It’s happened
GlitterGirl has some stuff going on at school today, and I’ll be stopping by for about an hour and a half to help out.
So what happened? A awoke this morning to discover GlitterGirl was already awake, and that the clothes she wanted me to wear were hanging on my door. My first instinct was to get irritated, I’m not really a morning person, plus sometimes our first instinct is to do what our mom would have done. I’m glad I restrained my irritation and listened.
We had a discussion about it, and she really did ask nice and not just demand that I wear this, and as it turns out I’m okay with the outfit she chose (but not the shoes).
So I’m wearing the outfit, with different shoes.
This is one of those cases where I know that my mom would have gone ballistic if I’d have dared do such a thing, and part of me wanted to not wear the outfit she chose just on principle. But, as I said, she asked nicely when I asked why those clothes were hanging on my doorknob. So we had a discussion about mutual respect. We also had a discussion about how I could dress casual at work today, but that isn’t always the case, sometimes I’m stuck in a dressy pants suit and there just isn’t any way around it.
I know my baby is growing up, but sometimes this stuff still comes out of left field at me.
Meanwhile, I discovered last week that one of TwinkleToes’ teachers at school calls her TwinkleToes. One of my aunts also started calling her that last year. Part of me wondered at the time if someone knew who I was and just wasn’t telling me, but I think it’s just one of those names that fits her so well that people want to spontaneously assign the name to her.
And TwinkleToes seems to have taken a leap with her speech. Not with the pronunciation so much, but with her sentence structure. I am thrilled that she is able to communicate with us so much better now. She kind of blew my mind the other day when I couldn’t understand a word and she made a good attempt at spelling the word for me. She didn’t spell it right, but she got it close enough that I immediately knew what the word was. Sometimes she just blows me away.
February 18th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Funny post. Your girls sound like such amazing people. I think if my son could manage it he would choose what I wear everyday, but he seems to have no interest in what he wears (or rather he would prefer to wear nothing – he is 2). That must have been a bit of a shock to hear people calling TwinkleToes “TwinkleToes”.
February 18th, 2010 at 11:47 am
Way to go TT!!!!
February 18th, 2010 at 11:53 am
can you imagine how she felt in her heart when you said “YES” to the outfit…she will remember this forever. I make a point of NOT being like my Mom . She would never listen to us,she pretended to but she was always”off” someplace else. I listen to my muchkin and tell her how important it is for us to talk ,communicate and tell the truth..she loves it .I ask her everyday..”did I tell you how much I love you today ?”..”Yes Mom ,more than the whole WORLD!”There is nothing better than the love of a child, we are soooo blessed ..I don’t usually get all sentimental on here but my baby will be SIX next week! I always get this way b/c my heart breaks for her China Mom .I know she must wonder what she is doing on her birthday ..If only I could let her know how loved her baby is ….
February 18th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
When I first read the part about GG putting your clothes out my first thought was….ahhh, that is so sweet. I guess if she is doing it to be controlling that is one thing but I can just imagine her thinking….mommy is going to love the outfit I chose. I remember being about 5 years old and picking practically all the flowers in my moms garden anbd thinking, mommy is going to love these flowers. When I presented them to her I had them behind my back and I said…mommy, I have something for you. She then said, and I have something for you and I got a swat on the behind and a lecture about what a terrible thing I did. Of course after my mom thought about it she came to me and apologized for her reaction. I guess it all depends on what is in your childs heart. Of course teaching your child about respect is a good thing but I am glad you heard her out.
February 18th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
“When I first read the part about GG putting your clothes out my first thought was….ahhh, that is so sweet.”
Me too! I pick out my daughter’s clothes. I think it would be adorable if she brought me my clothes to wear. She would be trying to take care of mom like I take care of her. Kind of sweet, if you ask me. I would try to wear them if they were at all appropriate. If not, I’d just explain why I couldn’t, but wear them some other day. I do sometimes ask her which top she likes better, etc. I let her paint my toes and do my make-up (it washes off, what’s the big deal?). I guess I’m pretty easy-going. It would never occur to me to see that as some issue of respect, unless I’d told her not to do it and she did it anyway or something. *shrug* Sounds like RQ is trying not to follow the pattern she learned as a kid. Kudos.
February 18th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Wow! I’ve never heard of a child picking out the parents clothes for the day. I’m not sure what exactly it means, but I guess that it is a control issue – maybe attachment related.
February 18th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
Why does it have to be a control issue, and attachement related just because GG is adopted? I am sure this type of thing happens all time with children who are growing into their independence and trying to ‘control their environment’ a bit now that they are not entirely reliant on parents. It is also kind of cute, in a precocious way.
February 18th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
For what it’s worth, I begged my mom to wear her wedding gown to parent-teacher night when I was in the first grade – she didn’t.
February 18th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
Did ya’ll miss the first paragraph? Where I said I’ll be at her school today? She picked out my clothes because that’s what she wanted me to wear around her friends. She didn’t want me in a “stuffy suit”. She didn’t use those words today, but she has used them in the past, so I know how she feels about me in suits. I’m much more comfortable dressed casual, I like myself better that way, too. But I love my job, and it sometimes requires a suit.
The discussion about mutual respect was how there are times I want her to dress a certain way because she’ll be around my work, or around certain family members, or maybe because where we’re going is somewhere that nicer clothes should be worn. If she wants me to take into consideration how I dress around her friends, then she will need to not belly ache too much when I ask her to wear something a little more traditional.
