New film: Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy
There is a review of the film here. Here are a few snippets from the review:
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There is an abundance of great films about a child lost in an alien culture, emblematic of the universal stranger-in-a-strange-land syndrome, to the tune of “Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child.”From “The Wizard of Oz” to “Live and Become,” survival in a different, potentially hostile, world has been a meaningful subject.
The latest addition to the genre, Stephanie Wang-Breal’s brilliant “Wo ai ni [I love you] Mommy” is a documentary about an American adoption from China. It is more compelling and memorable than many a feature film.
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… If the film’s main subject came along, you would see a “normal 11-year-old American” called Faith.At the opening of the film, it’s a very different situation: Faith is an eight-year old orphan, with a clubfoot, in Guangzhou, her name is Fang Sui Yong. Bewildered and petrified, she is facing a strange woman who came all the way from Long Island to adopt her and take her “home.”
The American, almost as stressed as the young girl, is Donna Sadowsky.
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For the girl, a veteran of orphanages and a Chinese foster family, this first meeting with what she identifies as a “white person” is traumatic, and in the audience feelings range from censure of what’s happening to fervent hope that the Chinese orphan and the American do-gooder ride off into a blissful life. What follows is a fascinating journey, unexpected turns and developments, all with documentary veracity but with the sense of a great novel.It’s amazing that a young, first-time director would capture both the reality and the truth of the encounter of people, the clash of cultures.
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The film is scheduled to premier at the San Francisco International Asian American Film Festival on Sunday, March 14. PBS has it scheduled to air August 31st of this year. I hope there will be another way to watch this film between now and then. I’ve embedded the trailer below.
And now for my thoughts about allowing your adoption to be the subject of a documentary. To be honest, I’m torn. Was the child asked if TV cameras could follow her around and document her journey? Her experiences? How does she feel about it now? Does she feel her privacy has been taken from her? Or, perhaps her family gave her the option of whether the film could be made public, and she agreed to it? There is too much I don’t know, so I’ll just say that it makes me uncomfortable, and that I hope Faith is okay with her story being made public in this manner.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:02 pm
I am Donna Sadowsky, Faith’s mom. Jeff and I were very concerned about this as well. We were assured by the film maker that we could stop filming if we were uncomfortable with anything that was occurning during filming. Faith was fine with it and is VERY proud of this documentary as our whole family is. It was very important for us to show a different aspect of adoption and the film for whatever it’s worth, is accurate, honest and is exactly what happened. We viewed the film as a family prior to it appearing anywhere. Faith was very vocal about this film, and we would not have continued if she was uncomfortable or didn’t want her story shown. If you have any other comments or questions, please feel free to forward them to chaosx4@optonline.net.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Thanks for posting. I had heard about this film but not this in-depth (trailers, dates, etc.)
It sounds like you definitely want to see this doc. But if you are torn about whether it’s appropriate to film someone’s adoption, then how can you be comfortable with viewing this?
March 11th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Thank you for acknowledging the perspective of the child with regard to being filmed. It also makes me uncomfortable, in many genres from documentary films to reality TV. I often wonder about their rights to privacy being violated. Furthermore, how will they feel as they get older? It’s not something I would choose to do, but I hope those who choose to do it think of the feelings from the child’s perspective.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Donna – thank you for commenting. And I should note that since this was Donna’s first comment, her post didn’t show up at once, so the first two posters didn’t see her comment before they commented.
If the family, including Faith, feel good about this film, then I’m good with it. Thanks (again) to Donna for giving us that reassurance. I admit I still feel a bit torn, but that’s from the perspective of my own Tween, and how she would feel about it (horrified would be an understatement). If Faith feels good about it, then I’m happy for her. It sounds like she’s come a long ways, she has a right to feel good about where she is now and the things she went through to bring her to “right now”.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Donna,
Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate your honest perspective. Congratulations on the film, and congratulations on your adoption.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Oh, and to answer Klem – even if I knew the child in question had not been asked her opinion, I would view it with GlitterGirl (and maybe TwinkleToes) because others may view it and want to talk to me and/or my girls about it. Most likely I would wait to view it with GlitterGirl when it came on TV, for the sole purpose of us talking about it so that she would be prepared to speak about it with her friends should one of them bring it up to her.
I am much happier knowing that the child in question was consulted, and that she feels good about allowing her story to be told. But even if it weren’t the case, I’d have to consider my own daughter, and I’d want her to be prepared to talk about it should someone mention it to her. Knowledge is power, and when it comes to her own story, and the ways the media make others feel about GG’s personal story, I try to arm her with as much knowledge as I can.
TwinkleToes couldn’t care less what others think, but at this stage in her life GlitterGirl very much cares what others think. So when a news story or TV show mentions adoption or China in a way that may make people bring it up in conversation, I make sure GlitterGirl is aware of the news story (or, in this case, film) and we talk about things she might say to people who want to talk to her about it.
March 11th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I just watched the trailer (not a smart thing to do at work!) and promptly burst into tears. I feel kicked in the stomach. THe part that really got me was when the little girl was saying “I want to go back to China.” That’s the huge regret I have about adopting JieJie (we are waiting for MeiMei) – that she was taken away from her culture, her home, her heritage, and has had to build a new culture and home (but not heritage thank heavens!). I cried all the way on the bus from the hotel to the airport & watching this trailer brought it all back. Good luck & blessings on you & your family.
