Wait Times
A European agency is reporting that the CCAA feels the wait will reach 3 to 4 years, and will begin to come down once they begin referring the May 2007 families.
Nothing we haven’t already heard, but it’s out there so I’m reporting it.
Do I believe it? Good question. My math tells me the maximum wait is more likely to be somewhere between 4 and 5 years, not 3 and 4 years. So, maybe the CCAA knows something we don’t, or maybe this is coming from the same entity who said “not more than a year” and then “not more than 18 months”.
I don’t see anything new on a possible cut off date this morning.
January 28th, 2008 at 8:46 am
At this moment, I guess only time will tell… but this will be a long ride… :o(
January 28th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I believe the part about the wait going down once they’re referred the May 2007 (or April 2007) families, that’s an easy one. I sure would love to believe the rest, but I guess I’m with RQ on this one - I’m thinking in the ballpark of 5 years.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:30 am
We were also told that December 2005 families would all be given referrals by December 2007, and then after that, the CCAA would process 15 days of LIDs per month. Obviously, that hasn’t occurred either. We will be lucky if 2005 will be done by March at this rate. And as for the 15 LIDs at a time? I’ll believe it when I see it.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:42 am
RQ said : “So, maybe the CCAA knows something we don’t…” and despite all the info we try to gather and make consistent we still do not know…that’s the paradox ! I’m sceptical about the agencies still daring to report this kind of info, knowing that so much people just want to believe it.
RQ, I (unfortunaletely), at this point rather believe your maths.
V. Lid oct 06
January 28th, 2008 at 9:49 am
An agency in the Netherlands ( I’m from the Netherlands) said on there website that the CCAA expect waiting wil go to 3 years in 2008. When I called my own adoption agency, the said nothing was sure yet, but the waiting wil keep rising. With us the waiting period for China is now 25 months. One agency has accepted the new regulations not in May 2007 but January 2007 ( because it takes a few months to get the documents ready, in Holland it does) So they told me that instead of 40 people wanted to go for China they now had 4 !! My own agency said it also. So I’m waiting to see what will hapen when we reach the documents of 2007. Untill then I expect every month there comes a month extra waiting time.
Because of the long waitinglists, many couples in Holland now have to go for Special Need, because there now to old. (in Holland de oldest partner may not be older dan 46 to adopt a child of 0-24 months old) And because there are not much childeren of 24 months and more, they have to go for special need.
I do’nt know how everything is done in America, but this is the situation in Holland.
I apologize for my englisch, I’m sure it’s not all correct.
Good luck everyone while waiting !
Greetings,
Natas
January 28th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Stating that the wait time “will reach” 3-4 years is quite different from saying the wait time will “max out” at 3-4 years, or “not extend past” 3-4 years. The wording begs the question of whether the wait will reach beyond that time. Just saying.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:50 am
It’s the little “to” that’s striking me funny this morning….funny in a twisted manic sort of way
3 to 4 YEARS or 4 to 5
as if an entire year is irrelevant.
we were quoted 8 months
with an 8/06 LID……I think we’ll hit closer to the 5 year
One wish at this point……..that my China only agency would get licensed elsewhere
January 28th, 2008 at 9:52 am
and to add……the wait will go down once they hit the May 07 families
well DUH!!!!
January 28th, 2008 at 9:57 am
I was surfing agency sites over the weekend to see what timeframes most were reporting for the China program. Shame on them…most were reporting 24 months or less. I found one that listed 24-36 months but most were less.
I remember how excited we were when we started this process in September 2005. If our agency had told us our son would come from the cabbage patch, we would have believed them. Unfortunately, our agency is one that still has the 20-month timeframe listed.
I pray that many referrals arrive this week.
Susan
January 28th, 2008 at 10:02 am
I think attrition will start to play in over the next year or two. I don’t think it will contribute to a huge speed up, but it might bring down the maximum wait time a bit.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Since we really have no way of knowing what’s around the corner, I’ll throw this wonderful thought out there -
Any time I consider switching programs, my five-year-old daughter (from China) gets very upset with me. She INSISTS “My sister’s in China! My sister’s in China!” So, here I wait, trying to believe with all my heart that my daughter does, in fact, know where her sister is.
Yesterday, she made “a very important announcement”. Very matter-of-factly she told me “I’m going to be 8 when my sister comes home”. Our LID is Feb 07. So, I did the math, and it actually works. Our baby would be coming home sometime in 2010, which would give us a 3-4 year wait from LID.
Since we really don’t have any other evidence to the contrary, I’m choosing to wear my rose-colored-glasses and believe my daughter’s instinct :)
In any case, I agree with Miss Miawo- Without a doubt, it’s going to be a long ride. So buckle up!
January 28th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I expect the mid 06ers to be hitting a 4 year wait. I think I will see a referral mid 2010ish with my June 06 lid. I’ll be pleasantly surprised if it moves faster, but I wouldn’t even be shocked if it moved slower.