This was most certainly a control thing, but she asked nice, and I felt good about our talk, so I wore the clothes.
Not an adoption issue. A tween issue.
February 18th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
I don’t think “control” issues are only applicable to adopted kids. I think they’re pretty standard, developmentally. . .
My first reaction when I read that she picked out clothes for you was also one of irritation and anger (on your behalf). I wouldn’t like it if my child went through my drawers to pick out clothes. And it doesn’t seem like it’s her “place.”
That said, though, my daughter hates it when I veto her outfits (usually because they’re totally inappropriate for the weather and pretty much never because they just don’t match, though I sometimes point that out). We’ve been working on this lately– discussing her choices the night before, asking her to explain why she does or does not want to wear something, and trying to reach reasonable compromises (like today she wanted to wear a skirt and tshirt but it was 54 degrees outside, so I said she had to wear leggings, but could take them off at school when the temperature got into the 70s).
If she picked out something for me to wear, I’d automatically assume it was because she didn’t want to be embarrassed by me– but I’d really listen to what she had to say, too. Because it’s important to me that she feels comfortable when I’m around. So while my first reaction would be a lot like RQ’s, I think after I took a deep breath, I’d do what RQ did, too–
Of course, my daughter is only 4. And there are definite limits– I wouldn’t compromise my own comfort (discomfort) to wear, say, a tube top. No one needs to see that . . .
February 18th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
I guess I didn’t put the “stopping by her school today” together with the reason for her picking out your clothes. AHHHH….now I get it and it makes me chuckle. She must have really been thinking about the visit and how it would go and what her friends might think, etc. You could really embarrass her and do what my dad used to do when he would pick me up from Jr high school. He would pull up in the motor home as close as he could get to the front of the school where everyone hung out and he would honk the horn that played a tune! Talk about embarrassing!
February 18th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
I am not sure I totally understand what the problem is here with a child picking out clothes for their mom (?) because they are excited about their mom coming to the school. I also think it is kind of sweet.
February 18th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
I don’t know why but that post made me chuckle. I thought it was hysterical that she wanted to you to look more dressed down around her friends. I would have laughed, I guess up bringing really can affect the way we see things. I am so glad you worked it out. I guess I didn’t consider it a control issue as much as a typical kid issue but I guess that really does go hand in hand. You handled it well. Honestly, I think she will really understand now when you ask her to wear certain things at events that are important to you. I’m glad you were able to recognize the opportuntiy and I can imagine GG feels her opinion matters, even if you two don’t always agree.
February 18th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
I think it depends on the way the child presents it too you too. I have a friend who’s teen sons used to tell what she should and shouldn’t wear and I didn’t think that was cute. I thought it sounded a little like her controlling husband. (By the way, wouldn’t want my husband picking out my clothes either…no taste!!!) But certainly as GG picking out something for you to wear on her special day at school I think it is sweet. And I loved how you handled it!!!!
February 18th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Reading RQ’s post made me smile.
My “Twinkletoes” is an 18-year old college freshman. When he goes up and down the stairs of our house, the thud, thud, thud can be heard no matter where you are.
Of course, we never actually call him Twinkletoes. At least, not to his face : )
On the subject of clothes – RQ, is your daughter interested in clothes/fashions? Was the outfit that she picked out a particular favorite of hers, or maybe something that you wore on a happy family occasion?
I still have the sweater that I wore when I met DS. He’s seen it in the pics from that day, and he’s asked me to wear it a couple times.
UUMom
February 18th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
RQ I think you handled the situation beautifully. I have to admit that my feelings would have been a little hurt if my tween did that but I love how you handled it.
Congratulations to TT. That is so awesome!
February 18th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Just wait until TT is a full on teen!!! : )
February 19th, 2010 at 1:28 am
Regarding others calling her Twinkle Toes, I’d venture to say that it just comes naturally when they see her personality. I teach high school and have called specific students Twinkle Toes over the years. It’s just something about them that CALLS for that moniker.
: )
M2I
http://www.MyChineseShamrock.blogspot.com
February 19th, 2010 at 11:11 am
ls it completely unbelievable/unthinkable that someone MIGHT have pierced the veil (so to speak) of RQ’s actual identity? hm….. but would they have the chutzpah to use anonymous nicknames on purpose to let RQ know? hm….
interesting.
February 19th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
Well…at least she didn’t ask you to lose some weight like my daughter asks me. She has a similar personality to GG and she once said, “Mommy when I grow up, I am going to be sure to be a very slender person. Not fat like you.” So, then we had to talk about how people are shaped all differently and how we sometimes get our shapes from our birth parents. I also said I was working on having a healthier shape but until then she should try not to hurt people’s feelings by calling them fat. I know I am larger than some people but I am also very strong. I am also smaller than other people and I still fit comfortably in one seat on an airplane….my new benchmark. I don’t take her observations personally but it does motivate me to stay healthy!! Can’t be too thin or too fat around my daughter that is for sure! Body image is something women really have to work on in this country. I love me and I love my body so her comments didn’t hurt me but a few years ago I might have been devastated. Also, YAY for TT. She is really smart!
February 20th, 2010 at 9:40 am
feelingthejoy~
Just curious as to why your feelings would be hurt?
February 20th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
mlschot – if my aunt wanted to do that then she’d have also called my older daughter GlitterGirl. But she’s got another nickname for GlitterGirl.
mom222b – I think it’s because the child is saying they are embarrassed to have us dress the way we’d dress ourselves in front of their friends. It didn’t hurt my feelings, but fifteen years ago it probably would have.