That statement (from TwinkleToes) made me do a doubletake.
After a lengthy discussion, I finally figured out that TwinkleToes thinks she was a boy in China, and that she turned into a girl after we adopted her. She assured me that she saw the pictures, she knows she is right. We weren’t home at the time, so the conversation had to be put on hold until we got home.
After going through the pictures, I finally figured it out. She most definitely does look like a boy in her referral photo. And in the clothes she was in when she was first placed in our arms. But then we’ve dressed her like a girl every since.
I can kind of see where she got the idea. Now if I could just convince her otherwise.
Our Friday morning commute always involves a final review of spelling words. It’s a very longstanding tradition.
This morning GG informed me she knew them and we didn’t have to go over them. After some argument (which just doesn’t happen all that often with us) and finally a discussion of consequences, she finally spelled the words as I called them out to her. And she was right, she knew them all perfectly. Not even a hesitation. When she can do them all without any issues then we only go through them once. When there are problems then we go over them until there are no problems. There usually aren’t any problems by the time we get to Friday morning, but the final review is a good way to find them and work on them if there are.
As we did the last word and I told her that she was right, she did know them… she burst into tears. Apparently I was supposed to believe her, and by making her spell them, I showed that I don’t trust her.
Wow. Talk about being blindsided.
I told her it isn’t about trust. That I trust that if she thinks she has them that she really does think she does. But sometimes we think we know something and our brain has forgotten it since the last time we worked on it. I said this is just like a final review, and a final check, to make sure she’s ready for the test. I want her to do good on her test, and this final check on Friday mornings helps make sure she’s ready.
That wasn’t getting us anywhere, so I asked her if she thought she could just tell her teacher that she knows them, and her teacher will go “oh, okay then”, and just give her a 100 because she says that she knows them? GG gave me an angry “duh” look and said, “No.” (Aren’t mirrors fun?)
So I answered, “Are you mad at your teacher for making you take the test?”
Which got an eye roll and an exasperated “No!”. But that line of thinking finally worked, and by the time we got to school she was better, sort of. She still seems to think that I should just take her word for it that she knows her words and not test her on them.
I’m going to talk to RK this evening and I may consider doing that, with the caveat that the first time she makes less than a 100 that we go back to the Friday morning reviews. She’s made a 100 (or better, when there are bonus words) on every test this year, so if she makes less than a 100 we can say it’s because she isn’t getting the review.
Actually, I think I’m going to tell her that because she was so rude when we talked about it, that we’ll do the Friday morning review one more morning, and if she can be nice and polite then we’ll stop doing them, as long as she continues to get a 100 on all of her tests. The first time a grade is less than 100 though, we go back to doing them.
I want to teach her that she can talk to me about this kind of thing, but that being angry and rude isn’t the way to have the conversation.
TwinkleToes had speech therapy this morning, meaning I needed to take the morning off. But, I decided to take the whole day off today to spend with my girls. Life is short, they are out of school, and it just felt right.
The Art Museum isn’t too far from speech therapy, and it’s been a while since we’ve been.
As we walked into the current special exhibit the museum employee stationed in that area looked at us with dread. I guess when you’re responsible for the safety of a museum exhibit and you see someone walk in with what appears to be a two year old (yeah, she’s four, but she wears mostly 2t’s and still a few of her 18 month clothes) then there is probably reason to feel a little dread. She couldn’t know that my kids behave. Anyway, TwinkleToes saw the look and grabbed my pants’ leg, and the museum person said “Yes, you should hold onto your…”, and then there was a pause as she looked from TT to me and back to TT and she said “… guardian”.
I gave a short pause myself as I decided how to respond, but decided to mostly ignore it and just tousled TT’s hair and said, “I think she means you should stay close to mommy, but you knew that already, OH! look at the..” and we started looking at the exhibit.
We were shadowed for a while and I could see interest from Mrs. Grumpy Museum Person as TT and GG and I were talking about things like horizon lines, and use of color, and what kind of media was used, and what in the picture showed detail and what was just giving us the idea of what something was without detail, and how the artist had used shadows to show where the light was coming from, and that kind of thing.
