Potty Trained
TwinkleToes has been a few weeks without an accident. And we can go shopping or out to restaurants now without a diaper. I now officially declare her daytime potty trained.
Is this because she was finally ready? No. Not at all. This was because she had to be potty trained when school started if I wanted her to go to GlitterGirl’s old preschool. And I very much want her to go to GlitterGirl’s old preschool. But she was adamant about not going to the potty, so I was afraid it would take all summer to make it happen. Sometimes parenting is just about who is more stubborn headed. I had a feeling this was going to be one of those times.
And she’s three. Long past the time she should have been potty trained. I know, she gets a bit of a delay on things because she spent two years in an orphanage. But I decided her delay for potty training had expired.
So I warned her for a week and showed her on the calendar when she wouldn’t get diapers anymore. And every time we talked about it she was adamant that she was not going to use the potty. But I control the diapers, so on that day I put a little sundress on her and nothing else. She was very upset with me about that, but she and I both managed to survive it. We had a little potty chair that I carried around the house with us so it was always close.
I told her she would get an M&M everytime she put something in the potty. And I offered GlitterGirl an M&M every time she went to the bathroom if she took her sister along to watch. I didn’t tell her she had to, just made the offer. And she chose to take me up on it. So TwinkleToes got to see big sister going to the potty and then getting M&M’s. I also got an M&M when I went. RK decided he didn’t want to play along.
But TwinkleToes was stubborn. She wasn’t going to go peepee on the potty. She would tell me “No pee pee potty”. Except potty sounds more like pie when she puts it in a sentence. She can say pah-tee by itself now, just not in a sentence. So, it’s more like “no pee pee pie”. Which just made me grin. And sometimes laugh out loud. Which would just make her say it that much more forcefully. With hands on hips. She really is too cute, even when she’s being horribly stubborn.
But she wasn’t just stubborn. She was mad. She wanted a diaper. She would put her hands on her hips and demand “Die Per ON” (if she gets a two syllable word out she has to say it like two one syllable words, she can’t blend two syllables together very well yet). When that didn’t work she changed it to “die-per pease?” But I’d just say, “No baby. No more diapers during the day. Just at night.” She’d go to RK and ask him for a diaper and he’d just say, “Talk to mommy about that.” And then she would glare at me.
So the first time she needed to go she stood in front of me and peepeed in the floor. Hands on hips, legs spread out and straight, back perfectly straight, and glaring at me, daring me to do anything about it. She knew she had to go, knew what she was going to do, and she wanted to make sure I saw. She caught me off guard the first time. I told her we don’t pee pee in the floor, and I made her help clean it up.
The second time she did that I was ready and I swooped her up and put her on the potty while the stream was still going. I had put the potty close to me so when she did her thing I could just sit her on it. And then I ignored the fact that I’d been the one to put her there and I ignored the pee pee in the floor and gave her much praise for putting her pee pee in the potty. She doesn’t have the verbal skills to point out that she didn’t want to put her pee pee in the potty, but I could tell she wanted to say it. She was at that ’spitting nails’ kind of mad. She was so mad she almost turned down the M&M. Almost. She told me “no MM”, but when I gave her a choice of what color she wanted that was just too much to turn down. She chose black, so I gave her a brown one since there are no black ones. I’m assuming the color choice fit her mood of the moment.
Then we called grandparents and told them she put pee pee in the potty. I even let her talk on the phone, the first time we’ve let her do that. We made a huge deal of how good it was to put her pee pee in the potty. I think she eventually forgot that she hadn’t meant to. No, definitely not, who am I kidding. But she did stop being so mad about it. (As I got off the phone I told grandparents to check email in ten minutes, where I gave them the real story of how the pee pee got in the potty. But on the phone they just thought she’d put it in all by herself. Better that way, so they’d give true praise and not fake praise.)
Meanwhile GlitterGirl was drinking tons of watered down apple juice (they rarely get apple juice and consider it a special treat, and I had it out for them that day, as much as they wanted, so we’d have lots of pottying opportunities) and going to the bathroom every 20 minutes or so and getting an M&M every time. And TwinkleToes was thinking she might want to get M&M’s, too. I could see her watching her sister, thinking it through. Gradually coming around to the idea that it might not be so bad.
