17 Responses to “Parenting Books”

1. Calamity4e Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 7:29 am

   “1 2 3 Magic” saved our sanity after we returned home from China with DD#2 (2YO)and DD#1 (3YO) was flipping out all the time.

   Granted, folks may want to make some adjustments to their tactics.

2. Noendinsight Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 9:00 am

   “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adel Faber and Elaine Mazlish

3. moonwater Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 9:49 am

   Some useful books not mentioned yet:

   Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter (Great for working with food issues!!)

   William Sears’ books on attachment parenting

   Scream-free Parenting by Edmund Runkel (courtesy of another China mom)

   The Out of Sync Child (for sensory issues)

   We’re currently using the Runkel book with some good results. The Satter book was invaluable the first months we were home with DD#1 and trying to work with her oral defensiveness.

4. RumorQueen Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 10:07 am

   I’ll save The Out-of-Sync Child for another day, as I’ll be doing a day of parenting books specifically for adoptive families later. Today I wanted to focus on just normal everyday parenting stuff.

   I should have mentioned that today’s focus isn’t just about parenting little ones, if you’ve got recommendations for books about parenting tweens and teens, please share those as well.

5. littleemperor Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 11:03 am

   Raising boys by Steve Biddulph and also his The secrets of happy children although a lot of it is common sense.

6. lloll Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 11:41 am

   I really like one called “Connected Parenting”. It seems to me to combine the “help your child figure things out on their own philosophy” with still be “the parent” (final arbitrator/ consequence setter).

   The “Siblings without Rivalry” and “How to Talk” books didn’t do much for me BUT possibly it’s the style of the books (visual/cartoon) rather than the content.

   And I dislike “Love and Logic” – the idea of natural consequences seems like a good one, but so often the consequences need to be contrived instead – for example the natural consequence for not wearing your seat belt is HUGE but how often does it actually happen? And this is true for SO many things. I would much rather just sit down and talk it over and then set consequences together (now that DD1′s old enough) rather than set up some elaborate scheme that’s supposed to mimic a natural consequence.

   However I also think that there are “parenting styles” and so some parenting techniques come more naturally to some people – for example one of my friends is a “playful parent” very naturally yet when I tried that it felt so artificial and contrived (and unplayful lol) . So I expect there are those that “Love and Logic” would be perfect for :)

7. lloll Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 11:48 am

   Wanted to add that one of my friends (also adoptive parent of chinese girls) loves Attachment Connection.

8. journey Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 11:52 am

   Parenting by Connection Reader – Patty Wipfler

   Listening to Children Set (How Children’s Emotions Work, Special Time, Playlistening, Crying, Tantrums and Indignation, Healing Children’s Fears, and Reaching For Your Angry Child) – by Patty Wipfler

   Supporting Adolescents – Patty Wipfler

9. RumorQueen Says:
   April 29th, 2010 at 12:01 pm

   I agree that using logical consequences for the seatbelt would be a really bad idea. You can’t use logical consequences all of the time, it’s not possible.

   But, where logical consequences are practical, it seems to work better. When I use logical consequences instead of just plain old punishment, for my very-stubborn-headed-children… the lesson takes better.

   I guess I’d say that, when it’s possible, I use logical consequences. But when it’s not then I’m not afraid of other consequences, or even just plain old punishment when they’ve had the lesson several times and haven’t learned it yet. But, when it comes to that, then it’s something they really don’t like, and usually something ongoing that continues until they’ve changed their ways.

   As I said, I like the idea of logical consequences, even if I don’t always agree with the way the authors implement them in their books.

   I’d forgotten about 123 Magic – love that idea as well. My mom did it with me, so it’s something I was doing before I heard about the books.

10. lloll Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    RQ: “As I said, I like the idea of logical consequences, even if I don’t always agree with the way the authors implement them in their books.”

    I also actually really like the idea of logical consequence and I dislike the way the authors implement them in their books (and videos since I’ve taken the “Love and Logic” video class).

    However I’ve just found that when I try to “implement” natural/logical consequence as a “technique” it always seems as if it “fails”. I used the seat belt as an extreme example (didn’t actually try it there lol) to try and show why I think I’ve had problems – the consequence doesn’t happen regularly enough to change the behavior. I can think of areas where I do use it well – you throw your spoon down on the floor, oh well, you just lost it – but they’re not where I tried to consciously “apply” a logical consequence.

    I expect that Logical Consequence parenting just doesn’t come naturally to me and so I’m not applying it correctly or when it WOULD work :D This is not to say that I couldn’t learn to do it correctly, but I’ve found that I do best with techniques that fit with my personality and DD’s personality rather than ones that have a steep learning curve. Note: I recognize that pretty much EVERY new technique will have some feel of being forced/contrived at first but some just “come to me” faster than others and when I find ones that “fit” both of us it almost seems miraculous :D

11. fortyfour Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    I’d like to share Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clark and Connie Dawson. It’s an approach to discipline, with the needs of the child (hugely) in mind. It addresses both nurture and structure, what they call the “gentle” and the “firm” sides of caring for a child. It has the most scathing indictment of overindulgence I’ve ever read – really interesting. If you read the intro, you’ll find that it sounds like it’s also a self-help manual for grownups, and those parts are great, but it’s really a parenting book and I highly recommend it even if you don’t feel you need “re-parenting.” It has tons of examples, and the examples use stories from little kids to teens. It’s not specifically an adoption book, but if you pick up the second edition, they have added a section on adoption at the end. This book has helped me SO MUCH!

    I read it concurrently with Stanley Greenspan’s The Challenging Child. I know a lot of people on this site take sensory issues seriously, and Greenspan does too. There is no “blame” on either parents or children; children are just coming at the world from their own bodies, and they may (probably do) experience it differently than I do. I picked this book up for help with my “challenging” child, and low and behold found myself reading about my “cooperative” child! Another huge help. I don’t like labels on kids, so just take his chapter headings as chapter headings and not labels, and it’s pretty helpful. I can tell you the punchline if you don’t have time to read it: sit down on the floor and play with your child.

12. TR1140 Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    Soft Spoken Parenting by Dr. Wallace Goddard was a great help to me.

13. jdb Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    lloll expressed very eloquently the same reasons I’m not a fan of Love & Logic. My husband and I even took an eight-week class on it several years ago, and it just doesn’t match our parenting style and also doesn’t work particularly well with our kids. I agree that there are other parents out there that it probably works well for though.

    Three of my favorites are:

    Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn
    Between Parent and Child, by Haim Ginott
    Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control, by Heather Forbes & Bryan Post

14. ldw4mlo Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Love and Logic fan here.

    I also like Discipline That Lasts A Lifetime, Dr Ray Guarendi

15. windthrow Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Positive Discipline and the various companion books.

    http://www.positivediscipline.com

16. eleanor Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    There is a great series–”Your One Year Old”, “Your Two Year Old”, etc. by Ames and Ilg. It is decades old so there are some stories that are VERY dated but most of it is spot-on.

17. tearoses1 Says:
    April 30th, 2010 at 12:17 am

    Playful Parenting!
    Lawrence Cohen, PhD,

    “Playful Parenting means joining children in their world of play, focusing on connection and confidence, giggling and roughhousing, and following your child’s lead.”