All kids, adopted or not, have “special needs.” We know that. In the China program, kids in the WC program have specified and identified kinds of special needs, but I don’t think many in the NSN line really think our kids will not have “special needs.”

All that said, the reminder is a good one, especially since so many of went through the social work interview process so many years ago. Our training on attachment disorder will be four or five years in our past by the time we actually travel to China. How many people really remember the details of stuff they read five years ago when they don’t have to use it in daily life?

Erickawolf2004 – Our difficulties started after the summer break when I had to return to work (I work for a school) and I, too, noticed that it was difficult for my daughter to return to daycare after the Christmas break. What has helped my DD is to have a photo book she takes to daycare that has pictures of her daily routine and of me coming to pick her up. For months, we reviewed all the pictures and talked about her routine every day before I left the daycare. Now, she seems to have internalized the routine and is okay with just hugs, kisses, and reassurance that I’ll pick her up at the end of the day.

she is worried you won’t pick her up. she’s worried to let you out of her sight. i would reinforce to her every day “mommy will pick you up after school in the same place, mommy always comes back, etc.” also make plans for that night “when we get home tonight we’re going to read this book.” constant reminders that she will see you again. there are a lot of good children’s books on this subject like “mommy always comes home” for working parents, etc.

We are amazed every day by her but this doesn’t mean we get to ignore the possibility that issues may occur. Does this mean we are sitting and waiting for something bad to happen…of course not but being aware isn’t stealing any joy from parenting her.

I don’t always expect it to remain this easy. It isn’t always easy with our 11 y/o bio son. However, I am surprised when people make negative comments when someone brings up a subject like this. I witnessed some things in China that made me cringe because people did not take the time to prepare for this process.

My advice is to be prepared – read the hard stuff too – maybe it will never apply to you but read it anyway. Adopting a young child doesn’t guarantee an easier transition neither does adopting a child who was fostered as opposed to being raised in an orphanage…there is simply no way to predict.

As for school – I think every child is different. I wasn’t considering pre-k for DD but after her developmental assessment – her doctor felt, as did her pediatrician, that she would benefit from the social interaction. They were absolutely right – two days a week for 2.5 hours – she loves it. I should add that at her assessment she was found to be at or above her target age. She never exhibited signs of stress when we dropped her off – if she had we would have had to rethink our decision. She had been home for 6 months before we enrolled her.

As another poster said…it’s process~

I should clarify that DS is not from China, and I think the 6 weeks visiting him in the orphanage before we gained custody were SO important for starting the attchment process on the right foot. I think it was good for him to see us interact with his favorite nanny over an extended period. He gradually came to trust us; the first week he always reached back for his nannies and was very serious with us. By the end of 3 weeks he was excited to see us. And at the end of 5 weeks he actually would cry and reach back for us when it was time to return him to his room. I wish the China process allowed for a slightly more gradual transition to ease a little of the initial trauma (not suggesting 6 weeks or anything :).

I think kids’ personalities affect how they react and adjust to the same experiences, too.

I find it painful to look back at the video of handover and the video of our trip. Knowing my daughter as I do now – even when she had calmed down after the initial massive stress reaction, even in the second week when she is smiling in the video, even when we had been home for weeks and months I now see how stressed she still was and it makes me ache.

I said at the time and since that she clung to my husband and I like a shipwreck survivor clings to the only available liferaft – we were her new ‘constant’ in a sea of new places, and experiences. But that was survival mode. We had to work on attachment and that included going into ‘lock down’ – relatives found it the hardest to understand but as I explained to my parents, unless she learns what parents are for she can’t understand what grandparents are for (that they got).

Regards
Magnolia’s Friend