I set a timer and every hour we would sit TwinkleToes on the potty and tell her to ask her pee pee if it needed to come out (she was drinking lots of watered down juice, too). She didn’t much like this, but I ignored that fact and acted like it was fun. GlitterGirl started reading books to her while she sat on the potty, and that helped. One of these little sessions was the second time she managed to get her pee pee into the potty. We again had much celebration, phone calls, and an M&M.
That night TT did a happy dance when I pulled a diaper out to put on her at bedtime. The next morning she was again mad when I dressed her and refused to put a diaper on her.
But, on the second day she sat on the potty and went without prompting. I gave her two M&M’s and we all danced around the house in celebration. On the third day I stopped sitting her on it every hour, just asked her every hour and a half or so if she needed to go. There were a few accidents after that, but no more done on purpose. We just cleaned it up together and agreed that next time she’d make it to the potty in time, and lamented that there would be no M&M since the pee pee didn’t get into the potty.
She was constipated for a few days. I think she was holding it in so she wouldn’t have to go on the potty. But eventually I guess she couldn’t do that anymore, and that seems to have worked itself out. The standard reward now is one M&M for number one and two M&M’s for number two.
Lucky for me I have GG’s panties left over from when she was first potty trained. GG was very young when she potty trained and I found the smallest panties out there to fit her tiny little tushy. And they happen to fit TT’s size 12 month bottom now, since that’s about how old GG was when she potty trained. They’re big on TT just as they were big on GG, but they stay up okay, and that’s the important part.
I kept TwinkleToes in little sundresses for a week with no panties underneath. Her daytime caregiver had her on the fourth day (I started it on a long weekend) and by then most of the stubborn part of it was gone - I just had to send M&M’s so the reward stayed the same. On the next weekend we began practicing with panties, getting them up and down wasn’t easy for her at first. A week of panties under her sundress and then the next weekend we worked on simple elastic shorts over the top of her panties.
Now she’s a pro.
And she can start preschool this fall.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Congratulations on potty training, your TT sounds a lot like her momma, maybe a little stubborn; LOL. I had my son run a round nude for a week to potty train him worked like a charm, now I wonder why at the age of five he still likes to be nude. LOL! Thanks for sharing have a great day.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Hooray for TT!!!
Thanks for the post RQ. I’m going to save it. It’s one of your most valuable posts! (Can you tell I’m a first time Mom?).
June 18th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Wow. A step by step guide. PERFECT. I am printing out and using it in August on my almost-3-year-old who sounds as stubborn as yours!
Thanks, RQ!!!!
June 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Not that is a cute story. What a kid RQ! They both sound adorable. Good advice in there for future moms (I’m involuntarily in that club).There is just so much advice out there about potty training and the standard they will be potty trained when they are ready. I guess sometimes they need to be showed they are ready!
June 18th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Ooops, should have read now that is a cute story.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Great mid morning read RQ!
PS… Does everyboby know about our favorite potty training books… Everyone Poops and Once upon a Potty?
Jude
June 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Adorable! Potty training always was one of my fave stages with my four bios - one of those rare times in a momma’s life where everyone involved has concrete results from concrete actions. Not so with other areas of this wild ride called parenting! Enjoy the freedom :)
June 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Congrats!!!!! I have 2 bio boys and the oldest one potty trained very easily, even at night. My youngest wasn’t potty trained until he was 3 1/2 (maybe closer to 4). That child would not use the potty no matter what and than one day - it just clicked. I’m glad so many of you loved the potty training days as that’s not one of my favorites. Anyways, much congrats to a now Big Girl!!!!
June 18th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Congrats on surviving “Potty Boot Camp” at least that is what I called everytime I used a similar method with my three kids.
