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No Rumors YetI don’t see any rumors floating around just yet. If anyone has any rumors please email them to me. Yes, the forum and the GGTT blog are both broken. Still. Until this weekend I have been more than pleased with the folks at the hosting company. But right now… not so much. 
Note from RQ: The section below is for comments from ChinaAdoptTalk.com's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that I agree with any particular comment just because I let it stand. Posts are generally only removed if they don't follow the rules of the site. Anyone who fails to comply with the rules of the site may lose his or her posting privilege. 114 Responses to “No Rumors Yet”Leave a ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment. |
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May 27th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Has anyone else read this article and thought it was odd in the way they discuss children - seemed sort of cold to me.
http://news.yahoo.co…..JB_9xg8F
May 27th, 2008 at 8:38 am
I had a dream this weekend that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wish had been real! In my dream, my agency called and said to get my finances in order…okay, that part COULD be real :) because families who were five years out (my LID is Feb 07) are now only one year out. I got so excited, and then I woke up. Nope, just a dream :(
May 27th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Sorry to hear about the problems with the site. I really miss the forum. On the other hand it usually works so well for a site that is so busy.
What a beautiful weekend. Glad to see so many people got outside and enjoyed the weather.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Hi, did anyone read the Yahoo article about China chaning its one child policy for the children who died in the earthquake. I thought it was very interesting that they are giving these people a chance to have another child.
See this link if you want to read it also.
http://news.yahoo.co……a_earthquake_one_child
May 27th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I think the only change in reality is that an illegal child can get benefits if a legal child was killed and that if an illegal child was killed parents can stop paying the fine. I have been reading these slightly different worded statements all weekend. It also sounded like you could adopt and then have another one in one report. I wonder if that’s right?
Hasn’t it always been the case that if a child dies or becomes disabled they are allowed to have a second child? It was nice to have them spell it out in a statement though.
I think this was brought up yesterday here. Yes, it’s hard to read it and repeat it (the way they are talking about the kids) the way it’s been worded. I won’t ever get it.
Kristine
May 27th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Any LOA rumors out there? Are they on their way? We are LID 3.28.08 for SN, are we through review? Any ideas?
May 27th, 2008 at 9:50 am
I haven’t read the yahoo article, but I saw the MSN version yesterday. What I found interesting is that the (MSN) article said that Chinese parents who adopt a quake orphan will not be penalized if they have a future child. I had read before that, to adopt these orphans, APs had to be childless, and assume that this is still true, but it is good that they can have another child without being fined if it is true!
FWIW, the article that I read mentioned a man who lost his 8 year old child. He wanted to have another child, but his wife was in bad health and he didn’t know if she would agree. He said that she did ask him if they could adopt a quake orphan, and he said they would talk about it later. To me, it seemed that he considered adoption “second best”. Maybe his feelings will change, but I wonder if that is the general feeling in China right now?
May 27th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I think people’s first instinct is to have a child - were is that dancing banana? The couple and many others just lost their only child. They need time to decide how is the best way to have another child. Let’s not read into their motives of first and second choices… Time…
There was a horrible aftershock of 6.0 11 days after. The ground isn’t even settled.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Oh, this is making me nuts! I am totally going through forum withdrawal. Hope they get it up and running soon!
May 27th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Me too, me too!
May 27th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I’m trying very hard not to read anything into the words of grieving parents. If I were the parent who just lost my child, I would be so insanely out of my mind with grief that I could say just about anything. And if my husband were to come to me so soon asking about another child, I would probably soon become a widow as well (smiley with knife in hand). I’m sure most families will need time before making these decisions.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I don’t ever post but I have to say all this speculation, talk, discussion of the orphans of the ‘quake and the possible impact on future adoptions - domestic and international and who will be allowed to adopt them, etc., etc., etc., I find in extremely poor taste. I don’t care how “well intended” such discussions may be; would you show up at a widow’s house right after her husband died and begin discussing her possilby dating again or would she ever marry again or what if she did, how would they handle their combined finances, etc., etc., etc.
It’s a tragedy beyond what we can comprehend sititng in the safety of our homes with running water, flushing toilets and the luxury of dissecting it all on the internet.
I think we should respect the Chinese people and the government enough to let them handle this as they determine. It’s not for us to decide what the motives of grieving people are or to second guess how a county choses to heal itself.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:56 am
I knew I was addicted to this amazing community (the forums)…but didn’t truly realize how much so until it isn’t available! I can’t even imagine how bad the nexters are crawling out of their skins right now!! (hugs)
Tracy
DOR: 5/2/08 WOOT!
http://dayadopt.blogsome.com
May 27th, 2008 at 11:00 am
We could/most probably are next - and yes, I am out of my mind with no forum! I may actually have to work today instead of checking in every 5 minutes!
LID 1/16/06
May 27th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Well, I’m a nexter (1/13) and yes, it’s driving me nuts. Sometimes I look around and wonder if there’s a “Candid Camera” pointed my direction with all the “hiccups” we’ve experienced. It’s almost funny, but not really. I guess those of us with 1/13 LIDS will have been the most affected by olympics, changes, set-backs, ?s, and everything else………..Or maybe not. But it sure does appear that way right now. I guess it’s an opportunity to learn more patience and perseverance and trust and faith.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Icingonthecake,
I feel the exact same way…let’s respect the enormous tragedy that has hit China and not judge the Chinese government, their motives or intents or those of the families impacted…
This country is still experiencing aftershocks, possible flooding, the crisis of many displaced homeless citizens, not to mention the many who died.