January 28th, 2008 at 11:09 am
3xwait-
Would you like to borrow my rose-colored glasses? My daughter’s prediction would give you a mid 2009 referral! I want to stick with her odds :)
January 28th, 2008 at 11:16 am
i agree with you bella’s mom
i try to stay positive and still hope for a referral at the end off 2009
gr karen
LID 3 aug 2006
January 28th, 2008 at 11:21 am
With and Lid of 01/12/06 what do you all think I am looking at. Here is my worst case dec 22/referred in feb. dec 27 ref.in march jan 1st ref. in april jan 6 in may and jan 11 referred in april. Which puts my worst case of may. I am calculating at five days, don’t think for a minute I am not crossing my fingers and toes for more than five days at a time. I also tend to believe that the number of people waiting is getting less and less so I do believe things will speed up. Had I known I would be working on another renewal I don’t know that I would have stuck with this program, on the other hand I can’t imagine any other little girl. So while I am circling the airport I think I shall say a prayer for those just boarding the plane.
January 28th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
In 1/05 people who got their referrals received them in about 12 months. In 10/05 the people got referrals received them in 6 months, though when they started the wait the batch of referrals that came in were 14 months worth of waiting. We were DTC in 10/05 and got our referral in 23 months.
There have never been long term predictable wait times.
People starting out today would probably get a referral in 2012. (give or take a year)
January 28th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
so I have an agency meeting tomorrow night, last time they said 24 months from our log in march 07, So what would be THE question to ask , sometimes it feels like your dealing with a bunch of lawyers who find just the right
January 28th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
This makes me so mad……. how dare they do this to us!!
Okay, said that, think that, now what……..? This just amazes me to no end.
I think that I’ve been so patient…. I have my mini outbursts, and then I’m okay. But this is just so unfare.
To be told 9 months, and have it grow and grow, and grow.
I’m really not liking this Country lately. Then, in order to feel closer to our future and our daughter, we decide to go to see the Chinese New Year show at Radio City, only to hear now that the Chinese Gov’t doesn’t support this or approve because of Falon Gong……. sorry, it’s from memory, and I probably got it wrong, but they still have a problem………. okay, that’s it for my soundoff…….. :)
lid 3/28/06 22 MONTH LID VERSARY, and for the first time don’t feel like celebrating this date……… ugggghhhhh
January 28th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
GotchaBack-
Take a deep breath, hold it for 3 seconds, and let it out (in through the nose and out through the mouth). A very dear friend who has helped my stay sane through my first and now this adoption has made this my montra….”Just Breathe”.
Your baby is coming this year. Even if it takes them 4 months to refer every 1 month of LID’s, you’re in there. Some may disagree with me on this, but I don’t blame China. I honestly believe that the people of China are trying desperately to keep as many babies there as possible, and I don’t blame them for that. It’s hard on us, those of us waiting, but it isn’t malicious. It’s painful, desperately frustrating and a tremendous challenge for those of us who need to hang on; but we have to believe that China, the country of our beautiful daughters, is doing the best they can.
Try to hang in there. I know that the past 22 months have felt like an eternity, and the next 12 or so will feel even longer. But your baby is coming, and you need to keep positive thoughts and energy for her. It’s going to happen.
Let the time go by as it will, and keep your eye on what lies at the end of it all. It will happen.
And don’t forget…breathe.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Honestly, I think the decisions are being made by some Party Official who is just looking at numbers.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Can I just ask…when I hear 4-5 years…what are they basing that on…4-5 years for people that are logged in now…or what? For some one that is logged in 8-8-06…what would be a good guesstimate?
Thanks,
thekids2007
January 28th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
here’s the truth: WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! nothing stays the same. it will all change. all this gnashing of teeth is useless, as all predicitons will be wrong.
we are lid 9/06 and our agency tells us 36 months. may be more. may be less. whatever. nothing to be done about it.
but i do think animosity for china is something to work really, really, really hard to get past. if you are adopting a child from china, you are adopting china as well, and if you have a whiff of derision about it, your child will know.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
bottom line: we do not know what is going to happen.
everything will change.
we are lid 9/06 and our agency tells us 36 months. could be more. could be less. whatever.
i do hope folks who are feeling rage and derision toward china work through that before their kids come home. they’ll know.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Unfortunatley, I have to agree with comment about decisions being made by party officials looking at numbers.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
question The agency’s tell us not to but has anybody ever tried emailing the CCAA to what they would say?
January 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
HELLO BUZZBUZZ, VERY WELL SAID, I HAVE THE SAME 9/06 LID AS YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO E MAIL YOU ON YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE WITH ALL THIS.YOU SOUND LIKE ME, IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT HAPPENS. THE LONG WAIT WILL BE WORTH IT.I’M CONVINCED IT WILL. WE LIVE IN THE BOSTON,MASS AREA. TAKE CARE.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
When I first started this whole thing the wait times were 9 mos. (LID 6/06) now 20 months later it has reached 25 mos. What a change. When taliking to DH I asked if we knew then, what we know now would we have still pursued China? He said yes, it would have just been better going in knowing how long the wait was rather than it increasing the way it has. The wait is killin me (LOL) but it all leads to one thing in the end and that’s our forever family.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
skittles - I wonder that every time I look at the CCAA website…what would happen if I email them?
