“From” vs “Born in”
When I choose to talk about it, I prefer to say that my daughters were “born in China”, not that they are “from China”. My mother thinks it is just silly that I prefer to word it that way, but I think there is a pretty big difference.
I’ve asked her – when you are on vacation and someone notices your accent and asks where you are from, do you say “I’m from city-we-live-in” or do you say “I’m from city-she-was-born-in“. She gives her current city, of course. In this instance “from” denotes where she lives right now, not where she was originally from.
Is it just semantics? Yes, probably. But I still think it is an important distinction.
August 6th, 2007 at 5:36 pm
You’ve made a really good point here. Something to put away for later use.
Thanks for sharing all that you do with us!
August 6th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
YES!! This is exactly what I was looking for (and was thinking about). We just got home from China a few months ago and as I have been honing my skills in deciding what to say to whom and when, this is the decision I’ve made as well. I wasn’t comfortable saying she was from China (because she currently is not) but rather that she was born in China. And, *yes*, this is only when I choose to talk about it :-) Thanks RQ~
August 6th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Boy does this resonate with me. We have had a few summer visits with relatives. And I am so wishing we can get past this is my niece, cousin, “adopted from China” all in the same breathe thing. They all love her to death and are so happy for us. But I wish she could just be niece, cousin. I don’t introduce their kids as my C-section born nephew, etc…..
I am hoping “the novelty” is over now that we have made our visits. I have started with some subtle and tactful stuff, including the distinction of born vs from. I can take a hard line I would just rather not.
August 7th, 2007 at 8:34 am
I think this is an excellent point!! I”m glad you wrote a post on it. When things like this come up do you fill RK in on your thoughts? Or does he consistently think of issues like this himself and you guys talk about it? Right now, I’m the one who mostly fills my husband in on many of the great points I read on these sites. To his credit, he is currently reading China adoption books. With the wait, we’ll both have time to do both at different points in our journey.
August 7th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
It’s not just semantics though. Those are the things that, when you say them (or practice them), become part of your child’s makeup….part of who they are. They are not “from” China – they are “from” where you live now. It’s also part of cementing them in your family. You are *not* from China.
I can’t properly put down what I’m trying to say here, but I completely agree. My youngest was born in Germany. She’s not from Germany. She’s from Missouri….good or bad. ;-)
Mary
August 9th, 2007 at 9:17 am
I’ve always been really careful about this language as well: my daughters were born in China but are now from Maine. Recently however my 7-year-old told me she is from China but living in Maine. She has always felt her losses intensely and often wishes she still lived in China (sometimes with us and sometimes with her birthparents). We’ve discussed the language quite a bit and now, depending on the situation and who and why the question is being asked, there are times that she says she is from China and times that she says she is from City, Maine.
August 9th, 2007 at 9:36 am
Hi betsy – you make a great point about following our daughter’s lead on things once they are old enough to decide some of these things for themselves.
For now GG copies my language and says she was “born in China” and she is “from our city”. Should she ever want to change that then I’d talk to her about the differences and why I say it the way I do and let her know that it’s really up to her, and that I’ll say it however she wants me to say it. And that if she wants to decide one thing now and change her mind and say it another way later then that’s perfectly okay, too.
My guess is that some kids will go back and forth on this as they grow up and others won’t really think all that much about it.
August 9th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I think you’re right, RQ — whether or not a child considers the use of, meaning and power of language depends somewhat on the personality of the child. And also on the sensitivity and listening skills of the parents too. ;-)
I also agree with you that semantics are very important for adoptive parents to consider not only for on-going discussions with their children but also to provide and model language for extended families, friends, and the larger community.