In an article in the NY Times today, a 13 year old boy in Chengdu was quoted as saying he and his parents were sleeping in their car, outside the city, as they do not want to die in their sleep..
Let’s just consider all China is going through, and be sensitive to this.
Just my two cents…
May 27th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I just hope they do more than 3 days this time. I know what it was like when we had a 2 day referral in front of our date! grrr…
I have another issue that is biting at me and since the forum is down currently I have to put it out there now.
Did you read what Sharon Stone had to say about China? She stated on the red carpet in Cannes that the earthquakes are Karma for the atrosities that the chinese have done in the past…I have never liked her acting and now this has me really ticked off…I know we are personally banning her at our house…no more movies, interviews, magazine covers etc will be in our home.
I do not care what your opinion of the govt is, but the innocent people of a earthquake that has killed thousands is down right arrogant, ignorant and really *itchy.
thanks for letting me vent
May 27th, 2008 at 11:28 am
“would you show up at a widow’s house right after her husband died and begin discussing her possibly dating again or would she ever marry again or what if she did, how would they handle their combined finances, etc., etc., etc.”
No, but I might talk about it with my wife on the way to and from the services. I doubt the survivors are reading this blog, especially the non-public part. You are right that some decorum is required, but I think almost all of the conversation here has been very respectful.
I agree that the Sharon Stone comment was grossly insensitive (to put it mildly). But remember, we had preachers saying Katrina was the fault of gays. And major natural disaster causes some whackos to declare that this or that “bad” action caused the event. Also remember, actors and actresses are famous because they can read a script well. They generally aren’t famous for their ability to come up with their own coherent thoughts.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:37 am
JustWait: “They generally aren’t famous for their ability to come up with their own coherent thoughts”
You’ve got that right!! Don’t get me started on Tom Cruise!
Any update RQ on the forum status or rumors?? Any agencies reporting any new matching rumors?
May 27th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Still no rumors. Sorry.
It looks like the forum is going to have to be reinstalled and they need some backup files that I have at home in order to do that. So, it will be this evening before the forum is hopefully working again.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:49 am
As for some of the discussions about how IA may or may not be affected by the earthquake, I guess I fall into the group that thinks it is in poor taste to talk about it in those terms at this time.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Hey…progress at the forum today…I got a brand NEW error message. “A template parse error.” Sounds like something my five-year-old does to her vegetables at dinner. Argh. Thank you for having a blog and for comments. I am going to focus on what I DO have to be thankful for today.
Hoping, hoping, hoping to travel in JUNE!!! Hang in there forum friends. Thanks for all your hard work RQ. Over a holiday no less.
Our holiday was rain and grey skies so I went to see Indiana Jones with hubby. Seems like we are trying to cram all the things we know we won’t be able to do into these last few weeks. Did touch up painting in the nursery as well. Last thing to do is get the garage cleaned up. Then we are ready for anything! Let’s see some rumors.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I agree that the earthquake in relation to IA placements is in poor taste. I’m glad I am not alone. These discussions are making me extremely uncomfortable. I find them totally inappropriate.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
thank you, RQ, for keeping us updated on the rumors even in the middle of the server problems. - k
May 27th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
anyone with an loa of 5-1-08 ish that didn’t receive a ta on friday have any news this morning? i’m getting ready to call my agency now that they’re open….
slubber (aka slb on the forum)
May 27th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I too have felt that the discussions surrouding IA and the impact of the earthquake are inappropriate.
My heart bleeds for the people affected in China. The last thing that should be on anyone’s mind is how this might affect themselves. It is very selfish.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I guess I am in the opposite camp to RQ on this one. I think it is clear that since it is quite likely that the earthquake (and the attention it has brought to adoption within China) will have an impact on IA, it is reasonable to discuss it. I agree with JustWait that this discussion can be held in a respectful way and generally has been on the Forum over the last week or so (when it was working anyway).
May 27th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
KMS,
Wanting to put a dancing banana behind that comment was in bad taste. What that appears to mean is that the tragedy of these families losing their only child and having their hearts ripped out of their chests that maybe they will have their own child so that the other children can go into the IA program. I am sure now you will spin you intentions into a new direction but that is how your first post read.. I am so disgusted with the dispicable comments of people skirting the issue of more babies in the IA program without really saying but the intentions are clear in the statments. We are all educated adults here people. Be respectful.
Adomom
May 27th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
windthrow says:
“I think it is clear that since it is quite likely that the earthquake (and the attention it has brought to adoption within China) will have an impact on IA, it is reasonable to discuss it.”
I agree. In fact, it may make IA even longer and even less predictable, as the country’s citizens realize that adoption is not a socially unacceptable method for adding to a family, and the cultural issues are subsumed in the greater good. Bravo, bravo, if this is the ultimate result, even if it is bad for me, personally.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Just to let you know we got CA today!!! Appointment 6/25! we meet in Hong Kong 6/13! What a great day!
waitingforbbsis
1/11/06
ref. 5/5/08
TA 5/23/08
CA rcc. 5/27/08!!
May 27th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
slubber and others . . .
We were LOI on 03/15/08, LOA on 05/19/08, and now are awaiting TA.