As for being angry, I know that I’ve directed a lot of my anger towards my agency. I know they have no control over what China does, but for them to tell me when we were logged in 4-17-06 that we would have a 9 month wait was irresponsible. The number of agencies that are saying that the current wait is under two years is criminal. I have no problem with an agency who says “the wait is currently xx months for the families who most recently received referrals” is fine - it gives people accurate information and they can make an informed decision for their family. But anything else…well…it makes me upset.
January 28th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Buzzbuzz - I also have an LID of 9/06 and the difference between more or less than 36 months is huge to me. It’s the difference between doing a concurrent adoption and not. It’s whether or not to make some life changes that I was planning on. It’s not whatever… I wish I could be so cavalier about it.
I can’t imagine that anyone would show anger towards China after they receive their referral, never mind, in front of their child. It is just anger at the whole unknown, not China specifically
January 28th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
We are log in date 1-17-07. We met with our social worker 11-07. She said we should expect referral the summer of ‘09. I knew this couldn’t be true. I am figuring a referral for 2011 if this pace continues. I went through years of infertility and I confess this is so much worse. We started the nursery when we thought the wait was 14 months. I know I should be feeling happy that EVENTUALLY we will be parents, but all I feel is despair.
January 28th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
We haven’t even started the nursery yet, didn’t want to put the whammy on the whole thing, but with turning 51 in March and getting first renewal on papers this april I wonder if we’ll have to go thru a new hurdle if we have to renew a third time, Could China just say that we’ve aged out at that time?
January 28th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Can anyone advise which lids will have the “longer wait times”? Lids from Dec 05 to around May 07? When they say the wait will get shorter, is that really for people who have not even logged in yet? I try to follow RQ’s logic, but it hurts my brain.
January 28th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
We were just investigating the Special Needs list and its ins and outs. Today we were told that with the new on-line special needs operating systems, the list seems to be made of more severe needs and older children. Does anyone have any insight as to how this plays out and how it connects to review/referral times?
January 28th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
HELLO BUZZBUZZ, I ALSO HAVE A LID OF 9/06, I CAN WAIT AS LONG AS IT TAKES, BUT I’M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.I’M 52 AND MY WIFE IS 50. I HOPE THEY DON’T CHANGE THE RULES IN MIDSTREAM. MAYBE MID 09 IS HOPEFULLY A REFERRAL. I ALWAYS THOUGHT SINCE WE STARTED THAT O8 WOULD BE THE YEAR. LIFE GOES ON AND I PRAY EVERYDAY FOR HER AND FOR HER CAREGIVERS TO KEEP HER WELL.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Wait4ever-
I’m right after you with an LID of Feb 07. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but it has actually helped me to have things ready for the baby. I bought her something at Christmas to give her as a “I was thinking of you on Christmas 2007″, and am looking for something special for Valentines Day. I did this with my first adoption, and it really helped me. Now that my first daughter is 5 and she has all of the little gifts I had gotten her during the wait (2 1/2 years altogether), it just solidifies how much she was with me before she was even born. I guess making the baby a part of our lives now, even though she’s not here yet, makes the wait more bearable.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
we work with a China only agency and have to say that they have been honest thus far with their predictions of time lines. Or maybe I want to believe them.
We logged in on 11-23-07 and were told in writing that they wait would be 30-33 months. So lets keep our fingers crossed that they times will speed up.
Chin up parents and all of our times will come.
we will wait until it is our turn. And of course the wait will quicken after May 07, duh..
January 28th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I am March 26, 2007 LID and I certainly did not begin the nursery yet. I will wait the referral to do that not before. There is too much uncertainty about everything.
But, the good news is that last Saturday, it was our 10 months of wait anniversary! Nearly a year done !
RQ, it would be interesting to have another poll with everyone this time. Could there be a difference between SN and NSN, just to be able to make more accurate predictions? I don’t know, just a suggestion.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Bella’s Mom ———– THANK YOU ————
“Sigh”
You are right!!!!!!!!!!
January 28th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
hi peterk - you can email me at whitecorn@msn.com.
and ionethesandbox - i wouldn’t exactly say i’m cavalier. i’m just trying to have the wisdom to accept the things i cannot change.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
cnjeff0168
You said “When I first started this whole thing the wait times were 9 mos. (LID 6/06)”. I certainly hope your agency wasn’t telling you definitely 9 months back that in June of ‘06. That would have be so unethical and irresponsible. Word had gotten out by then that wait times were increasing…though no one new for certain what those times would be. I know the 2005′ers were going in blind, but it was my understanding that 2006′ers had a sense that things were not “normal” anymore.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
maisey13~
I agree. We started the process in late August 05 and even then our agency stated the wait times were beginning to lenghten from the current 6 months. By September/October we were hearing 8-10.
Still waiting…
2/28/06
January 28th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I agree that agencies did not and are not giving people accurate information. When we started the process in June ‘06, nothing was said about increasing wait times. It is apparent that if they are still working on December ‘05, where were things back then?? This is what makes me angry. I am not upset with China. We got two letters from our agency in November on the same day. The first was to say how upset and devestated we must be. The second was to ask for another $600.00 to update the paperwork. I asked how much future updates will be, I don’t have an answer yet.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
bella’s mom
Thanks for the suggestions! It really helps to hear ideas for the wait.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
maisey13 - in April ‘06 we were still being told 9 months…10 if the wait got longer.