My son failed potty boot camp twice. Finally at four years old (I swore he was going to get his driving permit wearing a pullup) we moved to a new house and I told him that we had left all of the pull ups at the old house and he needed to use the toilet. He said ” you mean I need to use the potty”…Yes, I said…. He said “okay” and that was it…. To this day that guy never had an accident during the day or night!!! aurhhhhhh talk about stubborn. (his twin sister on the otherhand had it down at 2.5) MeiMei adopted one month before her 3rd birthday to my surpize was NOT potty trained and wanted nothing to do with it - swatty or not. It took us five months after being home to get it…and that was with a lot of sprinkels (those little candy things that look like a lot but do not add up to much) we call it tinkle for sprinkle…
RQ - Rejoice and celebrate! It is a joyous moment! I still to this day and my twins are 7 - thank them for being potty trained - god do I remember those double poopy days.
okay enough potty talk
Samba in Sac
waiting our PA to add for #4
June 18th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
This sounds very much like the method we used from the “Toilet Training in less than a day” book by Nathan Azrin. It’s a very behavioral approach with rewards (we did M&Ms too), and made her help to clean up accidents. I wouldn’t say it worked in a day, but within one weekend, we had pretty good success. She had maybe 3 accidents in the first 2 - 3 months and we used pull ups a night for a few more months until she could keep them dry. The only different thing we did was instead of asking whether she had to go to the bathroom, we asked “are you keeping your panties dry?” every 15-20 minutes. Lots of salty snacks and plenty of fluids along with NO weekend plans helped a lot too.
June 18th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
We used M&Ms too. Worked great as a motivator to stop playing and go to the toilet.
June 18th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Great story. I found the little tiny marshmellows worked for us. She would go and then ask for a “mellow”. My daughter came home at 22 months and was really pretty easy to train. I did not attempt for quite a while. I think we started in the Fall. All of the girls in her daycare class were training “together”. By Christmas she was pretty good with urination and by the time we went to Disney in February we were DONE (she turned 3 in March)!!!!! Did you know that Mickey Mouse loves girls who wear “big girl pants”. It worked!
June 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Congratulations, TT! You are a big girl now!
June 18th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Your story is EXACTLY the same as the story of potty training my oldest girl. She is VERY much into CONTROL, MASTERY and PERFECTION. The pull up phase lasted a long time because she did not feel icky and uncomfortable. Those pull ups are engineered to help them feel dry and so she just did NOT see a need to sit on the pot.
I have photos of her with sunglasses, shoes and a hat, with ALL her clothes on sitting on the little potty, feet up on the big toilet like she is in a sun tanning chair. One day in total frustration I said, Look, if you go potty on the chair, every time I will give you a shiney coin. From that day on she was “paid for potty.” No accidents, no daytime diapers from that moment on. She did not really understand the value of money but she liked how it looked and knew it had significance. Today as she starts kindergarten she has a bank account with more savings in it than I had in high school. I should mention that we stopped with the potty payments after about a week but she saves all her birthday and gift money. I think she is going to want to be a Chief Financial Officer someday.
June 18th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
We used the exact same method with my first daughter a few years ago and I am thinking about starting again shortly with our 19-month old. She seems ready. And yes, this is exactly the method described in the book ‘Toilet Training in Less than a Day’ by Nathan H. Azrin. It was written in 1974 and it is a hoot to read! Not to mention that it worked!
June 18th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
The best lesson our daughter got was just by being around others who are potty trained. Our doctor told us not to push it if she shows no interest. So we didn’t and it saved ourselves a lot of grief and frustration. She was the youngest in her class and quickly learned by just watching the others. Funny to think just a few months prior she had zero interest. I see other parents struggle and push and end up frustrated - mom, dad, child. Not us. Everyone has their own method which I respect, but just remember, the more you push, the more they may rebel. Save those fights for when they’re 16 !! EEK! Now keep in mind, she was a few months over the age of 3 when she finally showed interest, but doing this on her own time worked like a charm. And actually, she was sleeping through the night without a diaper pretty quickly after she was potty trained. Yea!
June 18th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Okay, this may work for some but I have a friend whose clever son learned how to maximize the M&Ms on a given day by just going a little bit at a time…smart little guy.
I’m don’t want to go against the queen, but I’m not sure this is worth the stress for the parents or the kids. Hey, it is their body function and why can’t they have control over that? If it is upsetting to the child, I think I’d prefer to just wait. It makes it hard though if getting into preschool is on the line…that’s stressful.