On 05/19/08 our agency said “be ready to travel in 7-9 weeks” and they have ALWAYS been honest and on-target with their time estimates. So we are planning to be in southern China in the height of the July heat and humidity ;o)
May 27th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
adomom12
I took kms’ comment about the dancing banana to be nothing more than a lighthearted way to say that people like to have sex. That might just be me though.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Anyone with April LOIs hearing anything from their agency? I’m hoping for a LOA this week…or maybe next.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Icingonthecake,
You have said it very well. I’ve been amazed for some time about the attitudes that some have, talking about ‘my baby’, ‘I want my baby’, ‘the right to have a baby because this and that’, ‘they owe us a baby because…’, and now this eagerness to discuss the effect of the earthquake while people are still buried under debris…
May 27th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
icingonthecake,
I completely agree with you. It’s beyond poor taste and I’m frankly shocked at how many people are talking like this. This “it’s all about me” mentality seems to be prevalent in our society. Since I see it time and time again, I really don’t know why it surprises me at all.
As for the view that a man thought adoption was a second rate choice, let’s face it, most people see it that way. My husband and I don’t have infertility–we simply wanted to adopt as our first choice because there are so many children out there who need parents. Plus, I didn’t feel the need to bring more children into an overpopulated world. We also don’t feel any particular attachment to our genetic material. My point is, people were amazed we didn’t want biological children, pretty much across the board. Because we didn’t have infertility, it wasn’t seen as a delicate subject, so people voiced their real feelings without any filters. Believe me, most could not comprehend why we didn’t want biological children!
May 27th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I love this site and appreciate all that RQ does and most of the people’s contributions. But I am always disturbed by the self-appointed censors who reliably show up to wag their fingers everytime people are trying to discuss something honestly. We are not hurting China or anyone in China.
And, by the way, I have never seen the phrases: “they owe us a baby,” or anything about a “right to have a baby.” But who here doesn’t want a baby? And it’s natural, even healthy, after waiting two years and counting, to think of one’s future child as “my child.”
Sheesh!
Ruth
3/24/06
May 27th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Obviously, the earthquake has been a huge tragedy on so many different levels. Most of us can’t even begin to comprehend what these poor families are going through right now, and I don’t think anyone here is claiming to. But the reality is that families waiting to adopt a child from China are, in fact, impacted by this. And for families here who are waiting for their one and only chance to ever become a parent, I can imagine that this is excruciating. Pain on any level is still pain, and anyone suffering from this on any level should be allowed to discuss it.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
JEC - I have Never read Anyone ever write ‘the right to have a baby because this and that’, ‘they owe us a baby because…’,
This criticism is often repeated in forums, yet just is not true.
I don’t know why people want to believe the worst about their fellow adoptive parents.
Yes, I have read ‘my baby’, ‘I want my baby’ … but honestly see nothing wrong with them, and say it myself proudly!
May 27th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I think that both issues can be discussed at the same time without disrespecting any party. China is in a HORRIBLE situation and my heart aches to think of the families who have lost a precious family member, but I have to say that some of the babies are without a doubt in a very dire situation as well, especially with the damage to many of the orphanages. The postponement of being placed with a family ( any family) is also a tradgedy.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
rjw,
Actually, our agency warns us quite often about the comments made on sites such as this one. CCAA keeps up with these sites, so uncensored comments can lead to consequences.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
And, by the way, I have often referred to her as “my baby”, not as someone I feel I have “a right to” but as someone who has lived in my heart from the moment I started the adoption. China could close their door to me tomorrow, and she would still always be the baby who lived in my heart.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I disagree that discussions about what will happen to families and children in the aftermath of a disaster are inappropriate.
Usually when a large scale tragedy had struck in history people didn’t have time to wait to discuss what they will do with orphans or they would have died. In the absence of a government structure people who have lost husbands, wives, children, parents then had to band together with other people just to survive. Even in the North America West not so many years ago when a man died his wife could be married within the week to have a place to live and someone to provide for her.
What is different here is that so many people who are so completely removed by place and circumstance can discuss this so intimately.
I believe what drives some of us to discuss the “what if’s” is our own questioning in our hearts; “what would I do if I lost everything? how would I go on?”
The man in the article who asked his wife if they would adopt may have been thinking of a particular child they knew from the neighborhood who had lost his/her family and was grieving also. We don’t know. That part of the conversation will happen in private of course. I didn’t see him as unfeeling, but rather as extra-feeling.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I’m so excited that the forum should be up tonight!!! I need my RQ!
susan
lid 2/13/06 –32 to go
May 27th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
The discussion is never about what can we do it is always about the babies and “when can we get our hands on them.” Most of the time it is very covert but the undertones are there. I am sure there is concern for the babies but I see more concern about the wait lenghtening for us than anything else. Us discussing it here will have absolutley NO impact on helping them there.
