Monday Morning Musings
Apparently not everyone has as much trouble finding tiny panties that don’t cost an arm and a leg as I’ve had. I’ve been making do with what was put away of GG’s, but have been looking for more small sizes for a while with no luck. I was pretty excited to find some yesterday.
Oh, I couldn’t believe that Toys R Us had Halloween costumes out already. It’s August for goodness sake! They had several adorable little ladybug costumes
As has been noted, the Olympics are over. I spent some time with a friend and her 15 year old daughter yesterday. The daughter has been watching the Olympics non-stop and it was refreshing to hear her take on them, see her excitement. I think it’s the first time she’s fully understood the concept of someone working so hard towards one goal, putting so much of their life into something and then sinking or swimming based on one performance, one moment in time. And that is what the Olympics used to be for me. I think I lost some of that wonder, and I am thankful to have been reminded of it again.
What happens to the world of adoption now that the Olympics are over? That’s a darn good question. And one that we don’t have the answer to. I talked about that last week, if you missed that discussion you probably want to go read it.
The girls and I had a great weekend together. They missed their daddy though and had to spend a lot of time in his lap when he got home late yesterday. One on each leg. I love watching them cuddle with him.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I hope that the CCAA does not come up with some other excuse for a lag in the referrals, there is no more excuses. THE OLYMPICS ARE OVER……. come on CCAA show us some love bang out those refferals….
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks,
Matt and Laura, Looooooooooong wait Island, New York…
August 25th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Hope for the best but expect the worst. If referrals start growing larger and larger in reverse of what happened over the last two years, that would be very telling. I can’t help but wonder.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:55 am
I have ben in some of our stores here in Canada and have also noticed halloween stuff but also have noticed that they have christmas stuff out too.. First lets get done with back to school then halloween.
Come on referrals, and review room…
11-23-07
August 25th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I was sooo happy to see the end of the Olympics. I hope there are no more excuses. My prediction…
Sept.-referrals 2-8-06
Oct. -referrals 2-18-06
Nov. -referrals 2-28-06
Dec. -referrals 3-8-06
I guess only time will tell
August 25th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
wait4ever~ I really LOVE your predictions!!! That would mean a referral in oct for us. Fingers crossed!!
susan
2/13/06
August 25th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
wait4ever, I sure hope you’re on the right track! But, I don’t expect this to happen. Sadly, I never expect to hear any good news on the China adoption front anymore. But I still have hope. Without that, what do we have at this point?
But I have made a decision. For the last 2-3 years, there have been things in my life that I’ve put on hold pending the outcome of the adoption. For example, my husband and I have been planning to sell our condo so we could buy a larger house. I’ve been putting this off and putting this off because I was worried that the adoption might happen and the cash outlay of a new house and the adoption at the same time would be too much for us. But no more! We’re putting our condo on the market and we’re looking at houses. As the old song goes….”que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be”. I’ve also used the adoption as an excuse not to start graduate school. I was worried I’d be half way through the program when the adoption happened, and then I’d have to drop out. No more! I’m planning to start classes this Fall. I can no longer live my life with a “phantom” adoption in the center of it. It’s not healthy and it’s emotionally destructive.
Believe me, I’d trade a new house and a grad degree for a baby girl any day. But unfortunately, I can’t do that right now, so I must go on with my life and find other things to focus on. I know there must be others of you out there like me. When we first signed on to the China program, we thought we’d have a baby in a year or year and 1/2. In fact, after our dossier was logged-in, our agency sent us a letter telling us to read up on China and to start putting together a nursery!!! OMG! Thank goodness I was smart enough not to do that.
I just can’t continue such an extreme focus on this adoption. I know that those of you who have another child or other children are suffering with this long wait too, but at least you have the other child(en) to focus on. For those of us who are childless, there really are no substitutes. I actually came “this close” to buying a new puppy a few weeks ago as some sort of warped consulation for not having a baby. But thankfully, I realized that as much as I love dogs, a puppy is a poor substitute for a baby. Plus, our 9 year old dog would’ve been so jealous.
If and when the adoption happens, great, wonderful, fabulous, awesome, terrific. But if the wait ends up being as long as it looks like it might, then I MUST find other meaningful things in my life. Don’t misunderstand me…I have a full life. I have a wonderful, sweet, funny husband, a group of the most awesome, supportive girlfriends in the world, a nice family, an interesting career. I enjoy traveling and I belong to several social organizations. I still feel something is missing in my life, but I’m just going to have to deal with it. It won’t do me any good to continue to be so wrapped up in this adoption.
