Comments on: April 3rd, R4

By: 4everwait

4everwait — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:42:09 +0000

My sincerest thanks to China4, and Journeytomia for their thoughts.
Have a safe and blessed New Year.
4everwait -LID 10/13/06

By: JourneytoMia

JourneytoMia — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:27:49 +0000

4everwait….I hear you & feel you & totally agree with your every word. & being someone who was just mere weeks ago where you are; childless~ I can echo what you are saying a hundred times over! I suppose maybe it’s just that a new little one keeps you so busy that your focus is shifted & I think also too because that lingering feeling that motherhood may never in fact be yours is taken away….but, you are right. At the very least it’s different when you have child/children in the home & are waiting verses being childless & waiting. That’s certainly NOT to lessen anyone’s pain that is being caused in all of this or to make one person’s journey more difficult than the next. We are all victim’s here in what is seemingly becoming one big scam. But, I did want to validate your feelings 4everwait. At least where I am concerned, what you are saying is exactly true. & as I said before, I too agree with you about the “contract”. They made an agreement. Even if not directly with PAP’s, with our agencies & they empowered our agencies to make a contract through them with us, so it’s virtually the same thing. & the holidays? I feel you there! I am so glad for you & all other PAP’s still waiting that they are over & done! The terrible thing is knowing how many more all of you will have to endure with the way this is going. No end in sight, is there? & yes, telling others to leave & move on is so easy to say. Again, I think the fear of never being a parent is so haunting that you just can’t bear the thought of pulling out of a program that might finally help you realize your dream of growing your family. You are willing to go through this torture for a chance…& that’s just cruel on the part of the organization pulling the strings. & that’s what it is…strings & we are the puppets on the other end. Honestly, in some ways I wish they would just pull the plug. I think for most PAP’s, especially those childless, they will never be able to bring themselves to walk away. It would almost be merciful for China to just stop this madness. However, I don’t think they will. What would the agencies do? I mean CCAA has to have the agencies to facilitate SN, right? They are still taking NSN Dossier’s-do you think that at least some of the agencies know more than they are saying? I don’t know…maybe not. Just a thought. I pray that’s not true. If so, it brings new meaning to the word cruel.

By: JourneytoMia

JourneytoMia — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:14:27 +0000

I am rarely around here anymore….for us, what’s the point? We are NSN, LID 07/20/07 & me checking in here today seeing basically a one day batch confirms the very reason that I don’t need to check in. My hearts aches for all of us waiting. In some ways, I agree with bits of what most all have said here in this thread. The only thing I feel that I want to say is that yes, absolutely as they have proven, China CAN & WILL do whatever they want-but do they have a right to just because they can? Is is right morally? I say no. No, they do not owe us. But, they did enter into an agreement with our agency. & if they are not going to hold up to their end of the agreement, well fine. That’s their right, BUT they should offer an explanation. To just leave vulnerable families, who are not getting any younger, hanging out waiting with no information is not morally or ethically right. People need to be able to find resolve. If it’s not going to happen, they need the confirmation to make a decision of whats best for their family so that they can move on & choose another program or resign to….well, what is for many the unthinkable. I believe that China does know what they have planned for IA & although they don’t have to tell us, they do in fact owe us PAP’s information. & what about the agencies. Somedays I wonder if they all know it’s over & it’s a conspiracy between the two entities. Wow, huh? We do in fact have a right to know IF & WHEN. That’s not much to ask. That’s all I am saying. It’s a simple contract between two parties. If they are going to stop it, then stop it. This is torture for waiting families. It is nearing a sickening process that is becoming joke worthy & that is so sad. Because as all of us know that are involved, this is SO not a joke to us!

On a much happier note, on November 23rd, my husband & I had placed in our arms the most beautiful baby girl we have ever laid eyes on! We adopted domestically & we finally have our daughter in our arms & have the family that we have dreamed of for so long. She is perfect & we are more in love with her than we ever even imagined that we could be!

We are still in the NSN China line….our agency was one of the ones who did not have a SN program. Just mere weeks ago though we received an email from them that they are working with China to get one up & running. They have hired a new director to oversee it & so on. Will we switch? Probably not. For us growing our family was our only intention. We chose China because it was a safe country to travel to, the children are primarily well cared for & healthy (in comparison to other countries) & the wait at the time was reasonable. It didn’t matter then & doesn’t matter now to us where our babies come from-& we have believed all along that our babies were already destined for our arms long before they were placed there-so, for us, if it’s not China-that’s okay. As long as it’s somewhere & we have our family. Right now we are busy with & enjoying our new daughter. So, for now we will leave our Dossier where it is & just wait to see what tomorrow brings. But, I do believe that this has become a very dark process that offers little hope to those of us wanting a child through this process….before we are in diapers ourselves that is!

By: china4

china4 — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:59:11 +0000

Smiling Lady, foster care is never better than adoption. It’s temporary and does not, typically, provide for the lifelong needs of children. That’s why some (most?) of us believe the “local solution” is inherently flawed and detrimental to the longterm well-being of children.

China4

By: china4

china4 — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:55:34 +0000

4everwait, I’m so very sorry for you. Truly.

