Nothing new
The only thing I see new this morning is a few agencies trying to reassure families that this is just a delay and does not mean the program is ending. Most agencies are still saying they don’t know anything about when referrals may arrive, though. And a few are still letting families know they have packages on the way. I believe a few packages are supposed to be delivered today, but with the rumors that are flying around I don’t think anyone should get their hopes up that these packages are referrals.
I don’t see a reason at this point to equate “new director is holding off on signing referrals for a few weeks” with “the program is closing”. We’ve had bizarre delays before and it didn’t mean the program closed.
I wish there was something I could say to make things better, to take away some of the pain and anger and frustration that I know many of you are feeling. But, there isn’t. The best I can do is try to report what various agencies are saying and then try to make some sense of it.
Right now the thing that makes the most sense would have to do with the rumors around the CCAA being told to unofficially slow down travel as much as possible until H1N1 works itself out. The quota thing is also a possibility, but I don’t think we should assume that will mean a bigger batch in December. The amount referred seems to go down every year, not up.
There is also the possibility that the new director really does want to be seen as investigating things and making his own mark on things. It seems to me it would have made more sense to get the current batch out the door and then to start changing things from step one of the new batch… but that’s just me.
I will be closing the poll when I have four or five hours to put the data together and publish it. This morning I’m off work a few hours to take TT to speech therapy and then I’ll be busy with work (the stuff they pay me to do) this evening. And this weekend… between going to the grocery store to get ready for Thanksgiving dinner, my date night tomorrow night, Chinese classes (TT and I are going this weekend because there is a program there, too), and cleaning the house to get ready for everyone to come to our house for Thanksgiving… I’m not sure working on the poll results is going to happen this weekend. Monday I’m taking off work a few hours to eat a “Thanksgiving Lunch” with GG and then to help out with a class project, and Tuesday I’m off a half of a day because TT has a program at school (she’s going to be a Pilgrim). So, yes, I agree that we may as well go ahead and close the poll, but I’m also not seeing a block of time I can carve out in the next few days to put it all together. Usually I have the time at night after the kids go to bed, and it’s possible I’ll be able to do that some next week, but probably not this weekend.
For those of you with LID’s who are sooooo close, all I can say is that you aren’t the first families to think you were a few weeks away only to have to wait months. It happened in the late 90′s when there were two government agencies in China who could process adoptions – and then someone decided that there should only be one, so everything stopped while things were reorganized. It happened again a few years later (though I don’t remember the exact reason that time, I’m thinking it was 2001?), and it happened again during SARS. And then the families waiting just before the big slow down, those families thought they were very close, a batch or two away, only to suddenly be faced with a much longer wait. Not that that helps anything physically, but emotionally maybe it’s easier to know that others have felt this way before and eventually been matched with their child.
Like I said, I wish there was something I could say to make this easier, but there really isn’t. All I can do is try to report what the agencies are saying, and try to help families make as much sense of it as possible.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:10 am
I was one of the PAPS caught in the SARS mess, and I’m months away from my LID date, but I think this feels different. I think PAPS are reaching a breaking point. At least with SARS there was a pretty solid history of a stable program. I don’t think that is the case anymore. The whole program is collapsing and I just don’t think any of us know what to do. While logically, the handwriting is on the wall, pulling out of the program feels (at least to me) like turning my back on my own child. I’m not in any way accusing parents who have pulled out or thinking about pulling out turning their backs. I’m just trying to communicate how my heart isn’t as logical as my head.
Okay, I’m babbling. Sorry, it’s just painful to read what is going on now.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I, too, was one of those families caught up in the SARS situation. We had our file in had when travel to China was stopped. So instead of having our beloved first daughter in our arms mid-May, it ended up being end of July. I cried myself to sleep every night during those 2.5 months while holding that referral picture in my hand ever so tightly. The biggest worry was what if she gets SARS and I never get to meet her. Goodness! Now, over 6 years later, that pain is still there but when I hold her in my arms, the pain melts away. So to all those parents who are waiting in incertainty, there is a God and he will pull you through. Keep your chins up!