Adomom
May 27th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Right you are, Adomom. The undertones are there, and the sense of entitlement is unmistakable, as is the belief that America is superior to China. Well, read the financial pages–at some point our Chinese children may want to get back to China so they can simply find a job! :-)
May 27th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Has anyone been reading about the aftershocks over the last few days? People in China must really be terrified. My heart goes out to them. This is one of those times where it would be nice to know who my daughter’s birthparents are…she is from Chongqing which is located within Sichuan province. It’s agonizing not knowing…
May 27th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I’ll use another Katrina anecdote here…. right after the hurricane there was speculation about gas prices going up because so many of the oil wells in the gulf were damaged, and there were some questions about refineries that may have been damaged as well. The point made at the time was that it seemed selfish to worry about a (at the time) slight rise in gas prices when so many people had lost family members and homes and jobs. Kind of “okay, so you may have to spend an extra five dollars a week on gas for a few months… but these other families lost someone they loved, or lost their house, or their job. Or maybe all three.”
So what bothers me here are the people saying “yeah, tens of thousands of people are dead and hundreds of thousands have lost their homes and maybe their jobs and possibly even family members, but look how it might affect me. I might have to wait longer.”
I’m still not saying this the way I want it to come out. The wait is painful, and it’s not just about “waiting”, I get that. But… people are dead, and the ground is still shaking. It just seems in very poor taste to talk about it in those terms right now.
Even if it weren’t in poor taste though, right now all anyone can do is speculate. In a few months we may have an idea of how IA will or won’t be affected and by then perhaps enough time will have passed to be able to respectfully talk about it. But right now just seems too soon to me. Families have been destroyed and there are children without parents and parents without children. I’m glad the Chinese government is working to keep these traumatized children close to where they grew up. If a four or six or eight year old child can find a family close to where she’s grown up instead of being taking half way around the world then wonderful for the child and the family. And I’m glad the government is being clear that families who lost children can have more (Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s the way it’s read in the past, but nice of them to clarify it.)
May 27th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
adomom12,
Windthrow is right. Thank you, Windthrow. I was referring to people having sex with the dancing banana. I didn’t think in the news article the couple considered adoption as “second best”. Just that most people first look to xxx when thinking of having another child. Well however I phrase it someone’s not going to like it?
I’m of the camp that wants those recently orphaned to find homes with extended relatives, not abroad. I’d also like a good time spent looking for relatives before they are placed with families.
I also think that China could completely do away with the one child policy (my fondest wish) and there would still be more than 10,000+ children not able to be placed with families within China every year.
Adomom12, you are better person than I being able to identify undertones from the internet postings of strangers. It’s a rumor site about when and how many referrals come in every month. That’s why that’s most of what you hear about here.
And a child being adopted is a good thing.
Kristine
May 27th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I miss rumors! And I MISS THE FORUMS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wendy N.
http://adoptionandfire.typepad.com
May 27th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I’d be concerned if the comments were disrespectful to the victims or to the government of China, but they haven’t been. Despite the empty nurseries of many people on this site (or perhaps *because* of the empty nurseries), people here are nearly unanimously compassionate toward the victims and full of praise for the Chinese Government’s effort to find homes in China for the earthquake orphans. I’ve also seen nothing but praise for the outpouring of support for domestic adoption that this tragedy has caused. And I’ve seen nothing but compassion for the victims.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
As soon as I see a rumor I’ll post it.
And.. not much I can do about the forums right now. We need files that are on my computer at home, and I can’t get to them until tonight.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Thank you RQ. Your point is well taken and should be read before people post.
KMS I see that you are mocking me and I know that a child being adoped is a good thing. I have two adpoted chilren. I just want the “vulture” type behavior to stop. In the “Ego-centric” society we live in we alway go to “how will this effect me when I wish the first question would be how can I help.
I was in the 9th ward evacuating people. When you see a disaster first hand it changes your perspective on the world.
Adomom
May 27th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I agree with RQ and others that have made similiar statements. I just want to add, other agencies read these websites and our large agency said information is reported back to CCAA. It is a small world and information travels fast. If you think the CCAA doesn’t know what the adoption community thinks and feels then you are very naive. There are many agencies in competition.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
“Windthrow is right. Thank you, Windthrow. I was referring to people having sex with the dancing banana.”
I just spit my coffee at the computer — that may not be the best way to phrase that thought!
May 27th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Sorry about that previous post, it just struck me as funny.
I’m a bit giddy because we finally received our TA and have tentative travel dates — and we’ll get back home before the 4th of July! This has been a long, hard road…
May 27th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I can’t wait until my adoption is finally completed so I won’t have to hear the “Entitlement” criticism made again. Honestly, I have no idea what you are talking about, and actually find it Insulting every time I hear it.
This criticism can be thrown at you any time for anything you say….and this comment would Never be made to anyone else in any other situation.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
RQ,
I don’t suppose your boss would consider this a family emergency?
May 27th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
The bright side to this argument - We’re all fighting over who gets to love these children, who gets to adopt them, who gets to carry them in their time of grief and loss. I know an 83-year-old man who still grieves at the fact that he was never adopted, that “nobody wanted him” as he puts it. “Vultures”? I don’t think so. I’ve never met a vulture who just wanted to love someone.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Congrats, Truly Blessed. Very nice to hear some good news.
Hope your coffee didn’t mess up your monitor or keyboard :-)
As to the best way to say things: we just started paperchasing for another adoption and we have with our materials a list of positive/negative adoptive language. In the last 3 1/2 years some of what was once positive lingo, is now considered negative. For instance it’s no longer good to say adoption triangle- it’s now adoption triad. Oh brother!
