My To Do List:
Here are some of the things on my To Do List:
- Update the histories page with the most recent review room and matching room information.
- Make a new When post for the SN list.
- Make a new When post for NSN Referrals.
- Do a Projections post to try to project the next cut off dates.
- Finish going through all of the duplicate votes on the poll so I can publish those numbers.
- Talk to some people who know more about the SN program than I do and try to put together a post on what is involved in switching to the SN program.
- Write a post about how I think the term Non Special Needs is kind of a misnomer when it comes to adopting an institutionalized child of any age.
I don’t want to talk too much about what has been going on with me this week, but there has been a lot. Two of those things are: We have a new baby in the (extended) family, and we had someone miscarry a baby. I was asked to be the primary person to be there for handholding purposes during childbirth (the dad-to-be was there, but the new parents tend to snipe at each other when under stress so I was kind of a buffer between that, plus was there as support to rub her back and talk her through the tough parts – and to suggest to the dad-to-be that he just screwed up and perhaps he might want to go to the gift shop and get some flowers to help his apology along).
Both things (miscarriage (specifically the terminology of “lost the baby”), and the new baby) happening within a couple of days of each other have created a lot of questions from GlitterGirl, and when I got home last night we had a long conversation about how someone could leave a newborn outside, because, in her words, newborns are so fragile. She was asking a lot of specific questions, some of them we have answers for, but some of them we just don’t know the answers to. We’ve been through most of the questions before, but I realize we’ll probably keep coming back to them, and that’s okay. I promised her we will get all of her paperwork from China out of the safe this weekend and we’ll go through all of it again so that we can make sure she knows everything that I know. I told her we can speculate about some of the other questions, and we did speculate a little, but I made sure to offer two or three possibilities, not just one, so it would be clear to her these are possibilities, not answers.
On another note, I have not yet watched Monday night’s episode of Find My Family – if anyone out there watched it, what did you think of the second episode?
December 4th, 2009 at 10:59 am
RQ, I just want to say that you are an incredible person and a blessing to your family and all of us following this website, more over you are a good example of what a good (great) mother, sister and friend should be.
Not many people could deal with helping bring a new life into the world and dealing with the lost of new life in a matter of days and on top of all this taking care of your own family (GG). You are special and a gift.
May God bless you and give you an extra portion of his love and grace.
December 4th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I’m sorry to hear about what’s been happening in your extended family. Sending hugs your way …
It’d be fun to have some more posts on books … Even a section for us readers (I know we have asked this before and you’ve explained why not but but … please please please, with sugar on it ? Would maple syrup make a difference?!). The book posts with the adoption posts get quickly bumped down :(
I just received my copy of Divine Misdemeanors … Will start this weekend :)
I finished the Riley Jenson series (EXCELLENT!). I really like Keri’s writing style. All the books you’ve suggested are excellent !
I’ve just ordered The Hollows …
RDT.
December 4th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Well RQ…you have confirmed for me that you are not only a pillar of strength and resources in cyberspace but also in real life for your family. I am so sorry for the loss of the baby yet at the same time jubilant for the new baby and Mom. What a tough thing to go throughRQ, particularly if the two families know each other.
I have many thoughts about your comment that NSN is a misnomer for institutionalized children. We have adopted a daughter from each program and I believe you to be absolutely right. NSN seems better labeled…”no diagnosed developmental/medical needs” and SN seems better labeled “currently diagnosed developmental/medical needs.”
I was only able to watch snippets of “Find My Family.” I always end up crying even when I know intellectually that I’m being manipulated emotionally. If it were me, walking up that hill would be agony. I’d be crawling up there by the end because my legs would be like jelly. Also, I keep wanting to have more facts about things such as who was the child’s biological father? How old is the adult child now and her motives for looking? (This was for the Indianapolis Mom whose daughter was looking.) How much does a search cost if you hire people? I’m the kind of person that gains feelings of control with information so I want less blubbering like a baby and more facts. I turned it off and missed the other case. Perhaps I can get through an entire show soon.
December 4th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Ray – Divine Misdemeanors isn’t supposed to be out until next week… you already have a copy? I’m jealous. I wouldn’t have time to read it this weekend anyway, though. So I guess it’s just as well.
You’re going to love The Hollows – it’s pretty deep and there is a lot to think about when you read it. One bad thing about that series – make sure you have the stories that are in the anthologies, too. The stuff in the anthologies is very important, and you can be completely lost in later books if you don’t read the anthology stories.
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PortlandVal and Lightiv – it’s not a matter of what you think you can handle, you kind of have to just handle what gets thrown at you, don’t you? In my experience, as soon as you say there is something you could never handle… something happens to prove to you that you can indeed handle it.
I’ve kind of developed the (probably bad) habit of physically handling things as they come to me, and then dealing with my own emotional fallout later, when it’s more convenient to deal with it. That doesn’t work for ongoing stressors (like the wait from LID to referral), but it works well for me with a short term stressful situation.
That means I’m great in an emergency – someone gets a bad burn or cuts themselves bad and I jump right into action and I’m completely logical and methodical and calm when I do whatever needs to be done. But as soon as the crisis is over I fall completely apart. I try to get away from people before I fall apart, and most of the time I succeed, but RK knows my secret: I turn into a shaking blubbery mess when a crisis is over and it’s okay for me to fall apart. Luckily, we didn’t have that kind of crisis this week. But still, it’s probably time for me to deal with my own emotions this weekend, since I set them to the side a whole lot this week.
As for tonight, I’m going to fix a very strong drink about five minutes after I’m sure both girls are asleep, and then see if I can talk RK into giving me a massage. I’m probably going to have to barter, but I’m okay with that. Very okay with that, actually.
December 4th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
RQ – Sorry to hear that you are going through such difficult times in your extended family. Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. xo
December 5th, 2009 at 1:36 am
“I’m probably going to have to barter, but I’m okay with that. Very okay with that, actually.”
LMAO, RQ!
M2I
http://www.MyChineseShamrock.blogspot.com
December 5th, 2009 at 11:02 am
RQ – have you read the Millenium series by Steig Larson! FANTASTIC… the 3rd won’t be out until May in the states but Amazon. UK has it…. Some of the most gripping, profound, tragic, books I have ever read! Sad story about the author as well!