November 20th, 2009 at 10:32 am
RQ I know there are rumors flying and tension is high right now. Do you think the following link has anything to do with what is going on?
http://adoption.state.gov/news/china.html
This might be old news to some but I just saw it recently.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:51 am
RQ-I am interested to know your take on the suggestion I saw in your comments that the CCAA is trying to refer one month per year?
I have seen many people post in the comments about switching to the SN program. We inadvert. adopted a SN child-Hepatitis B-from Vietnam. It was one of the SN’s I had said I was not open to but I am so glad I did not know of his status prior to bringing him home. I would have rejected his referral for sure and it’s been such an easy SN to handle. He has his blood drawn 2x a year. If he starts showing a problem he will need treatment-which is not ideal but doable. Most of these children live their whole lives without any problems or treatments. I encourage anyone who is open to SN’s to consider this one.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Suezq2, yes that has been out for awhile, some people have already had to switch to different agencies when theres dident get aprovel and went under or stopped doing china adoptions. I also read a news report that if you are on an airplane that lands in China and one person on that plain shows signs of H1N1 every one on the plain get quarantined, didn’t say for how long. Has any PAP run into this yet? So sorry for everyone, If you are one month or one year away every delay is hard to take, if your next I hope you see your child soon.
Glen
http://www.2china4norah.blogspot.com
November 20th, 2009 at 11:45 am
SARS, I remember well. We were in the group that got stopped from the two and a half months. We the CCAA finally lifited the travel band on July 1st, we received are referal on July 3rd. Had we not be delayed, we would not have had our precious daughter, as she just spent her six months in the orphanage.
As frustrating as the every changing crisis is, with no news, looking at our daughter every day, I know there are reasons for the delay, and at the end of this wait, we will again realise the reason for the delay when we can hold the perfect little sister for our first daughter.
LID 05/09
November 20th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
This is very depressing news. We were hoping to be included in this group since our LID was 3-28-09 and we did not get our referral last month due to questions in the review room. What a roller coaster this has been. Also, wondering how “stillwaiting” is doing, since you are in the same boat as me.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
i don’t believe this is do to h1n1 or a new director. they are winding the program down. we have a late may 06 lid and i don’t think we will ever see a NSN referral.
we have been in our agencies SN program for over a year and have only reviewed one file for a child that turned out to have more serious and muliple needs than we felt we could handle. while i am happy to have the SN option, our agency is HORRIBLE at monitoring and locking files.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
“I don’t see a reason at this point to equate “new director is holding off on signing referrals for a few weeks” with “the program is closing”. We’ve had bizarre delays before and it didn’t mean the program closed.”
I agree. I know tensions are high and I can only imagine the frustration that paps are feeling now. I get it, I was a wreck during the wait as each day seemed to bring more bad news. I hope good news is on the horizon.
susan
November 20th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I don’t really think the CCAA is holding back referrals because they are requiring agencies to be Hague compliant. They know who is compliant and who isn’t.
As for asking me what I think about them referring a month per year – the months are all different sizes. I can’t see that being a “plan”. Sure, it looks like it might work out that way this year, and we were told it would a while back. But that doesn’t mean it’s the plan for next year.
I would also like to gently remind commenters that we don’t bring up religion – not everyone believes the same things so try not to frame things as if you are presuming the rest of the planet shares your beliefs.
I agree the program feels pretty unstable right now and that adds an extra level of “scary” onto things when we get delays. But I will say, again, that I’m not seeing a reason to assume this is a long term thing at this point in time.
And finally, you’ll note I’ve taken the poll down – which means I’ve gone so far as to export the data from the survey software and import into a spreadsheet.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
I have this problem can anyone help. When I started this process four years I was single shortly after that I met my soul mate and we are going to get married. But I was told from my agency not to do anything until after the adoption. But now it has been three years and we are still waiting. We feel our life is on hold. Should we do it anyway? Would it be a problem if I filed single and then get married? Any advice would be helpful.
LID
6/22/06
November 20th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
mariedelg1963, you would have to have your homestudy and update your I600. I would ask your agency. Honestly I am impressed with your patience. I would have gotten married a long time ago. :)
November 20th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
mariedelg1963 ~ I agree with ash2008. Please talk with your agency, & go from there. I admire your patience, & your soul mate, what a guy! He sounds like a keeper. My hat goes out to the both of you. Hang in there, you both sound like a terrific couple.