January 28th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
With our July 2006 LID we are expecting 2010 to 2011. Had we known what the wait would be, we would have never done this. But now that we are this far in it, there is NO WAY we are dropping out. We are however, working on a domestic adoption in the mean time. And let me tell you, it is no fun, but it is keeping me sane during this ridiculous wait. With this domestic journey, I am quickly remembering why we chose to go to China in the first place. :-)
January 28th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
On a different note - I hope that the families currently over in China are doing OK with the bad weather they are having there:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/01/28/china.weather/index.html
This might delay travel for some…
January 28th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
I heard that you can not do concurrent adoptions. We were told that we would have to drop out of what ever program came up second with a referral. How can you do a domestic at the same time of an international?
January 28th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Hi all. We started working with our agency in september of ‘06 , can anybody here tell me what the wait times were then ? Real vs. what the , now missing, box said? Thanks
January 28th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Hi Skittles,
At that time, my agency said the wait time was 14 months but increasing and they were not sure how much it would be increasing. That is all I know. What is your LID?
Take Care, T
January 28th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Skittles-
The cutoff on 09/22/06 was 08/09/05, so roughly 13.5 months backlog at that point.
January 28th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
3/19/07 we’re told at sign on it was 12-18, then at lid 15-19 kicked up to 23 then 24 months this fall, meeting tomorrow night.
January 28th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Wow, skittles, that is horrible. They flat out lied to you. I am sorry. I am so tired of these agencies. They have no ethics it seems.
January 28th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
This is so depressing! My husband & I are also doing a Vietnam adoption (which we started when the China wait time ballooned) & now it looks like the Vietnam program may close soon (hopefully not too soon). We have our referral for Vietnam (a baby boy) but we still really, really want our little girl from China, too. I just feel so helpless. As someone else already said — we’re not getting any younger! And each month of this wait feels like it’s aging me another year!
I’d be okay with switching to the SN program for China but (so far) my husband isn’t.
Sigh, anyway, thank you so much for this site — it’s the ONLY information out there about how things are going with the China program!
January 28th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
littleperson647, I think that the rules on concurrent adoption are agency-specific. We are LID 1/16/06 and I’ve been exploring options for our second child (since this is a line I don’t want to get back in for a while) - most agencies have told me that we should contact them after we’ve been home with DD1 for a year, but a couple told us that we could start a new homestudy and submit paperwork for another country now. I feel weird about that, though, since we are expecting a referral this year and it is against the policy of our current homestudy agency to have multiple adoptions within a 12 month period.
Anyway, my point is, if you are thinking about starting a concurrent adoption, you should definitely ask around. Depending on your LID, you may have some options, even with a very conservative agency
January 28th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Some agencies feel they can control and enforce a “one child policy” on their own.
Most will allow a concurrent adoption.
January 28th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
When we sent our paperwork to our agency in December 2005, for an DTC in January, it was really no big deal that we ended up with a Feb 2006 LID, of course, who knew this would happen. Now, if they had actually processed the paper work when it was sent, the story may be quite different. Of course, if DH had not dragged his feet, thus making me go much slower so he did not change his mind, we would have an an August or Sept 2005 DTC. Enough of my complaining, I am anxious but not hopeful this month, we shall see.
JEBMBC
2-6-06 for Baby sister
January 28th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
littleperson647, I don’t know where you are from but in Canada it is the province who decides if concurrent adoptions are okay. Mine doesn’t. :o(
January 28th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
sigh
January 28th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Miss Miaow, we too are from Canada and have been told by another Canada agency that if we started another adoption from another country, that we would have to close our China adoption. I am just not ready to pull out.
So we will not start another since our hearts are in for China. We know that our daughter/sister will be ready when she is ready. We will wait.
LID 11-23-07(We are in for the long haul).
Just hard to pass by that pretty dress or outfit an not buy it… Trying hard to behave…lol
January 28th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I don’t get how they can say 3-4 years we have a LID of Aug 29, 2006 and according to the current trends we will be waiting minimum 4 years and more likely closer to 5 and I am sure people with LID’s after ours but before May 2007 will wait even longer??
I want nothing more than for it to be no longer than 4 years I just don’t see how this will happen.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Skittles
We have a LID of Aug 06 and when we rec’d our LID we had been told that times were increasing to approx 14 - 16 months.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
I don’t think it’s criminal for an agency to say that “current” wait time 24 months. It is currently 24 months. I think we get wrapped up in the numbers and forget to decode the entire sentence. We minimize words like current and present wait times.
Hang in there.
Kristine
January 28th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Sorry Kristine, I find it very deceptive, because it clearly & intentionally misstates the situation.
“Figures Lie, and Liars Figure”
January 28th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
I was telling my best friend about the current wait times & what the current trend of referrals is predicting 3, 4 & 5 yrs. She told me to hang in there, she just doesn’t see how it can stretch out that long.
Gotta love that optimism. The optimistic side of me is saying that the nightmare can’t get any worse. The realistic side of me is saying it will…
Gigantic sigh.
Lisa.