May 27th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
FindingHope - So well put! Why don’t we give more benefit of doubt to each other? Why read into statements and come up with such negative motivations? I, like most here, have met many fellow PAP’s along the way and am happy to say they all have had their hearts in the right place.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I’m half serious when I say this, but if all the parents out there only became parents simply because “they wanted to love someone,” then why are so many psychiatric practices thriving?!
May 27th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Given how such disasters have been handeled in the past by China and other countries, for example, Myanmar and our own during Katrina I think China has confronted the problems head on and with the urgency it requires. And with a focus on reality not usually seen in China. I have heard of earthquake orphans being counseled and protected from the media. They are getting access to play therapy and specialists. I see this as a huge move in the right direction for China. They have even accepted international help.
I see all the articles about orphans in a positive light and I think that it is wonderful that Chinese citizens and the government are trying to do what is best for them within their own cultural norms. It is so sad that this happened to families and it willtake time for it to get all sorted out. Recovery work is still being done, some villages still unreachable by aid workers. The children from my daughters SWI are living outside in tents. They need more but can not find any to buy.
I think it is premature to start a serious discussion about the fate of the IA program in light of the earthquake. I understand the desire for waiting parents, that is part of being human and this site is a safe place to talk about such ideas with other people who understand and maybe that is just what some people need right now.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
kyleigh-
I’m trying to come up with a witty response, but all I have going through my head is “Love Stinks” by J. Geils Band :) Too much thinking for one day! Goodnight all.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I am struck by the words “always” and “all” and “never” and “nobody” in sentences containing generalizations. Who “always” anything?
May 27th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
And once again it seems that it is mostly the people who already have their children who are being so critical. :(
Let’s face it. Other than giving money, there really isn’t much of anything that most of us can do to help the people of China in this terrible time of need. I really do think people here care greatly, but we’re pretty much of no use to anyone over there right now.
Those of us still waiting are generally consumed by thoughts of our pending adoptions 24/7. I think it would be pretty strange if this or any tragedy didn’t make a PAP think about possible future ramifications, since pretty much everything makes us think of possible ramifications. EVERYTHING has the potential to have an effect on the adoption. Those of us still waiting have to carefully consider getting a new job, moving to a new house, having a medical procedure, etc. because anything could upset the balance and make the adoption not happen, and since many of us are facing possible 5+ year waits, that means walking on eggshells 24/7. So OF COURSE something as awful as this earthquake is going to make us worry and make us think about how it might affect us. That doesn’t make us VULTURES. Give me a break.
Questioning the possibilities doesn’t mean we don’t care about the tragedy. And keeping our thoughts to ourselves doesn’t mean we care more.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
All right, everyone, this finger pointing is getting worrisome. Remember who we are. We are joined in our interest in adopting from China, whether we have already, have been waiting, or are just thinking about it. Those of us who are waiting are worried about how our adoptions are going (my agency tells me nothing). But no matter what stage we are in our adoptions, we are all worried about the plight of the people affected by the quake in China. If anyone is interested on how the quake affected other milestone type events, the link below goes to some wedding photos taken before, during and after the quake. My heart goes out to all who were affected by this quake.
http://www.xanga.com/lelandwon…….nd-then-an-earthquake.html
May 27th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
azawa: I think it is premature to start a serious discussion about the fate of the IA program in light of the earthquake.
I agree. When I first posted yesterday about the article on ABC News website, it was my honest reaction that it was all good news for the people of China.
I don’t know if there are any new regulations, but the government is obviously trying to address all the inquiries form those within China. It all indicates to me that China is doing it’s best to promote domestic adoption.
Perhaps people think it’s irresposible for the Chinese government to address this problem at this time. And maybe that’s true. But I certainly wasn’t thinking of myself when I read it. I thought “how wonderful for the children that have lost parents - how wonderful that domestic adoption is being promoted”.
I know that it’s natural to take it further and think about how IA will be affected - but I honestly didn’t and haven’t gone there - not yet.
Weedji
May 27th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
For the record ( whoever keeps it around here these days) I am one of the people that have wondered out loud how the earthquake would effect the process. No, I never intended it to be disrespectful. We were united with our daughter in Sept. We were in Chongqing and fell in love with China, mostly its people…….. but I just know if this had happened after our referral, but before travel I would be a crazy women……. this is starting to feel more and more like APC……..
May 27th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Amycate - I’m not seeing that at all. You make it sounds like those who aren’t home want to talk about it and those who are don’t. But I’m seeing people who aren’t home with their children agreeing that it isn’t appropriate to talk at this time about how the earthquake may affect IA.
And I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone. I’m just saying I don’t think it’s appropriate at this time.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
tantoria2 - no one is talking about people who have a referral and are waiting to travel not being able to worry. Where on earth did you get that idea? I’ve put a few people who are in that situation in direct contact with people in the cities they will be traveling to in an effort to help them try to deal with the fact that their child is in the middle of this and they can’t get to them just yet.
If anyone is making things snippy around here it is your kind of post. Don’t put words in people’s mouths.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
There is a reason that (at least in some states) lawyers aren’t allowed to initiate contact with victims of a car accident within a certain number of days after the accident, even if it is absolutely foreseeable that someone has a case for a lawsuit. Regardless of whether it would be done with good or ill intentions in any given situation, it’s too sensitive a time to draw attention to future outcomes of the accident.
That’s how I see the discussion of how the earthquakes might affect IA. I don’t think we should speculate or attack anyone’s intentions, motives, or character; but I think it’s just not a good time to discuss the impact on IA.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Let’s all take a deep breath. Exhale. Good.