On a painting of a bat, we talked about how the bat’s eyes were black, but the artist had shown us something reflected in the bat’s eyes. The three of us looked in each others eyes and noted what we saw reflected, and the previously grumpy museum employee told us there was a hands on exhibit that hadn’t been turned on yet, but she could turn it on if I was interested in letting the kids play around with it. Of course, I was interested, and the girls had a blast with the hands on part of the exhibit.
Once we made it out of the special exhibit area and into the permanent part of the museum, I had this problem of GlitterGirl dissolving into giggles every time we came upon a nude figure. This is new, and I’m not really sure how to go about convincing her that the nude form isn’t funny, it can be beautiful. I tried to draw her away from the idea of nudity, talking about how hair was fixed, whether the person looked happy or sad or angry or wistful or whatever (her answer was always “embarrassed”), what we thought the person was doing (besides “being embarrassed”). I only had limited success, most of the discussion around the nudes was done between TwinkleToes and me while GlitterGirl was giggling like a maniac. I’m thinking that when she gets out of the tub (where she is currently) that maybe she and I can have a discussion about that. I’m guessing she felt ill at ease about it and compensated with laughter so she wouldn’t have to deal with it. Sounds like another “time and place for everything” discussion is in order.
The tightwad in me didn’t want to leave after we’d paid the exorbitant ticket price and had viewed a little less than half of the museum. But, we were there for two and a half hours with both kids totally engrossed in each piece of art we viewed and talked about (well, except for GG and the nude forms), and it was close to lunch time, and it felt like it was time to go while this was still a very positive experience. So, we left without seeing the entire museum. But that’s okay, we had a great time.
Before having kids, I had this idea of how things would be with my kids. Most days do not fit into that ideal. Today did.
I took GlitterGirl with me to buy Father’s Day greeting cards last week. We spent about 45 minutes picking just the right cards. We ended up with 6 cards. I didn’t buy anything else. The grand total when we left?
$38.76
That’s $6.46 per card, on average, with tax. Without tax it would be about $5.80 per card.
For what? A piece of cardstock, the ink used for each card, and 20 to 50 words?
Compare that to a paperback novel of 100,000 plus words and a beautifully done cover that sells for $6.99, but when I buy four of them at Amazon I only pay for three, and there are no shipping charges and there is no tax, which means I pay $5.24 each for them. Compare that to the $6.46 that I paid for each card, and suddenly I feel like they should have at least included some lube when I bought the cards.
I think that for the next big “Hallmark” holiday I’m going to take some time the weekend before for us to make our own cards for our loved ones.
This morning little TwinkleToes rearranged the words.
Pokey in da Hokey and turn self ’round.
Right. I’m sure RK and I aren’t the only ones who let our imagination go wild with that one.
Meanwhile, GlitterGirl has been almost nonstop singing the Hoedown Throwdown. If you aren’t familiar with the Hoedown Throwdown, let me share:
The bad thing is that I can now sing most of that as well. Yes, that means I’ve heard it enough that it is in my head and doesn’t appear to be leaving anytime soon.
Back to TwinkleToes, we’re getting ready for lots of fun this weekend. Not really a party, but that’s the way TwinkleToes sees it. But she can’t say her r’s, so party comes out potty. Which means we have potty plates and potty decorations and potty food and… right.
It also means when she sings her sister’s songs some of them come out funny. For instance, “Pumpin’ up the potty now”.
I’ve been meaning to blog about this sooner, this happened a few weeks ago, on a morning with temperatures in the 50′s, but with a forecast of 80′s for that afternoon.
GlitterGirl asked if she could wear a short outfit, I said it was too cold out for that right now. She turned the weather on and watched it, then came to me with a proposal. The proposal was to wear a pair of loose yoga pants over the top of the shorts, and then to take them off after lunch. I had her try the outfit on to see how it looked, and it looked fine. I agreed it was a good plan and then I told her I was proud of her for talking to me about it.
Of course, the yoga pants got left at school in her locker and it took a while for them to make it home, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue.
The point is, she has learned that she can talk to me about things and not just sneak and do something she’s been told not to do.
(If this story makes no sense to you, you might want to read Busted.
I searched a long time, and did a lot of research, before choosing a school. And I love GG’s school. It was very hard to get her into it, but now that she is in, TT will have a place, so I only had to go through it once.