LID: 12.20.06
January 28th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Just something to think about…we started the process for Korea in February 2004. In the Spring of 2005 we got a letter from our agency that said they were offering a $1000 reduction in the program fee for families in other programs to switch to the China program, if the dossier was complete by July 2005. We switched programs, for several reasons, including the then longer predicted wait time for Korea. Money for the adoption was never an issue for us, but the letter got us thinking about the denefits of China. When we switched our social worker told us it would be a 6 month wait for a referral. Our LID was 6/05, we got our referral 6/06, traveled 9/06. I went back and looked at our paperwork and we did indeed get a “discount” on the program fee. At the time we got the letter my husband and I joked that Chinese babies were “on sale”. This incentive seemed like a very strange thing for an agency to do. We got home and got busy with the baby so never did really find out why they did this.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:21 am
I think there is no way to predict the wait times on longer term, because there is not one answer. Like in the past, the wait time will vary in the future, for all kind of reasons. But even if the wait would settle on a more or less stable level, for predictions you would need to know a) what the current wait time is, b) what the future ’speed’ of CCAA will be, and c) how many people will start the procedure and when.
a) is known, b) is unknown but should be under control by CCAA and c) can only be a wild guess. So there’s no way in doing the maths.
All we know is that the current increase in wait times can’t go on forever, and for the short term we may assume that the information we now have still applies, like RQ is doing in her predicitions.
LID 27 March 2006
January 29th, 2008 at 7:44 am
so what’s the current time for sn adoption?
January 29th, 2008 at 8:49 am
where can I find this “site” of the SN and older children? We are LID 3/7/06 - and feel so close but so far away. Again, we are creeping up to 50….can China shut us off due to age? We might be interested in a little older child….but how do I find this list you are all talking about?
I did hear from another agency (not ours) that March 06 would definitely be in this year! I am not counting on it
January 29th, 2008 at 8:54 am
graceclaire-The children on the group list are 6 yrs old and older is my understanding, and it is available through several agencies at this point.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:04 am
when an agency implies a “current” time to a person researching adoption for themselves
it most certainly is deceptive to not disclose that current refers to people logged in a couple years ago.
for those who have adopted before, you understood
for those doing research, failure to disclose something this important is plain and simple, deception.
Everyone I explain this adoption to tells me after I explain the def. of current…………says: “Ahhhh, I get it, The ole bait and switch”
January 29th, 2008 at 9:15 am
This incredibly long wait is bringing a very common conern for many of us — OUR AGE!! In all honesty, I never IMAGINED that I would be 50 (by the time the baby comes home) and adopting a baby!! But I am.
So I would love to hear from other parents, late 40’s early 50’s, who are making it work. I laugh when I read articles about grandparents raising grandchildren because I’m going to be the same age raising my own kids!
Any good stories out there? Humerous approaches to being an older parent? I would love to hear them!
LID Feb 07 and getting older every day :)
January 29th, 2008 at 9:42 am
RQ-
On a day when there isn’t a lot to report, can we make the topic something about being an older parent (late 40’s early 50’s)? As this wait will be putting many of us in that category, I would love to hear from other parents who are making it work. Good advise, humerous approaches, etc.
I never IMAGINED that I would be starting again at 49-50 (by the time the baby comes home)!! As I’m sure many of us didn’t. I really think that a sense of humor and knowing that others are in the same boat will help us all.
LID Feb 07
January 29th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Lots have commented on agencies not being forthright. That is not right but I think some are being as honest as they can knowing what they know/don’t know. The head of our agency has sent emails several times basically saying they are trying to get more info. and doing all they can to work with the CCAA on this. This is what the website says:
The current wait time from LID to referral is 25 - 26 months with the trend of increasing by roughly a half to a full month every month.
Also, we were told back in summer 07 that the wait would be at least 2 years and was increasing each month. I think that was fair at that point in time. We planned to go SN from the start and they have shared that the time frame for that is different although it is increasing as well. Don’t know if this helps or not but thought I’d share that some agencies are being honest with their info.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
RQ…great idea. Let’s talk about parenting tips for older parents as all of us are getting older each day. I am 47 with a LID of 6/10/06. I’ll probably be close to 50 when the referral finally comes. I don’t have any parenting tips as this will be our first child but I do understand the physical demands a young child can bring.
My husband and I have commited to using this time to get in great shape to ensure we are healthy and active for years to come. We work out at the gym daily and run 4-5 miles each day. We eat healthy and take good care of each other. It gives us something to focus on besides the wait and helps us to know we’ll be healthy for our son when he finally comes home.
We’ve also purchased Rossetta Stone to learn the chinese language. We plan on staying as busy as possible to get through this wait.
Susan
Susan
January 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I’m also an older (approaching 52nd birthday this April) waiting parent. Like Susan, I’m also determined to get in the best shape I can. Signed up for personal training 3x/week (hugely expensive and will have to find another solution for long-term) and have been going to the gym days in between, and am desperately trying to lose weight.
Maybe we could have a permanent place on the Forum for older parents, along with single, diet & exercise, etc.