China4

By: kyleigh

kyleigh — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:17:09 +0000

Smiling Lady,

I never read anything on this site about an adopted child being abused. I don’t check this blog every day, nor do I comment often. Had I read about an adopted child being abused, I would never have posted anyway. What good does commenting do in that case? It just adds more noise to an awful story. Millions of children who are not adopted are abused as well. There are rotten parents out there, sadly. If this is an issue that’s important to someone, commenting on a blog is pointless when there are so many organizations needing volunteers and financial support.

People are on this site primarily to check rumors and secondarily to vent. We all know there are babies out there. I luckily, brought one home in ’04 and am waiting for another. What most of the people who are on this site go through daily is very difficult, and I feel for them. They came to a program expecting basic information and courtesy as well as a child. Calling them selfish serves no good purpose.

By: 4everwait

4everwait — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:08:47 +0000

Hello Rumor Queen,

For some reason I am unable to log out, perhaps you can help?
many thanks!

By: 4everwait

4everwait — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:47:29 +0000

Hello Everyone,
I am a little behind reading posts this month, and realize that this may not even be seen. However, I am so emotional about everything I just read (I could not stop crying), and another slow month, that I felt I had to write. I have not posted for about a year , and the last time I posted was with an old user name which I forgot. The sad part is that it is a year later & here I am, still with no baby. My LID is 10/13/06, and we are waiting for a first child. 2 years ago, when the slow down kept increasing we invested more money, & time into a second program and chose Taiwan. Here I am still waiting in 2 programs that are both going nowhere fast. Recently someone mentioned Columbia, & we are now working on that as well. I am now 40 years old , my husband is 42. We started this in our mid 30′s. We have been married for 13 years. I feel as if the whole adoption process is one big cruel joke, which is LOL at me. It is very easy for everyone who has children to give their opinions & tell their happy ending stories. I have watched person after person have a happy ending. I realize that I am rambling, but I agree with many of you. This stinks. We and I are educated, responsible people that did research. My husband even works in a hospital with the international adoption specialists. We chose China over Korea, and other programs on based on their predictability and reputation. Wow, did we make a mistake. I have prayed , I have wished , I have researched other programs. I even was sent a referral in October from Tawiin which I lost a month later , due to the birthmother deciding to keep keep child in country.
I feel as if all we do is hit one brick wall after another. Why can we not just receive what we signed up for? Some mentioned a contract in their post. I agree with this. When I send my dossier, and it was accepted , we agreed on a contract. It may sound cruel to some but China does owe me and everyone who signed up & is waiting what they promised me. This is CRUEL.

I am heartbroken beyond words. Yes, I do believe it is even harder for me and all of the other first time parents that are waiting. I made it through Christmas by the tiniest thread. What can we all do to make this situation speed up , I just want to be a Mom!!! When will it be our turn???? Also, to the person who mentioned in their post that us waiters should decide to stay or leave, that is much easier said than done when you have a child at home. … I have done nothing wrong in my life to deserver all of this, I am so exhausted and heartbroken, for 13 years now , all I have wanted was to have a child with the man that I love so much.
If it were not for this blog, I would have zero information as well.

By: smiling lady

smiling lady — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 08:24:21 +0000

I’m a bit confused about the number of reactions and the intensity of the reactions. Like Vikki (Dec. 26) some conversations made me a bit sad. Here’s why:
When we read about an adopted child being abused, there were about 30 reactions from readers. When we are confronted with a further slowdown of de IA-program in China, there is more than two times as many reactions on the board. Especially the reactions about the program being a lie and that China (CCAA) should be more open about what’s going on and give us clear explanations for the slowdown, amaze me. They amaze me in a negative way.
To me this is all rather selfish and you wouldn’t expect reactions to be like that from us, people who are or one day will be parents to a child from China. China is allowing us to create a family or to extend our family. Shouldn’t we be humble and grateful? I think a Chinese person would be just that.

Then about the Hague convention. Is it not all about providing a local solution for the abandoned children? As I understood it, it is. So that’s why local foster care is preferred to International Adoption. All China does is to implement the Hague convention. And like most things the Chinese do this thorougly. You may not like it but China follows the rules that we all signed for.

Of course I am not happy with the long waiting. All I want is to be a family and to be home with more than two people. I just won’t allow me to blame China or the CCAA. To me that’s just not fair and as I stated in the beginning of this post there are much more troubling things going on. So the Smiling Lady is a bit sad today. I’d better start checking the babies post. It will make me feel better.

ps Vikki, our time will come. You’ll probably have a very special Chinese NewYear. Hang in there. That’s what I do.
RQ, thank you for making it possible to share our thoughts on your blog.

By: 2qts4me

2qts4me — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:21:30 +0000

I agree with that too mmsmom.

Another thing. Some relatives just came back from China and visited a couple of cities. Not only didn’t they see any pregnant women, but they saw hardly any children. Being men they only noticed this after a couple of days. They say you usually see women with babies and toddlers. They didn’t see any. One of his business associates said that a lot of women are now working in the cities and making money. They have learned to enjoy the things that they can now afford, and are not so quick to get married or don’t have parents pushing them in that direction. They have more control over their lives. Those that do get pg.
obviously can afford to use those services now.
They said that things have changed so much in China that it is just an eye opener. Certain regions have remained the same and in poverty.