Okay, now lets direct our energy to hoping when there is referral news, it is good referral news. :-)
I can’t wait to hear that more kids and parents are closer to being in new families. It makes my month. Or my month and a half. Whatever!
May 27th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Yes… good referral vibes!!! Woohoo! =0) I’ll start the referral ~W~A~V~E~ WOOOOHHOOOOOHHHOOO!
May 27th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
I’ll send good referral vibes as well! Longer than 3 day referral vibes! Come on CCAA you can do it and we are soooo ready to hear something!
Beth
LID 1-17-06
May 27th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
I want to send good referral vibes too Bethey! It looks like you could be next!!
Wendy N
May 27th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Where’s that rollercoaster icon………going up……bracing for a long week. Clickity click…….. Don’t let me scream as we come out the other side and down another big hill….only to be hit with a 3dayer…….5 please or more.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Thanks Wendy, I sure hope so!!!!
Bornfromtheheart I agree with you! I just feel this huge anxiety and all these emotions bubbling up inside me. I click on RQ every 5 minutes to see if there is anything new. Then I google What time it is in China even though I know, LOL! I’m honestly really hoping to top that hill SOON! I’m ready to get to that other side!
May 27th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Here’s to another roller coaster ride!!! Hoping that they meet RQ’s horrid case scenario (the 23rd?)
LID 1/16/08
http://www.waitingfornatalie.blogspot.com
May 27th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
In search of truth~ thanks for posting that link, those pix were pretty powerful. Talk about a person’s world changing in a matter of moments.
Re referrals: Anything past the 18th is GREAT in my book! I’m figuring we’ll start seeing them next monday–good luck to all of you who are “on deck”
Does it seem to anyone else like the blog comments tend to be more confrontational than those in the forum usually are? If so, why would that be I wonder? I’m not addressing anyone’s posts specifically, just making a general observation.
susan
lid 2/13/06
http://www.crowellgang.blogspot.com
BTW: today is my birthday! For some reason I’m feeling kind of positive about that, I’m not even sure why :-)
May 27th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Happy Birthday, Susan!
Something else to look forward to: I think Jan 28 - Feb 2 or so only have 5 people in the poll (if I remember correctly) so the next set of referrals should chalk up a good number of days hopefully
May 27th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Why are my comments being blocked?
All I did was post that I agree with someone’s comments.
I sincerely hope comments are not being blocked to manipulate the direction of the discussion.
RQ - please don’t use such a heavy hand. I come here for honest (and polite) discourse.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Why are my comments being blocked?
All I did was post that I agree with someone’s comments.
I sincerely hope comments are not being blocked to manipulate the direction of the discussion.
RQ - please don’t use such a heavy hand. I come here for honest (and polite) discourse.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I agree with ladeeesquire, it has been depressing today, no news about TA’s, the forum is down, and the back and forth confrontation is enough to make me think I need some extra Estrogen :) Debate is good, it lets you see all sides of a topic and form your own opinion. It just seems that things got a little heated. Let’s hear it for some good news tomorrow!!
May 27th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Good luck to all of you next in line for referrals. For anyone keeping tab on other adoption opportunities, I read an article that Bulgaria (Eastern Europe) opened up for adoptions…apparently it had closed previously. I don’t know any details or how big of a program it is, but the article said children 12 mo. and older are available for adoption.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
I’m sorry to have sparked such controversy! I didn’t mean for my original post to be interpreted the way that it seems to have been. I appologize for the confusion.
My comment was not intended to be in response to the quake, though the quote was. In the past (years ago) it was my understanding that domestic adoption in China was somewhat taboo - as it was in America. More recently, I’ve seen reports that domestic adoption is more widely embraced. I guess that I’m wondering if I have interpreted “widely” as wider than it actually is?
In my general “community” (schoolmates, friends, relatives, neighbors) adoption isn’t necessarily the first thing that comes to mind in building a family, but it is openly embraced as an option, whether fertile or not. A child, whether adopted or biological or somewhere in between, blends into family and community as just another child. I guess that I am trying to determine whether or not I have rose-colored others based on the definitions in my own little world.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
eloquentangel,
I live in a very diverse metropolitan area (okay, it’s NY) and while people are open to adoption, it’s still seen as odd that someone would do it when they can have biological children. As I said, people were more unfiltered with us because we didn’t have infertility. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not against adoption, but they thought it weird that I’d want that rather than the bio route.
I’ve also had friends who have had problems getting pregnant who never really considered adoption, despite loving my daughter. Most people I know wouldn’t consider adopting outside their own race. It bothers me a little, but there it is. It’s their problem, not mine. In all honesty, how many of us know people who didn’t go the fertility treatment route when they couldn’t get pregnant on their own? The only ones I know who didn’t go the treatment route were way up their in age and figured it wouldn’t work anyway.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Hi everybody….how come there is no rumor yet…. please come on…if they do a horrid case then they should go up to january 23… (jan 21 and 22 don’t have any lids)…
May 27th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Well I have heard that admitting the problem is half the battle so here goes. I am addicted to RQ . There I said it. And now I have to say that I am going through some serious withdraw.
Any News on the next batch of LOA’s?