Maybe if we all just stop thinking about it for awhile, it’ll happen…
August 25th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
KrissyJ,
Believe me, I understand totally. I know it seems funny, but our cat died in 2006. We put off getting another one because of going to China in January 2008. Well, that was not going to happen. I know we put everything in our life on hold. I know it seems like a silly victory, but we adopted a cat in July. We are taking classes in Nov. to adopt an older child here in the U.S. I do think (I hope) that Feb. will be completed in 3 months. It is March that I worry about. I need to be a mom. I have been waiting 8 years now. Maybe things were supposed to happen this way for me.? Maybe I was meant to have a little boy, and then get our little girl. One of each would be nice. I had hoped 2 yrs. ago, to get 2 little girl from China, but I will never do international again after this experience. Anyway, I think it was really wrong for the agency to tell people to get the nursery ready. They knew that things were slowing way down. Good luck to you!! LID 1-07
August 25th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
KrissyJ: I could not say it any better, when my wife and I started this process we were living in a 1 bedroom apartment. We did not want to move because we did not want to stir the homestudy pot, leave well enough alone and move after we get back from China.
Well now we are close to 2 years being logged in and now we moved into a 3 bedroom house ( renting ) with a huge backyard. We cant sit still for 5 years, we need to make positive changes in our life and I am glad we did.
We are also in the process to take in a foster child, we figure this will go quicker then China.
Matt and Laura
Looooooooong wait Island, new York
August 25th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
KrissyJ,
You are doing the best thing by going ahead with your life.
30 years ago this month we adopted a 4 month old son domestically, and we had waited 3 1/2 years. During that time we were totally in the dark as to when a phone call would come. There were no message boards or Yahoo groups, or LID’s and so we had no timeline to go by. Our social worker could never give us any indication.
At first we anticipated a call everyday, but that soon became too difficult and so we had to just live. When the call came, I had just taken my real estate license exam, we had moved to a new house, we had no room ready, and we had three days before we went to get him. Now the long wait is a fuzzy memory, but that call and those three days and the next 30 years seem like yesterday.
My daughter is enduring the same wait as all of you and I know how hard it can be. Nothing I say will make it shorter, but I can guarantee it will eventually be over and it will be worth the wait - hang in there!
August 25th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Krissy, you have definitely nailed the limbo that we are all in, and how important it is that we keep living and moving forward. I just remembered a book, On the Beach, about nuclear war, and how the Aussies, waiting for the fallout to get there, at first stopped going to work and planning, etc. After a little while of doing this, the majority of people started planning again, like going back to school, etc. Even with death looming around the corner, people need to move forward.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:50 am
KrissyJ, thank you for your comments. I’m struggling to figure out how to get back to living life, but I know it’s what I need to do. My husband is disabled, which has added a whole other layer of anxiety to this experience. First we had to get pre-approved, a “no guarantee go-ahead,” which basically meant, “send your dossier, it’s worth a shot.” We then spent the next year making logistical changes to make life easier. We sold our condo and are now renting a single level apartment because my husband can no longer climb stairs. At the same time, we went through a year-long wait for his electric wheel chair to be built and approved by the insurance company–not quite as painful as waiting for a child, but close! I’ve been working extra hours to get us more financially secure and though I’m tired all the time, I tell myself it will be so worth it in the end. Two weeks ago we were told our dossier was in review and that CCAA had some questions they wanted us to address, mainly about my husband’s health. So now, I guess we are waiting to hear that the review of dossiers through March ‘07 has been completed, and if we haven’t been rejected, we can assume we’re now waiting for a referral. At a Waiting Families meeting at my adoption agency last week, a staff member kept saying that even though the wait is hard, we will all get a child in the end. To me however, she said, there is no guarantee. This waiting would be so much easier if I could know for sure that I will have a daughter in the end. The thought that we might wait another two years (is that even realistic?), and then be told in the end, sorry, no child for you, is a thought I am constantly pushing out of my mind. Because of our special circumstances, we have no other options than China. So I am resigned to seeing this through. Being reminded that waiting doesn’t mean stopping is so helpful. Now I just have to give some thought as to what that means for me… voice lessons maybe.
Thank you again, and thank you RQ for providing this forum. I’m new here and it’s been both helpful and discouraging. It may be that one way to get back to living life will mean I have to limit how often I visit here. I’ve quickly become a bit of an RQ addict. Moderation is called for I suppose. Congratulations to everyone who just got referrals and I’m wishing for the rest of us that we embrace life as it is now, because while a child will add so much to our lives, our lives don’t depend on it.
Perudy
LID 3-19-07