Joy
How about a little balance? I talked about anger, I should talk about joy as well.
There is a lot more joy in my life than there is anger. Tons more joy than anger. And for that, I am most grateful.
Both of my girls bring me more joy than I could have possibly imagined. The feel of their arms around my neck, their kisses on my cheek. The artwork they make for me. TwinkleToes saying “I off oo mommie” (I love you, mommie). GlitterGirl seeing me from a distance when I arrive somewhere to pick her up and running to me as fast as she can, stumbling over her words to tell me about her day as quickly as possible. The two of them (and the dog) greeting me at the door when I come home and they are already there. All of us in the car singing together. Reading books to them at night. Listening to the two of them play in the bathtub together.
This is the happy post, so I’m not talking about the cleaning of vomit, or the fits pitched because if they eat peaches right after apples they will have a tummy ache so I have to say they can’t have peaches right after apples, or the argument over which teddy bear belongs to who after grandparents buy them identical teddy bears, or the tears in the morning because one shoe is missing and someone has to wear a pair of shoes they don’t want to wear.
But you know what? Even the exasperating stuff makes up the good part of the day. Most days, anyway.
Yes, there is a lot more Joy in my life than anger.
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
awesome.
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I absolutely agree! No matter the aggravation they sometimes bring, I would rather have the aggravation that goes with my children than not have my children. It’s all worth it to have these incredible people in my life, and am thankful every day for them. In fact, when I’m having a particularly bad day, I stop and ask myself if I’d rather not have my girls, and that puts things in perspective. The pluses far outweigh the negatives, and that sense of wonder and joy that I’m their mommy never goes away. My heart aches for those still waiting to experience what I’m fortunate enough to experience every day.
July 23rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm
This is a bit OT but I just wanted to recommend a book that I have been reading. It is called “Bright from the Start” by Jill Stamm, Ph. D. It mostly deals with children’s developing brains from birth to age three and things you can do to stimulate learning and form attachments. I found it at our local library and I think they are wanting it back, I’ve renewed it three times already :)
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Thanks RQ…I sure needed to be reminded about this cosmic balance. Day-to-day it is easy to remember the fights, the hurt feelings, the fatique and frustration. Yet, I know that when I look back on my life whenever the end comes for me, it will be motherhood that will yield the greatest joy and satisfaction. Sure the career and educational accomplishments help boost the ol’ confidence meter but parenting is the hardest job I’ve ever done. My little kids watch my every move and even imitate my facial expressions. It is exhilirating and frightening to know that I am a teacher to them at every moment not just 8-2 or 9-5. It shocks me that there is not more weightiness in our society for the role of parent. But, since there is hardly any status afforded to this position, I agree we must not gloss over the extreme joy given to us by our children. (I just spent an hour chewing my friend’s ear off about how cute my kids are…I hope she is still my friend. She is single and has no kids..how boring for her.)
Photomutts…thanks for the book reference. I think I need it right now.
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
This is so good! For without the joys, the anger feels despairing and un-ending. And without the anger, we can’t truly know or appreciate the deep-seated joy and love from which this kind of anger rises. Anger that those we love so deeply and passionately have had hurt and pain that could have been, should have been avoidable. Thanks for sharing your journey from both sides. I’m so anxious to begin my own journey to experience both sides of this particular love even more fully and FINALLY IN PERSON!!!
And may your joys, and all of our joys!, in this crazy, convulted IA journey FAR outweigh the angers and frustrations.
LID 12/16/08
DOR 7/14/08
LOI 7/16/08
Notification that LOA is on the way: 7/23/08 wooo hoooo!
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:37 pm
My greatest joy in life is listening to my children’s laughter…even if its in response to them making silly faces at each other, watching them share secrets and having the privilege of hearing them dream….Parenthood is awesome…and yup its hard too…but then again what isn’t? And f it was easy it would not be so great….