May 27th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
destiny-
ugh, i hear ya’. going cold-turkey is killing me.
i hear ta’s are expected at our agency next week. maybe some loa’s will be with them????
sigh…
i’m not feeling very patient right now. i thought the ta’s from the same loa date all came at once. this is going to be the longest week of my life :-)
i suppose these are trivial thoughts when others are suffering, but isn’t that how life always is?
logging off and hoping that tomorrow the forum will be up and running — hooray!
May 27th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Wow, moderation, harsh. I also thought as long as we were being honest and not attacking a person, that this was a place to exchange ideas and thoughts. Is is not?
May 27th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I think we are all being moderated just to make sure something unappropriate isn’t posted and I totally agree with that. I hate debate and I hate controversy so I tend to keep my opinions on the earthquake and IA to myself. I would rather not focus anymore negative energy on the earthquake, goodness knows they have enough. We all need to send positive energy towards China. I can’t imagine what those poor people are going through.
Now back towards hopefully a good rumor and SOON! Thanks again RQ for everything you do.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I hope the forum comes back up tonight. I have missed it more then I will admit. :-)
I do not have an addiction. It’s just a healthy obsession. Ha!
Hanna
May 27th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
obsession… addiction… its all the same. Come on hannaj jump on the addiction wagon with the rest of us. LOL
Here is to good rumor vibes
May 27th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I, too, have missed the forum.
Regarding IA and the earthquake, we just had Sam & Phoebe’s dedication this weekend, and a waiting family was there. The husband said (direct quote), “And now they are saying that these families who lost a child are going to be able to adopt from the SWI’s and I think, ‘Oh great! There goes our chances at ever having a child.’”
Yes, I realize that my children are home, I’m not waiting, but to be mournful that children are finding homes in their own culture….it made my head spin a little bit.
Hope to see you all on the forum quite soon!
May 27th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
hannaj~ I’m with you, I don’t have a problem, I’m telling you I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM!!! I CAN QUIT ANY TIME I WANT! Its just that I don’t want to right now :-)
p12 and tantoria~ I’m quite certain that no one is being moderated due to the content of their posts or expressing of an opinion that is less popular. At least I haven’t seen anything posted yet that would appear to break one of RQs very few and very reasonable rules.
The site is having problems the last few days so that may be it. I also read somewhere else that because the spam word wasn’t working that maybe brand new posters were being put on moderation to avoid spamming. I’m not sure if that’s true or not but it would appear reasonable to avoid the viagra ads that would certainly pop up if allowed.
“oh where oh where has RQ forum gone?
oh where oh where can it be??
I stayed home from work so I could click on the net,
oh where oh where can it be??”
susan
its official, I’ve gone nuts, maybe I do have a problem ;-)
May 27th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I miss the forum! The students are gone for the summer and there is not so much going on at work and no RQ to keep me going…this is torture!
I am happy to see the tone improving. This is a great community! This was such a hard week with the loss of Maria Chapman and missing China-and all the babies and incredible children we worked with in Chifeng and now trying to adjust to being back this week… I really miss my RQ forum.
I finally got our papers off tonight to the Chinese Embassy so hopefully we will be DTC soon and on our way to pick up Miss Lily before too long! She turns 2 in July and I really want to get there as soon as we can!
May 27th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Alright Destiny, you caught me.
I have an addiction. THERE! I said it. The first step is admitting, right?
Hanna
May 27th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
From a previous post: “In the “Ego-centric” society we live in we alway go to “how will this effect me when I wish the first question would be how can I help.”
Just to enlighten some who may not be aware - “Individual Americans” donate more money than any other individuals from any other country in this entire world. We also volunteer far more than anyone else. We’re a Nation of Givers. Now that is something to be proud of. I am. Oh, and something to smile about! :+)
May 27th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
AAHHHHH!!!!!! Doesn’t the hosting company know the serious withdrawl that could happen? OMG help us!!!
haha
May 27th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I thought I would comment in light of people thinking that this blog is moderated. It is but only in one sense.
It is electronically moderated to kick out posts with hot words on religion, politics, cussing and the like. RQ then has to look at those and clear them for posting.
Other than that this blog is not censored in the least.
I am going to refrain from any further comment as I do not want to add to the conversation. ust wanted to clear up the idea that big brother is censoring you. The moderation is ELECTRONIC and based upon the rules of the site.
Thanks
AW
May 27th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Heck - I probably need moderating at this point. I so await the month end rumors on this site - that have yet to arrive this month :(- that I am tempted to make up a rumor!
Jude
LID 02-06-06
May 27th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
FORUM’S BACK.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
okay, false alarm.
it is back, in that you can SEE it.
it is still not working….
like being locked out of the chocolate store….
May 27th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
ROFL
May 27th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Sort of. You can break the window to get the chocolate on display.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I can see the chocolate and smell it but I can’t pick it up!!! I never really understood the level of my addiction to the forum until I couldn’t have it!!!!
But there is light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks RQ for working so hard to get us a fix!
Michele
May 27th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Wait a minute….J.Geils Band sings “Love Stinks???….I thought it was Robby from The Wedding Singer! ROFL!!!! Now, I have that song in my head…the Adam Sandler version! **Had to post this BEFORE I forgot!** NO MEMORY LOSS HERE, CCAA!!!
