A Random Post
I don’t see any new rumors. It has been suggested that I just make something up. I actually considered doing a “make up good rumors” post, but decided against that because of the potential for confusion. So, sorry, as much fun as it would be to make up the best rumors we can imagine… it’s probably not a good idea.
Some mornings my girls get up, do their “things” without being told (brush hair, brush teeth, put clothes on, fix their lunches, etc) and some mornings I feel like a drill sergeant trying to get them motivated. This morning was one of the latter (but there were consequences, so tomorrow morning will be better). And then, because GlitterGirl had on a thick top that included a hood, she didn’t need to wear a jacket. But TwinkleToes had on a thinner long sleeve shirt that needed a jacket. But TT decided it wasn’t fair that her sister didn’t have to wear a coat (she can’t say jacket very well, and she’s smart enough to substitute words she can say for words she can’t), so she shouldn’t either. We talked, I told her we each do what we need to do, without comparing our needs with someone else’s needs. It’s not the first time we’ve had that talk, but you can’t imagine the fit she pitched. We were walking out the door as it started, and the biggest part of the fit happened in the car. I actually pulled the car off the road into a parking lot and we sat for a few minutes until she got herself under control. She will be going to bed 45 minutes early tonight because of her fit (logical consequence – apparently you didn’t get enough sleep last night and it made you grumpy, etc.)
Sunday we spoke in Chinese as much as possible while we were eating, and we found a “funny” while doing so. We were fixing burgers (okay, veggieburgers) and we had tomatoes and pickles and onions and lettuce and all kinds of things we could put on our burgers. The Mayo was just about empty, and I needed to tell RK to get another jar out of the pantry. I said mei you and then didn’t know how to say mayonnaise, so I said just said Mayo. For those who don’t know Mandarin pinyin phonics – mei you is pronounced may yo. So, it came out sounding like I said mayo twice. Which led to RK getting the new jar out and us pointing to it and going “you mayo” (have mayo) and then pointing to the empty jar and saying “mei you mayo” (don’t have mayo). It was one of those times when I was giggling as much as the girls. It’s not all that funny written out, but it was hilarious at the time. It was even funnier than the time we realized that saying The Cat in the Hat in Chinese is funny (cat is mao first tone and hat is mao fourth tone – so it rhymes in Mandarin even more than it does in English).
We looked up mayonnaise later to see how to say it in Chinese, and it’s actually one of those words that has been phoneticized to sound like our word for it, it is mei nai zi jiang. There are only a handful of words like that: coffee, hamburger, salad, chocolate, Canada, America, and England come to mind off the top of my head. Words that didn’t exist in Mandarin so they needed to create a word for it, and while they were at it they made it sound sort of the same.
While I’m talking about speaking Chinese, I have to say that one of the bonuses I can see about a language with tones is that it is almost impossible to whine while talking. Not completely impossible, GG can still manage it some… but it’s not easy.
And speaking of whining, that brings me to another thought. Does anyone have a book about tweens that they can recommend? Not just any old tween parenting book, but one that radically altered the way you were doing things… or that just gave you a new perspective, maybe?
GG had this attitude going on last week that drove RK and I crazy. She ended up being grounded from TV, computer, MP3 player, and went to bed early a few nights – a little attitude is okay, but this was just out and out “I’m going to be as disrespectful as possible and what are you going to do about it” stuff. I tried not to make things confrontational, I just took away priveledges and pointed out that the way she was talking was not acceptable in this house. I pointed out that many of the things she has are not things I am required to provide for her, they are extra privileges. And if she can’t be respectful then she won’t get to use these things that she is normally privileged to be able to use. Respect is a two way street. Once I’d said that a few times I just shortened it to, “Respect is a two way street, give me your MP3 player.” Or “Respect is a two way street” as I removed the plug from the back of her computer. Or just, “Wow, maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night, why don’t you go to bed right after dinner and maybe you’ll feel better tomorrow.”
We had a talk Friday evening, and I told her that it was natural for people her age to experiment around with different ways to talk and act, or even to try to find a way to be more grown up, or to be “cool” (probably the wrong word, but I went with it and she didn’t correct me). I told her that I thought she’d been trying out being rude and bored with everything, and that she might want to think about how that worked for her, because I didn’t think it had worked out too good. Then I changed the subject to some things that are happening next week, and then she asked me to help her a bit with something else, which I did. And the conversation seems to have helped. She’s got everything back she lost, and while there is some moodiness here and there, the rude and bored attitude seems to have stopped.
