all a little edgey. I know it has affected me. When the 12th rumor was going on I was soaring…now I feel like crap. Let’s all support eachother and prepare to celebrate as we get our referrals very soon.
(((HUGS)))
goingtochina08
October 30th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Rule Number One: Be Nice.
There is some judgmental stuff being said that is kind of harsh. Let’s try to say what we want to say without being judgmental. Please.
October 30th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
it is interesting to see so many first time/new posters with LIDs in December–the month may be much bigger than anticipated, as these people are surely not represented in the prior polls…something to consider…although i fervently wish that all of december could be referred tomorrow!!!!
October 30th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
I have been totally misunderstood and wish I could just delete my posts.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
anxiously waiting …..bingo!
adomom12, Don’t delete your posts, as you really have made me reflect on just how wonderful my husband is.
I’m sorry if you can’t see the lighter side, of my post. I knew someone, from somewhere would have to bite and create another debate. Otherwise this site wouldn’t be almost normal. Your summation re my husband could not be more from the truth. He idiolizes women, and has me as high on his pedastool as he can. He asked for my fathers permission for my hand in marriage, flowers every valentines, never forgotten an anniversary (19yrs on), still opens the car door for me, and taking me away this weekend. And I don’t have to split the bill!! even though I work fulltime. He’s learnt to cook, and so I might only have to cook once a week, and then he cleans up.
He sorts the whites from the colours and can iron a business shirt as good as any female.
He certainly knows how to read women, respect them, but is smart enough to know when to keep away. And also smart enough to know when to bring me home chocolate and wine. I love being “pregnant”, and the last 3yrs for me hasn’t been so bad after all. It has definitely brought us closer, we’ve read together, cried together and dreamt of our little girl together.
If anyone else is “due” in December, I really hope you see your little ones faces soon. As a March LID, and someone who has been trecking this journey since July 2004, I think I can honestly express I get “bitchy” every month. It’s called hormones, so pity help my husband when it really is our turn.
Three cheers for all the husbands, (and wives pending on the poster) who have been there to support and love us. Just awesome.
October 30th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
I was not trying to bite or create debate! Again, totally misunderstood!
October 30th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
bornfromtheheart,
I don’t think adomom was attempting to create debate at all! The way you stated your DH’s comment made it sound very sexist – wether he meant it that way or not. This is a stressful time of month, especially for those of us who are next. Plesae play nice, and don’t point fingers at people for “creating debate” when you posted something that could be read as controversial.
HannaJ
LID 12/5/05
October 30th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Can’t we just call it a night and all try really hard to wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow morning?
October 31st, 2007 at 1:41 am
For the record, I did not start this. I simply was defending women and it got blown way out of context. Please stop blaming me for the whole thread being flamed.