In any event, you are correct that the child will not see the original handover as positive. We look different than anyone they’ve ever seen before, we talk in a language they don’t understand, and they are away from everything they’ve ever known. It doesn’t matter if they had it bad or had it good, the handover is scary and different and you can’t expect them to realize that it’s for the better.

However, I would like to take this opportunity to encourage us all to think a little differently about this – about things not being happy for our children in the orphanage, etc. Please remember that this way of life is all they know. To them it is normal, to us it is neglectful and devastating. To them, they know no other way and they cannot define it us unhappy or happy. Most of the children are far too young to comprehend this concept. Do they know what neglect feels like? I kind of think they don’t know they are being neglected because that’s the way they’ve always been treated. I only mention these things because what will be the happiest moments of our life are, at first, some of the most traumatic for them. Being taken away from all they know by complete strangers. Food for thought from a mom to two adopted beauties and waiting on #3.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2007-11-20-Chinainside_N.htm

This past Saturday I met friends for lunch. One of my friends is Vietnamese. She was born there and came to the US when she was 12. My friend brought her mother along and the mother was silent for most of the meal, but watched how I interacted with my 4 year old daughter. Not long before we left she asked me how old my daughter was when I adopted her from China. I said 10 months. She said, “I don’t understand people like you who can love a child who is not your own. I could never love a child who did not come from me.” I was rather taken aback by her comment, but said, “My daughter could not be more of a daughter to me even if she was born from me. She is everything in the world to me.” My friend’s mother just shook her head and said she could never feel that way.

Needless to say I had nothing more to say to my friend’s mother after that. I know there are many people from many different cultures who feel the same way or who feel you should only adopt from your own culture. I got asked a lot why I chose to adopt from China rather than the US. I just let their comments flow over my head and realize that not everyone is open-minded. That’s just how the world is.

As far as the children orphaned due to the earthquake…it seemed as if they were valued more because they were “wanted” by their birthparents. They weren’t “thrown-away.” Some Chinese who would never consider adopting an abandoned baby suddenly stepped forward interested in adopting a true orphan.

I’m obviously not speaking of ALL people in China, but some, and that’s in line with some of the cultural aspects we’re aware of.

I’ve been told that most of the domestic adoptions happening seem to be for those families who already have their legal limit of bio kids, and they adopt through an SWI because that is the only way to have another legal child (who will have paperwork and will be able to go to school) without paying a fine.

I do not know about the children orphaned due to the earthquake.