Ruth
LID 3/24/06
January 29th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hello
To all of you who are 45 plus, yes it is just great to know that I am not the only one to be 52 this year, LID sept o6 and it took over a year to get our papers to China. I am having daily doubts as to whether \I am doing the right thing.So it helps to know that I am not the only one feeling concious of my age.That said I am very fit and healthy, It would be interesting to know how many of the people logged in are over 45, then I would feel that I am not the only crazy person to be doing this.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
scdelacruz — bravo to you — i was just thinking about this yesterday to mention as something very concrete people can do during this time of difficulty. I’m 50, my kids are 11.5 and 9.5 so our China adoption (the older kid) was a long time ago. But parenting a little kid IS physically taxing — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise — and parenting school-aged kids and tweens is only marginally less so in my experience. I love them like crazy and wouldn’t trade the experience for anything but they absolutely have forced a complete rethinking of my approach to health. So i’m on that treadmill too (not 4 or 5 miles daily, bad knee, but i’m on there) and eating those cruciferous veggies till something I think brussels sprouts are coming out of my ears. So for those of you who are frustrated at the length of the wait (man, who wouldn’t be) and may not feel you’re in your best shape — use this time to commit to getting yourself as healthy as you can be, and building your stamina for parenthood. (If you’re a female dealing with menopause at the same time as a little kid, I think this is doubly critical because you may not feel your best during this time.) Word to the wise, offered in a spirit of support not finger-wagging, because this is absolutely something very constructive you can do for your kid-to-be during this tough time. Good luck to you all. Julie H, chicago
January 29th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
yviefaye-
I’m turning 45 in April, and my LID is Feb 07, so I have quite a ways to go. I already have a five-year-old at home, and I definitely feel my age. However, and this is a huge HOWEVER, I’m in HORRIBLE SHAPE!! I don’t eat right. I don’t get enough exercise. I need to lose weight. I would probably feel old even if I was in my 20’s or 30’s :)
But, like scdelacruz, I’m trying to use this time to get in the best shape I possibly can. Eating right, getting exercise, drinking water. It will be interesting to see the difference, where I feel better….younger and in bad shape or older and in good shape.
The one thing that I do find is better now that I’m older is that I’m a much calmer person, much more patient and very content being a mom. I think I would have been a mental-case if I tried to do this in my 20’s :)
January 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I have friends that just dropped out this week. I feel terrible for them. She will be 52 until the baby comes. She didn’t feel she wanted to be a new mom at 52. They have switched to a foster to adopt program and will have a baby shortly, according to the social worker. I hope things will speed up in ‘09. I figure with the latest data, it could take until the end of ‘08 just to get through January. Our log-in-date is 1-17-07. We have been waiting 7 years for a baby(infertility issues). We finally accepted that it wasn’t in God’s plan for us. We decided that there is a little girl out there who needs a loving home and we can’t wait for her. This wait is just killing me because I am waiting to be a first time mom. Getting through the holidays is so difficult. My sister has a baby and my friends all have 2-3. Some days I try to stay very positive. I am so grateful for what I have. Other days I just sit and cry. We have a meeting tonight at the angency. I am hoping for any good news.
January 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I was 45.8 when I started the process and logged in. I am now 47.3 I am and LID of mid July 06. I am hoping to be under 49 when my child comes home!
January 29th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Wait4ever-
Your baby is out there. It’s taking an incredible amount of time and heartache to get to her, but you WILL GET TO HER.
I know that it’s easier for me because I already have a child at home. I count my blessings for her everyday. And it breaks my heart to hear from families having to go through all of this for their first. It almost makes me feel guilty trying to have a second. It’s like winning the lottery once and then wanting to win it again.
But if there is anything at all that I can say to make this easier for you, I hope the words will come to me. I believe with everything that I am that there is a child out there for all of us, and you will find your way to her. Just hang in there, cry as much as you need to, and try to lean on as many people as possible for support.
I hope the wait gets easier for you.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I have lost 30 lbs so far in 18 weeks on weight watchers
January 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I was just 44 when we started and my daughter who is patiently waiting for her little sister was almost seven. She is getting ready to turn 9 and thank goodness I froze at 44. had to freeze there because everytime someone mentioned my age my daughter would say surprised but mom I thought you were 28!! All my adoptions from start to finish never took longer than 8 months,different country). Two of my friends have become pregnant and already had their daughters, and everyone has quit asking. So I saw this neat shirt I am going to buy and hold on to for referral day. Chin up, my friend from Guatemalea only tookl 10 months it will happen.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
The problem I have with agencies is that they say the current wait time is 24 months. This is not true. People who submitted paperwork 2 years ago waited 24 months. That was the wait time for people submitting dossiers 2 years ago, that is not today’s wait time, and agencies know this. Based upon facts that we do know through 2.5 years of data, todays wait time for people submitting paperwork today, Jan 29th of 2008, is about 7.5 years based upon the data we know to be true. On adoption forecast it gives the actual date of May 3, 2015. Yes, the wait TODAY for people submitting paperwork TODAY is currently 7.5 years based upon information we KNOW to be true through past performance and data. Agencies should be telling people who call TODAY that the wait is currently 7.5 years and they hope that things will speed up in the future and shorten that wait. People who submitted paperwork 2 years ago are receiving referrals but for people submitting TODAY they will wait CURRENTLY 7 to 7.5 years, maybe shorter, maybe longer.
