Talking about Luxuries
I’ve talked some about how we American’s don’t see clean water as a luxury, but as a necessity. It’s pretty eye opening to discover that many people in this world consider it a luxury that they don’t have.
There are other things that I think we (or our kids, at least) see as necessities that are actually luxuries. Things like indoor toilets, and bathtubs, and air conditioning, and refrigerators, and microwaves.
This morning as GlitterGirl got upset that the a/c took a few minutes to cool the car off I wantd to talk to her about how many people in the word do not have air conditioners. Many kids probably don’t even know that such a thing even exists.
But then I realized I had to choose my words carefully. The truth is, if she had remained in an orphanage, she would not know that air conditioning exists. Her orphanage did not have heat, much less air conditioning. But that wasn’t something I wanted to talk about this morning. That is something she needs to realize on her own I think, not something that I tell her. That seems to border on “see, you’re so lucky we adopted you”, and I don’t ever want to make her feel that way.
In the end, we had a conversation about how air conditioning hasn’t been around that long, and that when I was little I could remember riding around with the windows down when I was with my grandparents because their car did not have air conditioning. That will have to work for now.
It turns out I’m talking about adoption issues a lot more than I thought I would over here.
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Ahh - but the difference is that you’re talking about adoption issues as a mom, not as the famous RQ. I don’t have our little one yet (LID 12/5/05) but I appreciate the insights from a BTDT parent. Please keep talking about these issues. It helps those of us who will soon face all of this - the fun stuff and the hard stuff.
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
This is what educators call “teachable moments”. Some of my best lessons come when a child asks a question or makes an observation that was totally not planned…but the moment is ripe for exploring the new idea or question. Sometimes it is a Socratic method…I ask the questions and let them figure it out for themselves. Other times it is more guided to help them make the leap to a new concept.
I imagine that all parents have amazing opportunities with teachable moments on a variety of topics. It is interesting to think of how many topics can be related to the adoption. RQ, discernment in deciding when to use the moment to talk about adoption and when to let it pass is part of good parenting!
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Sorry…wasn’t finished typing.
Discernment in deciding when to use the moment to talk about adoption and when to let it pass is part of good parenting! I think my eagerness to be open about the adoption and try to normalize the experience will need to be balanced with what is age appropriate. Your concern about avoiding the “see you lucky you are you were adopted” and being able to capitalize on these moments is a very valid point. I will all have to figure out where the boundary is in my family.
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
I’m really glad you started this blog. I love to hear about the different parenting experiences people have… I can’t believe how much I have learned in these last few years. I really like how you hold back a little to allow your girls the space to develop their own questions and perspective about their adoptions. I think it’s really easy as a parent to throw a bunch of information at your kids… but, I think it is much more valuable to allow your children to make discoveries about their feelings and perpectives on different life issues on their own and on their own time table.
Also, I like the air conditioner discussion.. very cool (pardon the pun). As much as I believe I have a global mindset it is so good to be reminded of all that we have and to think about that. I really want my children to be thinking larger than their own lives… Discussions like the one you had are so helpful to teach such valuable lessons.
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Hi RQ.
I admire the way you are able to “think” before you “speak” to your children. There are so many subjects that I find myself rehearsing in my mind that someday I will talk about with to my daughter.
I just hope that I am able to be proactive when faced with difficult subjects…there is a fine line between dictating the world to our children verses allowing them to formulate and discover their own views on life. I think that you are doing a wonderful job with this balance.
~NEM