CTG…mothe
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:37 pm
left out the “r” in mother…….courtesy of the 18 month old…slammming the keyboard…LOL…
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Thanks so much for this post. With the wait seemingly endless I often find myself wondering if I’ll think it was worth it in the end. Will I wake up one day as a Mom and say, I did all of that for this!?!?! I usually talk myself out of the thought but sometimes having never had the experience of parenthood it’s difficult to fathom that it might be worth this much pain to get to.
Sarah LID 3/1/06
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Sarah,
I completely understand how you are feeling. We are first time parents and just received our dd May 7. I was so scared of the demands and whether or not we would be up to them. Well, it is hard - I won’t kid you about that. As they say about a toddler to use a famous quote - “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times” !!! But Jia is already in my heart like I cannot explain and you will not, cannot, possibly understand that until you are a mom (and you will be VERY SOON!). I got tears in my eyes the other day while playing with my dd - and a heart that swelled like it never has before. And I am NOT a sentimental person. I’m exhausted at the end of everyday in a way that some days I can hardly fathom. But I wake up the next day and when she starts stirring in her crib and I walk in and she smiles and wiggles - well - it erases all that memory of the hard work. It’s hard to explain - but you’ll see - it’s really kind of amazing.
Beth
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I know we have a few “older” parents on this board and I think one of the great gifts of having children “later” (whether intended or that’s how life played out) is a better perspective or awareness of these fleeting days. (Not to take anything away from you younger moms; but hey you gals got the bods and the smooth skin so us older moms get something! HAHA!)Whenever I want to “just” run up to the store without getting children dressed, finding shoes, wrestling them away from the tv (though they are proclaiming they WANT to go with me!!) I remind myself “one day…” they either won’t want to go with me or will not be around to go with me.
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 pm
It just seems like yesterday that my boys were boys. I was young (late 20’s) and couldn’t wait till I could tell them, “Go get your bath.” “Go get a pop-tart”. I hurried them to get grown. Now I’m in my girl phase, and my boys can “go and do” for themselves quite well now. They just spent the longest 23 days together in Spain and I couldn’t wait for them to get back home to Mama so I could fix a huge breakfast for them and wash their clothes and beg to spend time with them. When my oldest turned 10 I said “I can’t believe how fast a decade has passed!” Now that he’s 20 I just want to hold on to every moment. So now I have 2 girls, 10 and 3, and I want time to stand still so I can enjoy the simple pleasures. But for you who are in the wait…..if its 3 or 4 more years,…..it will be a blink once you’re on the other side. I feel your sorrow.
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:16 pm
I want to thank everyone out there who has positive words of hope at the end of this long road.
I do know that there is a beautiful girl at the end of that road and can’t wait to get there. Even if it takes 3-4 years.
Littleperson647
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 pm
“icingonthecake Says:
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I know we have a few “older” parents on this board”
You ain’t kidding….
Sort of like, when earlier this week the older gentleman who was bagging my groceries at the store started taking to Isabel saying, “Your Grammie sure does love you, huh?!” [GROAN!!!]
I had a flashback to a week or two after I received my referral and the cashier (ironically at the same store, different location) commented on my necklace (which had a small picture of my daughter), ” Is that your Grandbaby???” [DOUBLE GROAN!!]
JOY…..
My greatest joy is walking through the doors of her daycare in the afternoon and have her scream, “MOMMY!!” (note: NOT Grammie!) while running as fast as she can into my arms. It’s about as sappy as a Kodak commercial but gets me every time. It is the highlight of my day.
Laureen
http://www.babysites.com/sites/laureenmary
July 24th, 2008 at 12:08 am
“I remind myself “one day…” they either won’t want to go with me or will not be around to go with me.”