It is deceptive to tell people the current wait time is 24 months. That is only the current wait time IF you are one of the lucky ones who submitted paperwork 2 years ago.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
So nice to hear from other folks out there that are concerned about their age, like me and my husband. We were 45 when we started this whole thing…and with a LID of 3/7/06, we are hoping to get her/him (anyone at this point) before we hit 49. I work part time for WeightWatchers on top of my full time job….so I am in the best I have ever been in. (not so true for hubby) but, again, I fear that the age thing still really bugs me. It doesn’t bug my husband as much as it bugs me but I think it’s because I know who will do alot of the “work” with a new child We even changed our age to start at 20 months or so..it’s not a necessity to have a tiny new baby. It’s like we are so so close….but yet, I just don’t see it happening….and we would go SN, but we have never been parents at all, let alone for a SN baby. Sorry, but I had to get that all off my chest!
January 29th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
opps…meant to say I am actually in the best shape of my life right now…so just get me my daughter before it all goes downhill :)
January 29th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Bella’s mom,
Thank you for your help. It makes me feel better to have words of encouragement. I went through through the infertility with my ex-husband. My current husband and I started this adoption 4 months after our wedding. Sometimes he doesn’t know the frustration I feel. Another 3-4 year wait means a total of about 11 years waiting for my baby. I try to explain it in this way….think of when you started school to high school graduation. That is how long I will wait. For him, the wait is only 1 year so far.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
graceclaire
you said you changed the age of the child you would adopt to 20 months? Is this to shorten the wait time? I considered doing that, but our social worker said we could not.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
yes, our agency sent us a form to fill out…as we had “requested” lik 9 months up to 24 months…and decided we did not need to go that young. We had to have it notorized and then they sent it on to be added to our file in China…It was some addendum. Does it speed up the wait…of course not! Hope that helps
January 29th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Jaclyn,
I agree with you!! To tell people a two year wait is totally fraud if they are finishing now. Just think of the extra $$ they will spend updating paperwork every year as well as the anger they will have for the agency. They are playing with people’s lives and emotions here. They have a MORAL obligation to be upfront and honest! They expect the same from us. It wouldn’t suprise me if in the near future, people would get laywers involved if an agency would not refund a couples money. That is the last thing I want to happen.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:59 am
I agree about the lawyer comment wait4ever. I think the only reason lawyers and lawsuits are not involved yet is because most people are holding out hope that their adoption will eventually come to fruition. As soon as something happens, or even IF something happens, like a change regarding grandfathering in policies or a continuation of just a few day batches and people finally quit, it will be then that there will be lawsuits. If one initiates a lawsuits they are giving up their adoption and it hasn’t reached the point yet where people are doing that in full force. If that should happen the agencies will be in big trouble. Any good lawyer could request data from an agency and figure out quickly that they knew 2 years ago the # of applications going out, the # of dossiers being received and the # of referrals being referred was out of balance and a backlog was growing.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
jaclyn,
I am glad someone agrees with me. I don’t see this happening until a couple of years down the road. I can see it with people who logged in the end of ‘07 and into ‘08. It is obvious that everyone knew the wait time would be many years.(obvious to everyone except the people who are new to the process). I wish when we started(June ‘06) someone let us know. This is our first adoption. Even though the wait was still 12 months, I found out that referrals were getting very behind.(THanks to the RQ). It is apparent that if it continued, of course the wait time would be longer!!! It makes me so angry. Our social worker knew we had struggled with infertility. She saw all the things we had already collected for the nursery when she came for the homestudy. It is hard to believe some people could be so unfeeling. Money should not be more important than people. I really feel bad for the couples who anre not aware of what is happening.
February 1st, 2008 at 2:00 am
Wait4ever
Your comments resonate with me..even though I am over the other side of the world (South Australia) I know what it is like to wait for my first child (since 1996 I have been planning). My husband and I are infertile (found out end of 03) and our lid is 4/07. I’m going to be 45 next month. Down here we don’t have agencies - they are illegal, and we can only work though the Government department! Concurrent adoptions are not allowed. I called the social worker today and she emailed me the Rumour Queen website url to help me keep my sanity I suppose! It is great to read all your comments and know that we are all sharing the same frustrating wait around the world. When we started our inquiries in March 06 we were told the wait was 9 months. We were then told 12-18 months and now that it “may” be 3 years. Looking at your comments it could well be more that 3 years which I had not expected until I looked at this site! It’s helpful to know that Wait4ever feels the same way about the Holiday season - isn’t it traumatic!!! baby’s and kids everywhere and no one wants to bring up the A word!! PS: My username is ParrotMad because in 2002 we got 2 parrots to help with our childless condition!!! They’ve been wonderful (an unusual therapy) and have even had a baby of their own which we raised from the egg…it’s amazing!
