Comments on: Review: Find My Family

By: informedadoptions

informedadoptions — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:21:32 +0000

I appreciate you making the distinction that adult adoptees should be able to use whatever terminology they feel best suits them. My mother actually sold me, so if someone corrected me and told me she made an adoption plan, I’d have to fight the urge to hit them. Also, I grew up calling my biological mother my “real mom” and my grandparents (my dad’s parents who adopted me) were fine with it and never told me anything else (I called them my grandparents, not my parents). Its what I’m used to and what we’re all comfortable with. When I get corrected and am told by strangers I have to call my grandma my real mom and my mom my birth mom, it makes me angry. Why should others get to define what I call my mother or grandmother? It doesn’t mean I’m saying she’s better than my grandma, because she’s not. But she is my mom.
I hope they show all sides of adoption reunion. Not just the gooey happy rainbow ones, not just the horror stories, but a good mix of both, because as an adult adoptee who has had a really rough reunion and as someone who has a ton of adult adoptee friends, I know there is a lot of good and bad reunion stories. To focus more on one or the other would just be false in my opinion.

By: RumorQueen

RumorQueen — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:25:08 +0000

It’s my understanding that Wife Swap has two women going to each others homes for a set amount of time, and taking care of each others families. I only know that much because at first I thought that other things might be involved and I was a bit shocked that reality TV would go that far.

By: 2qts4me

2qts4me — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:29:44 +0000

What is wife swap? Now I am intrigued.

By: 2qts4me

2qts4me — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:28:59 +0000

The problem I have is with the people complaining about it. These are adults, not children. They are individuals with feelings and they differ greatly. They are entitled to find their biological children/parents if this is what they want. Just because you adopt a child doesn’t mean that you have ownership.
Your child will grow up to have his/her own opinions on things. For some, they may feel a complete disconnect with their adoptive family, others will have no such feelings. Some need and want to find their birth family and connect to those that share their genes, others do not have any desire to do so. You are not adopted, and if you were, I am sure you will have some of these feelings.

Having said that, not all stories end happily.
My brother’s best friend is adopted, and his meeting with his biological family was not a happy one. I do hope they keep it on the same track like the episode I saw last night.
I rarely watch TV, but this show I just wanted to have a look at because I watch the Locator on WE tv.

By: RumorQueen

RumorQueen — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:28:19 +0000

hulu has the episode online if someone didn’t catch it last night and wants to watch it:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/110711/find-my-family-steinpas-family#s-p1-so-i0

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mom2girls – I can actually see why people would agree to this show, where I have a hard time understanding why a family would do something like wife swap (which I’ve never watched, so maybe I just don’t understand).

In this show, Find my Family, the families are getting something of great value – they are getting the resources of ABC investigators to find someone that they haven’t been able to find. In this case the family had spent a lot of money in the past nine years on investigators who had not been able to find their daughter, but ABC’s investigators came in and found her. So, the people agreeing to be on the show are getting something of value in exchange for being on the show.

As for the person being found – I would think that part would get a bit sticky. What if the person who is found wants to meet the people searching for them, but won’t agree to do it on camera? Would ABC refuse to give names unless all parties agreed to meet on camera? Probably, and that seems a bit like emotional blackmail.

By: mom2girls

mom2girls — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:14:43 +0000

I have not had a chance to watch the show for verious reasons. One I was not looking for it and 2 it just didn’t pop while channel surfing and caught my interest. I am also a bit hesitant about it. I can only say that I wish thay will keep it in the positive light and not turn it into one of those episodes people want to talk about. You know the more bad/unusual stories the better it gets… sort of thing. Like the show a while ago Wife swap at the beginning was good to see the difference and stuff and how many respected the one another and than it just went south and they tried to match people from very different end of spectrum and the worst it was the better it got. I am just not a big fun of these. And I think we are dealing with very difficult subject for many and it is very sensitive for all. I just have a hard tome beliving people would sign up for this sort of publicity and invasion into their lifes.

By: RumorQueen

RumorQueen — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 18:09:27 +0000

I also heard “I am adopted” instead of “I was adopted”, or “you are adopted” instead of “you were adopted” a few times.

But, I realize I can be hyper sensitive about some of that, so I tried not to over-analyze. For someone who is almost 30 now, the adoption terminology would have been different for them than the terminology we use now.

Also, I’ve heard adult adoptees refuse to use the term “made an adoption plan” because they say it’s sugarcoating what actually happened… that they were “given up” and to call it anything else is to try to pretend it didn’t happen.

So, while I may correct the terminology of someone who isn’t familiar with adoption, I would never correct an adult adoptee’s terminology. They use whatever best fits their own truth, I think.

By: 4QinMomma

4QinMomma — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:19:31 +0000

Hi
I thought the program was handled fairly well. However, I think this scenario probably doesn’t happen very often. I can’t imagine that there are a lot of birth parents that end up getting married and never divorcing. I thought the biggest mistake was the use of “giving up” instead of “making an adoption plan”. I was really surprised when the hosts, adoptees themselves, referred to it that way.
4QinMomma
LID 4-12-2006 for #4

By: akindofmagick

akindofmagick — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:57:05 +0000

I’m curious to know what the viewership of this episode was. I didn’t even hear about it until today. How many people REALLY watch ABC anymore?? We have basic cable, and I couldn’t tell you what channel ABC is on…. And – are people not involved in the adoption triad really interested in a series like this? My kids are too young to watch it (we just went seven weeks with no TV (Comcast switched to all digital, and I didn’t get around to ordering boxes until 6 weeks after the fact), and they never even noticed, altho they were happy to see Rachel Ray and Phineas&Ferb over the weekend). I just don’t see this as being a big deal, frankly – at least not at this point. Six episodes in the can – what’re the odds it’ll actually take off?

By: ldw4mlo

ldw4mlo — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:22:44 +0000

I think the show was well done. And I was so glad they included the APs as well.

I do think this people and story they picked was well screened and was pick with lots of discretion. As well as how it was handled. Oh the power of editing.

I am also very glad that my girl is too little at the moment to watch it or even be curious about it.

This appeared to be the best possible scenario and most of life is not like that. Neatly tied up, good closure……………

And my girl has virtually no chance of this type of “happy ending”. Yep very glad I don’t have to deal with this show and her on an immediate timeframe.