I’m also not sure that preschools should make it a requirement…some kids don’t train until four. We personally didn’t have the issue as my kids trained without issues, but they attended two preschools where they could start at 2.9 but potty training wasn’t a requirement. These schools respect the fact that kids are all over the place developmentally and some just are there yet when it comes to potty training (they also let parents stay as long as the kids need them, etc.). Sure does make it less stressful for the parents and the kids. Real child development experts shouldn’t be penalizing children and not letting them attend school because of this…they should know better! Can you imagine the shame that would come from being told you can’t go to school because you aren’t fully trained..yuck.
I once read that the parental frustration over potty training was the number one cause of child abuse. I read it years ago and have no idea if this is or was ever true, but there must be at least a grain of truth in it. There shouldn’t be arbitrary ages at which kids should be totally expected to jump through some particular hoop…and for some reason in this country, the age is age 2 and that is awfully young, really and certainly not the norm, but we continue to hold our kids to it. Hey, they will learn this skill…we should just relax and let it happen. They grow up too quickly as it is. Most of them will have no issues and will develop this skill in their own sweet time. Sometimes pushing can do more harm than good.
Just wanted to offer a different view.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
willowflower - I could not agree with you more. :)
June 18th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I haven’t read the potty training in a day book, so I don’t know about whether my approach is similar or not.
My personal feelings about potty training are that the late potty training thing so popular now is a recent development. In other cultures, and even in this one 75 years ago, kids were potty trained a lot earlier than they are now.
I think if you can potty train before a child hits the terrible twos (which can hit around 18 months for some kids) then you are so much better off than waiting. That’s the way it worked with GG. We potty trained when she was still in that “I want to please mommy and daddy” mode of thinking. By the time she reached the “No” stage, she was already potty trained. We used all positive reinforcement and there was no stress at all. She was potty trained at around one year old. We got her about as young as anyone ever gets a child from China, so we’d been home a good bit by that time.
But we were handed TT long after this, so it was too late for us to use that approach with her. I’ve been patient. But it was time. I did what felt right for this child. Whether it would work for another child or not.. who knows.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Our Mia is almost three and also a bit potty stuborn. My sister heard about the “Potty Whisperer” - have any of you heard of this method? Seems to use a whole day and makes them clean up their own mess. I’m so tired of hearing about late potty trained kids…they seem to have control and love it. I blame those pull-ups. It makes them lazy and dependent. Isn’t our job to enable them to be more and more independent?
June 18th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Oh, yeah. TT has never had pull ups. I don’t intend to tell her of their existence.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
OK, I’m just completely confused. “Late potty training” did not really come into play until the 1940s, so this by far is not a new trend. And I don’t know why parents are so worried about getting their kid on the potty asap.
What concerns me the most? Making darn sure my child does not run out of my sight in a store, stopping when I say, “STOP!”, staying away from pools without my or another’s supervision, running into the street, hitting, biting, etc. I’m sure you get my point. Poop on the pot was waaaaay down the list!
Great read: http://blogs.webmd.com/healthy-children/2007/07/poop-culture-potty-training-your-child_03.html
June 18th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
willowflower~interesting perspective. I don’t share it but I do find it interesting. I think most parents know when their kids are ready. I know I did and it was different for each of my boys.
And I agree, NO PULL UPS ever!
Congrats RQ, TT’s a big girl now! (sniff)
susan
June 18th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
I find this topic very interesting. Both my older girls were toilet trained during the day by about 2-2 1/2; and at night about the same time. They learned in daycare. I really had to do very little, other than to support the teaching at home. They seemed to just ‘get’ it when they saw other kids using the toilet.
My youngest sweetie is starting to go on the pottie at 17 months. When we took out the pottie chair last week, we thought she would just sit on it. When she saw the chair, she clearly knew what it was for and proceeded to urinate. Today, she also stooled when she sat on the chair. So I am thinking I might have tried sooner, since she trully ‘gets’ what the chair is for. So I think RQ maybe right, that early toilet training maybe something many people do in other cultures. Is she ready to tell us ‘when she has to go’…nope I don’t think so…but one step at at time.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I HATE pull-ups. I am glad I am not alone in this:)
June 19th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
What was I thinking? Our daughter was 2 and a 1/2 when she was potty trained, not just a bit over 3 years as I mentioned previously. How quickly we forget! :+ )