On a serious note, I totally agree w/ RQ. My heart completely goes out to all of the victims in China. I hope for strength and peace in whichever path they are lead. I tear up even thinking about losing my ds or him losing us in a tragedy such as China is going through. I could not even imagine him being uprooted after 13 years and taken 1/2 way around the world to learn a new language, eat new food, learn new socially-acceptable behaviors when he could be raised in a more comparable environment. I try not to get wrapped up in everything the media puts out. Instead, I’m checking in on RQ (thank you!), Melody Zhang’s blog, and HTS. I feel these are the best sources of info. I’ve had more questions about the effect the earthquake “will have on our adoption” these last 2 weeks. People seem shocked when I say “What will be, will be.” I’ll wait if I have to. Bottom line, this is not about ME…it’s about these families that have been torn apart in the blink of an eye. My heart goes out to each and every one! Let’s keep the faith that all will work out in it’s own way. It may not be according to our “timeframe” but it will work out eventually!
One of my all-time favorite Disney movies is The Rescuers….had the whole movie on record and had it memorized! LOL! One of my favorite pieces from the movie is when Bianca tells Penny “Keep the faith, sweetheart”. She replies, “That’s what Rufus (the cat) always says, “Faith will make things turn out right!” How ironic that I always wanted to have a sister like Penny come into our home….instead of a sister it will be a child! *Bringing a smile to my face!*
Nancy
LID 1/30/07
May 28th, 2008 at 12:21 am
I have not been on in a few days….wow! A lot of emotions are running high! I think we all (selfishly) want to know what the impact of the earthquake may be but in no way, does anyone mean to be disrespectful. I think it is natural because we are human & we can wonder and feel. However, there is a time and place and now, may not be the right time. There is so much destruction and devistation-all we should be doing is hoping the best for the entire country. We are someday, going to be connect to China forever! I cannot wait! My hope is that all of those children are reunited with their families or extended families. They need to be adopted at home if possible. Just because this happens, does not mean there are fewer children to adopt IA or that the wait will increase. The truth is, we are not in control-China is. I think we are all feel sad about our situation and the wait and that is OK….we get to hurt and be sad too. I agree with someone elses post about pain. Pain is pain-no matter if it comes from an earthquake, infertility, loss or anything else. There are not levels of pain-humans have decided that it is worse to have X happen to you than Y but in all reality, it is all the same. I think today, we should all try to find something to be grateful for and to send our best to China. Has anyone read the book The Secret? I am not into religious talks BUT I have to say-what you put out to the universe is what you get back. We all need to try and stay POSITIVE and focused on one thing-being good people in our everyday lives (and stop judging others!) Someday, we will all laugh about our RQ discussions…..they will seem trivial when we are raising and loving our beautiful babies. I still believe.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:52 am
OPEN~OPEN~OPEN~OPEN…hmmm chocolate! I actually thought I was the one who crashed the forum. I was devastated. I was having a bit of trouble with my side of clicking “posts read” for a few days and then crash! I was thinking it was me and then imagined hiding in Mexico until the 5000 RQ strong gave up their torches and pitch forks! haha just kidding. I just want ya’ll to smile! I don’t really think you’d form a mob ~ right? ;0)
May 28th, 2008 at 1:40 am
For those of you who don’t think that IA might be affected from the earthquake here is an article from CHINA DAILY NEWS that a friend of mine who is currently living in China emailed me today!!
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2008-05/23/content_6708389.htm
No one knows if and how exactly it will impact IA but seems that there is plenty of speculation in China already!! No I don’t have my daughter yet nor do I have a referral!
May 28th, 2008 at 7:57 am
I’m starting to go through withdrawls. Miss you guys on the forum!
I’ve held my breath about the back/forth about the earthquake…I think it’s OK to talk about it, but I definitely agree that it’s in poor taste to make comparisons to the loss and how it will affect wait times, etc.
I may be in the minority, but it is my greatest dream that every child in China find a home IN China. It will never happen, but if time, tragedy, and evolution changes the way people in China view the 1-Child law and domestic adoption…and our program has to change as a result… I’m all for it. Sorry if that hurts, it’s just how I feel.
I’ll never EVER forget a comment from a blog topic last month from someone who said “how dare they (Chinese citizens) walk into orphanages and adopt a baby when I’ve been waiting all this time?”… I still replay that comment in my head over and over…
Ignorance is bliss for some, but I just think it’s plain ugly.
p.s. Thank you for all the hard work on the forum, RQ! As a member of the IT world, I know it’s impossible for most to understand how complicated and frustrating systems can be…especially when the folks on the other end of the line throw their hands up and walk away. Best of luck to you!
May 28th, 2008 at 8:13 am
imdmom Says:
May 27th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
“Wait a minute….J.Geils Band sings “Love Stinks???….I thought it was Robby from The Wedding Singer! ROFL!!!! Now, I have that song in my head…the Adam Sandler version!”
Where’s that laughing smiley when you need it? Thank you, imdmom! You just started my morning off with a great chuckle!
May 28th, 2008 at 8:32 am
FindingHope,
I thought your reply to my post was very funny! Maybe I could modify it a bit and say, “The self-serving emotion people often mistake for love stinks!” :-)
May 28th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Kyleigh-
Okay, now you have Tina Turner in my head…”What’s Love got to do with it…What’s love, but a second hand emotion…Ooooo” :)
I think forum withdrawls are really starting to get to me. “Hi, I’m FindingHope, and I’m an RQ forumaholic”.