I do the same thing. I actually sort of like how they cling to me since I know it won’t last. I tell them all the time that I’ll never leave them. For now, it’s a promise. In ten years, it will be a threat. (hee, hee)
“I just want to hold on to every moment. So now I have 2 girls, 10 and 3, and I want time to stand still so I can enjoy the simple pleasures”
I know how you feel–exactly. I try to stop and just live the moment when I’m rushing through my days. I was the fun aunt for years, and it was always sad when I had to leave or my nieces/nephews had to leave at the end of the day. I’m still happy when I realize I get to keep my girls with me at the end of the day. I thought that the thrill of the referral and being a mom would wear off in a few years, but it sure hasn’t. I still live in awe of my girls and the fact that I’m privileged to raise them and get to know them in an intimate way. I feel so blessed. I also live in fear, wondering if I can handle everything that can come up and wondering what I’m doing pretending to be a responsible adult. My parents were adults. I’m still a kid–at least until I realize I’m an older parent than my parents were. The joy and fear can go hand in hand. So for those of you who wonder what the heck you’ve done and if you can handle parenthood, understand that those of us who are parents are right there with you. We just take it one day at a time and do our best, drinking it all in in the process and learning as we go. (And I always thought my parents had all the answers. Ha! We’re all winging it!)
July 24th, 2008 at 1:55 am
I’ve discovered that “there is no ME w/out - the little one(s)”…. I don’t remember a time now…I don’t want to. And, not that my/our life was bad before…..just so much better now…..our DD adds sunshine, she has a lemon tree outside her window….”Mommy, say hello to the lemons”….”hello lemmons”!
She’s EVERYTHING!……not that we don’t have a complete “other” life…we do….but do the math….
She’s the best thing in life I never knew I NEEDED…….and now I would be starved w/out her.
To everyone in line and to all of you who dream of being a parent…HANG IN THERE….it’s not easy…..but it’s the greatest JOB I’ve ever had….sorry Madison Avenue, but you just don’t compare.
Being a Mommy is just plain GREAT!!!!!!!!!!
July 24th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Yep, nothing like eating dinner together and looking over at my 2yr old and having her say with all senserity, ‘Dreams come true Daddy’.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:16 am
speedracer,
You brought tears to my eyes just reading it. I would have been bawling if it happened to me.
My 2yr old,on the other hand, says such endearing things as last week’s gem:
After walking up to me working at the computer…
Me: I smell poopie.
Isabel: Me or you?
She cracks me up and fills my life with more laughter than I ever thought imaginable.
Laureen
http://www.babysites.com/sites/laureenmary
July 24th, 2008 at 8:56 am
I couldn’t agree with you more! The joy certainly outweighs everything negative. Once we got our first daughter home and got used to parenting, it all fell into place. I can’t wait to get our second home to continue on this journey!
Beth
LID for #2 4/21/06
July 24th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Holding out for the JOY!!!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:23 am
As angry as I am toward the process in China, I am thankfull for one thing. This looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong wait has allowed my wife and I to take a class to become certified foster parents here in Suffolk County, NY . Our certification will be done by the end of August and anytime after that we could have a placement for a child.
It is exciting to know that soon we will be come parents to a foster child. We were told that aprox 30% of the children that get placed in homes are made available for adoption. So there is a chance that a child we get will become our forever child.
But what ever happens we will be able to provide a home and some stability for a child who needs it. So am I angry with China, SURE EM. However it is now allowing us to take care of one of our local children.
Matt and Laura
L I , NY
LID 10/13/06
July 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I have never been happier in my life. The joy outweighs it all. I never knew that being a parent would be this amazing, and I treasure every second of it.
Tracy - very happy mama of our 22-month old adorable Charlotte Rui <3
July 24th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Beautiful!
July 24th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I try to remember to balance the bad with the good. I am lucky for all the people in my life that I love and they love me. Just hard sometimes because I know what I am missing out on too. I work with a girl who is pregnant with her 2nd baby (her 1st is 9 months old) and she has a restraining order against the father. He has no job and she gets welfare(that I pay for in taxes). It works on my nerves that my husband and I have no children and we could provide so much love and a happy home.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Joy: sitting in a row on Sundays, me on one end, DH on the other, five scrubbed and shining faces in between. Everyone of them a gift beyond measure. And the littlest from China? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if she walked on water. She’s that amazing…
July 25th, 2008 at 2:52 am
I have tears streaming down my face as I read these posts. They are all so true. Children are amazing little people. Cherish each and every day with the ones you love.