Still, I think it might do me some good to read a book or two (or three) about tweens and what is going on with them and suggestions for how to deal with some of the moodiness and attitude… and for dealing with some of the other issues that come up with friends and activities. So if anyone has any recommendations, please share. I’m willing to ignore some moodiness here and there, but kids will treat you the way you let them treat you… and the rude stuff just isn’t going to happen.
November 17th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Isn’t “jacket” one of those words that the mandarin word sounds like English?
November 17th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
This morning’s conversation was all in English.
But, yes, jia ke does sort of sound like jacket.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Hi RQ, I liked the book Running the Rapids to deal with teenagers. Like the author says, it’s a good read while they’re in their pre-teens because it helps lay the groundwork.
November 17th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Thanks for the random post and distraction, RQ. I was REALLY hoping for referral rumors though!
November 17th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I love the funny Mandarin stuff! Have you ever considered adding a Mandarin section to the forum? The Chinese forums I use usually only have people there who are interested in learning the language for business or something related. They are not interested in vocabulary and phrases related to child care or around the house stuff you would use with kids. Many of them are young and aren’t even thinking of kids yet. So it is difficult to learn how to say some of the things I want to be able to talk about with a child.
November 17th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Good idea Stillhoping…
I love the book The Five Love Languages of Teenagers…and The Five Love Languages of Children
November 17th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Feel free to start a Mandarin thread (or threads) in the main discussion room in the forum – more people will see the threads that way, and you’ll get a lot more action. If we create a room for them then not as many people will go into the room and you won’t get as much conversation going.
I recommend the Mei Mei videos – you can see the links to them on this page: http://www.chinaadopttalk.com/BookRecommendations.html
Mei Mei teaches colors and vegetables and parts of the body and fun songs and phrases like brush your teeth and good night and clap your hands and stomp your feet. There are some Jade videos, too, that are really good, I also pointed to them on that page. Jade teaches some of the same things Mei Mei does, but just a bit different. When I remember my fruits and vegetables I remember Jade teaching them, not Mei Mei. But, Mei Mei teaches more conversation stuff, I think.
November 17th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I was about to correct you and write that it should be “bu you mayo,” but then I looked up the various meanings of “mei” to see that you were correct. I wonder if “bu you” would be OK too?
See how educational your blog is!
The talking in Mandarin during dinner is a great idea.
November 17th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
For Parent’s Only is an awesome short little book-based on surveys of teenagers—more for teen years, but may help you understand what she is heading toward. Here’s one thought:
Basically, you have given her -and still are- building blocks to work with to build up your world view. In her tween and more into the teen years, she will tear down what you have built. And then pick and choose the blocks she wants to use to rebuild her own tower. Some of that begins in the tweens. This is all a good and normal process. Of course we all hope and pray that they pick up the key things but in the end—it becomes their choice.
A while back I also came across something that said that the tween/early teen years, are really like the age 2-3 all over again, but at another level of understanding. They will test the limits again, you will need to stand firm–like you are doing. We have found even our son’s antics are like he was 2 but now in a bigger body it’s sort of bizarre. Funny at times, but bizarre.
In the book they also talk about freedom. Read the book, because I won’t be able to explain all of that—but, discipline changes in the teen years. We need to be aware of what that looks like—and boys need respect and girls need a lot of love—from us as well as toward us.
that’s my 2 cents.–or maybe it was more like a quarter.
LID 9/1/06—aging fast and wondering what I’m doing still waiting sometimes. (my son is 14)
November 17th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
No, it’s never “bu you”, always “mei you”.
If you are asking “do you have” then it’s “you mei you” and whatever you want. Literally it would be “have not have milk”, where we would say “do you have milk”
That works for a lot of things – just like “are you hungry” is “e bu e”, literally “hungry not hungry” instead of “are you hungry.
I don’t know why you use “mei” with “you” instead of using “bu”. I just know you do. I’ve always just assumed it’s one of those exception things.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Cat, hat
in French chat, chapeau
In mandarin yi zhi mao zi de mao
?
November 17th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Actually, it’s “Dai mao zi di mao”
November 17th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I’m thinking back to my mandarin class and I think “bif stek” is one of those words too. My spelling might be wrong, I’m at work and can’t look at my book.
On the teen thing. Ugh. Teens are hard. You really have to get those lines of communication and expectations down long before they hit the teen years or you’ll have quite the time of it. Personality plays a big part too. My older ds had fairly easy teen yrs, my younger, not so much.