Personally I feel that this situation we are dealing with is NOT HEALTHY! After years of infertility, & then deciding to adopt or not, then changing our lives to save our money for this wonderful occasion, then having the cost/donation raised on us. Just pisses me off! All we are asking China are questions, which they are not answering. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Until then everyone. Thank you for listening to me vent. And I wish all of you a wonderful weekend, & hang in there.
LID 4/23/07
November 20th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
mariedelg1963 – i would really make sure about this one. my understanding is that if you get married you have to start over and get a new LID.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Thanks all
That is what I was thinking. This is so unfair.
Thanks anyway
Have a great day all
November 20th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
mariedelg1963, if you get married, you will have to start over. You have to married at least one year before you can apply and all the paperwork you did as a single you have to do again, plus the same paperwork for your husband.
As for CCAA and the adoption program, I think it’s VERY stable. We are getting referrals regularly and the process is smooth, the only difference is that the number of children being matched has dropped – a lot. There are certain requirements countries must meet to be Hague certified and one of those requirements is that countries promote domestic adoption over international adoption. This is completely new for China so you can only imagine that they had to change their entire domestic adoption system and that now it’s bigger than the international adoption system.
I’ve lived in Asia and they work much differently than we do in the US. There are customs and traditions for just about everything and they still have professionalism, something I’ve seen go down the toilet in the US more and more. Therefore, it is reasonable to expect that the new director of CCAA is going through a very methodical process of reviewing every aspect of the job from top to bottom. Also remember that being a director of anything in China is a supremely heavy responsibility because if anything – ANYTHING – goes wrong at any step of the way within the organization, traditionally, this person is responsible to the point of “honorable” suicide, in some cases.
My wait has hit 31 months. Yes, I am in anguish for all the children in the orphanages in China and all over the world. I am also in anguish for the children in America, especially those that have suffered terrible abuse by kidnapping, rape and murder. We are seeing a “cluster” of abuse right now. Anyone wanting to know more about this phenomenon can read the book The Gift of Fear. With so much happening around the world and in our own backyards right now, I think that a slowing down of referrals and a delay of referrals is among the least of our problems.
I am no different than you. I want my daugher home with me. I want to be free to meet a loving man and marry him. I prefer not to wait years and years for these things. But the fact of the matter is that it is a miracle that China allows international adoption in the first place and no matter how long it takes, we need to be grateful and patient for being given the opportunity to become parents through their program.
November 20th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
it’s very annoying that the state department numbers haven’t been posted yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 20th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
babyontheway: you certainly have a wonderful way with words and I agree with you on certain points…..one of the hardest parts for me during this wait, almost 44 months, is my 4 year old daughter who will turn 5 in January. She asks me regularly, “Mommy, when is it going to be our turn for referral?” “I can’t wait to teach my baby sister this etc.” Her questions tear my heart in 2…….the other night she begged my husband & I if we would think about taking her to China with us when we went to bring home her baby sister……and when we explained we weren’t taking her (we have many reasons, and she will be very well cared for with 2 sets of grandparents to spoil her), she cried her eyes out, and then asked me, “What if you love Lily (the name we have picked for her sister) more than you love me? So now I burst into tears w/ her…….I just want to show her, her sister does exist and her mom & dad have enough love for 2 children!
with an lid of 4/3/06, I told her we pretty much were getting our referral next month…. I may be selfish, but I just want to know when, and then I will want to know that my little one is ok…..China is truly blessing us by giving their little ones to us to raise….I just can’t wait for that honor to be in my family :) this is a hard, hard day for me :(
November 20th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
mariedelg1963 Yes, and he would have to have all the same back ground checks, new home study ect. as you did for your I-600, but you would then have to switch to a I-800 and start all over I would think. WOW thats tuff. I had not thought of all the people that may be in limbo with there marrage. Your going to become a mother and get married and have to learn to live with your new husbend all in a short time frame now.
best of luck to you and your family Glen
November 20th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
People are starting to announce TA’s on different boards so it looks like that is what was in at least some of the packages that were suppose to arrive. Congratulations to the people about to leave to get their children!