One of the great things about this school is parent participation. We have to put in a minimum of 40 hours a year of volunteer hours. Some of which has to be classroom time, though some of it can be working concession stands at evening ball games, or providing maintenance on the playground or the building (which can be done on the weekend).
The classroom time gets us familiar with what is expected of our children. You can drop in at any time, there is a table at the back of the rooms with notes and instructions about what needs to be done and the tools and materials to do it. While you are working, you are listening in on what is going on in class. You can either change classes with your child or you can go to your favorite subject (like art, or the computer lab) and do all of your work in that room whether your child is there or not. And they start changing classes as early as kindergarten in this school, in kindergarten there is an art teacher and a foreign language teacher and a music teacher and a computer lab teacher and a PE teacher and then their regular teacher – later they change for the individual subjects, too, of course. But they change classes in kindergarten, and it is not confusing for them.
But, the point is that parents are welcome in the school at any time. Kids are not embarrassed to have their parents around, it’s normal to have several parents there eating lunch with their child and the child’s friends.
And, there are few discipline issues, so the teachers actually get to spend time teaching instead of trying to keep order in the classroom. There is a lot of communication between parents and teachers, and the kids simply know that their parents are going to find out about anything that happens, even the small stuff. Even if I don’t hear it from the teacher, odds are I’ll hear it from another parent (who was probably there when it happened). And, with parents that involved with their child’s school, they are going to be the kind of parents who are proactive about things like manners and rules and homework and good grades.
Another thing the school does that I love, before something new is introduced to the kids, there will be an evening class for the parents: “How to help your child with their _____ homework”. Some things are taught differently than the way we learned them, and when our kids come to one of those subjects then the teachers have one of these classes for the parents.
Which brings me to my most favorite thing. Remember in math and algebra, when it didn’t matter that you could get the right answer, you had to do it the way the teacher wanted, and you had to show your work? There is very little of that.
The teacher will show all of the ways to work a problem, and then say “do what works for you”. Sometimes the exercise might be “show three ways to work this problem”, but most of the time it’s just “solve the problem, show your work”. And for kids who think conversationally, it’s okay for them to write it as a paragraph instead of showing it mathematically.
For an algebra something or other where this is the first step of many, then the entire sequence is shown before the individual steps are taught, and then the kids understand why they are having to do this step a particular way instead of the “easiest” way. But once a child is proficient with the entire sequence, they are welcome to do it another way if they want. As long as they can explain how they got the answer (either mathematically or conversationally).
I am allowed to take GG and up to three of her friends out of the cafeteria (with their trays) during their lunch period so I can help them study something. In warm weather we can go outside, in cool weather I have to clear it with a teacher to use an empty classroom, but that’s no problem as long as no one else has already requested the room. She often asks me or RK if one of us can do this for her. And, of course, we almost always figure out a way to make it happen.
Does your child’s school go to this extent to involve parents in their child’s education? I believe that GG’s school is rare in this, and I think that’s a shame. Parents need to be involved in their kids’ education. They need to hang out with their child (and friends) at school and understand how the school day goes and what is and is not expected of them. When I was in school it was embarrassing for my mom to show up at school, but GG doesn’t see it that way. At her school, it’s embarrassing if you are the only one with parents who do not show up.
I went out to the car yesterday to bring a file in that I needed to work on. I was about to take the girls upstairs to get ready for bed, and once they were in bed I was going to get some work done.
RK was doing dishes and I said “I’m going out to my car and I’ll be right back.”
On the way back from the car I fell. I do not know how or why I fell. One minute I’m stepping from the driveway to the sidewalk, the next minute I’m falling, and then I’m on the ground. In pain.
My left side is fine. But the right side? I hurt my ankle, knee, and hip.
I laid on the sidewalk for over 15 minutes and none of my family came to see what was taking so long. I had my keys, so I set the alarm off on my car a few times, until it turned itself off. No neighbors and no family appeared. Apparently, you can’t hear the car alarm from inside our house. I’m guessing the neighbors can’t from in their houses, either.
I finally made it to my feet and to the door. It wasn’t easy.
I kept ice on my ankle and knee for several hours last night, but couldn’t figure out how to ice my hip. My ankle is sort of okay this morning, maybe a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. My knee is a 4 when I’m not standing on it, but a 6 or 7 when I try to walk. My hip is the worst though, and I’ve never hurt my hip before so I’m kind of at a loss as to what the problem might be. I’m not ready for a doctor yet though, I’m assuming at this point I’ve done something to either tendons and ligaments or muscle, and that it isn’t the bone.