March 11th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Wow, I can’t wait to see this film. Please keep us posted if there is a way to see it sooner than August 31st. Donna, thank you so much for putting yourself and your family “out there” so that other people may learn from you and your experiences.
March 11th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
My wife and I just return from China this past December. We, along with many others, had a painfully long wait. During that time we kept our enthusiasm up by viewing videos and documentaries. We also live on Long Island and one of our friends made his own video of his adoption. It was material like this that kept us going.
My feeling is as long as the child is not exploited then there is no harm. If what Donna and others have done can help the people in the process then I am all for it.
Matt and Laura
Long Island, NY
http://www.journeytotiannarose.blogspot.com
March 11th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
I have tickets to the world premiere this weekend. I am excited to go! TY Donna for your comment. It is always sort of a hot button topic when it comes to children in the media, but I can see the good that can come from educating the public about adopting “older” children. Both sides of the coin exist – where many are fearful of older child adoption and flip side others have a unrealistic expectation that these kids can adjust easily and will be “thankful” to leave a SWI or even a foster family. It is naive to assume that because we have more financial resources that this equates to happiness and connection. While I can not argue the point that Faith may someday feel differently about this private thing being public, I can argue that it is beneficial for those older children who wait.
This of course being said BEFORE I have viewed the film.
J4J
March 11th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
I just watched the trailer without sound and still ended up crying my eyes out. It seems the intent is to help and inform. It would be very tough for my family to do something like this but I applaud the film for documenting a very important aspect of Asian American history. Decades from now it will be important to understand how our adoptions happened and the challenges involved. It takes a lot of courage to share at this level. Thank you to the family. Can’t wait to see the entire thing. Even the title gets me right in the heart. Congratulations on your adoption and movie.
March 11th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
To Jump 4 Joy:
I will be at the premiere this weekend as well and will be taking part in the question and answer session after the film. Please make sure to say hi! I’d love to meet you and hear what you thought of the film!
March 11th, 2010 at 6:04 pm
http://woainimommy.com/home.html
This is the movies website if anyone wants more info.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
You need a box of kleenex just to watch the trailer! Beautiful.
March 11th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Donna, it is so nice of you to comment here. I must admit, this is the first I have heard of this film but after seeing the trailer, I eagerly look forward to it. I think it is very brave to adopt an older child and to be filmed on top of that. Your daughter and family are beautiful. I look forward to see the whole film. Adoption of all kinds are full of beauty and struggles. But most of all love. Even the trailer shows your family’s love.
March 11th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
I am looking foward to seeing this. Just seeing those familar black and white couches in the trailer brought me back to that place a year ago. I also agree that as long as Faith is Ok with this then I think it could be a good thing. Thank you Donna for posting and letting us know how you came to this decision. I think it certainly will not be a case of exploiting but rather a case of informing on a very honest level.
Kathie in NY
March 12th, 2010 at 4:25 am
If it were me and my two adopted daughters, I wouldn’t like my personal experiences to be public. I wouldn’t like it for my own privacy but mainly for the privacy of my daughters. Eventually they will make their own decision about what information they would like to share with friends, family or the world. I don’t know at this moment when or at what age ‘eventually’ will be. Time will tell.
I think it’s valuable information that you are sharing though. So I think it’s brave that you made this documentary. What I fear is a discussion between people who are pro- and contra-adoption. I hope the discussion will be just about your story and your experience.
Regards, Smiling Lady
March 12th, 2010 at 7:11 am
Last month a documentary filmmaker from Oprah’s new network contacted our family about following our adoption (we just got home from China Sunday). As a journalist (and one who has already written about our adoption wait), I was OK with our life being public, but my husband was not so comfortable. In the end, we also decided that since our 14-month-old daughter was too young to express her opinion, we ought to pass. Kudos to Donna’s filmmaker for being so serious about the topic and flexible with the family. I can’t wait to see it!
btw: my book is “While We Wait: Spiritual and Practical Advice for Those Trying to Adopt.” It might be helpful for those of you still waiting.
March 12th, 2010 at 8:38 am
Donna, thanks for participating in this film which I am eager to view with my older children. Faith is just wonderful!
I admire your bravery in making this documentry which in my opinion, could possibly shed light into what really happens when you get home from China. Just maybe it will inspire other families to consider adopting an older child from China.
Do you think it will come out on DVD?
March 13th, 2010 at 8:22 am
I watch adoption doc’s, adoption video’s, raid books all before we left for China and I know it helped me be a better parent for my child in one of the most stressful time of her life. That is not to say that during parts of the films as I watched I didn’t cringe when parents would say something that was not appropriate about there adoption. I took the parts that I thought would help me and my daughter and also tried to learn what not to do from what I perceived as mistakes.
I will do the same with this film too. Even with preparations I think if the cameras were fallowing any one of us in China and then for the next year back home we all would have things that we wish we would have done different.
Thank you Faith for giving us an opportunity to have such an intimate look into your life with your mom and dad, I love the first 9 seconds of the trailer and look forward to seeing you with your new family in august.
Donna good thing you posted so early it helped lessen the chance of the conversation getting out of control and people jumping on you for your decision to document your adoption. I look forward to seeing the film.
Thanks Glen
http://www.2china4norah.blogspot.com