November 20th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
mariedelg1963 – if it were me, i would have a non-legal commitment ceremony NOW and move in together (if you’re not already living together). then make it legal once you are back from china ;-)
November 20th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Please correct me if I’m wrong – but if you are in the U.S. anyone over 16 who is living with you has to have the background check/fingerprints for the USCIS.
I think I’d keep separate places and keep all legal things completely separate until the adoption is over.
Unless you are totally certain that both of you would still qualify under the new rules to adopt a WC. – then you could get married and start all over and do it that way.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Oh my gosh, this is a tough wait because there is no way of knowing what will happen next. A flood of possible reasons just go through your mind…new Director, H1N1 flu, Obama visit and media, policy review, on and on.
Emmalinelola–we had the EXACT situation as you and met our second daughter in July, 2008. My older daughter was 5 and was jubilant. But…be PREPARED…older DD expected her little sis would be like a doll with no mind of her own and no transitions to make. It is approaching 18 months home and they are NOW starting to get along and play together (my #2 was 31 months at adoption.) I have had to remind first DD how she cried and longed for a little sister. But, she says, “I never knew it would be like THIS!” Perhaps it will be different if there is more of an age gap though. Your post just brought back a lot of memories of our wait. It was not easy and my heart goes out to everyone.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
This just sucks (can I say that?)! In March, my agency (a large, good agency) said they told their April AND May people to be ready for a referral this year. And that we could expect a referral next summer/fall (LID 9/12/06). I feel badly for everyone in this situation – the children, us waiting, the agencies – everyone except whoever is responsible for this BS. I had two friends go on different mission trips to China this year and both saw dozens of NSN kids in orphanages. I usually a very positive person, but not sure what’s positive at this point. I hate be a bummer… but bah humbug!
November 20th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Emmalinelola- HUGS… your baby is coming!
I also think the wait gets worse with each passing month. The hardest was the 3 yr for us- with little or no movement- it is hard for us to stay attached to the process. I know it is hard weaiting 1,2 years- but it gets worse. I cannot fathom waiting 5 years and from the looks of it- I may be waiting 4.5 easily with a LID that is 2 months away! I personally do feel like the program has collapsed. I am just hanging in there on a thread of hope that we will squeak through before it completely closes. I do not find this stable either. A stable program would offer its many wap’s an idea of how long it would be until referral. Even people 15 days away from LID have no idea if it will be 2 months or 2 years! I agree with Emmaline- bad, bad week for us too!
November 20th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
Hi Amylea….not so patiently waiting. We hope to be matched this time but who knows!? We were told ‘may’ and then ‘will’ be matched…won’t believe until we see it. Same for you? Since our log in date passed but yet not assigned a new date….who knows….
November 20th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
I am still a little new to this site. Would someone please let me know what PAPS stands for?
Babyontheway – I echo the comment made by Emmalinelola. Thank you for your comments. DH and I are LID 04/06 so we have been in this for a long time too. I still have a positive outlook and believe we will get the perfect child for our family. Even though we have no way of knowing when, we still believe we will get “the call.”
During this Thanksgiving season I will try to focus on the many things I have to be thankful for and try not to dwell on the things I can’t change.
November 21st, 2009 at 5:15 am
interesting goings on – bless u all – first time new zealand member 10/06 here. attrition rates here running at 45% approx
November 21st, 2009 at 10:01 am
I have been a lurker since 4/05 after our LID for our first daughter. She is now almost five and we have just returned from China with our second little girl, a ten month old with a repaired cleft lip unrepaired palate. With a LID of 4/07 and almost 48 I felt that we had no other choice but to switch to SN. That said, I know it is not for everyone..it was not for us until about a year ago when we started researching diff. special needs. CL/CP is not a minor SN but it is a correctable SN. Our new daughter is a treasure, an exquiste, plump, healthy, smiling, laughing, bundle of joy and sunshine.
Our trip to China was very different this time, I was very worried about the H1N1, so much so that we left our older daughter home with her grandmother. The interesting thing was there was no real scare there, in fact, they have FAR FEWER cases there then we have here, two weeks ago they (the gov) were reporting only two deaths.