I’ve hurt my knee before (skiing accident) and I’ve already got the brace for it. I’m familiar with this pain. It will get better, just needs a little time.
As for my family not coming out? RK just zoned out doing dishes, and of course the girls weren’t going to complain that they were getting to stay up and play later than they should be able to.
This morning on the way to school GlitterGirl asked me how to spell liquid. We talked through the spelling and then TwinkleToes asked what it meant.
“Well, it’s…. something that is… watery. Like water or milk or juice.”
I realized you could drink all of those things, so I scrambled to think of a liquid she was familiar with that isn’t a drink.
“Or your pee-pee, that’s a liquid, too.”
She, of course, went into a major laugh-fit at that. As her laughter calmed down I asked if they could think of something else that was a liquid. GG said “The gas that goes in your car is a liquid.”
Twinkletoes, still in funny mode, said, “Gas? I have a LOT of gas.”
I laughed and said, “Yes, but that’s a different kind of gas. The gas you have is not liquid.”
She scrunched her eyes up and said, “Nooooo. Mommy sih-wee”.
Which took us into an exercise of saying silly instead of sih-wee.
Glittergirl has a new outfit that she hasn’t been able to wear much yet because the weather hasn’t been warm enough. It’s short sleeves and a skort and it is thin material. The weather just isn’t warm enough for it yet. She did get to wear it one Sunday to a party, but that was mainly because the party was at 2:00 and it was warm enough that late in the day for it (though barely).
This morning GG came be-bopping into my room with it on, and I told her it wasn’t warm enough to wear it to school yet, to hang it back up and find something else to wear. Which she did. Without arguing or whining or even rolling her eyes. I even commented on how grown up that was.
I was out and about this morning and it worked out that I could stop by GG’s school and have lunch with her. I hadn’t told her of the possibility because I wasn’t sure the timing would work out right and I didn’t want her to be disappointed if it didn’t work out.
Imagine my surprise when I met her outside her class just before lunch to discover she had on the outfit I’d told her not to wear today. She was excited to see me, then wondered why I was looking at her the way I was, then looked down and realized what she had on, and then looked up at me with that super-guilty “uh-oh” look on her face.
I said, “You put them in your backpack and changed at school, didn’t you?”
She nodded yes.
I didn’t get mad, but I did pretty matter-of-factly tell her that she is in more trouble than she’s ever been before. I told her I didn’t know what the consequences would be, that her dad and I would talk about it this evening and then tell her. And then we had a pleasant lunch with a few of her friends and her current boyfriend. I like him, he’s a nice enough guy with good manners who makes good grades and does well in a few sports, but I really thought I had another couple of years before I ate meals with my daughter and her boyfriend.
Back to the consequences thing… Here is what I’m thinking right now. This is two issues. The first issue is that she wore something she’d been told not to wear. The second issue is that she snuck around to do it. the sneaking thing really bothers me.
The consequences for wearing the outfit is a pretty easy to come up with logical consequence – I’ll put the outfit up and she’ll never wear it again. TT will someday fit into it, so the outfit won’t be a total waste of money. GG loves this outfit, so that is going to get her attention.
I don’t think I’m being an Ogre about this. At the lunch table today everyone had on long sleeves (with the exception of the boyfriend who had on jeans and a t-shirt). I let her pick her clothes out within reason – meaning they have to be weather appropriate and they have to meet the school rules.
That takes care of the “wearing what you’d been told not to wear today” part of it. But I really want to make a very strong statement about the sneaking. I don’t want it to be clothes today and drugs tomorrow. I want her to get the point that sneaking behind our backs is a bad-bad-bad-bad thing.
I can’t come up with logical consequences for sneaking. I mean, sure, I’ll be doing random backpack searches on the way out the door in the mornings from now on, but I really want to make her understand how bad it is to sneak around behind your parents’ back to do something.
She’s been looking forward to the new Hannah Montana movie for months. It opens next Friday and we have big plans that include some of her friends and their mothers. It’s a big Girls-Night-Out thing. As of now, I’m thinking she isn’t going to see the Hannah Montana movie until it comes out on DVD.