February 6th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Hi, I’m not adopting from China, but my sister-in-law is. My family, esp. mom-in-law, are growing more and more anxious/ because it’s been almost three years since all the paperwork has been cleared and still no baby. To top it off, my sis-n-law keeps getting dates to go there and get her baby and at the last few weeks, it gets pushed back by months. I feel terrible because my mom in law goes to tears whenever she sees little grandchildren. This past Christmas they were supposed to have the baby and once again, the time was pushed back AGAIN to Summer ‘08. It’s so hard on everyone because not unlike anyone on this post, my sis-in-law is so eager to have children and would make a wonderful mother. She’s a first grade teacher, he’s a firefighter. I get so aggrivated thinking that China won’t let people there have more than two children ( everyone knows what happens if they do), but the adoption process is so difficult!!! I signed up to this site to find out if there’s any words of encouragement I can give to my in laws. I just feel terrible about the whole situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you. :-)
February 7th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Hi Concerned Auntie, it is difficult to give advice but I can reassure you as someone who is in a similar position to your sister-in law that she is helped greatly by your support. My parents and in-laws have no grandchildren and are in their 80’s. They feel the loss greatly and have different ways of coping. My father-in law passed away over new-year… and he was so looking forward to meeting his granddaughter.
If your mum-in law cries at least she is expressing her loss, and not hiding it or denying it. It helps to know that the the whole family is going through the adoption with you. I think the positive thing is that your sis-in-law is very close to meeting her child…at the end stage of the process rather than at the beginning. I am years away but it is still so important to be able to share my feelings and anxieties, ups and downs, when I need to with family and close friends. That you are there for your sis-in-law and willing to help in any way will help her enormously.
February 8th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Parrotmad and Concerned Auntie,
I know the frustration. I have an ill Grandmother who , because of the wait , may not see our child. We just found out my father in law is ill. This wait is really life-altering. Hang in there. I am really hoping that things will speed up by the start of ‘09. My husband and I are planning a little get-away over Christmas this year. If the holidays are as hard for everyone else as they are for me, I would suggest it. It helps to pass the time to plan. Getting through Halloween to Christmas is tough. All my friends bring their kids for Halloween and I just cry when they leave. Get support from family as much as you can. Cry as much as you need. Just remember that there is a special baby out there that is meant to be yours. This helps me to get through the day.
February 23rd, 2008 at 9:01 am
I am a lawyer, and I do not think it matters whether an agency actually knew what the wait times would be at the time they take your money. Moreover, even if your agency says “currently the wait times are XX,” this is still misleading.
In my line of work, if my client is going to take a large sum of an investor’s money, they had well better disclose all conceivable risks to the investor. In this case, agencies should be absolutely forthcoming about what could happen with wait times BEFORE you fork over $10k+.
I tried to pin down my agency before I started writing the big checks and they just wriggled and wouldn’t give me a straight answer. They STILL won’t be straight and just make excuses like “China is doing more domestic adoptions, CCAA is unpredictable, wait times fluctuate, bla bla bla.” Without researching the law of Oklahoma where my agency is, this sure looks like FRAUD to me. I personally think that agencies and/or the CCAA should stop taking applications. 4-5 years is a totally unreasonable time to ask people to wait. I definitely would not have written the big checks had I known the wait would be this long.
March 14th, 2008 at 7:42 am
My wife and I just got our first re-fingerprint at CIS in Detroit, MI, on Wednesday 12 March 2008. The gentleman who took my wife’s fingerprints and asked where we were adopting from, about the wait, etc., said that he’s seen people get re-fingerprinted twice but nobody three times. That puts the wait between 30 and 45 months (2-1/2 yrs. to 3 yrs. 9 mos.) for people already in the process like us (LID 3/22/07).
(For those who don’t know, fingerprints are good for 15 months. Our last was 27 December 2006; with this re-print, we’ll be good until June ‘09).
-Waiting for Sara Joy
May 28th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Hello All
This is my first post. I stumbled across this blog accidentally but it has really given me some helpful information.
My husband and I have been waiting for our 2nd wedding anniversary to begin our paper chase. Our plan was to start now in the hopes that we could get our dossier done and logged in around the end of September. However, as I’ve been reading all the ‘rumors’ here, I’m wondering if the wait will be so long we may never get a baby. I do know that it’s really impossible to tell how long the wait will actually be, but we’re scared. Should we start now and just expect the wait to be 5+ years? We feel like our agency is very truthful and compassionate about the information they have and are giving to us. And we do trust them. However, we need some suggestions. We know about the WC/SN list so that’s a positive, but any thing else you guys can offer we would really appreciate it!
Thanks for all the support you offer!
Stephanie
June 10th, 2008 at 2:39 am
From our experience in Australia I would start the paperchase now - there are so many small and large hurdles to get over to actually get to the point where you can lodge your papers with China. You never really know what can come up during the assessment process and you may need to reassess what country you qualify for if something unforeseen comes up.
It is impossible to say how long the wait will be, but if you have researched the country options, and WC/SN options and have decided on China, I would get the paperwork behind you and assume at least 3-5 years wait. Meanwhile, while you wait, there may be other options for applying for a concurrent adoption, or fostering etc. depending on where you are. From our experience I wish we hadn’t waited so long to start the paperchase and assessment process - we would have been ahead in the line at least 6 months or so!! Good luck.
PS: Also check out the Forum blog page (rhs menu). You can go to your specific country site or state.The forum is more frequently visited. You need to register again for the forum.