I did not see people wearing masks or in any way seeming concerned about H1N1.
Another interesting thing I heard from our guide who has been doing adoption guides for 11 years, was that the number one country adopting NSN was Spain. He said and I quote “Spain is getting all of the healthy children and the US is getting all of the SN”. I wonder if this is true, if anyone can shed light on this that would be wonderful.
All in all I am so happy to be home with our new one and our older one.
This site has been such a source of community and hope during our extremely long wait..thanks to all.
November 21st, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Leximom , my wife and I are leaving for China on 12/2. We were in NSN since LID of 10/13/06. Got fed up and were referred a wonderful little girl who will be 4 in January. She has a repaired C/L and yet to be repaired C/P. I would love to connect and discus your next steps. We live in Long Island NY
Please see our blog and you can leave an e-mail there
http://journeytotiannarose.blogspot.com/
Thank you, Matt and Laura
Gotcha Day 12/7/2009
November 21st, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Aloha!
I do have to say it is so interesting how Rumors get started and grow.
I did contact my agency due to all the growing, changing, spreading Rumors here and on the internet. This is what they said:
” We have heard the rumor of delay’s, but to our knowledge this is not true. Our China partner visits the CCAA 3 to 4 times a week. He has not told us the CCAA is not mailing matches this month. There is no confirmation on this information. We do strongly believe it is just a rumor. ”
Now it could be a true Rumor and then again it may not. At this point we really know nothing.
November 21st, 2009 at 11:28 pm
This is my first time to post. My family to is upset with the long wait- we are LID 4-19-06. We started this adoption when our oldest also from China was 3and a half. Next week on Thanksgiving she will be 7. I will admit it has been tougher second time around. BUT WE ARE IN FOR HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES. The countless hours of happiness she has brought my husband and I cannot be measured. Pure Joy. We waited through SARS, and We will continue to wait- for one more chance to have another little girl to bring Joy into our home again. My Heart Breaks for all of the waiting parents. We have been there, we are there with you.
November 22nd, 2009 at 2:51 am
Wow this is so hard. I was feeling sorry for myself when I read the post from mariedelg1963. That must be so hard for you I am sorry you have to go through this and have so much on your plate.
It just shows how hard the wait is and how it affects so many so differently. I wonder if my husband and I (together 23 years) will ever be parents? Now I really wonder if we will miss out. Where I am from we can’t switch to SN so are stuck in the NSN line. We don’t qualify for other countries.
My agency says perhaps next year SN will be available to us in my part of Australia, but they don’t know.
RQ thanks for all the info and support.
Glad for those receiving their referrals.
LID April 07
November 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 am
Its all very confusing!
According to the CCAA website the Chinese Adoption delegates visited the US from Sept 13-26th.
I don’t know why this would happen if the program is going to slow down even more or close.
It seems that it would indicate a greater understanding but I am only guessing.
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:48 am
Hang in there, everyone!!!
Remember, you’re not alone…. there are many people in this boat….. :)
November 22nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Thank you all for your advice. Our agency is really has not communicated anything to us. Everything we know comes from this site. Thank you very much. Our log in is 6/22/06, I feel like we are so close. KEEP THE FAITH ALL!!!!
November 24th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
mariedelg1963 – I am in your EXACT same situation! We have deliberately NOT gotten married due to this adoption being up in the air the past three years. My agency specifically told me NOT to get married until the adoption was finalized. We are, however, living together, and he was included as an “adult member of the household” when we re-submitted our Immigration paperwork recently. We’ve been together three years and are completely committed to one another. Everyone asks us WHEN we are getting married! So in addition to being asked about the adoption, we are also asked about marriage on a regular basis – the answer to both questions at this point appears to be, “Who Knows???” Then we also face the nosey inquires of people asking why we don’t just try to get pregnant ourselves…(gee, we never thought of that – duh!) I feel like I should go around with a sign on my forehead that says, “No we’re not married, and no, the adoption hadn’t happened yet, and yes, I have fertility issues…and no, I don’t when and if any of this is ever going to happen…” Aaargh!!! I know the wait is tough for everyone, but for those who are married and/or already have a child in their home – be extra thankful for having those people in your life this Thanksgiving!