It sounds like you’re doing a good job RQ! Keep going.
susan
http://www.crowellgang.blogspot.com
November 17th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
RQ: If I recall correctly, your girls go to Chinese school (as opposed to the more commercial language schools). Do they use pinyin at their school?
It sounds like you are doing a lot of work on conversation, which is good. We have been at DD’s school for three years and haven’t gotten anything close to what you are able to do.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Love the mayo story… Got some in french too! ;)
November 17th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
GG goes to Chinese school for a few hours on the weekend. Her regular school does not teach Mandarin.
Most of what she knows she’s learned from RK and I, and from videos and songs and just playing around with it. She’s learning about pinyin in Chinese classes, and a little bit of Chinese characters, too. We mostly just do conversation stuff at home.
When we decide to “speak Chinese” for a set amount of time, we end up with part chinese and part english, and when someone says something half and half we all decide how best to say it in Chinese, or we help by filling in the words the person didn’t know. Sometimes I have my netbook handy so I can look words up, but we don’t do that when we are eating.
That meal was a good one to speak Chinese in because you had to ask for tomato, onion, pickles, etc.
TT doesn’t contribute much in Chinese – she knows fruits and vegetables and parts of the body and colors and she can count, but that’s pretty much it. She’ll say a few words in Chinese when we do that, but mostly she struggles with English too much to focus much on Chinese. She’s absorbing a lot, and when she’s ready I’m sure she’ll put it to use. But she’s not ready yet.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
“babygirlsmom2 Says:
A while back I also came across something that said that the tween/early teen years, are really like the age 2-3 all over again, but at another level of understanding.”
I have had many friends say to me, (regarding my soon-to-be 4YO), that what
I am currently experiencing with her will not be unlike what awaits me when puberty hits. (Hers, not mine.)
I have to say that, as a high school teacher of freshmen, there appears to be a lot of validity to that. I deal with the SAME things … only in bigger (more hormonal) bodies.
BTW… I see the same “anglification” [is that even a word?] in some of my Spanish textbooks: rosbif (roastbeef), honron (homerun), pudin (pudding).
: )
M2I
http://www.MyChineseShamrock.blogspot.com
November 17th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
WOW. I am so impressed by your ability to have a meal speaking Chinese. I’m curious if you knew the language before adopting, or if you studied it afterwards. I am so daunted by Chinese for some reason. And yet, I really want to learn. We have a great Chinese School on Saturdays a mile from us! Maybe I have to sign up for classes for ALL of us… :)
As for books–friends recently bought this one. I just love the title of the book, so that’s enough to peak my interest. :) It’s a little older than tweens, but they bought it for their tween.
Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager
http://www.amazon.com/Life-First-Could-Drive-Cheryl/dp/0374528535
November 17th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
RK and I knew a decent amount of Chinese before adopting, and we’ve learned a lot more in the years since we adopted GG.
One of the things I learned from adult adoptees was that you shouldn’t say “this is your culture, go learn about it”. That puts the child separate from the family and makes them feel as if they are “different”. It can also make them resent learning about the culture of their birth country. So many of them had such bad feelings around being dropped off to learn “their culture”, I didn’t want to do that to my kids. Yet, the ones who never learned the language often have resentment, as well.
So, we are all learning Chinese, it’s not something we’ll send them off to learn. We do it as a family.
I’m sure RK and I are going to make our own mistakes, but we’re trying hard to learn from the families who have gone before us so we don’t make their mistakes.
November 17th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I teach middle school and my daughter just turned four. I often say that some days there isn’t much of a difference between 3 & 4 and 13 & 14!
November 17th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I am a teacher and cannot say enough good things about the “Love and Logic” books. So helpful. The strategies really work!
November 18th, 2009 at 4:18 am
I really like the “Your xxx year old” by Louise Bates Ames. They seem to be a fairly good explanation of what to expect at each age and the reason behind it.
And I agree with Love and Logic, I even find myself using the strategies with my husband sometimes.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:29 am
One more teacher chiming in. I also teach high school freshmen. It’s scary how similar the behavior can be between them and my 3-year-old. She’s recently started, and we’re nipping it in the bud, turning what I say back to me. For example, if I tell her she needs to calm down, she’ll respond with you calm down with the emphasis on the you. Yesterday afternoon, I told my last class of the day that they’d been acting crazy the last few classes (Friday and Monday), and they needed to calm down or I’d have to move them back to their original assigned seats. One male freshman student responded with You calm down.
Yes, the exact same response from the 3-year-old and the 14-year-old. They both got the same response from me, too. ;o)